As you know I started ski journey when I met My Valentine. Skiing is his passion, and I wanted to tag along on the airline ski weeks. They sounded amazing. Therefore, in January of 2019 when I was the young age of 42, he took me to Steamboat Springs. One of the ladies in our group took me on the bunny hill to give me the basics, and I picked it up. I skied three days that week and it was tough! My legs were burning terribly, and as you more mature ladies know fear is a huge factor! I had been doing CrossFit for three years, and I couldn’t believe this was so hard. I didn’t understand. But I loved being on the mountain, and I enjoyed the people I was meeting.
I wanted to get some lessons because the better you are at skiing the more fun you have. In December 2019, we took Sweet Gram to Copper Mountain because we couldn’t find anyone to stay with her and she goes where we go. We decided to take her and the two friends we shared a condo with were extremely helpful in keeping an eye on her and giving her a banana or a mac and cheese snack throughout the day. She had a great time and loved seeing the snow. She would sit by the fire and stare out the window as she did in our hometown when it snowed. We still see people who remember her at Apres ski.
That year, I skied another week at Steamboat Springs. I was so excited that I could finally ski to a bar on the mountain that I wasn’t able to ski my first time there because the only runs down were hard blues and black diamonds (higher level). I was getting more comfortable on skis and tried to learn from anyone willing to teach me. Then Covid hit that March. In December, our normal ski week was canceled so we decided to create our own ski week with friends in Park City where we skied Deer Valley, Solitude, and Snowbird. I was able to make the trip because in October of 2020, we made the difficult decision to put Gram into assisted living. She had fallen too many times, and we felt keeping her at home was unsafe.
Even though ski weeks looked different than in the past we were still able to travel and get to different resorts that allowed me to continue my ski journey. Gram passed away in February 2021. I still miss her and her cute smiling self. And there are so many times I wish she was still here to enjoy all these adventures with us. She would absolutely love them and enjoy seeing the snow.
Life has been crazy since she left us because my husband and I believe in the philosophy of never being home LOL. I have since been able to join my love on all the airline ski weeks since then. Although we live in Florida, we average about 25 days of skiing a year. This has helped me go from the bunny hill to black diamonds. The harder runs still scare me to death but I love that I can keep up with the team and see the backcountry. In my short skiing career of six years, I have been to 23 resorts in five countries on three different continents! I still pinch myself and wonder if it’s real.
Although I never dreamed of being a skier, my dreams of seeing the world are coming true. And seeing the world from places that many people never even get to is amazing. I am not sure what percentage of the population gets to view the world from the tops of the mountains, but I imagine it’s not high. Some people have no desire to leave their hometown let alone climb or ride to various mountain peaks. But here I am living my dream and continuing my ski journey. As a kid, I remember writing out my bucket list. My goal was to get to all 50 states, all seven continents, and as many countries as possible. At almost 49, I have been to 44 states, 23 countries, and three continents. Excited to be living out my dreams, and I thank God and Gram every day that my journey led me into this exhausting life of being a Pilot’s Wife.
If you know me then you know I absolutely love an automobile made by Volkswagen from 2007-2016 called the EOS. EOS means Goddess of the Dawn, which is one of the many reasons I think the car is cool. The car is a hard-top convertible with a sunroof that also opens. Many people ask me why do you need a convertible AND a sunroof. Well, if you never had both, you wouldn’t understand. But I need both.
I remember back in 2007, I was at a teaching conference in northern Virginia. I was pulling out of the shopping center from the hotel, and I saw this cute little convertible. In my head, I was like what kind of car was that? It seemed fancy. I. thought maybe it was a Lexus or a Volvo, which would have been out of my price range. I looked closer and it was a VW. Hmm, I was intrigued. I knew it wasn’t a Cabriolet, so what WAS it?
I don’t quite remember the exact order of events, but I know I was home in Pennsylvania and my mom, dad, and I went to the mall which is about a 30-minute drive from our house. On the way back, I convinced them to stop at the Volkswagen dealership so we could check out this car.
We went into the showroom, and there it was. The top was down. It was so pretty. The salesman told me it was an EOS. They just started making them. He said would you like to see the sunroof? I said, “The sunroof???” Wait, what? Yes, please show me.
I couldn’t believe it! This was the car of my dreams! Every car I had owned since I was 16 had a sunroof. I loved having it open and the wind in my hair. At that time, I lived in Virginia, and I felt the weather was more conducive to a convertible, and this was the one I wanted.
This car, this EOS had BOTH options! A convertible and a sunroof! My dad just looked at me directing me with a roll of his eyes to calm down. He didn’t want the salesperson to think he had me already. There would be no negotiating. I needed that car.
For some reason, I wasn’t in a position to buy it at that time, but since I knew what the car was, I could make some moves. A few months later, I went back and signed the papers. Ellie Dawn EOS was mine all mine. She was black with black interior and a stick shift. I loved her.
Optimized by Aplicata Version 1.0
I had her for six or seven years and put about 140,000 miles on her. The roof leaked and there were some flaws, but it didn’t matter. Once I sold her I ended up with a white 2013 with black interior that I bought at CarMax with 5,000 miles on it in 2014. She also was very good to me and stayed parked at my mom’s place when I did my teaching stint in Thailand in 2015.
When I moved back to PA and started taking care of Gram, the car went with me. Sweet Gram and I had plenty of fun in Ellie EOS II. We put the top down and cruised the back woods of Pennsylvania exploring all the local ice cream stops. We took her up and down the coast from Fort Myers to Richmond and back. One unlucky 4th of July in 2017, we were on I-95 on our way back from RVA and traffic stopped but we didn’t and Ellie II was totaled. Thank God neither of us was hurt and the airbags didn’t deploy. I was so sad.
I was a realtor who was living in Pennsylvania taking care of Gram at the time. Therefore I decided it would be more practical to have more of an all-wheel drive vehicle with some room in it for the winter months and my job. I invested in a Honda CRV. It had a sunroof of course.
In 2018, Gram and I moved to Florida to be with my Prince. After being there a couple of years, I decided I needed another EOS. We had a Jeep, but I was done with the Honda. I wanted another EOS. It was 2020 and Covid was about the shut down the country. I found one in Naples and the salesman drove it to my house for me to test drive. My Valentine was out of town but a good friend from home was there to help me assess the flaws.
We decided it was right so My Rock bought it for me for my birthday. I was so excited to be back behind the wheel of the EOS. The top was down most of the time but it was always nice to have the option of the sunroof when there was a little chill in the air.
Then Hurricane Ian hit in September 2022. Four feet of water and muck took over the garage and my cute little car. Ellie III was white with tan interior and she was gone. I couldn’t believe it. But I was thankful that the garage and my car were the only things we lost. Many of our neighbors were not as lucky.
After 10 days of clean-up and dealing with insurance companies, we went back to Pennsylvania as we do in the summer. Our insurance company was good to us and the search was on for yet another EOS. If you don’t know, they quit making them in 2016 so at this point, any EOS was going to be at least six years old.
Before we returned in November, I found one. It was a beautiful blue 2014 with tan interior. We bought it sight kind of unseen as we had a friend in California who took it for a test drive for us. He said it was almost perfect except for the new radio and windshield wipers they needed to put on it. When we returned she was waiting in our garage. I was in awe of how perfect Ellie EOS IV really was. She only had 23,000 miles on her and seemed flawless.
I said I would not let her go. I said if a storm hit I would get a friend to come move her out of the garage if we weren’t here. I said I was going to have her forever. Well, in September 2024, Hurricane Helene went up the Gulf. It wasn’t even near Fort Myers. It didn’t even make landfall close to us. A friend came to the house that afternoon after the storm had passed. He reported that we had a few inches in the garage but nothing to worry about.
Well, in the middle of the night, that nothing to worry about turned into 28 inches of water in our garage. I am not sure if it was a storm surge or what but our street flooded again. After the water receded, our friend went over and became the bearer of the bad news. She was gone. Again. I couldn’t believe it. She was perfect.
We went to Florida for a few days to clean up the garage again, and I actually went to Naples to look at another EOS. Thank God I didn’t buy it because 10 days later Hurricane Milton hit and it would have been flooded as well.
I have spent the last four months searching. I wanted an EOS between the years 2010-2015 with a power passenger seat, navigation, Bluetooth, and a backup camera with less than 50,000 miles on it. They were few and far between. I was getting frustrated. Where was the perfect one? Therefore, I tried to convince myself to leave the EOS in the past. I test-drove a beautiful white hard-top BMW convertible but when we left I cried because it didn’t have a sunroof. I was hopeless. My sweet husband put up with my mixed emotions and let me struggle through this journey of finding a new car.
I knew if I wanted a nice car I needed to let EOS go. I also kind of wanted a standard but they quit making them in the EOS in 2012. I was torn. Do I go older and get a stick in the EOS or do I move on and try a different make? I literally test-drove every convertible I could think of…Porsche, BMW, Infiniti, Lexus, and Audi. I didn’t want a soft-top but they quit making the hard-top convertible a few years ago. I tried so hard to move on, but I wasn’t in love with any of them.
Then it happened. A few weeks ago, a black EOS with black interior was in Fort Myers. My Heart and I looked at it, but it still wasn’t right. We found a white one in Miami so we started heading over to check it out. Halfway across Alligator Alley, we stopped, and I said, “Let’s turn around. The headliner is messed up and it’s not worth the two-hour drive.” I said, “Let’s stop at Ford. Maybe I should try the Bronco. Let’s check it out.”
Therefore, we stopped at Ford. We looked at the Broncos but it wasn’t what I wanted. The top wasn’t automatic and it would be a pain in the butt to wash. Back in his truck, we went. As we were pulling out, I spotted her! A blue EOS parked right there. I couldn’t believe it. How did we miss it on the way in? We stopped, and I hopped out of the truck. I looked in the window and it was a stick! The interior was gray. I couldn’t believe it. I was ready to run into the dealership and ask whose car it was. But then I saw a piece of paper. There was a note on the windshield. The note said the clutch was stuck to the ground and that the owner’s dad had bought a truck there and to call if there was a problem.
I was so excited. I knew it was an older model because of the front. I wasn’t super thrilled with that but it was the right color, the exterior was in good condition, the tires were new, and it was a stick! I called and left a message. The next day I didn’t hear anything. I texted the number and asked if they would be interested in selling. He said, yes! A few days later, we went to get a closer look. It was a 2007 and had 93,000 miles on it. I was hoping for a small miracle that it was a 2010 with 50,000 miles on it, but the price was right, and I was tired of looking.
The next day I had the car towed to a mechanic. Clearly, the clutch needed fixed as well as a few other things. Two days later, I picked her up! Ellie EOS V was mine all mine! I was so excited! I drove her like a race car driver all the way home (because that’s what you do when you drive a stick:))
She is a bit more mature (I don’t want to say older) than the last three I have had. Honestly, it took me a minute to get used to going back in time to 2007, but I believe it was meant to be in the way we found her, and I have faith she is going to be good to me. And I love driving a stick! Thank you, Cousin Pat for teaching me way back when.
I imagine after reading this you think I am a little crazy and as my best friend said I do have some weird obsession with the Volkswagen EOS. I can’t help it, and I don’t know what I will do when I have to move on. Until then I am going to enjoy this little ride for as long as I can!
As you read in Secret to Life, Sweet Gram would have been 100 years old on September 13. Since her passing in 2021, I have been on the path of trying to find my “new” identity. I spent my life being an independent woman educator who made her own money, bought her own cars, owned her house, and paid her bills on time. I wanted to be an independent woman.
I studied hard and graduated college with an elementary and special education degree. Then I received my Masters Degree in 2007 and became a Coordinator of Special Education. I was in the education field for 16 years. In 2015, I quit to go to Thailand (to teach English) and then became Gram’s caregiver until 2021 when she passed. I even did some remote work from 2020 until 2022. All of my jobs were rewarding and satisfying especially, caregiving for Gram. I enjoyed them and all the people I worked with.
Since Gram passed, I have been searching for something, my “new identity”. Although I don’t need to make money I felt like I needed a career or a job. Everyone always asks “what do you do?” I am stuck with no answer. I have tried to find something that I love to do. Something to stick. But it appears the only thing I am good at is running meetings and being organized. Since leaving the field of education, I have become a realtor, a travel agent, a NuSkin consultant, and a Blogger. Nothing seems to come easy or natural, and nothing seems to make me any money. I feel like the only thing I am good at is being a retired educator and a professional gypsy. And of course I do love writing.
I don’t know how to be a travel agent or a salesperson. I haven’t had real training in these fields therefore, it is frustrating and makes me feel inept. I feel like I owe it to my old self to have a job. But I am trying to let go of the past and open my eyes and my heart to my new self.
I love my new self and the life that My Heart and I lead. We are Never Home, and I am blessed to have the opportunity to do and see so many things that I always dreamed of seeing. If I had a job I would miss out on these opportunities. So, I finally have decided that I don’t need a “job” that makes money. I need a “job” where I feel I have a purpose. I feel that purpose in my Blog. I enjoy writing my posts and hopefully passing on inspiring messages and posts to people who may need some encouragement. I also enjoy volunteering at Valerie’s House in Fort Myers.
As you have read, life is about making changes. And this is another season of change in my life. I think we need to always be willing to change and be present in our lives. I have been reading a lot about being in the moment like three-year-olds are. They are not worried about the past. They bring no baggage with them. They aren’t worried about the future, and they have no fear. They are just wiggling around, smiling, exploring, and discovering the world around them. Maybe we shouldn’t act like three-year-olds as far as maturity but maybe we take a life lesson and be free in our lives like they are. Let’s live in the moment and enjoy each moment.
I saw this article about the secret to life through an email subscription I get for free called “1440” which is a daily newsletter. It is a great email with the day’s news with unbiased reporting which is rare to get these days. It takes five minutes to read and there are links if you’d like to continue reading further into some articles. Please check it out.
I didn’t know why it was called 1440 but after reading their introduction I found out they named it that because the printing press was invented around the year 1440, spreading knowledge to the masses and changing the course of history. Also, in every day, there are 1,440 minutes. Now we know.
Here is a snippet from the article. “Maria Branyas Morera, the world’s oldest known person, died at the age of 117 on August 19, 2024. Born on March 4, 1907, in San Francisco, she moved to Catalonia, Spain, at age 8. Morera witnessed major historical events, including two world wars and the 1918 Spanish flu pandemic, and she became the oldest known survivor of COVID-19 at age 113. She was active on social media as “Super Àvia Catalana” (or Super Catalan Grandma), amassing nearly 19,000 followers.
There are approximately 722,000 centenarians—those aged 100 and older—globally, with 108,000 in the US. Supercentenarians—those aged 110 and older—are rare, with about 250-300 worldwide and roughly 60-70 known in the US. Morera credited her longevity to enjoying nature, good company, avoiding toxic people, luck, and genetics.
Some studies suggest the maximum human lifespan could be between 120 and 150 years. The oldest verified person to have ever lived died in 1997 at 122. The current oldest living person is now 116-year-old Tomiko Itooka from Japan.”
What an amazing life! To have lived through all of that is a beautiful accomplishment. Congratulations to Maria and her family!
Gram would have been 100 years old today! Unbelievable that we had someone in our family who was three and a half years away from making it to be a centenarian. I wish she would have been able to see the day. And I wish she would have told me her secret to life although after spending my entire life and five years living with her I have a pretty good guess at what her secret might have been.
Unlike many of us who are getting old, Gram seemed to be ageless. I feel like she looked the same at age 95 as she did when she was 62. Same white hair, same cute smile, same personality. She was ALWAYS smiling. She loved sitting outside with the sunshine on her face. She loved sitting in her recliner and looking out the window at the snow. She seemed to appreciate whatever it was that was thrown at her.
I remember Gram always dressing nice and doing her hair and putting rouge on her cheeks. She cared about what she looked like. But I don’t think she cared what other people thought of her if they had bad thoughts. She said what was on her mind (sometimes a little too loud!).
I do have to admit the last six months of her life we could see a decline. She was getting thinner and more frail. She was sleeping 16 hours a day. She was grumpier and the dementia seemed to have more of an impact on her. But all the same, she was my Gram and I loved her.
I love the advice Maria gives to us in the article. We need to enjoy nature and good company, avoid toxic people, have some luck, and hope for good genetics. I believe this is why Gram lived as long as he did. I believe Gram’s secret to life was her personality. She loved sitting outside, she didn’t put up with toxic people in her life, and she was happy and appreciative. She didn’t take much for granted. She was generous and concerned about the well-being of others. I admire her strength and her heart. She was my biggest inspiration. I mean who else would sit on a plant cart 🙂
Happy 100 years in Heaven, Gram! I hope you made a vanilla cream pie with a graham cracker crust (my favorite) and your delicious spaghetti and meatballs. Enjoy a beautiful family dinner with all of those up there filled with love, laughter, and memories. Until we meet again…
My Rock and I were on a standby flight from Aruba to the United States. We were the last people on but the flight attendant gave us the perk of sitting in the front row with her as she had it saved because her seat belt was broken in the flight attendant jump seat. Across the way was an elderly man with what appeared to be his daughter and granddaughter. It made me think of getting old.
He walked with a cane and was slow moving. I can’t tell age but he seemed older or at least his body did. He went to use the restroom and when he returned you could tell he went. I felt terrible for him and for those of us around him.
But it reminded me of Gram who always said “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old” in Polish. And wow isn’t it? Our bodies slow down, we don’t remember as much, we are sore and tired all the time, we get grumpy, and we lose control of some of our bodily functions. The little things we took for granted when we were younger are missed so much as we get older.
When we are kids we wish the time away and we can’t wait to be adults. Then at some point in adulthood, we wish time would slow down, and we wish we could go back to those youthful days when there was no fear, no anxiety, and no cracking when we got out of bed.
Even though I still have almost two years, the big 5-0is coming soon! It’s crazy to think how old I thought 50 was as a kid. Now it’s so young. I feel like our friends are the same as they always have been. We are still going non-stop and in my mind, I feel like I can do anything now that I did 25 years ago. However, my body and the bulging disks in my neck tell me otherwise.
Anyway, back to the plane and getting old. My mind wandered to my father and others who didn’t have the chance to get old. His body was ravaged by cancer and the treatments but at 60 he was still so very young. I am glad that he didn’t have to go through the stages of old age but he barely got to go through the good old days of retirement because he was fighting cancer for nine years.
So then I have to ask myself, which way is better? Growing old and losing control of your body or dying young and not knowing what you’ve missed? Is it better to know a loved one is going to die as sometimes we do with disease or is it better to lose your loved one in a freak accident that you never saw coming?
I have decided it doesn’t matter. They both suck. Losing a loved one to cancer, disease, or an accident can be unbearable. There is always something you wanted to say. There is always something left undone. There is always a hole in your heart. It can’t be replaced, and you can do nothing to not feel the hurt.
Therefore, my friends, all we can do is support one another. No one’s grief is more or less than another’s. We all grieve in different ways and it all hurts no matter what. Let’s not compare our lives or our grief to others. Let’s help each other by lifting each other up as best we can. Let’s support each other and bring each other out of the dark places we can sometimes get ourselves into.
As many of you probably know, after I quit my job as a Coordinator of Special Education in Virginia, I moved to Thailand to teach English as a second language. Since coming back to the United States in 2015, I have had many new ventures. Life Changes have thrown me many curves so I have not had a true full-time job since 2015.
When I returned to my hometown in 2016, I worked in my friend’s ice cream and hot dog shop. The hours were 11-3, and they were perfect. I could have breakfast with Sweet Gram and then go to work. Then I’d pick her up, and we’d head to a softball game as I also started coaching for my High School Alma mater.
At the end of that summer, I worked in a chiropractor‘s office. It was a fun job, and I got to see many different people I knew. Then Gram broke her hip. I had to be more available so I quit the office job and worked on getting my real estate license. I felt being a realtor would provide me with a good income and the flexibility needed to take care of Gram. I sold a million dollars of property that first year and enjoyed being a real estate agent. The paperwork was very similar to writing an IEP for my students in special education. I worked for ERA Real Estate in Pennsylvania for two years.
When Gram and I moved to Florida in 2018, I wasn’t sure what I could do since we would be traveling back and forth and living in two different states. My Rock introduced me to some of the neighbors and one of them owned a travel business. I teamed up with them and became a Travel Advisor (which I still do so let me know if you need me to plan you a trip!). Then I worked remotely for my former school system off and on for three years from 2021-2023.
It was not feasible for me to have a “normal” job due to my Prince’s schedule, therefore I just kept trying new ventures to keep my mind busy while I was taking care of Gram. I was home more and my ventures kept me from being bored when my Valentine was gone and Gram was asleep by the pool.
Now I barely have time to be bored let alone have a “job!” But what can I say? I am a Yes WoMan so I said yes to starting another new venture.
Ever since I was a little girl I was intrigued with my grandmother’s makeup bag. She always used Clinique, and they usually had some type of free samples and a cute bag that she would bring home. I loved playing with her lipstick and eye cream.
Throughout the years I have tried several different skincare routines. Recently I started using NuSkin. A former colleague of mine is always posting about the great results. And I like the way it works and feels. I have not tried all of the products but I have a few favorites.
Well, she convinced me to become a brand affiliate so now I can sell the products. I am not sure I am a good salesperson but I figured I’d try. Check out my NuSkin website and let me know if you’re interested or have any questions!
As we get older our skin loses collagen and we develop those wonderful laugh lines. NuSkin has several products that can help reduce those fine lines and wrinkles. I like the Tru Face Line Corrector and the Uplifting Cream. They also have a firming cream to use on your whole body that tightens and firms. For all my friends up north as well as those who don’t want to spend too much time in the sun, they have a great self-tanning lotion. A new product that is coming out is the RenuSpa. It is a little device that tightens and firms your arms, and tummy, and even helps get rid of cellulite! The results people are posting are amazing! Just look at this!
So here we go again! Another venture! Maybe this one will stick and I can do it from wherever our adventures take us! Also, check out my new Facebook Page and hit the Like button!
Three years ago today, we said goodbye. So many ups and downs since then. Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was driving you and Gramps home from Virginia after his month-long stay in the hospital. We lost him just a week later on February 4th. I can’t believe that was eight years ago. I miss his big belly laugh so much. He was so full of life. I wish there was a way to know him as I did as my Grandpa but also if I could go back in time and know him as a young adult. I think he would have been a very interesting young man to know as My Prince and I hear many, many stories of “Coach” from his former players and friends.
After Gramps passed away, we had a lot of fun didn’t we, Sweet Gram? I miss our times together. Even though we had many ups and downs, overall I had the best time living with you and taking care of you. I can’t believe it has been three years since we lost you. I think about all of our adventures often, and we talk about them all the time with others who remember you and others who never had the chance to meet you.
My first summer back in my hometown we did a few updates to your house including a new roof, new floors, new carpet, and some outside landscaping. We made several fires as we always needed to take the chill off. We napped during the day anytime we wanted to. We drove to softball games so you could see me help coach my alma mater’s team. We also found as many ice cream joints as we could. We zipped around in my little EOS convertible without a care in the world. (I am sure you know I am now on my fourth EOS 🙂 It’s blue and beautiful.)
We had so much fun driving up and down the East Coast visiting the family in Virginia and your condo in Fort Myers. Those first two years we were together were full of so many ups and downs. We learned that my sister had the dreaded C word. Then a few months later, while we were in Fort Myers, we met the man who would become my forever Valentine. You liked him so much and he must have liked us, too. As you can see lots of ups and downs.
The next year we lost the sweetest, kindest soul, my sister. It was a shock that her battle with cancer only lasted 18 months. I couldn’t believe she was gone. It was one of the hardest times in my life. I was blessed to have you, my friends, and My Prince to support me through the grief.
Later that year, we moved to Florida to be with My Rock. We continued driving up and down the East Coast but now we were a trio. The next year your health declined a bit but My Heart and I got engaged and married. More ups and downs for sure.
We continued our adventures together. We watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. We sat by the pool and took you on the boat. We visited friends and family. We even took you hiking and out to the mountains of Colorado. Sometimes you didn’t want to go but after some arm twisting you were all smiles and at the end of the night you thanked us for such a good time.
Gram, life is so full of ups and downs. I guess we need the downs to appreciate the ups. I don’t know. I loved all of our ups and downs together and miss you like crazy. I know when the rest of us get to Heaven it will seem like no time has passed. Until then those of us down here will keep having our ups and downs on this journey we call life.
Today would have been 99 years for Gram. Wow. What an amazing life. Even though she only made it to 96 1/2 she showed people what it meant to be alive. I miss her so much and wish I could kiss her sweet little face and help her celebrate her day.
99 years. Can you even imagine? I remember when I was a little kid looking up at my parents and thinking they were so old. I calculate the ages they were then and now I am older than they were! Oh, how times have changed because clearly, 47 is not so old anymore!
As I sit here and contemplate all the losses I’ve had over the past 11 years, I think what a difference in ages of all my people’s deaths. Dad was 60. My uncle was 61. My grandpa thrived until 90. My sister was just getting started at 38. And Gram was called up at 96. Why do the numbers make us feel that some people missed out while others lived a full life? Does it make it better that they are older when they go? And why? Is it true that my grandparents lived a full life while my sister and my dad missed out? Just because they only lived to be 38 and 60 does it mean they were incomplete? Or did they find love and happiness and did they pass onto the next adventure complete and full?
I don’t know the answers. I know how I feel and I know what the Medium told me when I connected with them. I feel like the older we are the more we get to see, the more we get to experience, and the more we get to do. But what if you find happiness at a young age? Or what if you never explore anything at all? Is your life still complete because that’s the way you wanted to live it? Why do we feel bad for those who had to leave this world at a young age? Why do we feel bad when anyone has to leave this world at all? If we believe there is something more then we truly should be celebrating that those souls are in the most peaceful and magical place. So why does it hurt so bad? And why does our grief overwhelm us at times? I think we are really sad for ourselves because we feel incomplete without our people, and we can’t get past the fact that they are okay without us.
All I know is that I miss my people and sometimes it hits harder than on other days. I need to do a better job of recognizing the signs from Heaven that they send me. I know when we meet again it will be amazing and even though sometimes I feel sorry for myself because they are not here, I know I need to celebrate that they are in a better place.
So here’s to you, Gram, we wish you a happy birthday and hope you have a wonderful time celebrating your 99 years up there with the family. We miss you all terribly and can’t wait until we can all celebrate together again. Until then we will toast you and look for those signs. Have the happiest of birthdays, sweet gram!
In February, I shared my Letter from Gram. She has been gone just over two years. I still miss her like crazy, and I wish that the people who did not have the chance to meet her could know her somehow. Therefore, I will continue to try to keep her spirit alive by sharing wonderful memories of her and our adventures together. St. Patty’s Day is especially memorable for me as a wonderful group of people renamed it St. Gram’s Day.
Two years ago, My Hubby and I skipped the International ski week (which was canceled anyway due to Covid), and we planned a trip to Jackson Hole, WY. It was a beautiful little town and the view from the top of the mountain was the fantastic. However, the most memorable experience for me was with my amazing ski friends during an apes ski get together. We all had gathered on the deck of our hotel for a post ski day St. Patty’s celebration. Little did I know, this group of about 20 people (led by two fantastic people) had shirts made with Gram’s picture in the Instagram logo with the phrase “Do It For The Gram” (which is apparently a slang for taking photos for Instagram). My husband gave a little speech, and they all unzipped their jackets simultaneously. And there she was! Gram, our Matriarch, and her sweet little smile.
This week of St. Patty’s Day, we are out in Colorado skiing Copper Mountain and Aspen Snowmass. We have a smaller group than usual because many of the airlines went to Norway for the international ski week and competition. Our team decided not to go. Therefore, several of us decided to ski together at these two mountains.
Even though not everyone will remember Gram or what this group of people did, I will never forget the meaningful gesture these folks put together for me. Many of them had the pleasure of knowing sweet gram while some did not. But they all were more than willing to put on her sweet face.
These are the kinds of friends that will forever remain in my heart. I may only see them on ski weeks and may only get to have a beer or two with them throughout the week but their kindheartedness will forever live in my memory. Their love for us and for Gram is beyond comparison.
This St. Patrick’s week along with all the ones in the future will forever hold a special place in my heart. I can’t thank you enough sweet husband of mine and amazing friends for making that trip so special and for keeping Gram’s memory alive.
Today marks two years since we lost Sweet Gram. I miss her and her beautiful smile so much. If you have been following my blog you know that I posted a letter to Gram that ended up being spread out over four different posts. I guess I had a lot to say to her! That was my way to help myself on my grief journey. My therapist also suggested that I write a letter to myself as if it were written by Gram. My therapist thought it would be helpful for me to hear what Gram might have to say. So here goes. My version of a letter from Gram and what it may be like there in Heaven.
My Dearest Stacy,
I am beyond devastated to hear these words in your letter. I am so sorry that you are struggling to this extent. As much as I wish I was there with you on Earth, I am having the most magical time here in Heaven.
You see in Heaven I am young again, just like when I always told you I felt 22. My body has no aches or pains. My skin is wrinkle-free and my hair is blond and beautiful as it always was. I have reconnected with all of my lost loved ones. Both of my brothers and my parents are here. I visit them on the old family farm from time to time, and we lay on hay bails and look at the clouds in the sky.
My best friend, Dorothy, is here. So many nights we have sat up laughing and reminiscing about all of the mischiefs we used to get into. We talk about the nights we drove to Pittsburgh and all of the young men we were enamored with before we met the “ones”.
My son, Stanley, is here. He looks so good. He, too, is happy. He is sorry that he didn’t get a chance to tell us all goodbye because the aneurysm took him so quickly. But much to my relief, it happened so fast that he didn’t feel any pain. He wants to thank you for making the effort to spend time with your cousin, his daughter, and my granddaughter while we traveled up and down the east coast. He hopes you will see more of her in the future. She is a great mother, and he is so proud of his grandchildren and what wonderful young people they are becoming.
Your grandpa is here. He can’t believe everything you made me do but he knew deep down that I could keep up. He wants me to pass along the message that he is so proud of you. He is proud of you for sticking in the education field. He is proud of you for sticking it out until you met the man of your dreams. He is proud of you for doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. He is proud of you for everything that you did for me even though he was terrified the day you took me to hike Cooper’s Rock!
Your grandpa and I go dancing every Saturday night. We sing in the choir on Sunday mornings and at various events here in Heaven. We eat dinner with your dad and sister every Sunday like we used to. We have seats saved for all of you at the table but we know you have a purpose to fulfill there on Earth so we wait. We get to see what you are doing every day hence we don’t miss a thing. And if you look closely we send you signs that we are right there by your side.
Your sister is struggling the most. Although her body is not ravaged by cancer anymore, she misses being there with her kiddos. She is glad that you visit them as much as you can and thinks you are a good influence on them. Keep sharing your life with them. They are growing up into the most precious little beings. She is proud of how athletic and smart they are. Although she hates not being there by their side, she is glad that everyone is so happy. She sees joy in the kids’ eyes and is glad the kids have so many supportive people in their lives who love them so much. She is happy that her husband has found someone to share his life with. It is good for the kids to see their dad happy. Your sister is beyond grateful that your mom has been there to watch them grow up and to help them with any daily struggles.
Your dad, Marvin, and Patty are acting like the foolish party animals they were in high school. They are having a ball. They sit around campfires and talk about the good ole days. Marvin realizes that he made a few mistakes and wishes things would have been different. He is proud of his three boys and the men they have become. Patty, like your sister, struggles that she had to go to Heaven when she was so young. How she wishes she was there when her boys hit all of their milestones. She sees their struggles and hopes they feel her presence because she is right beside them every day. How she wishes things were different but she understands it wasn’t meant to be.
Stacy, please do not beat yourself up about the last few months of my life. My body was tired. My mind was getting frail. I enjoyed those last five years with you and Jeff more than you could ever know. Traveling up and down the east coast with you was the best time of my life. I actually think I flew with you more in my last 5 years than in my first 91. I loved how we got to see family and friends. Thank you for taking me along with you. You have amazing people in your life. The fact that ALL of them welcomed me into their homes was a blessing. I never wanted to be a burden on you or your friends. I know many times I didn’t want to stay but it was only because I didn’t want to embarrass you or myself. I’ve told you time and time again “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old!”
In conclusion, please know that I love and miss you more than words can say, but I will wait to see you until your work on Earth is done. Family is very important and you have so much to give, but always remember you need to take care of yourself first. Life is short even if you do get to turn 96 so smile, laugh, inspire, and live the life you are meant to live.
Love, Gram
There you have it. My version of what Gram might say. Remember life is short so LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE with all you have. Fill your heart and your time with those people who fulfill you and fill your spirit. Let go of those who bring you down and deflate you. Life is meant to be lived so live it to the fullest!
