adventures with gram Archives - Page 2 of 4 - Inspired & Strong

PNA Golf

June 21, 2022 2 Comments

This past weekend at the Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course we had the annual Polish National Alliance (PNA) Golf Tournament. This has recently been renamed the “Thaddeus Haluch Memorial Golf Tournament” in honor of my grandfather. Grandpa ran the tournament for at least 37 years. and it has been held on Friday and Saturday of Father’s Day Weekend every year since I can remember. He passed away in 2016 so I decided I needed to keep up the tradition. I ran it for another five years with help from our Lodge 1540 and the West End Lodge in Pittsburgh. It become difficult for me to run from Florida, therefore, I asked the guys from the West End Lodge to take it over. Even though my family still helps with the logistics, Jeff, mom, and I get to golf if we want to!

Last year was my first time golfing. I had taken three lessons prior to the outing, and I thought I was going to be GOOD! Haha! Little did I know that golf is a very complicated game. I had a wonderful time and loved being a part of this tournament and actually golfing in it. But I won “high score”. In golf, the goal is to get the lowest score! My grandpa would have just shaken his head and said, “You need to keep your head down.” This year, I did improve my game and did not come in last place! Definitely, something to celebrate! On the opposite end of the spectrum, my mom won the tournament for the ladies (as she has at various times over the years).

Since I was a little girl I have been helping with this golf tournament. Grandpa would start getting stressed in May when the golfers would turn in their registration forms late or cancel at the last minute. My gram took the brunt of the frustration, but we all saw it. He would stress himself to the max letting 130-150 golfers play in this thing. But he loved it. He loved seeing all of the guys from the different lodges throughout Pennsylvania. He loved being the big guy and speaking at the awards banquet. And everyone loved seeing him, too.

It really is a great tournament with years of tradition. You get two days of golf, snacks throughout the day, the best Polish kielbasa, pop, beer, a gift, and dinner on Saturday. Plus, if you happen to be good enough you can win money and a trophy for first, second, and third place (if you are a part of the PNA by having a life insurance or annuity policy). My grandpa arranged the golfers by Flights depending on their scores from the previous year. If you never golfed in this tournament before you were not eligible to win a prize. But if you win your flight you move up to the next one the next year.

Our family has been involved in this tournament for over 40 years. When we were little, my sister and I would volunteer to take the most candy bars we could get that we had to sell for our softball teams. We knew Gramps would tell the golfers he needed a $1 for the 50/50 and $1 for a candy bar. They had to buy the candy whether they wanted to eat it or not! As we got older we drove around on the beer cart. We would have a boat load of cash tips at the end of the day. We thought it was the greatest thing. Even as adults we would man the beer cart and make some money.

My grandpa was old school so of course everything was done by hand. He also didn’t trust the guys so we needed to add up the scores. Then we needed to break any ties. Then we needed to write down their names, lodges, and scores in two places. It took us HOURS to do this. Most of the time we missed dinner and all the golfers just sat there waiting.

Eventually, gramps gave in to the computer, and I would sit on the course and take scores. That way they were added up correctly, and we could sort them and decide the next day’s pairings more quickly. It made it quicker but still, Friday was a long, long day that turned into a long, long night. On Saturday, we had to be down there at 6:30 am to get everything ready for the 8:00 am tee time. Many guys wouldn’t show up because they had too much fun the night before.

Once my sister and I were old enough to drink we would hang out in the bar with the golfers on Friday night. Of course, we didn’t pay for one drink. Grandpa was always worried about the drinking but he loved this weekend and looked forward to it every year. By Saturday evening, he was grinning ear to ear. He loved this tournament.

The past two years have been emotional for me. They were the first two years without gram or gramps. We had 20 new players this year and it hit me that they didn’t get the pleasure of meeting either one of my grandparents. It makes me sad that people won’t get to know them and what they meant to this golf tournament and what the tournament meant to them.

It’s hard to explain especially if you didn’t have a chance to meet my grandparents. It’s hard to understand what a golf tournament can mean to a family. I love that my grandparents knew so many people and that I get to hear their stories. I hope that those who knew my grandparents continue to pass along stories of them to the younger generations. I hope that they appreciate all that they were.

If you are interested in joining the PNA by buying a life insurance policy or annuity, please contact me.

In Adventures with Gram

Letter to Gram III (Frustration)

June 14, 2022 No Comments

This is post III of my letter to Gram. I told you it was LONG!! If you are just joining us, head on back to check out Letters to Gram I and II (Change). Writing this letter was very therapeutic for me and maybe writing a letter to your lost loved one will help you, too. Reading these letters again as I edit this post about Gram and my frustration just brings tears to my eyes. I miss that little lady so much.

Last week, my husband and I were blessed to have one of my Gramps‘ former basketball players and his wife at our house for an overnight stay. They were so close to my grandparents that they called them “Mama and Papa”. Hearing their stories of my grandparents and seeing the love in their eyes just touches my heart. My grandparents were the most amazing people and influenced so many lives. Even though I had over 40 years with them I wish I had more. I wish I would have had the pleasure of knowing my grandparents as young adults.

And now to continue on with my Letter to Gram….

Dear Gram,

After our trip to Florida where we met Jeff and Virginia to visit the family, we settled in for the northwest PA spring. That summer, I started working at Bill Lawrence Personal Fitness and took you with me many times. Everyone loved saying hi and chatting with you. You were such an inspiration because you had to climb up two flights of stairs to get to the gym every time we went. Thank you for letting me drag you along. I know it must have been more difficult and frustrating than you led on, but I think you enjoyed being around people even if they were 40 years younger than you.

Over the next three years, we had many great adventures. Jeff and I got more serious, and he asked us to move to Florida for most of the year. We became Sunbirds and started going to Florida for the winter and Pennsylvania in the summer. We flew more times those last five years of your life than you did the whole 91 years before. Even though you were becoming forgetful and on medication for dementia, you still remembered all of the family members and all of the former Alliance students as well. You were happy and willing to do almost anything we asked of you. Rarely did you show any frustration or anger.

In 2018, we lost my sister to cancer. You were upset that it was her and not you. You didn’t understand how or why these things were happening. We vowed to spend more time with the kids and mom in Virginia so we traveled up and down the highway even more.

Soon, you became less independent. I couldn’t leave you for an extended period of time. You started falling from time to time and once even had to get seven stitches put in your head. Jeff and I got engaged, and although we loved taking you with us, we wanted some time for just us. I remember starting to feel a bit resentful and frustrated about having to stay home with you (and boy, do I regret that now) when we couldn’t find anyone to relieve us of our caretaking duties. What I wouldn’t give to spend another beautiful day with you just chilling by the pool.

Even though we had many great talks in the bathroom, I was starting to get down. I wanted to travel more. I wanted to be able to pick up and go and not worry about finding someone to stay with you. I didn’t feel like I had any help except for my Prince, my cousin across the street, a wonderful friend from elementary school, and some amazing, caring teenagers. My caregiving job was getting harder and harder, and I felt like I was not being fair to you.

I feel terrible about how frustrated I would get sometimes with you. I didn’t know how to stop and breathe and just let it go. I didn’t know how to not be selfish. I didn’t want to resent my husband for getting to go while I had to stay home with you. And I didn’t want to resent you for having to stay home. And yes, I know there are worse things than having to sit and watch Wheel of Fortune with you. Honestly now, I wish you were here so we could relax by the pool while Jeff ran around like a gypsy!

I just wanted help. I wanted a granny nanny who could be on call when we needed her and who would treat you like we did. I know plenty of families who had nannies. Could it be that hard to find someone to stay with you? I didn’t think it would be.

We searched Care.com and interviewed tons of people. We found one lady who actually worked with you for about two weeks. I was so happy to have help and to have someone we could trust when we wanted to take a trip. But then she quit. We interviewed more people but no one seemed right for the job. I guess the task is different from asking someone to care for a child and asking someone to care for an elderly woman.

After discussions with mom and Jeff and after you fell again when I was on the other side of the pool, we decided that a senior living center was probably our only option. We wrote you a letter and you agreed that it was time to go. We told you that you would have your own apartment and you seemed really excited about it. We dropped you off and when we left you were all smiles. It was such a relief. I really hoped you would enjoy being in a place where you could relax and not be drug around with us. I was hoping you would make new friends and thrive in your new living environment. But the next three months were some of the most difficult for me and probably for you, too. Please know that leaving you in the senior living center was one of the hardest things I have had to do.

Deciding when to be a caregiver and when to give it up is a very personal and difficult decision. As a caregiver, you do need to put yourself and your relationships first. That way you can be the best caregiver to those you are caring for. There are many decisions to weigh and lots of options out there. Do what is best for you!

There is still one more letter…the story continues.

In Adventures with Gram

Letter to Gram II (Change)

April 12, 2022 4 Comments

Today’s post is a continuation of my Letter to Gram. If you are jumping in, head on back to that first post about how writing a letter to your loved one can be therapeutic. This letter is the second part of my letter to Gram and about how much changed that first year I had the opportunity to take care of her.

Dear Gram,

Our journey continues. After 16 years in Richmond, I needed a change. I was not happy with my job or the dating scene. I met a friend of a friend who was moving to Thailand to teach English. It sounded like something that I just needed to do. I had the same feeling in my stomach as when I moved to California. I just knew I had to go.

As I was considering moving to Thailand, Grandpa voiced his opinion and didn’t really want me to go. He was about to turn 90, and I think he was scared he wouldn’t make it until my return. Maybe he knew his health was failing. He had been in and out of the hospital the year prior with his congestive heart failure, but he always bounced back. I don’t remember you telling me not to go. I only remember your support and you probably told me Gary and Shar used to live there, too! I think you were excited for me to go on a crazy adventure, and I couldn’t wait to see the world.

Even though I was only gone three months, I did miss Grandpa’s 90^th birthday bash, and I am really sorry that I did. He was so happy and many of his old players and students came back for the occasion. Mom did FaceTime me so I did get to see you dancing with the toy soldier and got to be a part of some of the celebration.

I also missed the beautiful birth of my nephew. I knew there would never be a time that I wouldn’t miss something so I will never regret going to Thailand and gaining all that I experienced. But I also wish I could have been in two places at the same time. (of course! I am a Yes, Woman!)

I ended up coming back from Thailand for Christmas to see the family and my new nephew who was only 19 days old. That Christmas of 2015, Gramps got sick. My sister asked him if he wanted to go to the emergency room and he said yes. So off we went. He had fluid built up around his lungs and ended up having a longer stay than any of us wanted. I remember you not wanting to leave his side, and I wish I would have talked the staff into letting us both stay to be with him. I didn’t realize how much you felt the need to be there until I was the one who wanted to stay with you in the hospital room. I am sorry that we didn’t let you stay. I know the staff said it was a liability, and we didn’t want you to fall and get hurt either, but I finally realized how much you truly wanted to be there. And how lonely the hospital room can be.

After a week of Gramps being in the hospital, we all decided I wasn’t going back to Thailand. I had some wonderful adventures and saw nine new countries including Germany, Finland, Sweden, and The Netherlands so I decided I would stay home and spend time with you and Gramps. My house in Richmond was rented until September, and I was unemployed. Gramps spent a month in rehab while you and I stayed with mom. Finally, we decided to take Grandpa back home to Pennsylvania with Hospice Care. It was going to be a big change, but I would move in and be there for you both.

We made it home and my cousin across the street helped me get Gramps in the house. It was not an easy task, and I am not sure how we did it. Grandpa was so upset that we weren’t in your condo in Florida and once he saw the hospital bed in the living room, he seemed deflated. I think maybe it was his last wish to be in sunny Florida before he passed on.

My mom came up a few days later but after a week, Grandpa’s body couldn’t fight anymore. We called the priest in for the anointing of the sick and all prayed together with my sister on the phone. The next morning, he faded out and was gone. I am sorry, Grandpa, that I was not there to hold your hand as you headed toward the light. And I am sorry, Gram, that you barely made it to tell him you loved him one more time. It seemed to happen so fast, and I hate that we were not all there for him in those final moments.

That week was full of preparations. We planned with the funeral home and family started arriving in town. Although it was great to see everyone, it was sad, sad circumstances. After the dust settled, it was just you and me. I wasn’t sure if you would last two days, two months, or two years, without him. You just lost your best friend, and I wasn’t sure you knew what to do next.

It was February 2016. We just lost Gramps. It was snowing. I didn’t have a job yet therefore, we made fires, watched the snowfall, and watched black and white movies all day. We didn’t go out in the cold if we didn’t have to. About a month later, my high school girlfriends talked me into volunteer coaching for the high school softball team. Then one of my college girlfriends offered me a job at a local dairy isle. What a change from the field of education! We had a wonderful summer once the weather turned. We zoomed around town in my little convertible EOS, watching softball games, eating ice cream, drinking wine, and going out to eat at our favorite restaurant, Venango Valley. I reconnected with high school and college friends and was enjoying being with you and being back in my hometown.

Then December came and you broke your hip (the first time). I couldn’t let what happened to Gramps happen to you so I vowed to be with you 24/7 and I broke you loose from the rehab center. Once you were back home, your spirits picked right up, your attitude changed and you were walking around the house with your walker in no time. You became more dependent on me, but I was just happy you were doing well.

That February, after your fall, we both were sad and depressed because of the weather, and we were tired of being cooped up in the house. We needed a change. Therefore, we took off for Florida. It was perfect timing because that is when I met my Prince. You seemed to like him right from the start and that was the beginning of more crazy adventures, but now there was three of us.

Making the change and being able to take care of you led me to so many wonderful things in life. I reconnected with amazing friends and got to spend more time with them. I also met new friends who grew to love you and your presence. And of course, I met my husband. We all miss you more than you know.

(to be continued…)

In Adventures with Gram

St. Gram’s Day

March 15, 2022 No Comments

To me, as a little kid, St. Patrick’s Day meant that we had to go to church. Once I turned 21, it meant drinking green beer and celebrating with the rest of the fools who were out and about. Over the past three years, St. Patrick’s Day has become something more special to me and last year it became St. Gram’s Day.

In 2019, we had lifelong friends in town for a visit to Florida. We had recently bought our boat and had the name put on the back of it. Our friend, Katie, who designed our logo was in town so we christened the boat with beer and a trip to the Boathouse. Gram was dressed in her St. Patrick’s Day best, and we had a wonderful day playing in the sun and celebrating all the good things in life.

Katie designed our amazing logo “Sabai, Sabai” which means don’t worry, be happy in Thai. She added a kettlebell for the A and put the world map inside it because we love CrossFit and traveling. She also dotted the i’s with airplanes for my hubby. As you have read in “How Did I Get Here?“, I went to Thailand to teach English which is where I learned the meaning of the words Sabai Sabai. Therefore, that is what we named our boat to show others there is no benefit to worrying. As life happens, look at the positive and make choices that make you happy.

In March 2021, Jeff and I were on a ski trip in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Gram had passed away just a few weeks prior. I was still kind of in shock and sad about losing my best friend. What happened that St. Patrick’s Day will forever hold a special place in my heart. I will never forget the love and support shown to me by all who participated in the event.

On St. Patrick’s Day that week, our group met out on a rooftop bar after a bluebird day of skiing. My husband gave a little speech about Sweet Gram and all of the group unzipped their jackets. And there on their shirts appeared sweet gram’s smiling face and a message saying “St. Gram’s Day…Do it for the Gram.” It brings tears to my eyes as I write this today.

Most of the people in this group had the opportunity to meet gram. They had either met her on a ski trip or met her at our house in Florida. And, of course, we talked about her all the time. Many of them knew her and loved her just like we did. It still amazes me how thoughtful this group was to wear shirts for me as an amazing tribute to my little Gram.

So, this week I will wear my St. Gram’s Day shirt with pride. I can’t thank my husband and the members of our group enough. It means the world to me that these three above thought of the idea and made the effort to make my week a little brighter after the devastation of losing sweet Gram.

Thank you, my friends. I cannot say it enough. Happy St. Gram’s Day, Gram! Drink some green beer for us!

In Adventures with Gram

Letter to Gram

March 8, 2022 No Comments

As you have read, I took care of Gram for five years before she passed away on February 24, 2021. I have been receiving grief therapy through Hope Hospice since then, and it has been very beneficial to have someone to talk to, not only about Gram but about my sister and dad plus just everyday life. I continue to struggle with the loss of Sweet Gram. I am not sure if it’s because I was raised Catholic, and I tend to feel the “Catholic Guilt” from putting her into senior living for the last three months of her life and not bringing her home when she broke her hip the second time or what. I know healing takes time and there will always be ups and downs when it comes to grief, but I just feel an overwhelming sense of loss when it comes to Gram.

My therapist sent me a video about letter writing. The video has to do with expressing gratitude and increasing happiness but she says the same benefits apply to grief letter writing. She suggested how writing a letter to Gram may help me.

Therefore, I decided to sit down and write a letter to Gram. It is sooooooo long, but I had 45 years of time to write to her about. For some reason, I felt compelled to share it with you. I won’t share all of it at once but here is the beginning. I will continue to share over the next few weeks.

Dear Gram,

I have been meaning to write a letter to you. And I wish I would have said all of this before you left this Earth, but I am telling you now. Ever since I was a little girl you were there for me. You told me several times you were the one who carried me home from the hospital after I was born. We lived with you for a period of time while dad was away in Korea. Throughout my childhood, you only lived three blocks away from me and worked right up the hill from our house. I remember walking home from school and heading straight to the college to see you and mom at work.

Although you didn’t play sports or jump around with us, you were always there to cheer us on and to cheer Gramps on, too. His life revolved around sports…Sports on TV, coaching sports and watching sports. You always said if you had a penny for every bleacher you sat on you’d be one rich lady, and I agree!! As far as I can remember, you were at every one of my basketball and softball games. Even in college when I received very little playing time, you and Gramps were always there.

As a little kid, all I can remember is how positive you were. You wanted us to succeed and you were always very proud of us. You and Gramps were the kindest, loving, and most generous people I have ever known. I remember you always making room for people at the dinner table or lending people a hand when they needed it. The more people that I meet that knew you, the more I see what an impact you had on our hometown community and the students who ventured into the area.

Although you were the small, quiet one, you were always so strong. I remember you getting sick and going to the hospital ONE TIME before you were in your 90s. You never went to the doctor. You just made yourself a Hot Toddy and moved on. Even as you got older you never wanted to go to the doctor and you always said you were fine. You were so strong, but also stubborn.

While I did my student teaching I had the wonderful opportunity to live with you and Gramps. Mom and Dad were hosting Marja from Finland so you let me move in with you. When I came home late and a little tipsy, you never lectured me. You listened to my stories and told me there were leftovers in the fridge for my midnight snack. You were usually up watching the 11 o’clock news and then some black and white film after while Gramps was asleep on the couch. It seemed late at night was the only time Gramps would let you have the remote control! The rest of the day the television was on some sporting event.

After I graduated from college in December, I moved to California. You supported my move and even lent me money to get me started. It took me years before trying to pay you back, which you didn’t accept, of course, but I tried because I appreciated all that you did for me.

Even though I was in California for just a short six months, you, Gramps, and Marja came out to visit. We drove to L.A. to see the Hollywood sign and the stars of fame on the sidewalk. And yes, we even took in another sporting event and went to see the L.A. Dodgers play.

After my six-month adventure in Cali, I settled in Richmond, Virginia for 16 years. We both traveled up and down the interstates more times than we can count. I came home a lot when Dad was battling cancer and got to spend extra time with you, too. The eight-hour drive seemed like nothing compared to being all the way across the country.

When we started worrying about you and Grandpa driving to Florida by yourselves for your winter stay at your condo, I volunteered for the job. Thankfully I was in a position in the school system where I could take the time off to drive you down after Christmas and then pick you back up around Easter. You were sometimes hesitant about going to Florida but you always ended up having a great time and you knew how much it meant to Gramps so you went. You loved Fort Myers but you also loved being in your home in Pennsylvania.

Driving with you was always an adventure. You would sit beside me in the passenger seat and get out your Rand McNally Road Atlas. You would follow along as we crossed state lines and tell me who lived where along the way. You and grandpa remembered so much about so many people. I honestly don’t know how you kept it straight.

Your positive attitude and the love you shared for those around you are what make me miss you so much. I could never repay all the love and support you both offered to me over the years, but I hope I can express to you how much it (and you) meant to me.

(To be continued…)

If you have lost someone special in your life, maybe you will find the strength to pick up a pen and paper and write them a little note about how much of an impact they had on your life. I know it has helped me.

In Adventures with Gram

Sweet Gram

February 22, 2022 3 Comments

Can you believe Sweet Gram has been gone almost one year?? On one hand, it feels like it just happened. On the other, it feels like she’s been gone so long. People say time heals all wounds, and maybe that is true but losing Gram has been a real struggle for me.

It’s true our family has been through a lot of loss this past decade. It’s hard to believe that we lost my sister four years ago May 7th, my Dad 10 years ago May 23rd, my Gramps six years ago on February 4th, and my sweet Gram one year ago on February 24th.

All of these losses have taken a toll on my heart. Sometimes out of the blue something happens and it just hits me hard as a rock. A song that my sister and I used to listen to will come on the radio or my dad’s cologne will drift by me in the store. It’s amazing how hard something so little can hit you so hard.

This past year has been very difficult for me. I am not sure why the loss of Gram has hit me so hard but it has, and I still struggle. Maybe because I feel guilty about putting her into the senior living home for her final 3 months. Maybe because I took care of her for five years. Maybe because she was almost like a child to me and also at times my best friend. Maybe because she was a part of my life for 45 years. I miss her little laugh and her loving smile. I miss her advice, her thoughts, and her funny sayings. She was my partner-in-crime. I miss going to get ice cream with her. I am not sure there is anyone else in the world who loved ice cream as much as she did.

The littlest things made sweet Gram so happy. She never complained. And she rarely said a bad word about anyone. She had the most inspiring outlook on life. And that positive, optimistic little lady is what I miss so much. I am not sure there will ever be another one like her.

I guess that is why this past year has been so hard. That little lady carried me home from the hospital when I was born. That little lady was by my side almost every day for the last five years of her life. That little lady was there for every holiday and supported me at all of my sporting events in high school and college. That little lady was my idol. I can only strive to be half as good as my little lady was. I love and miss you sweet Gram.

In Adventures with Gram

Christmas Without Gram

December 28, 2021 No Comments

2021. Our first Christmas without Gram, our matriarch, our Babcia, our sweet little lady. In her younger days, she was the baker. She made everything from spaghetti sauce, to pumpkin rolls, to vanilla cream pie, to pierogis. She was the last to sit down and the first to get back up and make sure everyone had what they needed.

Christmas without Gram was different. Even though we continued on with many of Gram’s traditions, we missed her smiling face at the end of the table. We missed telling her to sit down and eat. We missed her telling us to put more filling in the pierogis. We missed taking pictures with her in front of the tree. We missed everything about her.

We tried to be present this Christmas without Gram, and we tried to honor and cherish her. We talked about her as we rolled the pierogi dough and decided what to fill it with. We talked about her as we shopped, knowing she would have loved the HUGE Christmas tree at the mall. We asked her to watch over us as we did our traditional “happy thought” on Christmas Eve.

Gram had such an impact on all of those who were lucky enough to have met her. The students from Alliance College still send cards and letters. They share stories with us of both my grandparents. The friends we have from Pennsylvania talk about how much they miss Gram. Friends from Florida talk about how much they enjoyed meeting her and loved seeing her on the boat so many times.

Even though we had Christmas without Gram, I realized how much she is there in all that we do. I realized how much of an impact she had and continues to have on my niece and nephew. Gram’s heart was huge, and I see her light shining through those little ones every day. They smile, they giggle, they laugh. They love making pierogis and baking cookies. This Christmas, we made gingerbread cookies, and they had a blast cutting out the shapes and decorating them. Gram would have loved it. I see Gram’s spirit, as well as my sister’s, shining through in them.

My goal is to keep Gram’s spirit alive by passing down our Polish traditions. I want to show the kids Christmas is not about the presents but about being present in the moment and enjoying each other’s company. It is about Jesus, his birthday, and all that he gave up for us. It is about the Polish tradition of Wigilia. It is about Christmas Eve Mass. It is about waiting all week to open your presents. It is about making pierogis and cookies. It is about spending quality time together with those that you love. It is about driving around and looking at the beautiful and “tacky” Christmas lights.

Although we have several old traditions, we also have new traditions that we are passing on to the kids. They get a gift from their mom every Christmas. My mom has continued her parents’ tradition of getting Lladro for the grandchildren. Gram and Gramps got them for us for 15 years. My mom has started that tradition for her little ones. Jeff and I started the tradition last year of the Christmas snowmen. Jeff built them a cardboard snowman and the kids get presents for each part of the snowman. We try to get them an activity, some clothes, and a toy or game.

In the end, Christmas without Gram was still beautiful and wonderful. We enjoyed the time with the family and the kids. We loved making the pierogis and the mess in the kitchen with our holiday baking. We loved having a family game night. Even though Gram wasn’t with us on Earth we know she was with us in spirit.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram’s House

August 31, 2021 4 Comments

As most of you know, I started taking care of Gram in 2016. Then she passed away on February 24, 2021, and life hasn’t been the same without her. Also, as most of you know, I met my husband, Jeff, along the way and became a snowbird. The three of us have been spending winters in Florida and summers at Gram’s House in Pennsylvania.

Over the past five years, we have done several updates to Gram’s House. When I first moved back in 2016, my mom reminded me that Grandma and Grandpa built their house in 1967. It’s a three-bedroom, two-bathroom ranch with a one-car garage. I have always loved Gram’s House and I love it, even more, knowing that they built it just the way they wanted it.

Once I moved in I thought some updates were definitely needed. The rug in Gram’s House was so old. I don’t know if I remembered it being any other color but blue. I told mom we should get a new carpet, and she said there were hardwood floors underneath. Not sure why my grandparents covered them up but I, along with my cousin, Pat, decided to uncover them! And wow, are they beautiful!

Over the past five years, we have done quite a few updates. The floors are all new, we updated the little bathroom, got a new roof, and finally took the wallpaper off the kitchen walls. We added a little backsplash and made it a little homier and less 1980’s. Gram enjoyed the changes although, at one point, I mentioned painting the kitchen cabinets gray and white, and she was not having it. Other than that, she was happy and she always said, this is your house. You and Jeff.

When she passed away we weren’t sure what to do with the house. The housing market in our area was booming, and the house was worth more than we could have ever imagined it would be worth. Even at her funeral, we had a few people interested in Gram’s House. One of our local churches wanted it for a pastoral home. My mom, Jeff, and I were excited about this offer. We knew if the family wasn’t going to be in the house that Gram and Gramps built then perhaps Gram and Gramps would want the church to have it. The church would maintain it and do all the upkeep on the place. Our biggest fear was that someone would move in and not appreciate Gram’s House. We believed the church would take care of it and it would continue to be a part of the community that meant so much to my grandparents.

Well, that deal didn’t happen, and we were at a loss. My mom recently moved to Virginia to be close with her grandchildren so she didn’t need another house. We didn’t need another house. We made the decision that we would clean out Gram’s House this summer and put a For Sale sign in the yard.

But then it happened. I drove across the back roads and down the hill and pulled into the driveway. I loved this house. Could I let it go? Did I want to let it go? Jeff and I loved coming to Pennsylvania for the summers. Where would we stay? My mom was coming up in a few days for my grandpa’s memorial golf tournament. We were going to clean things out and get Gram’s House ready to sell. But as we went through things it became more and more clear. I wasn’t ready.

After a few days of cleaning and reminiscing, I talked to my mom. I couldn’t let it go. Would she sell it to us? Would she want to keep it in the family? And much to my relief…she said Yes! I didn’t know if I was just being emotional or not. But I talked to my therapist (because I have one and believe everyone should talk to someone because mental health is just as important as physical health) and she said to consider the 4 Rs. Is the decision Reasonable, Rational, Realistic and what will you Regret less? So, in the end, I talked to my husband. Were we being emotional? Was it reasonable and rational? What would we regret less? Together, we decided we wanted to buy Gram’s House.

We love Gram’s house, the layout, the location, and the memories. We couldn’t let it go. My husband, mother, and I came up with a plan and everything was super easy. We went to First Choice Settlements and the closing took about 10 minutes. I am so proud and excited to say that the first BIG purchase Jeff and I made together was to buy Gram’s House. And even though it’s ours now, and we will probably make more changes, I don’t know if I will ever call it anything other than Gram’s House. And I hope that anyone who comes to our house feels the love, presence, and generosity that was instilled in Gram’s house by my grandparents.

In Adventures with Gram

Kuma

August 24, 2021 No Comments

Kuma is our cat. She’s just a regular old tabby cat but she looks like a main coon. Nine years ago, a friend asked if I wanted her. I had been debating on getting a cat. I wanted a pet but I enjoyed being single and having no responsibility as well. I thought maybe a cat would be easy enough. My friend had two young boys who were tormenting Kuma by chasing her around and pulling her tail. She was going to have to get rid of Kuma because she felt it was best. I decided to take a chance on her so Kuma came to live with me.

Kuma was seven years old when I got her. She was so afraid of everything. The first week I didn’t see her. I actually thought she somehow escaped, and I lost her. Another friend and her pup came over, and we finally found her behind the washing machine.

After that Kuma became a little friendlier to me, but any time she heard any other voice in the house she would run and hide under the bed. Eventually, she learned that people were going to be in and out of the house so she needed to be more social. After a few years, she would still retreat to the bedroom but she would be on top of the bed.

Kuma was afraid of children and even scratched my niece twice. I got her declawed after that. My mom reluctantly took her when I went off to Thailand but as soon as I returned to the USA she gave her right back. I took her to Gram’s house. Eventually, Gram and Kuma became best of friends although Kuma bit Gram once and gave her cat scratch fever. She is a very finicky cat. But eventually, they would nap together during the day in Gram’s chair, by the pool, or on the couch. They both loved laying in the sun and being lazy.

Kuma would sleep with Gram during the day but then sleep with me at night. That was until my husband came into the picture. He was not having animals in the bed. I agreed. I believe the bedroom is for sleeping and intimacy. We don’t have a TV in our room either to cause distractions. So, Kuma eventually learned the ways of Jeff, and she would sleep with Gram when he was around and sleep with me when he went on a trip.

When Gram passed, Kuma was so confused. She didn’t know where to go at night when Jeff was home. She would sit right outside our bedroom door and meow in the middle of the night. This went on for weeks. Eventually, we decided to let Kuma in the bed but she had to sleep on a little blanket at the bottom of the bed. She does pretty well staying on her blanket, and I think she is just happy to be next to warm bodies. She purrs a lot which ends up waking up my husband, which is crazy that he can hear that purr but is nearly deaf half the other times.

In the end, even though Kuma is not the friendliest cat, she does love us, and we love her. It’s amazing how these little creatures become such a big part of your family. She follows us around and seems like she has so much she wants to say. If only we could understand her.

In Family

Gramps

August 17, 2021 No Comments

I thought I would take a moment to celebrate my grandfather. We called him “Gramps”. So much of this blog has been about Gram and my adventures with her over the past five years that I feel bad that you haven’t gotten to know my Grandpa. He was the talker. He was the one with the huge personality. He was the generous and giving one. Gram and he were married just two weeks shy of 66 years! What a marriage and what a legacy they left on this world. Besides having two children, three grandchildren, and five great children, they left behind 30 years of college students who think of them as family.

Gramps was a member of the United States Navy for four years. My grandmother talked often of him being stationed in the Aleutian Islands and every time my husband would go to Alaska for work she would say that Grandpa was stationed there and asked if that’s where Jeff was going. Jeff does not go to the islands but maybe someday we can go. Gram said Gramps said it was beautiful, and she always wanted to go. Jeff often goes to Anchorage for work, but I have not had the chance to go yet. Hoping my day will come very soon.

Gramps was the social butterfly. Although they both knew all the college kids and took them in when they couldn’t go home for the holidays, he was the one who invited them over. Gram was the one who cooked and got the house ready. He was loud, and he was big compared to tiny, quiet Gram. He had a big old belly and always ate everyone’s leftovers. He always told the story of how they went to Eddie’s Footlongs one night. Usually, his children wouldn’t eat their whole dinner, and they would waste food and throw it away. So one night he decided not to order anything. And wouldn’t you know it, the kids ate every last bite!! Poor Gramps was left with nothing and clearly, he was upset about it because he told that story for years!

Gramps was the basketball coach at Alliance College for over 30 years. The athletes and other students at the college and in our town respected him and admired him. He demanded a lot of his players but many of them now say they would have not made it through college without my grandparents. They would have quit, given up, or flunked out. The pressure and support of my grandparents helped pull them through and now they are successful and many of them say they owe it all to my grandparents.

I loved having him as a Grandpa. We could go to the gym any time we wanted because he had the key. I loved it, but I loved being in the gym. It was so fun. We would play basketball, racquetball, jump on the trampoline, or work out in the weight room. As I got older, I would open the gym for my friends around town. Many of the local guys wanted to play basketball. My grandpa would let them in but only if they let me play with them. He always stressed the importance of free throws. I realized how important they were as I played with the guys from the town. I knew I had to make my free throws to be one of the first 10 players on the court. Then we had to win to keep playing. I feel like playing with the boys really helped me become a better player.

I remember Gramps wearing one of those plastic suits and running laps around the basketball court as we messed around in the gym. He was always trying to lose weight by doing activities but didn’t try too hard when it came to his diet. He loved his food. I tried several times to get him to try different nutrition plans to help him lose weight and help control his diabetes but nothing seemed to stick. He loved food way too much, and I didn’t know at that point how to explain that he needed to use food as fuel. The nutrition lifestyle that my husband and I follow now would have been very beneficial for him and his diabetes. But he ate what he wanted and did what he thought was right for him. As he got older and his body started to fall apart, he would say the same Polish phrase that Gram always did which is “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old” according to them.

I miss Gramps so much. Like my husband, Gramps could hold a conversation with anyone about anything. He knew sports and everything about the teams and the players. Gramps was also one of the most giving and generous people I know. He was always trying to give things away, from food, to money, to Steelers tickets. I was young at the time so I may not remember it exactly but I swear one time Gramps gave a family his car because they needed it more than he did. He had season tickets to the Steelers games and most times he would just give the tickets away or sell them for less than face value. I think he believed in karma and that it would come back around.

All in all, I know I am biased but I believe I had the best Gram and Gramps there could ever be. They were a power couple. Everyone who knew them loved them, admired them, and respected them. I am so thankful that I got to spend over 40 years with them although I wish I could have known them when they were younger. I also wish my husband would have had the chance to meet Gramps, and Gramps Jeff. But whenever we get the chance to meet up with former Alliance College players and students, my husband gets to hear stories and gets a little glimpse of the amazing man that he was.

So Gramps, I miss you and love you. I know you and Gram are back to Polka dancing every Saturday night and I can’t wait to see you again. I will try to carry on your legacy here on Earth until that time comes.