On one of our summer road trips, we stopped at my sister-in-law’s house in West Virginia. They have four dogs, three of which probably weigh more than Gram. Although Gram loves dogs, she gets a little anxious around them, especially if they jump, bark, or lick. When we walked up to the house, the dogs came running 🙂 Wide-eyed Gram said, “I don’t need your kisses.  No no no.” Then she asked my sister-in-law, “how many dogs do you have?” She seemed to be in disbelief at the number of dogs around her. Gram doesn’t usually say too much, but when she does talk, she is pretty funny and delightful. Usually…

For the next three hours, all we heard over and over was, “How many dogs do you have?” We would say four. Then, she would count them. Then, five minutes later she would ask again, “How many dogs do you have?” She would count them again. It was funny but also sad and slightly frustrating that she just couldn’t remember how many dogs were around. Then every third time, she would say, “They have four dogs and you won’t even let me have one” with a sad look on her face. I see how parents get roped into buying things and getting pets. I mean, how can you say no to such a sweet face?

The next morning as she was sitting eating her egg and toast, she counted three dogs and she said, “Hmm, one is missing.” We were the ones now in disbelief that she finally knew how many dogs they had!

We have learned to accept the fact that her dementia brain isn’t going to remember the short term. She’s going to ask the same questions again and again and again. Yes, we could and sometimes do get very frustrated, and we could make her feel bad by saying, “Can’t you remember, you just asked that question.” But we try to roll our eyes, laugh, and just answer the question again hoping it will sink in eventually. Sometimes, we try to make her laugh as well by giving her some off the wall answer to her repetitive question. Then, she is the one rolling her eyes at us.

I have tried to rely on the strategies I used as a special education teacher for being a good caregiver. Gram has definitely tried my patience and those around us. I mean how many times can you answer the question “How many dogs do you have?” But she’s so cute 🙂 and I have also learned I need to find and celebrate what she can do. It really doesn’t do any good to dwell on what she can’t do anymore.

If you are a caregiver or know someone with Dementia or Alzheimer’s, Teepa Snow is a fabulous resource. She is a psychologist, and she has several helpful videos about being a good caretaker. She explains how to handle stressful situations, how to understand the person with dementia, and how to diffuse aggressive situations.

I am just thankful we have amazing family and friends who understand her and just keep answering the question “how many dogs do you have?”