adventures with gram Archives - Page 4 of 5 - Inspired & Strong

Honestly, I know it should be somewhat of a relief. I should be excited to have no responsibility, but I feel lost without Gram. She has always been a huge part of my life. It all started the day I was born. My Dad was not able to be there because he was in the Army and deployed to Korea. Therefore, Gram was the one with my mom at the hospital, and she was the one who carried me home. Gram was a constant in my life. She lived three blocks away, she was at most of my athletic events, and she was there for all the important dates like Prom and Homecoming.

My Grandparents supported my move to California when I felt I needed to get out of my small town. They came all the way out to visit me with our foreign exchange student Marja. Gramps was so excited to go to Dodger Stadium for a baseball game and Dodger Dog. I showed them around Los Angeles, Palm Springs, and San Bernandino.

Once I moved to Richmond, my grandparents again made many trips up and down the interstate to visit. We saw each other for holidays, birthdays, and random times in between. When I decided to quit my job and move to Thailand, Gram was sad to see me leave but was one of my biggest supporters.

Even though she was my grandmother and had been a part of my life since I was born, these past five years were different. Our relationship became so much more. At first, when she was more independent, she was my partner in crime. We did everything together. It was nice to have someone to keep me company. We went shopping, we traveled up and down the East Coast, and of course, we drove to the nearest ice cream shop. We weren’t in a hurry and we weren’t trying to meet deadlines or set any records. We just went where we wanted to go when we wanted to go. Gram rarely complained. She was always up for a ride in the car. She loved my little convertible EOS. And I usually loved her by my side except when she would say some embarrassingly loud comment about the “geezer” getting gas at the pump next to us in his fancy convertible. Oh, gram.

After a while, she became a little more dependent on me, and then it seemed she became more like the child I never had. I got to know her really well. I knew what she liked to eat, what she was about to say, when she had to go to the bathroom, and what color she wanted on her nails. I imagine this is what having a three-year-old is like 🙂 But I loved having this little lady by my side. She smiled, she laughed, and she just went with the flow. She never had a whole lot to say but every now and again that little lady would make me laugh so hard. Some of my fondest memories and best pieces of advice came In the Bathroom with Gram. Because my grandmother knew me almost as well as I knew her, she would tell my mom and my friends that we can’t tell Stacy how much we like Jeff or she won’t like him. She was his biggest fan and of course, I became his biggest fan, too.

So six weeks after her passing, here I am, lost without Gram. I miss her advice. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss my sidekick.

For five years, I worked odd jobs even though my biggest job was caring for Gram. I just felt like I needed to do something. I needed to have a “job”. I don’t know why I felt defined by my “job” but for some reason, it has always mattered to me. It’s the first question people ask when you meet them. I realized how lost without Gram I was at our last ski week. We met new friends on the mountain and everyone had a job. Some were in real estate, some in film and of course, most of mine were pilots. Then someone asked me, “What do you do?”. Hmmm, what was I going to say? I wasn’t an educator anymore, I wasn’t a caregiver anymore, I wasn’t a realtor anymore. Who was I? I felt like I didn’t have an identity. I was just a pilot’s wife being a ski bum on a beautiful mountain.

I know I am a strong, independent woman with the most amazing husband. I know I am an aunt and I love those little ones so much. I know I am a travel junkie and can’t wait for more amazing adventures. But what do I say? What do I do now? I guess it’s ok to take the time to figure that out, but it’s hard, and it honestly has me a little lost without Gram. One wonderful friend of mine suggested I say something like “After five years of caregiving, I am taking some time to enjoy my husband and my marriage while I figure out my next adventure.” And that is amazing advice but it’s so hard to be patient and to not feel a little lost.

I know I am on a new journey and right now even though I am lost without Gram, I do believe something exciting and meaningful will come my way. I will never forget my time with Gram or the memories I made with her. She left me on this Earth a better person than I was five years ago and for that, I will forever be grateful. I am excited to see what this next chapter of my life will bring and maybe my husband and I won’t feel so lost without Gram. Maybe we will be led by Gram to new adventures, new memories together, and new times to cherish. I am surrounded by one amazing, loving, supportive husband and several wonderful friends and family members. Whatever will be is meant to be, and I have to have faith that all my angels above will lead us in the right direction.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram, our Matriarch

March 9, 2021 No Comments

Over the past weekend, we laid Gram, our Matriarch, to rest next to her husband, at a cemetery bordering the campus of the old Alliance College. My grandparents had a profound impact on many of the students at the college as well as many others in the community. This is a tribute from one of my grandpa’s former players.

Mrs. Haluch, our Matriarch.

I had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Haluch over 60 years ago.

In 1957 to be exact…when I was a scared, skinny teenager…with only one suitcase in hand…arriving in Cambridge Springs as a Freshman at Alliance College. She was the first person to make me feel at home. She had two kids of her own, as Stanley and Tusha were young children at the time…yet still had time for me.

I’ve been blessed with over six decades of memories filled with that smile, that giggle…and her voice saying “Bobby, you don’t mind that I still call you Bobby?” I would say without hesitation, “NO Mrs. Haluch…I love that you call me Bobby.”

Many of us associate all of our Cambridge Springs memories with Coach Haluch…but if you really think about it…many of those are linked directly to…Mrs. Haluch. A quiet, gentle, and incredibly strong woman. A leader in her family…her church…and her community.

Remembering those wonderful days playing basketball and baseball for Coach…well…who do you think washed all of those uniforms for so many years? Mrs. Haluch.

All of the Alliance Reunions over the years…there she was making us all feel welcome… making over 500 perogies…yes 500, so when we stopped by over during the weekend, we’d all have something to eat. Always the consummate hostess.

When we would visit on a weekend, we’d go to church before heading back home. You could hear a beautiful voice coming from the choir loft. That’s Mrs. Haluch.

As the years went on…the mentorship continued with Coach and Mrs. Haluch…and a beautiful deeper friendship grew with our family.

Enjoying a Pirate Games at PNC Park…a couple of years ago…the usher giving her a game ball because he couldn’t resist that smile and twinkle in her eye.

Sitting watching a football game at their house…when Mrs. Haluch would blurt out a player’s name, position…and something interesting about them.

Such wonderful sunny days on Ft. Myers Beach. I would sit and talk with Coach and Mrs. Haluch would stroll the beach picking up shells with my wife and daughter. Then we would spend hours laughing…and eating… as we looked out over the Gulf of Mexico. Those are some of my most cherished memories.

At Coach’s 90th Birthday…who do you think stole the show? Mrs. Haluch…dancing with the toy soldier…she looked just like Cinderella.

In more recent years we were blessed to get to know Stacy…she has been an angel to Mrs. Haluch. The two of them…two peas in a pod. Their endless adventures are epic, but what was so special to me…was Stacy’s selfless and tireless dedication to her Gram. That is something that is so rare in today’s society. Stacy…that gift of time with you were given with your Gram…and Matriarch…will remain in your heart forever.

We would try to give Stacy a little break and take Mrs. Haluch on day trips to Waterford and Erie. Our lunches were filled with good food from Carini’s…but of course, it was all about the pie for Mrs. Haluch…the car rides were equally special…when she would tell tales of countless good times her and Coach had over the years.

Our destination was always the Casino, where she would sit at her penny machine having a high old time flanked by my wife and daughter. The best experience…was when she hit the jackpot and thought she broke the machine. We still laugh at the moment when the bells and lights started flashing and ringing and she turned to me and said… “Bobby I think I broke the machine.”

For such a tiny statured woman…she was a Giant…a giant to all of us. Making a Big impact in each of our lives.

Mrs. Haluch was…

The Matriarch of her beloved family – to her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

The Matriarch of Alliance College

The Matriarch of Cambridge Springs

I imagine and smile thinking about…Mrs. Haluch and Coach enjoying endless polkas and perogies…in Heaven…

I love you Mrs. Haluch. Thank you for being a Matriarch in my family too.

Love,

Bobby F.

In Adventures with Gram

Losing Gram

March 2, 2021 No Comments

Last Wednesday we got the call that we had been anticipating, but never wanted to answer. Gram was unresponsive at 4:40 that morning. We had just made arrangements to bring her back to our home. She hadn’t been eating, drinking, or really talking for about a week. On Tuesday, we had decided to bring her home in Hospice care to live out her final days by the pool, her favorite spot. As you read in Missing Gram, we put her into Senior Living in November 2020.

The hospital bed was in place waiting for her, but I guess she didn’t want to be a burden. She always said that to us, which of course we never thought she was. I guess she didn’t want to put us through having to watch her go. When we left Tuesday, I hugged her so tight. I told her we were bringing her home. I told her she could come to sit by the pool and sleep with Kuma, her favorite feline. But I guess she wanted it another way.

It hurts my heart so much that she is gone. I knew the day would come, but over the past few years, she has defied death so many times that we thought she would live forever! This woman…so strong, so mighty, so inspiring. She is in heaven now dancing the polka with her hubby (and possibly giving him a piece of her mind ) It won’t be the same. We are sad about our loss, but we are excited for her reunion with her husband, son, son-in-law, and granddaughter. Gram, please tell them we love and miss them.

I am grateful that the road I took led me to caregiving for Gram. It led me to my husband, wonderful friends, and amazing adventures. I will never regret one moment with her. She told me once I was like the sister she never had, and she was my best friend, always there to listen (whether she wanted to or not).

Although she is gone and I won’t have any new adventures with her, I plan on continuing to write about our past outings. Even though she isn’t on this earth anymore she will forever be in my heart inspiring me and pushing me to do the right thing and live life to the fullest.

Viewing and the funeral will be in Pennsylvania on March 5 and 6. Click here for details. We will also do a celebration of life in Fort Myers, Florida in April.

In Adventures with Gram

Missing Gram

February 16, 2021 7 Comments

It’s been about three months since we decided to put Gram into Senior Living. We tried to get extra help for her in our home but the lady quit after four days 🙁 She said it was too hard physically. Hmm…not sure that walking a few steps from the bedroom to the kitchen to the pool at a snail’s pace is all that tough but….whatever… it didn’t work out. So here I am three months later missing Gram.

After lots of discussions, pros, cons, tears and a few falls we determined that senior living was the best place for Gram. Jeff and I loved taking care of Gram, and we loved having her in our home. I definitely got more frustrated at times than he did but he also got more breaks from Gram than I did. Needless to say, after caring for Gram for just about five years, I was burned out and exhausted. I couldn’t keep an eye on her every minute she was awake, and I felt like I wasn’t being a good caregiver or granddaughter. We couldn’t go to the store without taking her or getting someone to stay with her. She fell a few times over the past year and even once when I was right across the pool. We didn’t want to take the chance that she would fall, get hurt, or break her hip again.

We found a wonderful facility and together with my mom, we wrote Gram a note about why we felt she would be safer there. She read, smiled, and agreed. The next day she hopped right out of bed, ate breakfast, asked my mom if we would be ok without her money, and asked questions about her new “apartment”. We were in shock. I took her to get her nails and hair done, and we took her to her new place. When it was time for us to leave she was sitting with some ladies, drinking a milkshake, and smiling a big smile. It made my heart happy even though I knew I would be missing Gram.

We were sad that she didn’t seem to care that we were leaving, but we had hope in our hearts that she would adjust well and possibly fall in love with her new home and her new friends. The house felt differently without her, and we kept looking over our shoulders to see what she was doing. We were definitely missing Gram.

Three months later, she has adjusted pretty well, but she still asks to come home. She still asks where she is. Because of her dementia, she doesn’t realize this is her new permanent place. She still has hope that she is coming home. The beautiful thing about putting her in a facility in Fort Myers is that we can visit as often as we want. We can take her out to lunch if we want as well. We also were so blessed to be able to take her to Virginia for Christmas. Although she was very confused about where we were going the first day, she enjoyed being with the family for the holidays. She also enjoyed helping us make pierogies. It broke my heart to put her back in at the end of our trip but the next day she seemed ok.

Things seemed to be heading in a positive direction. She was walking better than she did in our home so we were very happy about that. She seemed to be maintaining her weight. She was socializing with the other ladies more often. I took her out for lunch once and out for ice cream another time. I was trying to show her that she could come and go. We started talking about places we could take her and getting excited about having more adventures with Gram, especially since she was soon going to be vaccinated against the Covid virus.

Then it happened. Last Wednesday, she got her second Covid vaccine shot. Personally, I think Gram is so strong that she would have fought off the Covid without it, but you never know. Well, that evening, she tried to stand up, got dizzy, and lost her balance. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the vaccine or not. But she fell, hit her head on a side table, tore her skin on her elbow, and landed on her right hip (the hip she broke in 2016). Thankfully, we were in town, and I was able to meet her at the Emergency Room. She was so scared and in so much pain. The emergency room nurses were wonderful. They got her head cleaned up and thankfully she didn’t need any stitches. They did the x-rays and yep, her right femur is broken again. Because she already had a replacement, the doctor said there was nothing they could do. He recommended lots of pain meds and to keep her moving as much as she can tolerate.

So here we are six days later, and I am missing Gram. I am missing the Gram I had who made me laugh, who made me a better person, who told me to take care of my husband, who in her nineties had so many adventures, and who was so cute you couldn’t stand it. I am missing Gram because right now she can’t walk (although she is able to sit in her wheelchair relatively comfortably). I am missing Gram because she isn’t talking to me, and she can’t move her right hand. I am missing Gram because she is not eating and not taking her medications consistently. She has been such an inspiration and positive influence on me. She has shown me how to be strong. How to love wholeheartedly. How to laugh. How to enjoy life. How to support your family. How to keep traditions alive. I am not sure what the next few weeks will bring for us. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. If you are in the Fort Myers area and would like to visit Gram or if you would like to send her a card, contact me for the information.

In Pilot's Wife

New Girl? Part 2

February 9, 2021 No Comments

I missed the new girl the first two days she was at the gym. But that’s how fate works. We met on a Saturday, but for me, it started the night prior.

I had just broken up with a girlfriend, and my friend, Eleina was navigating through Match.com. We would go out for “wing therapy” which consisted of wings, beer, and honest talk of what men and women are really thinking. So after a Friday night of wings and beer, we decided to go to Saturday Bootcamp.

Bootcamp was at 10 am, which was perfect after a night of drinking. A little late for Stacy as she had been going to 5 am CrossFit, and I usually went to the 8 am class. I met E upon arrival, and we chatted briefly before the group warm-up started. This is where I first noticed the “new girl”. We were instructed to the wall and started with leg swings. She somehow managed to get between myself and E even though we were talking during the warm-up. CrossFit is a group class and the “community” we have prompted us to part a bit to allow her a space along the wall. As we exited from the wall to continue the warm-up, Eleina was still talking as my eyes moved towards this “new girl”. I gave E a “shhh” with a finger held in front of my lips and pointed to her with my other hand. Yes, I noticed something beautiful and intriguing that morning.

E and I partnered for the 30+ minute Bootcamp workout. While these were usually long grinders, I stayed focused on the workout. It was easily recognizable that this “new girl” was quite athletic and had an amazing work ethic in the gym. Definitely not her first workout.

After the workout, the group gathered on the floor for a post-workout stretch. Eleina and I sat beside this new girl and chatted about the work that we had just accomplished. Stacy was her name, and she was down from PA enjoying the Florida sunshine and helping her gram recover from a broken hip. Her grandparents had a condo here and this was the first time that gram had been here since her husband had passed away.

We continued to chat and I offered suggestions of things to do in Ft. Myers. Little did I know that Stacy and her family had been coming to Ft. Myers for about 15 years. But I continued rambling on thinking this was her first time here. Stacy mentioned that she had friends coming in that night and was looking forward to seeing old friends from high school. I then mentioned that I was going to the beach the next day, and I asked Stacy if she would like to join me. “How are you going to take her to the beach if you don’t have her number?”, Eleina chimed in. Stacy and I kinda stared at each other, smiled, and then we exchanged numbers.

By now it was after 11 am and Stacy was concerned about gram being home alone. We all parted ways for the day. A few hours later Stacy texted. I forget what exactly she said, but it led to our first date the next day at the beach. I promptly texted E and said, “she texted!” I am not sure who was more excited to go to the beach the next day as I had not been there in a while. And yes, that “plan” to go to the beach was only in effect if I had Stacy with me. I certainly wasn’t planning to go without her. That was just part of my “pick up line”. And that is how I met the new girl.

Guest Post was Written by Jeff F.

Jeff is Stacy’s (the new girl’s) husband and partner in crime. Jeff is an avid crossfitter, pilot, boater, amazing husband, brother, and father. Jeff has been in the Fort Myers area for over 20 years. He enjoys being a snowbird and spending the summers up north in Gram’s house in PA.

In Pilot's Wife

How We Met- Part 1

February 8, 2021 No Comments

As you read in, The Broken Hip, Gram broke her hip in December 2016 but by February she was making great strides. We left the snow for the sun and ended up at her condo in Fort Myers.

Since I had just started CrossFit, I googled CrossFit gyms near the condo. I found a few and decided on CrossFit Thoroughbreds. I took a few CrossFit classes and met some great people and instructors. It was my first time dropping into other boxes, and I fell in love with the CrossFit community. On Saturday, February 11, 2017, I decided to try Boot Camp. After class, I met two amazing people who would significantly impact my life. One would later become my husband and the other one gave me the tools and the support to start this blog. (Their stories of “how we met” will be published this week. Stay Tuned!)

I arrived at Boot Camp a little early and was stretching and warming up. I observed a man and woman having a conversation about what seemed to be some kitchen renovations and possibly an ex. They both talked fairly loud so it was easy to eavesdrop 🙂 They seemed to be very good friends who had a history of being there for each other. I was intrigued by their conversation and wanted to know more about both of them. The guy was good looking, and he seemed like he was about my age, but I can never tell. Plus, he had on a hat and you never know what’s underneath that! They both had great figures and looked like they were dedicated athletes.

During the workout, they were partners while I was in another group. I remember it being a pretty tough workout with push-ups and running. I also remember looking out of the corner of my eye to see how good of an athlete this guy was. I found they both worked hard and were impressive in their moves.

After class, the woman, who was sitting next to the man, said hi to me and asked if I was new to town. I explained I was only there for about two weeks and was taking care of my grandmother. I told them I had friends coming to town that night so they gave me some suggestions on where to take them. The guy mentioned he had some time off from work and wanted to know if I wanted to meet him the next day and go to the beach. Because I am a Yes Woman I didn’t hesitate to say it sounded like a fabulous idea. We chatted a few more minutes and before we parted ways, Eleina, the amazing wing woman, said how can he contact you without your number. I laughed and probably rolled my eyes. In the end, we exchanged numbers and the rest is history 🙂

I still find it hard to believe that quitting my job in 2015 led me back to my hometown which led me to caregiving for Gram which led me to CrossFit which in turn led me to my prince. I would not have met my husband if I hadn’t taken that leap of faith. And I wouldn’t have found him if God hadn’t placed me right where I needed to be at that moment.

This week is dedicated to our story of how we met four years ago this week. No, it wasn’t love at first sight and no, we didn’t start dating right away because we were in two different states. But we met and that was just the beginning.

Jeff, my husband, and Eleina, the wing woman will be writing posts Tuesday and Thursday of how our first meeting went from their perspectives. Check them out!

In Adventures with Gram

Traveling with Gram

January 12, 2021 2 Comments

Over the Christmas holiday, we took on the task of traveling with Gram to Virginia to see the family. Although she still remembers all of us, she really has no concept of where she is in the world or how far away Virginia is. When we travel with Gram we usually hear the question “Where are we going?” about 150 times 🙂 We usually fly out of Fort Lauderdale because there is a direct flight from Lauderdale to Richmond. Therefore, we have about a two-hour drive to begin the trip. Gram loves riding in the car. She looks out the window and reads all of the road signs. She doesn’t say much unless she wants to tell us who lived in certain towns or to ask the question “Where are we going?” We tell her every time yet she doesn’t remember.

When we pull up to the airport she asks “Where are we going?” or “Who is leaving?” because many times she and I take my husband to the airport when he has to go to work. Needless to say, I get her in the wheelchair, and we roll along to the security line.

Traveling with Gram is always an adventure. She has never liked flying but over the past five years I have made her become a frequent flyer, and she has done very well. We got her a transport wheelchair because the first few times we traveled we used the airport wheelchairs. And although they are very nice, I would rather be on my own time instead of having to wait for someone to push her. I also got her TSA precheck because we were traveling so much. If you travel frequently, I highly suggest you get TSA precheck. It is so smooth and nice. I am always nervous with Gram in the security line because I am afraid she’s going to say something loud and inappropriate. She can walk through the metal detector but she has touched the sides before and had to go through again. Plus she can’t hear so I am always afraid they are going to say something to her and she won’t hear them.

Once we are through the line and she is settled back in her chair, we roll to the gate. We ask to gate-check her wheelchair and many times the gate agent will move us up a few rows. I always appreciate this! We also get to board first which is such a great benefit of traveling with Gram.

After we are checked in, we usually head to the restroom. This is one of the hardest parts of traveling with Gram. The companion restrooms are a blessing and make it easier. But we go to the restroom and get ready to fly. We go to the gate, and she usually sits there just people watching as we all do at the airport. But every now and again, the question comes up “Where are we going??”.

She does really well boarding the plane. Smiles at everyone and takes the window seat. I usually keep the window closed during take-off. I always worry she will get upset about flying because she never really liked it but to this day it’s been smooth sailing. She just asks the repetitive question again and again “Where are we going?”. On this last trip, she was eating a muffin. I felt bad for the poor gentleman beside us because she asked at every bite “What is This?”.

Over the years, traveling with Gram has opened my eyes to many things. First, TSA precheck is a must. Secondly, you never know how far you will have to walk to your gate. These things don’t really cross your mind as a young adult but when you travel with the elderly you realize how BIG airports really are. You also are grateful for elevators and shuttles. I have also learned that it is ok to buy a one-way ticket to your destination and wait to buy a one-way ticket back. I also discovered that it’s ok to fly different airlines on the same trip. Yes, you have to pay attention to baggage restrictions, but you can find yourself better deals if you don’t mind researching a bit.

Because we usually travel with Gram to Virginia we have learned to leave a lot of our winter clothes there. That’s usually where we need them and that helps us to pack lightly. We pretty much have a wardrobe at my mom’s house with all of our toiletries which makes it very nice for flying. We usually just have a small bag each. It’s also very nice to have the wheelchair to hang them on instead of having to carry them 🙂 Spirit is one of my favorite airlines. If you live close to an airport, go to the counter to get your tickets. You get a discount buying Spirit and Frontier tickets at the airport.

Yes, it can be difficult to travel with someone who is in their 90’s, but if you look at all the positives, it actually can be a really great experience. When I travel without her I really miss the perks of traveling with Gram although I don’t miss answering the question “Where are we going?”.

In Family

Christmas with Gram

December 22, 2020 No Comments

It’s almost Christmas! I just love this time of year. The holiday lights and the Christmas decorations just make me smile. But is hard to believe that Christmas is here already. 2020 has been an interesting year to stay the least. I hope you stay safe and enjoy your families and friends this holiday season. We will be celebrating Christmas with Gram and the fam.

It is Christmas and the holiday season so it’s time for family traditions. Because we are Polish, we have long had the tradition of making pierogies and then celebrating Wigilia on Christmas Eve. When I was younger, we always went to my grandparents’ house for Christmas Eve dinner then we would go to Midnight Mass to hear my grandparents sing in the choir. They both loved singing and had amazing voices. Too bad that trait didn’t get passed on to me 🙂 (as some of you have heard). But no matter how many pierogies we made (a lot or a little), somehow they always held up dinner. Everything would be ready… the cream of mushroom soup, the sweet potatoes (which I did not like), the mashed potatoes, the corn, and the beer-battered haddock from the freezer section, but we couldn’t eat because someone was still on the skillet warming up the pierogies. I remember thinking there has got to be a better way. I will let you know when we figure it out 🙂 We also broke Oplatek (Christmas wafers) hugged each other and wished each other a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Although we still have many of the same traditions, we have added a few twists. Christmas Eve is still at Grandma’s house, but Grandma is now my mom and she lives in Richmond. We are teaching my niece and nephew to make pierogies although I think they like playing in the dough and flour more than actually making the pierogies but Gram, also known as Babcia to the great-grandkids, supervises and tells us what to do.

We have kept the tradition of having everyone over to grandma’s house. However, the kids are allowed to open their gifts from us and from my mom. This is another new twist as my sister and I were never allowed to open one gift before Christmas morning. We still make a meatless dinner and it’s still the pierogies that hold us up and usually make us late for church, even though we don’t go to Midnight Mass anymore.

Another twist we added was lobster tails. Several years ago, my Grandpa suggested we get them for Wigilia, and ever since then, our family meal has changed. Now we have fresh salmon, shrimp scampi, lobster, mushroom or broccoli cheese soup, and some type of vegetable, and my brother-in-law’s family is in charge of dessert. Although it may not be the traditional Polish meal, it is ours, and I love it.

Another fun tradition we started was driving around to see the lights on the Tacky Light Tour. My grandfather LOVED it. He could not believe the number of lights people would put on their houses. More recently, we have driven through the Illumination. The kids have so much fun hanging out of the windows listening to the music and watching the lights dance.

Even though Christmas can be sad at times because you miss the loved ones that are no longer here on Earth as you read in “Signs From Heaven“, it is still a time to celebrate family, the birth of Jesus, and be thankful for what you have. Whatever holiday you celebrate this winter, cherish your loved ones and enjoy your time around them. What traditions do you and your families have? Please share with us!

In Adventures with Gram

Gram’s Condo

December 8, 2020 No Comments

As you read in “The Broken Hip”, I packed up Gram and the cat and took off to spend a few weeks in Florida at Gram’s condo. My grandparents bought the condo in the early 2000s after two other couples convinced them to just do it! All three couples were the best of friends and had been since they were in their 20’s. They would all vacation down to Fort Myers in the winter. My grandparents were the last to buy and the ones to spend the least amount of time down there. The other couples were retired and would spend most of their winter in Fort Myers, but my grandmother was still working. Therefore, they could only go for a few weeks at a time. Gram worked until she was 80 years old because of a change in retirement regulations and health benefits. What an amazing woman!

But as soon as she retired they bought Gram’s condo across the parking lot from their very good friends. My grandfather loved going down every winter. He couldn’t wait to read the paper and eat breakfast on the lanai. He would have stayed down there for six months if Gram would have let him. But she didn’t like change and wanted to be back in her home to watch the snowfall after a few short months.

In 2007, I started working as an administrator for a school district in Virginia. Therefore, I had a bit more flexibility in taking time off of work. Usually, my grandparents would come to Richmond for Christmas. Then I would drive them from Richmond to Fort Myers over Christmas break and then I would go pick them up on Spring Break. We did this for years. I didn’t mind driving, and I definitely didn’t mind getting some sun or lying by the pool for a few days while they got settled into Gram’s condo.

One of the best things about Gram’s condo was that it was an end unit at the end of the development. Next to the condo was a gathering place the residents called “the marina”, which was a place on a small canal with a boat dock and several tables and chairs set up. They would go down there to socialize, have happy hour, and cookout.

That marina holds many memories for my family and me. My grandparents didn’t drink often but they would go down to the marina and socialize. One of the Board Members, we can call him the “Captain”, lived right above my grandparents. He would keep an eye on them as they got older and more forgetful. He would also cookout at the marina, help residents who needed projects done, put up Christmas decorations at the marina, and take people out on the pontoon boat. We knew all the residents but especially my grandparents were in good hands for the winter.

One of my favorite memories of the marina include a family trip we took to the Gram’s condo. I am not sure why we went, but my dad, mom, sister, and I rode down in my mom’s little Toyota Solara. My sister braided my hair in teeny tiny braids in the back seat as we made the 18+ hour drive from PA to FL. Over the next week, we went to Fort Myers Beach, Shrimp Shack, and Rib City. Some of my parents’ and grandparents’ favorite places to go to.

The second memory is when my sister started dating a guy, who would end up becoming her husband. He came with us on a family trip to Gram’s condo. I remember sitting down at the marina and a raccoon came to see what we had to eat. The Captain got his BB gun out just in case the little creature got a little too close. Well, that BB gun turned into a shooting contest. There were wind chimes hanging in the tree, and we decided to see who could make them ding. My dad eventually taught me how to line the dang thing up after shooting into the trees for about 20 minutes. Then for some reason, I was on fire. We would take turns and see who could hit it the most. We had so much fun. Well, I did. Probably because I was winning ….

Needless to say, Gram’s condo holds many, many memories for us. As Gram and I made our way into Fort Myers after her broken hip, I wasn’t sure how Gram would react. This was her first time at the condo without my grandfather. I assumed it would be tough, and she may be emotional, which she was. But being in the smaller setting with the sunshine and the memories of family around us, she nursed her way back to amazing health. In less than two weeks, she was walking without her walker, and it was like the broken hip never existed! She was so strong and inspiring.

While we were there, I realized that the Gold’s Gym I used to go to had shut down. Since I had just started CrossFit, I decided to search for a CrossFit gym. I compared two different ones and decided on CrossFit Thoroughbreds. That Thursday, I went and enjoyed the people and the community. They offered a boot camp on Saturday morning, and I decided to try it. That’s when I met two people, who little did I know at the time, would enter my life to stay and bring some incredible life changes. One was an amazing woman who would later become one of my greatest friends and supporter (who also inspired me to do this blog) and the other was an absolutely wonderful man who would later take in Gram, the cat, and me and ask me to be his wife.

In Adventures with Gram

She Goes Where We Go

November 10, 2020 No Comments

While Gram has been limited in what she can do and how fast she can go, she has usually been up for an adventure. She goes where we go. When we do something fun or go on an adventure, people always ask, “what did you do with Gram?” We can’t leave her home alone so we take her almost everywhere we go. Our friends know when we come to visit, it’s me, my husband, Gram, and even sometimes the cat.

As you read in “How Did I Get Here“, I have been taking care of Gram for almost five years. In that time, Gram has probably flown on more planes and been on more adventures than she had the previous 91 years of her life. And for that, I am thankful and blessed. Gram goes where we go, and I am sure we probably wear her out, but she just keeps ticking like the Energizer bunny. So strong and inspiring.

Although we know we need a “Break from Gram“, we also know if she goes where we go, she will enjoy it. We all will. Sometimes she takes more coaxing to start the adventure, but almost every time she says thank you and has a huge smile on her face at the end. Since 2016, she has hiked Cooper’s Rock, done shot ski’s in Copper Mountain, sat on the beach in the Outer Banks and Virginia Beach, been on our boat for over 140 hours, sat in between us on the golf cart, and spent hours in the car driving back and forth from Florida to Pennsylvania. Whether our adventures are up and down the East Coast or just a jaunt in the car to the nearest ice cream shop she always seems to have a good time.

Then it happened. This summer, Gram got weaker. It all seemed to have started with a sore on her ankle. Then her right leg was numb so she was getting up several times a night trying to “walk it off.” I was so tired and frustrated. Getting up to walk around on a numb leg just isn’t a good idea. It was then that I started doubting my abilities as a caregiver. Could I continue doing it and keep her safe?

She became more and more wobbly and unsteady. One morning she fell and hit her head. We ended up having to take her to Med Express for stitches. By the time we got there, she didn’t even remember she had fallen.

About a month later, we had five days of respite care (through Hospice), and although we wanted her to go where we went, we also wanted a few days away. Well, when we picked her up 4 days later, she still had the same socks on she went in with. They had her in a hospital gown instead of the clothes I sent with her. Her food was to the side of her bed and completely untouched. She wasn’t up, dressed, packed, or even close to being ready to go home. I was there 30 minutes getting her out of bed, to the restroom, washed up, and into her clothes. Not one person came by. Next, I realized her toothbrush was still in the wrapper. I was LIVID, to say the least.

After that, gram got weaker still. She started having trouble walking even short distances. She started using a walker. Because she had been in the bed for so long, we had to make her walk short distances to try to gain some strength back.

Towards the end of summer, her congestive heart failure started filling her with fluid. She was having a very hard time breathing, and we were scared she wasn’t going to make it. She was so weak, and we were worried we were going to lose her. Hospice was wonderful again, got her some medications, and Gram, the superwoman that she is, nursed her way back to health.

Gram definitely isn’t as strong as she once was and it definitely is getting harder on us as caregivers. She is slower, she is more forgetful, she is weaker, and she is even having trouble standing up. We are so blessed to have had all these wonderful years with Gram, but caregiving is getting harder and harder. She still goes where we go, but it takes a lot more effort and takes a lot more time. She gets worn out more quickly. She needs a wheelchair more often than not. She doesn’t want to go as much anymore either. And we realize it is hard for her and on her body. Sometimes we wonder if we are pushing too hard or expecting too much.

Over the past two months, I have realized that Gram doesn’t really want to get out of bed anymore. Even when we were visiting her daughter and great-grandchildren, she would say “just leave me in bed.” It hit me that she didn’t realize that she was missing time with the kids or her own daughter. Even though she asks about my mom and the kids all the time, she showed little effort in wanting to spend time with them and that made me so sad. I know in her heart she wants to be a part of it all, but in her dementia brain, she could care less.

This realization made us start seriously thinking about getting extra help with Gram. We found a lady who seemed perfect and jumped right in helping Gram, but three days later she quit saying the job was more difficult than she had anticipated. This made us realize that it was time to consider a memory care facility. We do not want to do this by any means, but we can’t take the chance that a caregiver is going to quit on us again, forcing us, and Gram to start over again with another new face in the house . We are also wondering if Gram just wants to sit and do nothing. Does she try so hard to keep moving because she doesn’t want to disappoint us or let us down?

Although I can’t imagine taking her to a facility and dropping her off, we are not confident that we can keep her safe at home. We are so torn. I have been crying on and off for two weeks now. I took her to get her hair done and she could barely make it to the door. We took her to the store, and she could barely get in the car. We took her to sit out by the pool and she tried to get up by herself and fell. We cannot keep our eyes on our 24/7, and we just don’t know what to do. We also know Gram has lived an amazing life, and we want to live ours, too. Does Gram just want to sit in a chair all day? Does she just want to dream of her lost loved ones? Are we pushing her too hard to push herself? We understand that this may be one of the hardest decisions we have to make, and we really don’t want to make. We are scared and nervous and worried about how she will adjust. We are scared, nervous, and worried about how we will adjust. But it appears “life changes” are on our doorstep.

Has anyone had to make this type of decision? What did you do? How did you decide?