Do you and your partner speak the same language? You may think I am wondering about how you communicate verbally with your partner, but I am talking about your emotional Love Language. Just like two people who speak different languages may have a hard time understanding each other, people who do not understand each other’s Love Language may have difficulty and frustrations within their relationships. That’s why we feel the 5 Love Languages are so important to learn.
When I met my husband, I was surprised and impressed that he had read the book “The 5 Love Languages” written by Dr. Gary Chapman. It is a great, easy read. The premise of the book is that there are 5 Love Languages and people give and receive love in one of the five ways. When you and your partner understand each other’s Love Language then you can fill each other’s love tanks. This book will teach you a lot about yourself as well as how to improve your relationships with friends, family, and significant others.
In the book, you will learn that the 5 Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. All 5 Love Languages are important, but a person is usually stronger in giving love in one Love Language and may receive love in another. Take the quiz to find your Love Language here.
My husband and I talk a lot about our relationship and the 5 Love Languages. In the beginning, we decided to incorporate the 5 love languages as a way of getting to know each other better. Because we lived in different states, we decided each month to do Words of Affirmation via email on a specific day of the month. We would write to each other and state one thing that we liked or enjoyed about the other and what we liked about our relationship. It also gave us an opportunity to “talk” about what was going well and what we wanted to do to make our relationship better.
The next year, we decided to take turns picking a Love Language. Each month we would choose a new Love Language to focus on and come up with a special way of expressing that to each other. One month, we did Quality Time. We took away distractions, such as phones and TV and just enjoyed a whole day together. Another month, we did Receiving Gifts. We set a monetary limit as to just show appreciation as opposed to trying to outdo each other with some extravagant gift. One month, we decided to make dinner for each other as Acts of Service. He was in charge of the main dish, and I was to make the side and salad. We picked a few items from a recipe book, but we didn’t tell each other what we were making until we started preparing the meal. We poured some wine and got started. It ended up going perfectly together and was a wonderful evening! These are just a few examples of simple ideas that can be fun and bring you closer together.
Because we were both previously married, we have learned a little bit about what worked and what didn’t work. One thing we try to focus on is putting each other first. We do our best to keep our relationship strong by keeping the lines of communication open. Yes, there will always be stressors, but we talk about them, and we figure out together how to get through them. Relationships are hard work, but when you are willing to work together, you can also make it fun.
One of the questions he asks me is, “What can I do for you?” This simple question means the world to me, especially when I am “In the Bathroom with Gram”. I am learning to ask him the same thing, especially when I see him a bit overwhelmed. We try to motivate each other and pick each other up every day. I am truly blessed to have found someone who enjoys a lot of the same things I do. And I am doubly blessed that he is willing to do these things with Gram in tow 🙂
Other little things we do to keep our relationship strong is we like to cook together, we usually go to bed at the same time, we keep phones and TV out of the bedroom, we go to the gym together, we try new things together, and we spend time away from each other and from Gram, which is important as well. We would love to hear if you have read the 5 Love Languages and some of your ideas for each language. What keeps your love tank full?
