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Sweet Gram

February 22, 2022 3 Comments

Can you believe Sweet Gram has been gone almost one year?? On one hand, it feels like it just happened. On the other, it feels like she’s been gone so long. People say time heals all wounds, and maybe that is true but losing Gram has been a real struggle for me.

It’s true our family has been through a lot of loss this past decade. It’s hard to believe that we lost my sister four years ago May 7th, my Dad 10 years ago May 23rd, my Gramps six years ago on February 4th, and my sweet Gram one year ago on February 24th.

All of these losses have taken a toll on my heart. Sometimes out of the blue something happens and it just hits me hard as a rock. A song that my sister and I used to listen to will come on the radio or my dad’s cologne will drift by me in the store. It’s amazing how hard something so little can hit you so hard.

This past year has been very difficult for me. I am not sure why the loss of Gram has hit me so hard but it has, and I still struggle. Maybe because I feel guilty about putting her into the senior living home for her final 3 months. Maybe because I took care of her for five years. Maybe because she was almost like a child to me and also at times my best friend. Maybe because she was a part of my life for 45 years. I miss her little laugh and her loving smile. I miss her advice, her thoughts, and her funny sayings. She was my partner-in-crime. I miss going to get ice cream with her. I am not sure there is anyone else in the world who loved ice cream as much as she did.

The littlest things made sweet Gram so happy. She never complained. And she rarely said a bad word about anyone. She had the most inspiring outlook on life. And that positive, optimistic little lady is what I miss so much. I am not sure there will ever be another one like her.

I guess that is why this past year has been so hard. That little lady carried me home from the hospital when I was born. That little lady was by my side almost every day for the last five years of her life. That little lady was there for every holiday and supported me at all of my sporting events in high school and college. That little lady was my idol. I can only strive to be half as good as my little lady was. I love and miss you sweet Gram.

In Adventures with Gram

Christmas Without Gram

December 28, 2021 No Comments

2021. Our first Christmas without Gram, our matriarch, our Babcia, our sweet little lady. In her younger days, she was the baker. She made everything from spaghetti sauce, to pumpkin rolls, to vanilla cream pie, to pierogis. She was the last to sit down and the first to get back up and make sure everyone had what they needed.

Christmas without Gram was different. Even though we continued on with many of Gram’s traditions, we missed her smiling face at the end of the table. We missed telling her to sit down and eat. We missed her telling us to put more filling in the pierogis. We missed taking pictures with her in front of the tree. We missed everything about her.

We tried to be present this Christmas without Gram, and we tried to honor and cherish her. We talked about her as we rolled the pierogi dough and decided what to fill it with. We talked about her as we shopped, knowing she would have loved the HUGE Christmas tree at the mall. We asked her to watch over us as we did our traditional “happy thought” on Christmas Eve.

Gram had such an impact on all of those who were lucky enough to have met her. The students from Alliance College still send cards and letters. They share stories with us of both my grandparents. The friends we have from Pennsylvania talk about how much they miss Gram. Friends from Florida talk about how much they enjoyed meeting her and loved seeing her on the boat so many times.

Even though we had Christmas without Gram, I realized how much she is there in all that we do. I realized how much of an impact she had and continues to have on my niece and nephew. Gram’s heart was huge, and I see her light shining through those little ones every day. They smile, they giggle, they laugh. They love making pierogis and baking cookies. This Christmas, we made gingerbread cookies, and they had a blast cutting out the shapes and decorating them. Gram would have loved it. I see Gram’s spirit, as well as my sister’s, shining through in them.

My goal is to keep Gram’s spirit alive by passing down our Polish traditions. I want to show the kids Christmas is not about the presents but about being present in the moment and enjoying each other’s company. It is about Jesus, his birthday, and all that he gave up for us. It is about the Polish tradition of Wigilia. It is about Christmas Eve Mass. It is about waiting all week to open your presents. It is about making pierogis and cookies. It is about spending quality time together with those that you love. It is about driving around and looking at the beautiful and “tacky” Christmas lights.

Although we have several old traditions, we also have new traditions that we are passing on to the kids. They get a gift from their mom every Christmas. My mom has continued her parents’ tradition of getting Lladro for the grandchildren. Gram and Gramps got them for us for 15 years. My mom has started that tradition for her little ones. Jeff and I started the tradition last year of the Christmas snowmen. Jeff built them a cardboard snowman and the kids get presents for each part of the snowman. We try to get them an activity, some clothes, and a toy or game.

In the end, Christmas without Gram was still beautiful and wonderful. We enjoyed the time with the family and the kids. We loved making the pierogis and the mess in the kitchen with our holiday baking. We loved having a family game night. Even though Gram wasn’t with us on Earth we know she was with us in spirit.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram’s House

August 31, 2021 4 Comments

As most of you know, I started taking care of Gram in 2016. Then she passed away on February 24, 2021, and life hasn’t been the same without her. Also, as most of you know, I met my husband, Jeff, along the way and became a snowbird. The three of us have been spending winters in Florida and summers at Gram’s House in Pennsylvania.

Over the past five years, we have done several updates to Gram’s House. When I first moved back in 2016, my mom reminded me that Grandma and Grandpa built their house in 1967. It’s a three-bedroom, two-bathroom ranch with a one-car garage. I have always loved Gram’s House and I love it, even more, knowing that they built it just the way they wanted it.

Once I moved in I thought some updates were definitely needed. The rug in Gram’s House was so old. I don’t know if I remembered it being any other color but blue. I told mom we should get a new carpet, and she said there were hardwood floors underneath. Not sure why my grandparents covered them up but I, along with my cousin, Pat, decided to uncover them! And wow, are they beautiful!

Over the past five years, we have done quite a few updates. The floors are all new, we updated the little bathroom, got a new roof, and finally took the wallpaper off the kitchen walls. We added a little backsplash and made it a little homier and less 1980’s. Gram enjoyed the changes although, at one point, I mentioned painting the kitchen cabinets gray and white, and she was not having it. Other than that, she was happy and she always said, this is your house. You and Jeff.

When she passed away we weren’t sure what to do with the house. The housing market in our area was booming, and the house was worth more than we could have ever imagined it would be worth. Even at her funeral, we had a few people interested in Gram’s House. One of our local churches wanted it for a pastoral home. My mom, Jeff, and I were excited about this offer. We knew if the family wasn’t going to be in the house that Gram and Gramps built then perhaps Gram and Gramps would want the church to have it. The church would maintain it and do all the upkeep on the place. Our biggest fear was that someone would move in and not appreciate Gram’s House. We believed the church would take care of it and it would continue to be a part of the community that meant so much to my grandparents.

Well, that deal didn’t happen, and we were at a loss. My mom recently moved to Virginia to be close with her grandchildren so she didn’t need another house. We didn’t need another house. We made the decision that we would clean out Gram’s House this summer and put a For Sale sign in the yard.

But then it happened. I drove across the back roads and down the hill and pulled into the driveway. I loved this house. Could I let it go? Did I want to let it go? Jeff and I loved coming to Pennsylvania for the summers. Where would we stay? My mom was coming up in a few days for my grandpa’s memorial golf tournament. We were going to clean things out and get Gram’s House ready to sell. But as we went through things it became more and more clear. I wasn’t ready.

After a few days of cleaning and reminiscing, I talked to my mom. I couldn’t let it go. Would she sell it to us? Would she want to keep it in the family? And much to my relief…she said Yes! I didn’t know if I was just being emotional or not. But I talked to my therapist (because I have one and believe everyone should talk to someone because mental health is just as important as physical health) and she said to consider the 4 Rs. Is the decision Reasonable, Rational, Realistic and what will you Regret less? So, in the end, I talked to my husband. Were we being emotional? Was it reasonable and rational? What would we regret less? Together, we decided we wanted to buy Gram’s House.

We love Gram’s house, the layout, the location, and the memories. We couldn’t let it go. My husband, mother, and I came up with a plan and everything was super easy. We went to First Choice Settlements and the closing took about 10 minutes. I am so proud and excited to say that the first BIG purchase Jeff and I made together was to buy Gram’s House. And even though it’s ours now, and we will probably make more changes, I don’t know if I will ever call it anything other than Gram’s House. And I hope that anyone who comes to our house feels the love, presence, and generosity that was instilled in Gram’s house by my grandparents.

In Adventures with Gram

Kuma

August 24, 2021 No Comments

Kuma is our cat. She’s just a regular old tabby cat but she looks like a main coon. Nine years ago, a friend asked if I wanted her. I had been debating on getting a cat. I wanted a pet but I enjoyed being single and having no responsibility as well. I thought maybe a cat would be easy enough. My friend had two young boys who were tormenting Kuma by chasing her around and pulling her tail. She was going to have to get rid of Kuma because she felt it was best. I decided to take a chance on her so Kuma came to live with me.

Kuma was seven years old when I got her. She was so afraid of everything. The first week I didn’t see her. I actually thought she somehow escaped, and I lost her. Another friend and her pup came over, and we finally found her behind the washing machine.

After that Kuma became a little friendlier to me, but any time she heard any other voice in the house she would run and hide under the bed. Eventually, she learned that people were going to be in and out of the house so she needed to be more social. After a few years, she would still retreat to the bedroom but she would be on top of the bed.

Kuma was afraid of children and even scratched my niece twice. I got her declawed after that. My mom reluctantly took her when I went off to Thailand but as soon as I returned to the USA she gave her right back. I took her to Gram’s house. Eventually, Gram and Kuma became best of friends although Kuma bit Gram once and gave her cat scratch fever. She is a very finicky cat. But eventually, they would nap together during the day in Gram’s chair, by the pool, or on the couch. They both loved laying in the sun and being lazy.

Kuma would sleep with Gram during the day but then sleep with me at night. That was until my husband came into the picture. He was not having animals in the bed. I agreed. I believe the bedroom is for sleeping and intimacy. We don’t have a TV in our room either to cause distractions. So, Kuma eventually learned the ways of Jeff, and she would sleep with Gram when he was around and sleep with me when he went on a trip.

When Gram passed, Kuma was so confused. She didn’t know where to go at night when Jeff was home. She would sit right outside our bedroom door and meow in the middle of the night. This went on for weeks. Eventually, we decided to let Kuma in the bed but she had to sleep on a little blanket at the bottom of the bed. She does pretty well staying on her blanket, and I think she is just happy to be next to warm bodies. She purrs a lot which ends up waking up my husband, which is crazy that he can hear that purr but is nearly deaf half the other times.

In the end, even though Kuma is not the friendliest cat, she does love us, and we love her. It’s amazing how these little creatures become such a big part of your family. She follows us around and seems like she has so much she wants to say. If only we could understand her.

In Family

Gramps

August 17, 2021 No Comments

I thought I would take a moment to celebrate my grandfather. We called him “Gramps”. So much of this blog has been about Gram and my adventures with her over the past five years that I feel bad that you haven’t gotten to know my Grandpa. He was the talker. He was the one with the huge personality. He was the generous and giving one. Gram and he were married just two weeks shy of 66 years! What a marriage and what a legacy they left on this world. Besides having two children, three grandchildren, and five great children, they left behind 30 years of college students who think of them as family.

Gramps was a member of the United States Navy for four years. My grandmother talked often of him being stationed in the Aleutian Islands and every time my husband would go to Alaska for work she would say that Grandpa was stationed there and asked if that’s where Jeff was going. Jeff does not go to the islands but maybe someday we can go. Gram said Gramps said it was beautiful, and she always wanted to go. Jeff often goes to Anchorage for work, but I have not had the chance to go yet. Hoping my day will come very soon.

Gramps was the social butterfly. Although they both knew all the college kids and took them in when they couldn’t go home for the holidays, he was the one who invited them over. Gram was the one who cooked and got the house ready. He was loud, and he was big compared to tiny, quiet Gram. He had a big old belly and always ate everyone’s leftovers. He always told the story of how they went to Eddie’s Footlongs one night. Usually, his children wouldn’t eat their whole dinner, and they would waste food and throw it away. So one night he decided not to order anything. And wouldn’t you know it, the kids ate every last bite!! Poor Gramps was left with nothing and clearly, he was upset about it because he told that story for years!

Gramps was the basketball coach at Alliance College for over 30 years. The athletes and other students at the college and in our town respected him and admired him. He demanded a lot of his players but many of them now say they would have not made it through college without my grandparents. They would have quit, given up, or flunked out. The pressure and support of my grandparents helped pull them through and now they are successful and many of them say they owe it all to my grandparents.

I loved having him as a Grandpa. We could go to the gym any time we wanted because he had the key. I loved it, but I loved being in the gym. It was so fun. We would play basketball, racquetball, jump on the trampoline, or work out in the weight room. As I got older, I would open the gym for my friends around town. Many of the local guys wanted to play basketball. My grandpa would let them in but only if they let me play with them. He always stressed the importance of free throws. I realized how important they were as I played with the guys from the town. I knew I had to make my free throws to be one of the first 10 players on the court. Then we had to win to keep playing. I feel like playing with the boys really helped me become a better player.

I remember Gramps wearing one of those plastic suits and running laps around the basketball court as we messed around in the gym. He was always trying to lose weight by doing activities but didn’t try too hard when it came to his diet. He loved his food. I tried several times to get him to try different nutrition plans to help him lose weight and help control his diabetes but nothing seemed to stick. He loved food way too much, and I didn’t know at that point how to explain that he needed to use food as fuel. The nutrition lifestyle that my husband and I follow now would have been very beneficial for him and his diabetes. But he ate what he wanted and did what he thought was right for him. As he got older and his body started to fall apart, he would say the same Polish phrase that Gram always did which is “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old” according to them.

I miss Gramps so much. Like my husband, Gramps could hold a conversation with anyone about anything. He knew sports and everything about the teams and the players. Gramps was also one of the most giving and generous people I know. He was always trying to give things away, from food, to money, to Steelers tickets. I was young at the time so I may not remember it exactly but I swear one time Gramps gave a family his car because they needed it more than he did. He had season tickets to the Steelers games and most times he would just give the tickets away or sell them for less than face value. I think he believed in karma and that it would come back around.

All in all, I know I am biased but I believe I had the best Gram and Gramps there could ever be. They were a power couple. Everyone who knew them loved them, admired them, and respected them. I am so thankful that I got to spend over 40 years with them although I wish I could have known them when they were younger. I also wish my husband would have had the chance to meet Gramps, and Gramps Jeff. But whenever we get the chance to meet up with former Alliance College players and students, my husband gets to hear stories and gets a little glimpse of the amazing man that he was.

So Gramps, I miss you and love you. I know you and Gram are back to Polka dancing every Saturday night and I can’t wait to see you again. I will try to carry on your legacy here on Earth until that time comes.

In Family

Changes

August 3, 2021 1 Comment

Hello loyal followers,

This past year has shown me how beautiful life is. Although there have been many ups and downs, I continue to give thanks for being so blessed. With that being said, I am trying to make some changes. I am trying to simplify my life, which means simplifying my social media and this blog. I love doing this blog, but for a few months, I felt it was taking time away from my husband and my family. I started this blog to share stories of my Adventures with Gram, and to have something to do when my husband left for work. When I lost Gram, I felt like my inspiration was gone. I wasn’t sure what else to write about. She wasn’t there to make me smile or laugh with her little comments. She wasn’t there by my side when my husband was away, and I missed her. Plus, I didn’t think you wanted to hear about our loss over and over again, and honestly, I wasn’t sure what else to write about.

At this point, I realize I do have many more stories to tell. I have stories about Gram, about caregiving for her, about my travels, and about my journey in love. I want to continue to write, and I hope you will continue to read. My Adventures with Gram, Travel excursions and Family stories will be posted here. I am hoping to get back to a weekly basis, but they will be posted when inspiration finds me 🙂 I LOVE doing the daily inspirations and hope that they inspire you, too. I will also continue with the Weekly Wednesday Workouts. Every now and again I may post a full video here or on Instagram TV but for the most part, I will show you the moves and give you the workout. Please let me know if you need suggestions or modifications.

I am going to try to do more on linked social media and Instagram. Follow me @strong_inspired on Instagram. I will be posting recipes and stories as things come up. Some workouts will also be published on IGTV. Of course, you can always go back and do your favorite workout or find a special recipe on the blog.

I hope you enjoy these changes. If you have any feedback, please email or message me. And please follow me on Facebook and Instagram and share with your friends and family!

In Adventures with Gram

Celebration of Gram

June 15, 2021 No Comments

Many of our friends from Florida could not make it to Pennsylvania for Gram’s memorial service. Therefore, a few weeks ago, we held a poolside Celebration of Gram. Sitting by the pool became Gram’s favorite “activity”. As soon as she finished breakfast it was poolside where she wished to be. So what better place to honor Gram and her inspiring life.

We had a great turnout. All but one of our friends had met Gram before and had their picture taken with Gram either at our house, by the pool, on the boat, or at a restaurant. It made us realize how much of an impact she really had and how many people she met over the past five years.

As I was going through all the pictures trying to get ready for the celebration, it hit me how much we did with Gram. We took her everywhere. She met so many people and loved all of them. We laugh at thinking how most of her “friends” over her last 5 years of life were 40-50 years younger than her. It makes me happy that she had such adventures in her 90’s. She seemed to enjoy everything we did with her. At first, she didn’t really like flying but over the past five years, I think she came to enjoy it. My guess is that she flew more in her last 5 years than she did in her first 91 combined. Even with her dementia, she was happy. It makes me miss her so much.

Because I was always with her I didn’t notice how much she actually aged over the past year or two. Looking at the pictures and thinking back I remember her getting very sick in January and September of 2020. She fell three times last summer, one of which required 7 stitches on her forehead. She wasn’t doing much but sleeping on the couch, by the pool, and in her bed. Although she never complained, I am sure at 96 and a half, after all the running we made her do, her body was tired.

At the Celebration of Gram, our friends told stories of Gram. They remembered how sweet her smile was, how she loved sitting by the pool, how she loved Kuma the cat, and how she cheered for Jeff’s Ohio State Buckeyes. One friend remembered how Gram was really not happy one night when I made her stay at their house too long. It seemed Gram was always in the opposite room of where we were. She kept saying, “Stacy, let’s go. It’s time to go.” And she would give me that look. She never wanted to be a burden and this was her way of saying it. It was the one time our friends remember her being the least bit upset. Sweet Gram definitely could turn into a spitfire when she wanted to!

Anyway, the turnout was beautiful and Gram was sorely missed. She lived an amazing life. If you missed the Eulogy take a few minutes to watch it. It really celebrates Gram and her impact on this world. Love and miss you Gram!

In Family

That Summer

May 18, 2021 No Comments

As you read in “The Broken Hip”, Gram and I took off for Florida in February 2017. It was there, at the CrossFit gym, where I met my future husband as you read in our trio blog posts from him, Eleina, and myself. It was also at that time that I had just started my First Dream Team. And we had just learned that my sister had Cancer. But let’s continue on our journey with Gram that summer.

After two weeks in Florida, Gram, the cat, and I made our way to Richmond to see the family. My sister had just undergone surgery and was recovering from having several organs removed. The doctors felt surgery was the best approach to try to rid her body of cancer. She was hopeful and ready to kick cancer’s ass. She was so strong and she didn’t stay long in the hospital bed. She was ready to be home with her little ones. We stayed a couple of weeks to help out and to spend some time with her.

Once she was settled back at home, Gram and I continued on our journey to PA. I decided to start taking classes to get my real estate license. I thought being a realtor would give me flexible hours and a flexible schedule. I could then care for Gram, but also make some money and possibly turn it into a career when my caretaking duties were finished.

Because it was my first Dream Team I also spent a lot of time at the gym. I took my new healthy lifestyle seriously plus I was meeting new friends. I really enjoyed it. Many days, I would take Gram with me to the gym and even put her through a few workouts. She was so inspiring. She would do some squats, lift some dumbbells, and do a weight machine or two. I hoped it would help her with her balance. At that time, the gym was on the second floor so just to get to the gym Gram had to walk up two flights of stairs. And she did it well!

My sister had another surgery in May, and they scraped every inch of her abdomen. She was in the operating room for 20 hours. It was so scary. But, she pulled through and was ready to go home within days. I couldn’t believe how determined she was. We all prayed that the surgery would be the last, and she would start the remission process. But they still wanted her to do chemotherapy and radiation that summer, which she did. She held onto most of her hair until that fall. Then it started getting thin. It eventually fell out by Christmas.

After months of studying, I passed my real estate license test and started selling houses. I really enjoyed it. Gram went with me several times to show houses. Sometimes she would go in and sometimes she would just sit in the car. She was content and happy. We spent that summer riding around in my little convertible EOS, getting ice cream at all of the hot spots, and making our way up and down the highway to and from Richmond. We didn’t have much of a schedule so we just took one day at a time and wanted to spend as much time as we could with the family.

That summer, I was busy with real estate and started doing some personal training at the gym. Jeff and I stayed in touch but only saw each other a few times. I kept thinking ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be.’ I wanted it to work, but I knew the distance could limit the opportunity, especially since his youngest son was still in high school. So I enjoyed my time with Gram and doing my own thing. She was the best companion because she did what I wanted to do and didn’t complain 🙂

As the weather got chillier and fall came upon us, things started to change. Jeff asked me to a few family functions and football games as our relationship started becoming more serious. Gram told my friends and family that she better not say how much she liked Jeff or I would stop dating him. Therefore, she kept it a secret for a while. But every now and again, when I was in the bathroom with Gram, she would let it slip and say, “I like Jeff. Do you like Jeff?” And of course, I liked Jeff but we still lived in different states, and I wasn’t sure where life would lead or what Life Changes would occur.

My sister finished chemo and was feeling pretty good. She was working on gaining muscle and getting her strength back. The kids were getting older and more involved in gymnastics and tee-ball. We all loved watching them play. We were all hopeful. We were looking forward to Christmas and spending more family time together. My sister was so positive and determined. Even as she was battling cancer and going through surgeries, radiation, and chemo, she kept a positive outlook. She laughed, she smiled. She enjoyed all the little things. Little did we know that upcoming Christmas would be her last and more life changes would be upon us.

In Fitness and Nutrition

My First Dream Team

May 12, 2021 No Comments

If you are from Northwest Pennsylvania then you have probably heard of or participated in the Dream Team contest put on by Bill Lawrence’s Personal Fitness. Bill runs the contest every year starting in January and it runs for 16 weeks. The goal is to make a commitment to learning how to eat healthily and stick to a fitness regimen, then maintain that lifestyle after the contest is over.

The team that loses the most weight and body fat is the winner, and I believe they receive a free membership to the gym for the rest of the year (But I don’t know for sure). There are other prizes given for different accomplishments like moving into a leaner category than where you started or the biggest transformation. It’s always fun to win a prize, but the best part of the contest is creating a team, getting to know each other, pushing each other towards your goals, and then going to the Dream Team banquet. Everyone gets dressed up, and it’s time to Par-tay! It’s unbelievable the transformations that occur during these four months of nutrition and exercise discipline. It’s a great celebration of accomplishments, and it really is so much fun. It’s kind of like Prom for adults 🙂

I learned a lot during my first Dream Team. My team came in 7th place. We worked really hard by eating right and supporting each other. I didn’t know my teammates that well when we started the contest, but we are friends to this day. We got to know each other over the four months and helped each other when we were struggling. I started to feel more comfortable in the gym. I was getting to know more people and starting to feel like I belonged. I can’t thank them enough for asking me to be on their team.

I also learned how awesome the workout community is. The members of this gym are amazing. One, they believe in each other and want everyone to succeed. They cheer each other on and lift each other up. Two, everyone learns the nutrition program and shares meals they enjoy. They want everyone to like what they are eating while maintaining nutrition. Three, many of the women here are badasses. I have been to a few gyms over the years, and these women are truly like no other. They push themselves and each other to the limit. I learned to do things I never in a million years thought I would be able to do like a backflip. And the women are happy for and actually support each other. I never would have been able to lose weight if it wasn’t for the encouragement of my teammates and the athletes at this gym. Everyone is supportive. I hope that you can find a gym like this near your home town.

It definitely takes time to learn the nutrition program (that Bill teaches). If you have been following me, we try to eat a lean protein, the right carb, and a healthy fat at each meal. I am still learning what works and what doesn’t but during my first dream team, I lost weight and body fat and transformed my body. I went from 129.9 pounds and 19.6% body fat to 119 pounds and 15.8% body fat. Although I am not as strict as I once was, I have learned to enjoy what I eat and substitute healthier options for those not-so-great options I used to love. Check out Sub This for That for more suggestions.

In the end, fad diets don’t usually work. You may lose a lot of weight in the beginning but then when you start eating normal foods again or become less strict, you gain all of the weight back. Although you may bounce a little up and down with this program, the bounces are not extreme if you stick with it 85-95% of the time. My suggestion is to find an activity that you love to get your body moving. Find a gym that is supportive and encouraging. Yoga, pilates, CrossFit, and weight lifting are just a few examples. Then start slowly. Give up soda or other heavy calorie drinks. Give up fried food for a week. Eat at home more often than you eat out. Eventually, you will realize you don’t miss the fast-food cheeseburgers because you worked really hard and you like the way you look and feel.

In Family

Church

April 20, 2021 2 Comments

I was raised Catholic. I went to Sunday School and CCD until I was confirmed in the 11^th grade. I continued going to church with my family on Saturday nights and even on weekends through most of my college days.

Being Catholic was part of me. My grandparents were in the choir and very involved in the church. They sang for many weddings, holidays, and funerals. My parents were of the belief system that if we missed church and something “bad” happened it was because we missed church. I believed that for a while as well.

The most significant thing I learned about being Catholic was the Golden Rule, “Do Unto Others as You Would Have them Do Unto You.” I feel this is a very important rule to remember throughout life. Putting yourself in other people’s shoes is one way to feel compassion for others. Treat a situation like you would want to be treated if that person was you.

Once I moved to Richmond I didn’t go as often as I should. When I was in church, I was thinking of 100 different things I had to do or places I wanted to be. Church didn’t hold my attention. Plus, it was the same thing over and over. I could pretty much repeat it in my sleep 🙂

There was one small Catholic church in Richmond that I did enjoy. It seemed to be more like a Southern Baptist church because people were loud and happy and cheerful. The choir was amazing and the songs were upbeat. It was very different than the traditional Catholic Churches I had been to. Because there was a shortage of priests, Sister Cora did the service, which I thought was amazing as well. I actually enjoyed going to church and felt fulfilled.

A few years later, I was kind of lost. I wasn’t going to church. I had been through a divorce. I was a 31-year-old woman but acting like a 21-year-old with no cares in the world. A few people mentioned a church to me that they really enjoyed, but I never went. It was non-denominational, and I just wasn’t really sure. Until one morning, I woke up, late, hungover, and discovered my wallet was missing.

I decided it was time for a change. I decided to try this new church that everyone was raving about. I went to Commonwealth Chapel the next week and fell in love. Everyone was so nice. I felt welcomed, the music was incredible, and they served coffee! I left church feeling really good. I listened to Pastor Brandon’s message and the words of the music without thinking of where I needed to be the rest of the day. It ended up being really emotional for me, which again, was very different than the traditional Catholic Church.

After a few weeks, I was asked to join a Bible study group. I had never been to one, and even though I had gone to church my whole life, I didn’t know much about the Bible. But because I am a Yes, Woman, I said yes. The group was great. It was a wonderful mix of young adults. We talked about the sermon that week or a chapter in the Bible. Then we would just chat about life, socialize, and pray for each other. Throughout the week, we would check up on each other and sometimes do things after church or on another day of the week. I felt really happy and excited to be a part of such a wonderful, kind group of people. At that time, my Dad was fighting cancer and was nearing the end. We prayed for him as a group, and I thought for sure a miracle would happen because of the strong beliefs of this group of people, but in the end, we lost him.

After a few years, people started leaving the church. All of my friends were going in different directions. I tried a few other churches but nothing felt right. Then it was 2015, and I was off to Thailand.

Once I returned and started living with Gram in my hometown, we went to church for a while but then they changed the time, and it was too early for Gram. I went with friends to a few more churches around my hometown but again nothing felt right. My husband and I have tried a few different churches over the years as well but we haven’t found one that we have loved. We don’t believe in going to church just to go. We want to feel fulfilled, blessed, and happy after attending a service. And we know it can be that way so we will keep searching.

As you know, I have been feeling Lost Without Gram. I don’t know what my purpose is. I don’t know what is next. I am not sure who I am anymore or why I am here. I have turned to traveling and being comfortably numb. I have tried to not think about anything.

Until this past weekend, when I was home. Alone. It was the first time since Gram passed. As soon as I dropped my husband off at the airport, I was in tears. I don’t know why. I guess I just needed a good cry. I had such a mix of feelings. I felt guilty for putting Gram in the home. I felt sad for not taking her out when she broke her hip. I felt joy that she lived such a long, wonderful life. I felt happy that so many people got to meet and know her. I felt envious that she lived such a long and beautiful life. I felt relief that she was no longer in pain. I felt blessed that I was able to spend five wonderful years with her. And I felt lost because I wanted her here. I want to see her sweet face and hear her cute laugh.

The next day, I was home alone and listening to music. Two songs came on that reminded me of church, “Watch Over You” and “One Thing Remains.” You may not be into Christian music but please take a quick listen to these two songs. I feel they are really powerful, no matter what you believe, and I think you can relate to it as a parent or a child as well.

I thought maybe I should go back to church. It seemed to help before. I turned to Ecosia (similar to Google but they plant trees for each search!). I found the First Assembly of God Church. Something different from my Catholic upbringing but after perusing the website I was intrigued. I went to the Women’s Ministries page and listened to a video called “Help for Hurting Women: Identity Crisis”. It really hit home. These two prayers really helped me. Again, I apologize if the church thing isn’t for you, but I feel like they are pretty powerful words. I intend to repeat them when I am feeling down. I hope they help you, too.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need you. I need you to guide my life. I need you to save me. Please forgive me for every way that I have not honored you with my life. Jesus, come into my heart and make me to be the woman that you designed for me to be. Jesus, change in me whatever needs to be changed. And I will trust you all the days of my life with all of my heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

-Linda Dorcey

I am an awesome spirit being of magnificent worth as a person. I am deeply loved by God. I am fully pleasing to God. I am totally accepted by God. I am absolutely complete in Christ. And when my person is expressed through my performance, the reflection is dynamically unique. There has never been another like me in the history of mankind nor will there ever be. I am an original. One of a kind. Really somebody. And so are you.

-Linda Dorcey’s Pastor friend

So in the end, I believe there is something greater than us, and I need to believe that one day I will get to see all of my lost loved ones again. I honestly can’t wait for the reunion. I don’t know what my purpose on Earth is, at this time, but I have faith that God needs me here for some reason and a plan will be revealed eventually. For some reason Gram’s purpose on this Earth was complete, and she was needed in Heaven. One day we will know. Until then, don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be afraid to go to a new church or try a new activity. Life is too short. Get out there, be brave, be strong, and LIVE!