adventures with gram Archives - Page 3 of 4 - Inspired & Strong

Changes

August 3, 2021 1 Comment

Hello loyal followers,

This past year has shown me how beautiful life is. Although there have been many ups and downs, I continue to give thanks for being so blessed. With that being said, I am trying to make some changes. I am trying to simplify my life, which means simplifying my social media and this blog. I love doing this blog, but for a few months, I felt it was taking time away from my husband and my family. I started this blog to share stories of my Adventures with Gram, and to have something to do when my husband left for work. When I lost Gram, I felt like my inspiration was gone. I wasn’t sure what else to write about. She wasn’t there to make me smile or laugh with her little comments. She wasn’t there by my side when my husband was away, and I missed her. Plus, I didn’t think you wanted to hear about our loss over and over again, and honestly, I wasn’t sure what else to write about.

At this point, I realize I do have many more stories to tell. I have stories about Gram, about caregiving for her, about my travels, and about my journey in love. I want to continue to write, and I hope you will continue to read. My Adventures with Gram, Travel excursions and Family stories will be posted here. I am hoping to get back to a weekly basis, but they will be posted when inspiration finds me 🙂 I LOVE doing the daily inspirations and hope that they inspire you, too. I will also continue with the Weekly Wednesday Workouts. Every now and again I may post a full video here or on Instagram TV but for the most part, I will show you the moves and give you the workout. Please let me know if you need suggestions or modifications.

I am going to try to do more on linked social media and Instagram. Follow me @strong_inspired on Instagram. I will be posting recipes and stories as things come up. Some workouts will also be published on IGTV. Of course, you can always go back and do your favorite workout or find a special recipe on the blog.

I hope you enjoy these changes. If you have any feedback, please email or message me. And please follow me on Facebook and Instagram and share with your friends and family!

In Adventures with Gram

Celebration of Gram

June 15, 2021 No Comments

Many of our friends from Florida could not make it to Pennsylvania for Gram’s memorial service. Therefore, a few weeks ago, we held a poolside Celebration of Gram. Sitting by the pool became Gram’s favorite “activity”. As soon as she finished breakfast it was poolside where she wished to be. So what better place to honor Gram and her inspiring life.

We had a great turnout. All but one of our friends had met Gram before and had their picture taken with Gram either at our house, by the pool, on the boat, or at a restaurant. It made us realize how much of an impact she really had and how many people she met over the past five years.

As I was going through all the pictures trying to get ready for the celebration, it hit me how much we did with Gram. We took her everywhere. She met so many people and loved all of them. We laugh at thinking how most of her “friends” over her last 5 years of life were 40-50 years younger than her. It makes me happy that she had such adventures in her 90’s. She seemed to enjoy everything we did with her. At first, she didn’t really like flying but over the past five years, I think she came to enjoy it. My guess is that she flew more in her last 5 years than she did in her first 91 combined. Even with her dementia, she was happy. It makes me miss her so much.

Because I was always with her I didn’t notice how much she actually aged over the past year or two. Looking at the pictures and thinking back I remember her getting very sick in January and September of 2020. She fell three times last summer, one of which required 7 stitches on her forehead. She wasn’t doing much but sleeping on the couch, by the pool, and in her bed. Although she never complained, I am sure at 96 and a half, after all the running we made her do, her body was tired.

At the Celebration of Gram, our friends told stories of Gram. They remembered how sweet her smile was, how she loved sitting by the pool, how she loved Kuma the cat, and how she cheered for Jeff’s Ohio State Buckeyes. One friend remembered how Gram was really not happy one night when I made her stay at their house too long. It seemed Gram was always in the opposite room of where we were. She kept saying, “Stacy, let’s go. It’s time to go.” And she would give me that look. She never wanted to be a burden and this was her way of saying it. It was the one time our friends remember her being the least bit upset. Sweet Gram definitely could turn into a spitfire when she wanted to!

Anyway, the turnout was beautiful and Gram was sorely missed. She lived an amazing life. If you missed the Eulogy take a few minutes to watch it. It really celebrates Gram and her impact on this world. Love and miss you Gram!

In Family

That Summer

May 18, 2021 No Comments

As you read in “The Broken Hip”, Gram and I took off for Florida in February 2017. It was there, at the CrossFit gym, where I met my future husband as you read in our trio blog posts from him, Eleina, and myself. It was also at that time that I had just started my First Dream Team. And we had just learned that my sister had Cancer. But let’s continue on our journey with Gram that summer.

After two weeks in Florida, Gram, the cat, and I made our way to Richmond to see the family. My sister had just undergone surgery and was recovering from having several organs removed. The doctors felt surgery was the best approach to try to rid her body of cancer. She was hopeful and ready to kick cancer’s ass. She was so strong and she didn’t stay long in the hospital bed. She was ready to be home with her little ones. We stayed a couple of weeks to help out and to spend some time with her.

Once she was settled back at home, Gram and I continued on our journey to PA. I decided to start taking classes to get my real estate license. I thought being a realtor would give me flexible hours and a flexible schedule. I could then care for Gram, but also make some money and possibly turn it into a career when my caretaking duties were finished.

Because it was my first Dream Team I also spent a lot of time at the gym. I took my new healthy lifestyle seriously plus I was meeting new friends. I really enjoyed it. Many days, I would take Gram with me to the gym and even put her through a few workouts. She was so inspiring. She would do some squats, lift some dumbbells, and do a weight machine or two. I hoped it would help her with her balance. At that time, the gym was on the second floor so just to get to the gym Gram had to walk up two flights of stairs. And she did it well!

My sister had another surgery in May, and they scraped every inch of her abdomen. She was in the operating room for 20 hours. It was so scary. But, she pulled through and was ready to go home within days. I couldn’t believe how determined she was. We all prayed that the surgery would be the last, and she would start the remission process. But they still wanted her to do chemotherapy and radiation that summer, which she did. She held onto most of her hair until that fall. Then it started getting thin. It eventually fell out by Christmas.

After months of studying, I passed my real estate license test and started selling houses. I really enjoyed it. Gram went with me several times to show houses. Sometimes she would go in and sometimes she would just sit in the car. She was content and happy. We spent that summer riding around in my little convertible EOS, getting ice cream at all of the hot spots, and making our way up and down the highway to and from Richmond. We didn’t have much of a schedule so we just took one day at a time and wanted to spend as much time as we could with the family.

That summer, I was busy with real estate and started doing some personal training at the gym. Jeff and I stayed in touch but only saw each other a few times. I kept thinking ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be.’ I wanted it to work, but I knew the distance could limit the opportunity, especially since his youngest son was still in high school. So I enjoyed my time with Gram and doing my own thing. She was the best companion because she did what I wanted to do and didn’t complain 🙂

As the weather got chillier and fall came upon us, things started to change. Jeff asked me to a few family functions and football games as our relationship started becoming more serious. Gram told my friends and family that she better not say how much she liked Jeff or I would stop dating him. Therefore, she kept it a secret for a while. But every now and again, when I was in the bathroom with Gram, she would let it slip and say, “I like Jeff. Do you like Jeff?” And of course, I liked Jeff but we still lived in different states, and I wasn’t sure where life would lead or what Life Changes would occur.

My sister finished chemo and was feeling pretty good. She was working on gaining muscle and getting her strength back. The kids were getting older and more involved in gymnastics and tee-ball. We all loved watching them play. We were all hopeful. We were looking forward to Christmas and spending more family time together. My sister was so positive and determined. Even as she was battling cancer and going through surgeries, radiation, and chemo, she kept a positive outlook. She laughed, she smiled. She enjoyed all the little things. Little did we know that upcoming Christmas would be her last and more life changes would be upon us.

In Fitness and Nutrition

My First Dream Team

May 12, 2021 No Comments

If you are from Northwest Pennsylvania then you have probably heard of or participated in the Dream Team contest put on by Bill Lawrence’s Personal Fitness. Bill runs the contest every year starting in January and it runs for 16 weeks. The goal is to make a commitment to learning how to eat healthily and stick to a fitness regimen, then maintain that lifestyle after the contest is over.

The team that loses the most weight and body fat is the winner, and I believe they receive a free membership to the gym for the rest of the year (But I don’t know for sure). There are other prizes given for different accomplishments like moving into a leaner category than where you started or the biggest transformation. It’s always fun to win a prize, but the best part of the contest is creating a team, getting to know each other, pushing each other towards your goals, and then going to the Dream Team banquet. Everyone gets dressed up, and it’s time to Par-tay! It’s unbelievable the transformations that occur during these four months of nutrition and exercise discipline. It’s a great celebration of accomplishments, and it really is so much fun. It’s kind of like Prom for adults 🙂

I learned a lot during my first Dream Team. My team came in 7th place. We worked really hard by eating right and supporting each other. I didn’t know my teammates that well when we started the contest, but we are friends to this day. We got to know each other over the four months and helped each other when we were struggling. I started to feel more comfortable in the gym. I was getting to know more people and starting to feel like I belonged. I can’t thank them enough for asking me to be on their team.

I also learned how awesome the workout community is. The members of this gym are amazing. One, they believe in each other and want everyone to succeed. They cheer each other on and lift each other up. Two, everyone learns the nutrition program and shares meals they enjoy. They want everyone to like what they are eating while maintaining nutrition. Three, many of the women here are badasses. I have been to a few gyms over the years, and these women are truly like no other. They push themselves and each other to the limit. I learned to do things I never in a million years thought I would be able to do like a backflip. And the women are happy for and actually support each other. I never would have been able to lose weight if it wasn’t for the encouragement of my teammates and the athletes at this gym. Everyone is supportive. I hope that you can find a gym like this near your home town.

It definitely takes time to learn the nutrition program (that Bill teaches). If you have been following me, we try to eat a lean protein, the right carb, and a healthy fat at each meal. I am still learning what works and what doesn’t but during my first dream team, I lost weight and body fat and transformed my body. I went from 129.9 pounds and 19.6% body fat to 119 pounds and 15.8% body fat. Although I am not as strict as I once was, I have learned to enjoy what I eat and substitute healthier options for those not-so-great options I used to love. Check out Sub This for That for more suggestions.

In the end, fad diets don’t usually work. You may lose a lot of weight in the beginning but then when you start eating normal foods again or become less strict, you gain all of the weight back. Although you may bounce a little up and down with this program, the bounces are not extreme if you stick with it 85-95% of the time. My suggestion is to find an activity that you love to get your body moving. Find a gym that is supportive and encouraging. Yoga, pilates, CrossFit, and weight lifting are just a few examples. Then start slowly. Give up soda or other heavy calorie drinks. Give up fried food for a week. Eat at home more often than you eat out. Eventually, you will realize you don’t miss the fast-food cheeseburgers because you worked really hard and you like the way you look and feel.

In Family

Church

April 20, 2021 2 Comments

I was raised Catholic. I went to Sunday School and CCD until I was confirmed in the 11^th grade. I continued going to church with my family on Saturday nights and even on weekends through most of my college days.

Being Catholic was part of me. My grandparents were in the choir and very involved in the church. They sang for many weddings, holidays, and funerals. My parents were of the belief system that if we missed church and something “bad” happened it was because we missed church. I believed that for a while as well.

The most significant thing I learned about being Catholic was the Golden Rule, “Do Unto Others as You Would Have them Do Unto You.” I feel this is a very important rule to remember throughout life. Putting yourself in other people’s shoes is one way to feel compassion for others. Treat a situation like you would want to be treated if that person was you.

Once I moved to Richmond I didn’t go as often as I should. When I was in church, I was thinking of 100 different things I had to do or places I wanted to be. Church didn’t hold my attention. Plus, it was the same thing over and over. I could pretty much repeat it in my sleep 🙂

There was one small Catholic church in Richmond that I did enjoy. It seemed to be more like a Southern Baptist church because people were loud and happy and cheerful. The choir was amazing and the songs were upbeat. It was very different than the traditional Catholic Churches I had been to. Because there was a shortage of priests, Sister Cora did the service, which I thought was amazing as well. I actually enjoyed going to church and felt fulfilled.

A few years later, I was kind of lost. I wasn’t going to church. I had been through a divorce. I was a 31-year-old woman but acting like a 21-year-old with no cares in the world. A few people mentioned a church to me that they really enjoyed, but I never went. It was non-denominational, and I just wasn’t really sure. Until one morning, I woke up, late, hungover, and discovered my wallet was missing.

I decided it was time for a change. I decided to try this new church that everyone was raving about. I went to Commonwealth Chapel the next week and fell in love. Everyone was so nice. I felt welcomed, the music was incredible, and they served coffee! I left church feeling really good. I listened to Pastor Brandon’s message and the words of the music without thinking of where I needed to be the rest of the day. It ended up being really emotional for me, which again, was very different than the traditional Catholic Church.

After a few weeks, I was asked to join a Bible study group. I had never been to one, and even though I had gone to church my whole life, I didn’t know much about the Bible. But because I am a Yes, Woman, I said yes. The group was great. It was a wonderful mix of young adults. We talked about the sermon that week or a chapter in the Bible. Then we would just chat about life, socialize, and pray for each other. Throughout the week, we would check up on each other and sometimes do things after church or on another day of the week. I felt really happy and excited to be a part of such a wonderful, kind group of people. At that time, my Dad was fighting cancer and was nearing the end. We prayed for him as a group, and I thought for sure a miracle would happen because of the strong beliefs of this group of people, but in the end, we lost him.

After a few years, people started leaving the church. All of my friends were going in different directions. I tried a few other churches but nothing felt right. Then it was 2015, and I was off to Thailand.

Once I returned and started living with Gram in my hometown, we went to church for a while but then they changed the time, and it was too early for Gram. I went with friends to a few more churches around my hometown but again nothing felt right. My husband and I have tried a few different churches over the years as well but we haven’t found one that we have loved. We don’t believe in going to church just to go. We want to feel fulfilled, blessed, and happy after attending a service. And we know it can be that way so we will keep searching.

As you know, I have been feeling Lost Without Gram. I don’t know what my purpose is. I don’t know what is next. I am not sure who I am anymore or why I am here. I have turned to traveling and being comfortably numb. I have tried to not think about anything.

Until this past weekend, when I was home. Alone. It was the first time since Gram passed. As soon as I dropped my husband off at the airport, I was in tears. I don’t know why. I guess I just needed a good cry. I had such a mix of feelings. I felt guilty for putting Gram in the home. I felt sad for not taking her out when she broke her hip. I felt joy that she lived such a long, wonderful life. I felt happy that so many people got to meet and know her. I felt envious that she lived such a long and beautiful life. I felt relief that she was no longer in pain. I felt blessed that I was able to spend five wonderful years with her. And I felt lost because I wanted her here. I want to see her sweet face and hear her cute laugh.

The next day, I was home alone and listening to music. Two songs came on that reminded me of church, “Watch Over You” and “One Thing Remains.” You may not be into Christian music but please take a quick listen to these two songs. I feel they are really powerful, no matter what you believe, and I think you can relate to it as a parent or a child as well.

I thought maybe I should go back to church. It seemed to help before. I turned to Ecosia (similar to Google but they plant trees for each search!). I found the First Assembly of God Church. Something different from my Catholic upbringing but after perusing the website I was intrigued. I went to the Women’s Ministries page and listened to a video called “Help for Hurting Women: Identity Crisis”. It really hit home. These two prayers really helped me. Again, I apologize if the church thing isn’t for you, but I feel like they are pretty powerful words. I intend to repeat them when I am feeling down. I hope they help you, too.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need you. I need you to guide my life. I need you to save me. Please forgive me for every way that I have not honored you with my life. Jesus, come into my heart and make me to be the woman that you designed for me to be. Jesus, change in me whatever needs to be changed. And I will trust you all the days of my life with all of my heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

-Linda Dorcey

I am an awesome spirit being of magnificent worth as a person. I am deeply loved by God. I am fully pleasing to God. I am totally accepted by God. I am absolutely complete in Christ. And when my person is expressed through my performance, the reflection is dynamically unique. There has never been another like me in the history of mankind nor will there ever be. I am an original. One of a kind. Really somebody. And so are you.

-Linda Dorcey’s Pastor friend

So in the end, I believe there is something greater than us, and I need to believe that one day I will get to see all of my lost loved ones again. I honestly can’t wait for the reunion. I don’t know what my purpose on Earth is, at this time, but I have faith that God needs me here for some reason and a plan will be revealed eventually. For some reason Gram’s purpose on this Earth was complete, and she was needed in Heaven. One day we will know. Until then, don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be afraid to go to a new church or try a new activity. Life is too short. Get out there, be brave, be strong, and LIVE!

In Adventures with Gram

Lost Without Gram

April 6, 2021 2 Comments

Honestly, I know it should be somewhat of a relief. I should be excited to have no responsibility, but I feel lost without Gram. She has always been a huge part of my life. It all started the day I was born. My Dad was not able to be there because he was in the Army and deployed to Korea. Therefore, Gram was the one with my mom at the hospital, and she was the one who carried me home. Gram was a constant in my life. She lived three blocks away, she was at most of my athletic events, and she was there for all the important dates like Prom and Homecoming.

My Grandparents supported my move to California when I felt I needed to get out of my small town. They came all the way out to visit me with our foreign exchange student Marja. Gramps was so excited to go to Dodger Stadium for a baseball game and Dodger Dog. I showed them around Los Angeles, Palm Springs, and San Bernandino.

Once I moved to Richmond, my grandparents again made many trips up and down the interstate to visit. We saw each other for holidays, birthdays, and random times in between. When I decided to quit my job and move to Thailand, Gram was sad to see me leave but was one of my biggest supporters.

Even though she was my grandmother and had been a part of my life since I was born, these past five years were different. Our relationship became so much more. At first, when she was more independent, she was my partner in crime. We did everything together. It was nice to have someone to keep me company. We went shopping, we traveled up and down the East Coast, and of course, we drove to the nearest ice cream shop. We weren’t in a hurry and we weren’t trying to meet deadlines or set any records. We just went where we wanted to go when we wanted to go. Gram rarely complained. She was always up for a ride in the car. She loved my little convertible EOS. And I usually loved her by my side except when she would say some embarrassingly loud comment about the “geezer” getting gas at the pump next to us in his fancy convertible. Oh, gram.

After a while, she became a little more dependent on me, and then it seemed she became more like the child I never had. I got to know her really well. I knew what she liked to eat, what she was about to say, when she had to go to the bathroom, and what color she wanted on her nails. I imagine this is what having a three-year-old is like 🙂 But I loved having this little lady by my side. She smiled, she laughed, and she just went with the flow. She never had a whole lot to say but every now and again that little lady would make me laugh so hard. Some of my fondest memories and best pieces of advice came In the Bathroom with Gram. Because my grandmother knew me almost as well as I knew her, she would tell my mom and my friends that we can’t tell Stacy how much we like Jeff or she won’t like him. She was his biggest fan and of course, I became his biggest fan, too.

So six weeks after her passing, here I am, lost without Gram. I miss her advice. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss my sidekick.

For five years, I worked odd jobs even though my biggest job was caring for Gram. I just felt like I needed to do something. I needed to have a “job”. I don’t know why I felt defined by my “job” but for some reason, it has always mattered to me. It’s the first question people ask when you meet them. I realized how lost without Gram I was at our last ski week. We met new friends on the mountain and everyone had a job. Some were in real estate, some in film and of course, most of mine were pilots. Then someone asked me, “What do you do?”. Hmmm, what was I going to say? I wasn’t an educator anymore, I wasn’t a caregiver anymore, I wasn’t a realtor anymore. Who was I? I felt like I didn’t have an identity. I was just a pilot’s wife being a ski bum on a beautiful mountain.

I know I am a strong, independent woman with the most amazing husband. I know I am an aunt and I love those little ones so much. I know I am a travel junkie and can’t wait for more amazing adventures. But what do I say? What do I do now? I guess it’s ok to take the time to figure that out, but it’s hard, and it honestly has me a little lost without Gram. One wonderful friend of mine suggested I say something like “After five years of caregiving, I am taking some time to enjoy my husband and my marriage while I figure out my next adventure.” And that is amazing advice but it’s so hard to be patient and to not feel a little lost.

I know I am on a new journey and right now even though I am lost without Gram, I do believe something exciting and meaningful will come my way. I will never forget my time with Gram or the memories I made with her. She left me on this Earth a better person than I was five years ago and for that, I will forever be grateful. I am excited to see what this next chapter of my life will bring and maybe my husband and I won’t feel so lost without Gram. Maybe we will be led by Gram to new adventures, new memories together, and new times to cherish. I am surrounded by one amazing, loving, supportive husband and several wonderful friends and family members. Whatever will be is meant to be, and I have to have faith that all my angels above will lead us in the right direction.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram, our Matriarch

March 9, 2021 No Comments

Over the past weekend, we laid Gram, our Matriarch, to rest next to her husband, at a cemetery bordering the campus of the old Alliance College. My grandparents had a profound impact on many of the students at the college as well as many others in the community. This is a tribute from one of my grandpa’s former players.

Mrs. Haluch, our Matriarch.

I had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Haluch over 60 years ago.

In 1957 to be exact…when I was a scared, skinny teenager…with only one suitcase in hand…arriving in Cambridge Springs as a Freshman at Alliance College. She was the first person to make me feel at home. She had two kids of her own, as Stanley and Tusha were young children at the time…yet still had time for me.

I’ve been blessed with over six decades of memories filled with that smile, that giggle…and her voice saying “Bobby, you don’t mind that I still call you Bobby?” I would say without hesitation, “NO Mrs. Haluch…I love that you call me Bobby.”

Many of us associate all of our Cambridge Springs memories with Coach Haluch…but if you really think about it…many of those are linked directly to…Mrs. Haluch. A quiet, gentle, and incredibly strong woman. A leader in her family…her church…and her community.

Remembering those wonderful days playing basketball and baseball for Coach…well…who do you think washed all of those uniforms for so many years? Mrs. Haluch.

All of the Alliance Reunions over the years…there she was making us all feel welcome… making over 500 perogies…yes 500, so when we stopped by over during the weekend, we’d all have something to eat. Always the consummate hostess.

When we would visit on a weekend, we’d go to church before heading back home. You could hear a beautiful voice coming from the choir loft. That’s Mrs. Haluch.

As the years went on…the mentorship continued with Coach and Mrs. Haluch…and a beautiful deeper friendship grew with our family.

Enjoying a Pirate Games at PNC Park…a couple of years ago…the usher giving her a game ball because he couldn’t resist that smile and twinkle in her eye.

Sitting watching a football game at their house…when Mrs. Haluch would blurt out a player’s name, position…and something interesting about them.

Such wonderful sunny days on Ft. Myers Beach. I would sit and talk with Coach and Mrs. Haluch would stroll the beach picking up shells with my wife and daughter. Then we would spend hours laughing…and eating… as we looked out over the Gulf of Mexico. Those are some of my most cherished memories.

At Coach’s 90th Birthday…who do you think stole the show? Mrs. Haluch…dancing with the toy soldier…she looked just like Cinderella.

In more recent years we were blessed to get to know Stacy…she has been an angel to Mrs. Haluch. The two of them…two peas in a pod. Their endless adventures are epic, but what was so special to me…was Stacy’s selfless and tireless dedication to her Gram. That is something that is so rare in today’s society. Stacy…that gift of time with you were given with your Gram…and Matriarch…will remain in your heart forever.

We would try to give Stacy a little break and take Mrs. Haluch on day trips to Waterford and Erie. Our lunches were filled with good food from Carini’s…but of course, it was all about the pie for Mrs. Haluch…the car rides were equally special…when she would tell tales of countless good times her and Coach had over the years.

Our destination was always the Casino, where she would sit at her penny machine having a high old time flanked by my wife and daughter. The best experience…was when she hit the jackpot and thought she broke the machine. We still laugh at the moment when the bells and lights started flashing and ringing and she turned to me and said… “Bobby I think I broke the machine.”

For such a tiny statured woman…she was a Giant…a giant to all of us. Making a Big impact in each of our lives.

Mrs. Haluch was…

The Matriarch of her beloved family – to her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

The Matriarch of Alliance College

The Matriarch of Cambridge Springs

I imagine and smile thinking about…Mrs. Haluch and Coach enjoying endless polkas and perogies…in Heaven…

I love you Mrs. Haluch. Thank you for being a Matriarch in my family too.

Love,

Bobby F.

In Adventures with Gram

Losing Gram

March 2, 2021 No Comments

Last Wednesday we got the call that we had been anticipating, but never wanted to answer. Gram was unresponsive at 4:40 that morning. We had just made arrangements to bring her back to our home. She hadn’t been eating, drinking, or really talking for about a week. On Tuesday, we had decided to bring her home in Hospice care to live out her final days by the pool, her favorite spot. As you read in Missing Gram, we put her into Senior Living in November 2020.

The hospital bed was in place waiting for her, but I guess she didn’t want to be a burden. She always said that to us, which of course we never thought she was. I guess she didn’t want to put us through having to watch her go. When we left Tuesday, I hugged her so tight. I told her we were bringing her home. I told her she could come to sit by the pool and sleep with Kuma, her favorite feline. But I guess she wanted it another way.

It hurts my heart so much that she is gone. I knew the day would come, but over the past few years, she has defied death so many times that we thought she would live forever! This woman…so strong, so mighty, so inspiring. She is in heaven now dancing the polka with her hubby (and possibly giving him a piece of her mind ) It won’t be the same. We are sad about our loss, but we are excited for her reunion with her husband, son, son-in-law, and granddaughter. Gram, please tell them we love and miss them.

I am grateful that the road I took led me to caregiving for Gram. It led me to my husband, wonderful friends, and amazing adventures. I will never regret one moment with her. She told me once I was like the sister she never had, and she was my best friend, always there to listen (whether she wanted to or not).

Although she is gone and I won’t have any new adventures with her, I plan on continuing to write about our past outings. Even though she isn’t on this earth anymore she will forever be in my heart inspiring me and pushing me to do the right thing and live life to the fullest.

Viewing and the funeral will be in Pennsylvania on March 5 and 6. Click here for details. We will also do a celebration of life in Fort Myers, Florida in April.

In Adventures with Gram

Missing Gram

February 16, 2021 7 Comments

It’s been about three months since we decided to put Gram into Senior Living. We tried to get extra help for her in our home but the lady quit after four days 🙁 She said it was too hard physically. Hmm…not sure that walking a few steps from the bedroom to the kitchen to the pool at a snail’s pace is all that tough but….whatever… it didn’t work out. So here I am three months later missing Gram.

After lots of discussions, pros, cons, tears and a few falls we determined that senior living was the best place for Gram. Jeff and I loved taking care of Gram, and we loved having her in our home. I definitely got more frustrated at times than he did but he also got more breaks from Gram than I did. Needless to say, after caring for Gram for just about five years, I was burned out and exhausted. I couldn’t keep an eye on her every minute she was awake, and I felt like I wasn’t being a good caregiver or granddaughter. We couldn’t go to the store without taking her or getting someone to stay with her. She fell a few times over the past year and even once when I was right across the pool. We didn’t want to take the chance that she would fall, get hurt, or break her hip again.

We found a wonderful facility and together with my mom, we wrote Gram a note about why we felt she would be safer there. She read, smiled, and agreed. The next day she hopped right out of bed, ate breakfast, asked my mom if we would be ok without her money, and asked questions about her new “apartment”. We were in shock. I took her to get her nails and hair done, and we took her to her new place. When it was time for us to leave she was sitting with some ladies, drinking a milkshake, and smiling a big smile. It made my heart happy even though I knew I would be missing Gram.

We were sad that she didn’t seem to care that we were leaving, but we had hope in our hearts that she would adjust well and possibly fall in love with her new home and her new friends. The house felt differently without her, and we kept looking over our shoulders to see what she was doing. We were definitely missing Gram.

Three months later, she has adjusted pretty well, but she still asks to come home. She still asks where she is. Because of her dementia, she doesn’t realize this is her new permanent place. She still has hope that she is coming home. The beautiful thing about putting her in a facility in Fort Myers is that we can visit as often as we want. We can take her out to lunch if we want as well. We also were so blessed to be able to take her to Virginia for Christmas. Although she was very confused about where we were going the first day, she enjoyed being with the family for the holidays. She also enjoyed helping us make pierogies. It broke my heart to put her back in at the end of our trip but the next day she seemed ok.

Things seemed to be heading in a positive direction. She was walking better than she did in our home so we were very happy about that. She seemed to be maintaining her weight. She was socializing with the other ladies more often. I took her out for lunch once and out for ice cream another time. I was trying to show her that she could come and go. We started talking about places we could take her and getting excited about having more adventures with Gram, especially since she was soon going to be vaccinated against the Covid virus.

Then it happened. Last Wednesday, she got her second Covid vaccine shot. Personally, I think Gram is so strong that she would have fought off the Covid without it, but you never know. Well, that evening, she tried to stand up, got dizzy, and lost her balance. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the vaccine or not. But she fell, hit her head on a side table, tore her skin on her elbow, and landed on her right hip (the hip she broke in 2016). Thankfully, we were in town, and I was able to meet her at the Emergency Room. She was so scared and in so much pain. The emergency room nurses were wonderful. They got her head cleaned up and thankfully she didn’t need any stitches. They did the x-rays and yep, her right femur is broken again. Because she already had a replacement, the doctor said there was nothing they could do. He recommended lots of pain meds and to keep her moving as much as she can tolerate.

So here we are six days later, and I am missing Gram. I am missing the Gram I had who made me laugh, who made me a better person, who told me to take care of my husband, who in her nineties had so many adventures, and who was so cute you couldn’t stand it. I am missing Gram because right now she can’t walk (although she is able to sit in her wheelchair relatively comfortably). I am missing Gram because she isn’t talking to me, and she can’t move her right hand. I am missing Gram because she is not eating and not taking her medications consistently. She has been such an inspiration and positive influence on me. She has shown me how to be strong. How to love wholeheartedly. How to laugh. How to enjoy life. How to support your family. How to keep traditions alive. I am not sure what the next few weeks will bring for us. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. If you are in the Fort Myers area and would like to visit Gram or if you would like to send her a card, contact me for the information.

In Pilot's Wife

New Girl? Part 2

February 9, 2021 No Comments

I missed the new girl the first two days she was at the gym. But that’s how fate works. We met on a Saturday, but for me, it started the night prior.

I had just broken up with a girlfriend, and my friend, Eleina was navigating through Match.com. We would go out for “wing therapy” which consisted of wings, beer, and honest talk of what men and women are really thinking. So after a Friday night of wings and beer, we decided to go to Saturday Bootcamp.

Bootcamp was at 10 am, which was perfect after a night of drinking. A little late for Stacy as she had been going to 5 am CrossFit, and I usually went to the 8 am class. I met E upon arrival, and we chatted briefly before the group warm-up started. This is where I first noticed the “new girl”. We were instructed to the wall and started with leg swings. She somehow managed to get between myself and E even though we were talking during the warm-up. CrossFit is a group class and the “community” we have prompted us to part a bit to allow her a space along the wall. As we exited from the wall to continue the warm-up, Eleina was still talking as my eyes moved towards this “new girl”. I gave E a “shhh” with a finger held in front of my lips and pointed to her with my other hand. Yes, I noticed something beautiful and intriguing that morning.

E and I partnered for the 30+ minute Bootcamp workout. While these were usually long grinders, I stayed focused on the workout. It was easily recognizable that this “new girl” was quite athletic and had an amazing work ethic in the gym. Definitely not her first workout.

After the workout, the group gathered on the floor for a post-workout stretch. Eleina and I sat beside this new girl and chatted about the work that we had just accomplished. Stacy was her name, and she was down from PA enjoying the Florida sunshine and helping her gram recover from a broken hip. Her grandparents had a condo here and this was the first time that gram had been here since her husband had passed away.

We continued to chat and I offered suggestions of things to do in Ft. Myers. Little did I know that Stacy and her family had been coming to Ft. Myers for about 15 years. But I continued rambling on thinking this was her first time here. Stacy mentioned that she had friends coming in that night and was looking forward to seeing old friends from high school. I then mentioned that I was going to the beach the next day, and I asked Stacy if she would like to join me. “How are you going to take her to the beach if you don’t have her number?”, Eleina chimed in. Stacy and I kinda stared at each other, smiled, and then we exchanged numbers.

By now it was after 11 am and Stacy was concerned about gram being home alone. We all parted ways for the day. A few hours later Stacy texted. I forget what exactly she said, but it led to our first date the next day at the beach. I promptly texted E and said, “she texted!” I am not sure who was more excited to go to the beach the next day as I had not been there in a while. And yes, that “plan” to go to the beach was only in effect if I had Stacy with me. I certainly wasn’t planning to go without her. That was just part of my “pick up line”. And that is how I met the new girl.

Guest Post was Written by Jeff F.

Jeff is Stacy’s (the new girl’s) husband and partner in crime. Jeff is an avid crossfitter, pilot, boater, amazing husband, brother, and father. Jeff has been in the Fort Myers area for over 20 years. He enjoys being a snowbird and spending the summers up north in Gram’s house in PA.