Missing Gram

It’s been about three months since we decided to put Gram into Senior Living. We tried to get extra help for her in our home but the lady quit after four days 🙁 She said it was too hard physically. Hmm…not sure that walking a few steps from the bedroom to the kitchen to the pool at a snail’s pace is all that tough but….whatever… it didn’t work out. So here I am three months later missing Gram.

After lots of discussions, pros, cons, tears and a few falls we determined that senior living was the best place for Gram. Jeff and I loved taking care of Gram, and we loved having her in our home. I definitely got more frustrated at times than he did but he also got more breaks from Gram than I did. Needless to say, after caring for Gram for just about five years, I was burned out and exhausted. I couldn’t keep an eye on her every minute she was awake, and I felt like I wasn’t being a good caregiver or granddaughter. We couldn’t go to the store without taking her or getting someone to stay with her. She fell a few times over the past year and even once when I was right across the pool. We didn’t want to take the chance that she would fall, get hurt, or break her hip again.

We found a wonderful facility and together with my mom, we wrote Gram a note about why we felt she would be safer there. She read, smiled, and agreed. The next day she hopped right out of bed, ate breakfast, asked my mom if we would be ok without her money, and asked questions about her new “apartment”. We were in shock. I took her to get her nails and hair done, and we took her to her new place. When it was time for us to leave she was sitting with some ladies, drinking a milkshake, and smiling a big smile. It made my heart happy even though I knew I would be missing Gram.

We were sad that she didn’t seem to care that we were leaving, but we had hope in our hearts that she would adjust well and possibly fall in love with her new home and her new friends. The house felt differently without her, and we kept looking over our shoulders to see what she was doing. We were definitely missing Gram.

Three months later, she has adjusted pretty well, but she still asks to come home. She still asks where she is. Because of her dementia, she doesn’t realize this is her new permanent place. She still has hope that she is coming home. The beautiful thing about putting her in a facility in Fort Myers is that we can visit as often as we want. We can take her out to lunch if we want as well. We also were so blessed to be able to take her to Virginia for Christmas. Although she was very confused about where we were going the first day, she enjoyed being with the family for the holidays. She also enjoyed helping us make pierogies. It broke my heart to put her back in at the end of our trip but the next day she seemed ok.

Things seemed to be heading in a positive direction. She was walking better than she did in our home so we were very happy about that. She seemed to be maintaining her weight. She was socializing with the other ladies more often. I took her out for lunch once and out for ice cream another time. I was trying to show her that she could come and go. We started talking about places we could take her and getting excited about having more adventures with Gram, especially since she was soon going to be vaccinated against the Covid virus.

Then it happened. Last Wednesday, she got her second Covid vaccine shot. Personally, I think Gram is so strong that she would have fought off the Covid without it, but you never know. Well, that evening, she tried to stand up, got dizzy, and lost her balance. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the vaccine or not. But she fell, hit her head on a side table, tore her skin on her elbow, and landed on her right hip (the hip she broke in 2016). Thankfully, we were in town, and I was able to meet her at the Emergency Room. She was so scared and in so much pain. The emergency room nurses were wonderful. They got her head cleaned up and thankfully she didn’t need any stitches. They did the x-rays and yep, her right femur is broken again. Because she already had a replacement, the doctor said there was nothing they could do. He recommended lots of pain meds and to keep her moving as much as she can tolerate.

So here we are six days later, and I am missing Gram. I am missing the Gram I had who made me laugh, who made me a better person, who told me to take care of my husband,  who in her nineties had so many adventures, and who was so cute you couldn’t stand it. I am missing Gram because right now she can’t walk (although she is able to sit in her wheelchair relatively comfortably). I am missing Gram because she isn’t talking to me, and she can’t move her right hand. I am missing Gram because she is not eating and not taking her medications consistently. She has been such an inspiration and positive influence on me. She has shown me how to be strong. How to love wholeheartedly. How to laugh. How to enjoy life. How to support your family. How to keep traditions alive. I am not sure what the next few weeks will bring for us. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. If you are in the Fort Myers area and would like to visit Gram or if you would like to send her a card, contact me for the information.