99 Years

Today would have been 99 years for Gram. Wow. What an amazing life. Even though she only made it to 96 1/2 she showed people what it meant to be alive. I miss her so much and wish I could kiss her sweet little face and help her celebrate her day.

99 years. Can you even imagine? I remember when I was a little kid looking up at my parents and thinking they were so old. I calculate the ages they were then and now I am older than they were! Oh, how times have changed because clearly, 47 is not so old anymore!

As I sit here and contemplate all the losses I’ve had over the past 11 years, I think what a difference in ages of all my people’s deaths. Dad was 60. My uncle was 61. My grandpa thrived until 90. My sister was just getting started at 38. And Gram was called up at 96. Why do the numbers make us feel that some people missed out while others lived a full life? Does it make it better that they are older when they go? And why? Is it true that my grandparents lived a full life while my sister and my dad missed out? Just because they only lived to be 38 and 60 does it mean they were incomplete? Or did they find love and happiness and did they pass onto the next adventure complete and full?

I don’t know the answers. I know how I feel and I know what the Medium told me when I connected with them. I feel like the older we are the more we get to see, the more we get to experience, and the more we get to do. But what if you find happiness at a young age? Or what if you never explore anything at all? Is your life still complete because that’s the way you wanted to live it? Why do we feel bad for those who had to leave this world at a young age? Why do we feel bad when anyone has to leave this world at all? If we believe there is something more then we truly should be celebrating that those souls are in the most peaceful and magical place. So why does it hurt so bad? And why does our grief overwhelm us at times? I think we are really sad for ourselves because we feel incomplete without our people, and we can’t get past the fact that they are okay without us.

All I know is that I miss my people and sometimes it hits harder than on other days. I need to do a better job of recognizing the signs from Heaven that they send me. I know when we meet again it will be amazing and even though sometimes I feel sorry for myself because they are not here, I know I need to celebrate that they are in a better place.

So here’s to you, Gram, we wish you a happy birthday and hope you have a wonderful time celebrating your 99 years up there with the family. We miss you all terribly and can’t wait until we can all celebrate together again. Until then we will toast you and look for those signs. Have the happiest of birthdays, sweet gram!