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In Adventures with Gram

St. Patty’s Day

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In February, I shared my Letter from Gram. She has been gone just over two years. I still miss her like crazy, and I wish that the people who did not have the chance to meet her could know her somehow. Therefore, I will continue to try to keep her spirit alive by sharing wonderful memories of her and our adventures together. St. Patty’s Day is especially memorable for me as a wonderful group of people renamed it St. Gram’s Day.

Two years ago, My Hubby and I skipped the International ski week (which was canceled anyway due to Covid), and we planned a trip to Jackson Hole, WY. It was a beautiful little town and the view from the top of the mountain was the fantastic.  However, the most memorable experience for me was with my amazing ski friends during an apes ski get together. We all had gathered on the deck of our hotel for a post ski day St. Patty’s celebration. Little did I know, this group of about 20 people (led by two fantastic people) had shirts made with Gram’s picture in the Instagram logo with the phrase “Do It For The Gram” (which is apparently a slang for taking photos for Instagram). My husband gave a little speech, and they all unzipped their jackets simultaneously. And there she was! Gram, our Matriarch, and her sweet little smile.

ski weeks group with gram shirts on

This week of St. Patty’s Day, we are out in Colorado skiing Copper Mountain and Aspen Snowmass. We have a smaller group than usual because many of the airlines went to Norway for the international ski week and competition. Our team decided not to go. Therefore, several of us decided to ski together at these two mountains.

Even though not everyone will remember Gram or what this group of people did, I will never forget the meaningful gesture these folks put together for me. Many of them had the pleasure of knowing sweet gram while some did not. But they all were more than willing to put on her sweet face.

jeff and stacy st patty's day

These are the kinds of friends that will forever remain in my heart. I may only see them on ski weeks and may only get to have a beer or two with them throughout the week but their kindheartedness will forever live in my memory. Their love for us and for Gram is beyond comparison.

This St. Patrick’s week along with all the ones in the future will forever hold a special place in my heart. I can’t thank you enough sweet husband of mine and amazing friends for making that trip so special and for keeping Gram’s memory alive.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

 

 

 

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In Family

People

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Isn’t it interesting how people act? I have always loved people watching, but I guess I never really thought about why they act the way they do or say the things they say. Lately, I have been more intrigued by the why of people’s actions. Through therapy, I have learned that many times when people say or do hurtful things, it has more to do with them and their internal struggles than actually with me. It is hard at times, but I have learned that their words and actions cannot hurt me if I don’t let them.

For example, I heard the other day someone say my husband and I were not good caregivers to Gram. Wow. Can you believe that? It’s actually pretty comical. I guess it did stop me in my tracks for a second. I had a few responses forming in my head of what I really wanted to say to this person. But I took a deep breath and decided if that person is that unhappy that she has to tell tall tales then she doesn’t deserve a reaction from me. I decided her words can’t hurt me. I know that we took the best care of Gram and that Gram was grateful for every minute. Honestly, I feel sad for this person. To be so miserable that you need to talk behind someone’s back must be an awful way to live. I hope she can find peace and happiness somehow.

two little girls telling secrets

Photo by Vitolda Klein on Unsplash

I have another friend who has had some family issues in the past and the last straw was when her sibling went to jail. She has a good job and the family has asked for money, which she has given in the past but it did not help. It was not spent in the way it was asked. She has decided to try to help in other ways. Just sending money doesn’t really do anyone any good, especially when they have used that money in the past for ill intent. Her family disagrees with this decision and doesn’t appreciate the other actions she is taking. The other thing that hurts is the family members calling and asking for money is the only communication my friend receives. Does the family call to see how she is doing? Does the family call just to chat? Does the family call to check on her kids or grandkids? Well, the answer is no.

Does this hurt my friend’s feelings? Of course, it does. But should it? No. My friend is a wonderful, loving, and generous person. She wants to be more than a bank but for some reason, her family does not see her that way. It is not my friend’s fault, and even though it’s hard she needs to realize she is doing what is best for her (and probably for the family). If her family cannot see that she cares about them without giving them money then that is their loss. Yes, it is easier said than done, especially with family. You want to be a part of your family. You want to smile and laugh with them. You want to have a great relationship with them. But if you don’t act the way they demand or request, they make you out to be “the bad guy”, which is so sad.

It can be hard when some family members make more money than others. Some people feel that the one that makes more needs to give more to the others. Hmm, is this true? Is this the way it should be? Because you worked hard and sacrificed to achieve a great career you need to support others who made different choices, sometimes poor choices. We all have free will. Yes, maybe some people’s career choices are more lucrative than others, and that’s what makes the world go round. I chose the education field as my profession. Did I think I would get rich from teaching? Not in the money sense. But I made good choices with the money I made. I had a stable job and great benefits. I was able to own my own house and car and was able to do the activities I wanted to do. I didn’t live beyond my means, and yes, sometimes I made the choice to give up a few luxuries. But in the end that allowed me to save money to spend on travel which was my true passion.

So why is it that if you don’t behave the way your family wants you to they talk behind your back? Why do they try to get everyone on their side because of something you did or didn’t do? And why if they are hurt can’t they pick up the phone and have an adult conversation about their feelings with you? I don’t quite understand why people feel it is ok to say terrible things behind someone’s back but then smile at them the next time they see them and pretend nothing is wrong. And why just pretend? Why not have a real conversation? Don’t people want to know both sides of the story?

saying with a lady on the beach

What I think might be happening is that my friend and I are happy. We have great relationships with our husbands, wonderful kids, and great friends. We live life, and we have fun. I think others see this on social media, and then they get jealous because they themselves are not happy. They don’t have a happy life or marriage. They don’t have good friends surrounding them. So, therefore, instead of being supportive and happy they spew hate and hurtful words. I am not sure why. Why not be happy for and proud of that family member who has found success and happiness? I understand being envious but why write that person off instead of enjoying them and their success? I just don’t understand.

It is funny when people make assumptions based on social media. Some people put all their drama on there, positive or negative. Whatever you do, it is your choice. I would think most people know that social media isn’t the whole story. Yes, my friend and I have amazing times together and with other friends, but do we have days when we are down? Do we have stress at work or with other family members? Do we have difficult decisions to make? Of course! We don’t post every feeling we have every day. EVERYONE has struggles. EVERYONE deals with those struggles differently. Decide how you want to react.

I understand some people get caught up in addiction whether it be drugs or alcohol. Therefore, it is hard to make good life choices. They spend their money on the addiction instead of getting a better car, taking a trip or even paying their bills. Life is all about making choices. And with those choices come consequences. I can make the choice to drink and drive, or I can make the choice to drink and take an Uber. If I decided to drink and drive and got pulled over then I would need to suffer the consequences of those actions. It would be nobody’s fault but my own.

It is not fair to lay blame on others because you are unhappy. What you need to do is reevaluate your life. Reinvent yourself. Make better choices. Make choices that make you happy. You cannot rely on anyone else anything for happiness. Happiness is within you. You have the opportunity to spread kindness. You can spread good karma and that karma will come back around on you. Make good choices and spread the love!

Sign says do what you love

Photo by Millo Lin on Unsplash

For those who are in this position with ungrateful friends or family members, keep your head up. Live life to the fullest and don’t let others deflate your balloon. Hopefully, they will find their way. If not, let them live in their sad, depressed world. You be You.

Cover photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

 

 

 

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In Pilot's Wife

Relationships

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I have written a few posts about my husband, My Prince, My Rock, and My Valentine. As you know relationships, especially marriages are not perfect. They take work and communication, and sometimes therapy. But relationships are what make the world go round. They are what makes this life worth living. They are how we learn about love, compromise, and decision-making. Relationships are how we grow and learn throughout our lives. Even though our marriage is not perfect, Jeff and I are dedicated to making it the most adventurous, beautiful ride we can. We believe we need to grow and learn together. We need to support each other on whatever adventures come our way!

us having fun

This Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to tell someone you love how much they mean to you. Whether it’s a spouse, a significant other, a best friend, or just someone who once meant something to you. Take a few moments to send them a message about how much you care.

Valentine’s Day can be lonely for many people. It can make people who are single feel sad because they are alone and don’t have a Valentine. It can make couples feel pressure to go to dinner or spend too much money on roses that are overpriced. It can make people in relationships disappointed if their loved one doesn’t remember the holiday. Whatever this Day means to you, try to remember you don’t need to be sad, lonely, or disappointed. Love is all around you. And the first person you should love is yourself.

Maybe today you take some time to pamper yourself. Maybe you take a nice, hot bubble bath. Maybe you get dressed up and treat yourself to a nice dinner out. Maybe you go to your garden and pick yourself a bouquet of flowers. Maybe you draw or paint a picture. Whatever your passion, do something for yourself.

If you are in a relationship, spend some quality time with your loved one. Turn off the TV. Turn off the phone. Spend some time focusing on each other with no distractions. You don’t need to spend a lot of money or do anything fancy. Maybe play cards or play a game. Maybe read to each other or take a walk in a park. Whatever you do make time for one another.

Maybe today you get together with your friends. Maybe you go see a movie or watch a movie on Netlflix. Maybe you and a friend go for a walk or make dinner together. Maybe you aren’t in the same town so take a moment to FaceTime each other or talk on the phone.

Today, I will be at the top of a mountain in Steamboat Springs with my love and my ski friends. We will enjoy the beauty of this world from high on the hilltop. Even though it will be cold and snowy, we will appreciate the view, and we will thank God that we are physically able to ski down a mountain.

us on the moutain

Whatever you decide to do today, let your heart be filled with love. Love yourself, love your partner, and love this life. We are only here for a little while so enjoy yourself!

Happy Valentine’s Day my friends!

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

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In Family

My Grandfather

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This past Saturday marked seven years since my grandfather took his last breath. My mom, gram, and I were there by his side. He had been on the decline for a while but it really showed the last month of his life and that last week.  He couldn’t eat or drink. He quit talking, and anyone who knows him knows that he was a talker! We asked the priest from our hometown to come to deliver the anointing of the sick per our Catholic traditions. Even though she couldn’t be there in person, my sister was able to participate by phone. It seemed the end was near.

I couldn’t believe we were going to lose him. He had just turned 90 and seemed so full of life. He loved spending Christmas with all of us in Virginia, and he loved going to Fort Myers afterward. Many of my favorite memories with them are driving them to and from Florida. Gram would be in the passenger seat with the Atlas on her lap and my grandfather in the backseat snoring.

stacy, gram, gramps and sister

He loved going to the condo in Fort Myers. He loved sitting out on the lanai eating breakfast and reading his newspaper. Their best friends lived in the condo across the street. Both couples were getting older and traveling was getting harder. My grandfather also loved calling people on his cell phone. He was always so loud. He would usually start every conversation with some kind of joke and then just start laughing hysterically. He loved to laugh. He also loved to eat which is why he had congestive heart failure and diabetes which ultimately led to his end.

I came home from Thailand on December 18, 2015. I wanted to see my newborn nephew as well as spend time with my grandparents that Christmas. We had a great few weeks together, making pierogies and getting ready for Christmas. The day after Christmas I was supposed to drive my grandparents to Fort Myers for the winter. But Christmas evening my grandfather didn’t look well, and my sister suggested he go to the emergency room. This was not good. I was supposed to leave on New Year’s Eve to head back to my teaching position. Those first few days I was so torn and it didn’t appear that Gramps was getting out of the hospital any time soon. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but after some discussion, I decided I had done enough traveling for the time being and would stay home and see where the journey led.

After a month in the hospital, visits from family, and time in rehab, Gram and I took my grandfather home to Pennsylvania in Hospice care. He wanted more than anything to go to Fort Myers, but I just couldn’t fathom driving with him for 16 hours by myself. He couldn’t even hold himself up let alone walk into rest areas or restaurants. How could I get him there and then get him into the condo? Against his wishes, we decided to take him seven hours home to PA. My cousin had to help me get him into the house. Boy, was that a fiasco! Thanks, cuz! But we got him in. Hospice came that afternoon, and they told us he would be ok. But a few days later, it seemed the end was inevitable.

grandfather and family

I can’t believe it’s been seven years. How has so much time passed already? My grandfather was right there by my side for the first 40 years of my life. I am beyond blessed that during my childhood he and Gram lived two blocks from us. My grandfather would take my sister and me everywhere. My parents both worked as did Gramps but he was the one who had the flexibility in his schedule to pick us up from school. Once he scooped us, he would take us up to the gym, and we would mess around in the weight room or watch as his players practiced as he was the basketball coach at Alliance College. When it was nice out we would go on the field and throw the softball around. He was all about sports, and he didn’t care that we were girls. He was going to turn us into the best athletes possible.

He wasn’t always the gentle teddy bear, especially when it came to athletics. He would push us and demand we do better. He would even swear under his breath when we got it wrong or messed around. And as much pressure, as you may think that put on us, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. He was the guy you didn’t want to disappoint. He was the guy you wanted to prove yourself to. He was the guy who would eventually tell you how proud he was of you.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t think about my grandfather a lot. I am not sure why. Maybe because I feel guilty for not taking him to Fort Myers. Maybe because I remember so many good times with him that it hurts to think about them. Maybe because I started caregiving for Sweet Gram right away and need to be strong for her. I don’t know. Or maybe he is just always right there that I don’t have to consciously think about him.

But always, I will cherish the memories of you, Gramps. I will look for all the signs from heaven that you are here and around me every day. I will celebrate the wonderful life you lived, and I will thank God this life had you for 90 wonderful years. Miss you much!

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

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In Family

Five Years Later

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As you all know, I lost my sister almost five years ago. It still stings every day, and so many times I want to call her, ask her for advice or just give her a big ole hug. But then I realize I can’t. And it hurts, really hurts. But I have to pull myself together and move forward. Even though she isn’t here I can still imagine what advice she would give me because most of the time, I knew the answer in my heart, I just needed her to reassure me.

Sisterhood is an amazing bond. If you are lucky enough to have a sister, hold onto her tightly. If you have any type of bond that resembled the one my sister and I had, please know I am extremely envious. My sister and I could just look at each other and knew what each other was thinking. We knew when the other one needed support or needed to vent. She always knew what to say to me, and I miss that most of all.

five years christmas

Five years. Where did the time go? Things have changed so much in such little time. Her children are now 10 and seven. I look at the last few pictures of my sister’s life and the kids are so small. My nephew is just a little pea pod of two years old. Does he truly remember her? Does he remember her sweet smile and demeanor? Does he remember her holding him and rocking him? He knows her picture and talks as though he does. We can only hope. My niece who was five at the time remembers her but what does she remember? And how much does she remember of my sister’s illness and battle with cancer? How does that impact her? All we can do is hope that they go to therapy or a support group like Valerie’s House if they need it and develop into happy, loving, kind human beings.

I can’t imagine losing a spouse. Of course, marriages are not perfect. They take work, communication, respect, and love. And yes, sometimes you really want your spouse to go away, but you don’t expect to lose someone to cancer at such a young age. My sister was only 38 years old and her husband was only 33. Their lives were just beginning and their family was just starting. Sometimes I get so upset that she finally found the love of her life and then she was taken away. Sometimes this life seems so unfair. I want to scream, and I want her to come back, but yet again, I have to move forward. I have no control over life’s events.

Since she must have been needed in Heaven and can’t be with us anymore, we need to realize that she would want us all to live life to the fullest until we meet her again. In my heart, I know that she would want her husband and her children to be happy. She would want her husband to find love again. She would want him to smile, laugh, go on adventures, and have fun. She would want him to find a woman to help nurture her children. She would want someone in her children’s lives who would love them and treat them with kindness and respect. She would want them to know love and see their father happy. She would want her children to exude positive energy and happiness, not sorrow and despair. I believe my brother-in-law has found someone that exudes those qualities that my sister would want. I am truly happy for him and the kids.

Here we are almost five years later. Even though I miss my sister more than words can say and wish she was here more than anything, I am grateful that my brother-in-law has found someone. This new woman and her family celebrated the holidays with our family. It seems this woman has brought a lot of positive changes to my brother-in-law’s life. When I see him with her, I see them smiling, laughing, and enjoying each other and each other’s children. I like her a lot and hope we become closer as time moves on. I am excited to embrace these new family members and am open to creating a bond with this new woman and her family. I hope she is as open to me as I am to her, and I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us.

five years stacy and new gf

Yes, change is hard. Losing a family member is hard. Losing a young life is hard. Life is hard. Sometimes family dynamics unexpectedly change and sometimes family becomes people who are not necessarily related to you by blood. And sometimes you find new family members actually related to you by blood. The one thing we can all count on is that life changes. Let’s embrace those changes and make the best of the situations we are in.

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope this year you embrace new adventures. I hope you embrace new family members, and I hope you realize life is too short to hold grudges, to be pissed off at the little things, and to degrade other people because you feel bad about yourself. Let’s make an effort to celebrate and support one another in 2023.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

 

 

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