Life is meant to be lived so live it! Don’t do the same thing over and over. Go on an adventure! Take chances! Take the leap and do something different! Life is short. Live it!
“Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.”
—Robin Sharma
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
This past Saturday marked seven years since my grandfather took his last breath. My mom, gram, and I were there by his side. He had been on the decline for a while but it really showed the last month of his life and that last week. He couldn’t eat or drink. He quit talking, and anyone who knows him knows that he was a talker! We asked the priest from our hometown to come to deliver the anointing of the sick per our Catholic traditions. Even though she couldn’t be there in person, my sister was able to participate by phone. It seemed the end was near.
I couldn’t believe we were going to lose him. He had just turned 90 and seemed so full of life. He loved spending Christmas with all of us in Virginia, and he loved going to Fort Myers afterward. Many of my favorite memories with them are driving them to and from Florida. Gram would be in the passenger seat with the Atlas on her lap and my grandfather in the backseat snoring.
He loved going to the condo in Fort Myers. He loved sitting out on the lanai eating breakfast and reading his newspaper. Their best friends lived in the condo across the street. Both couples were getting older and traveling was getting harder. My grandfather also loved calling people on his cell phone. He was always so loud. He would usually start every conversation with some kind of joke and then just start laughing hysterically. He loved to laugh. He also loved to eat which is why he had congestive heart failure and diabetes which ultimately led to his end.
I came home from Thailand on December 18, 2015. I wanted to see my newborn nephew as well as spend time with my grandparents that Christmas. We had a great few weeks together, making pierogies and getting ready for Christmas. The day after Christmas I was supposed to drive my grandparents to Fort Myers for the winter. But Christmas evening my grandfather didn’t look well, and my sister suggested he go to the emergency room. This was not good. I was supposed to leave on New Year’s Eve to head back to my teaching position. Those first few days I was so torn and it didn’t appear that Gramps was getting out of the hospital any time soon. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but after some discussion, I decided I had done enough traveling for the time being and would stay home and see where the journey led.
After a month in the hospital, visits from family, and time in rehab, Gram and I took my grandfather home to Pennsylvania in Hospice care. He wanted more than anything to go to Fort Myers, but I just couldn’t fathom driving with him for 16 hours by myself. He couldn’t even hold himself up let alone walk into rest areas or restaurants. How could I get him there and then get him into the condo? Against his wishes, we decided to take him seven hours home to PA. My cousin had to help me get him into the house. Boy, was that a fiasco! Thanks, cuz! But we got him in. Hospice came that afternoon, and they told us he would be ok. But a few days later, it seemed the end was inevitable.
I can’t believe it’s been seven years. How has so much time passed already? My grandfather was right there by my side for the first 40 years of my life. I am beyond blessed that during my childhood he and Gram lived two blocks from us. My grandfather would take my sister and me everywhere. My parents both worked as did Gramps but he was the one who had the flexibility in his schedule to pick us up from school. Once he scooped us, he would take us up to the gym, and we would mess around in the weight room or watch as his players practiced as he was the basketball coach at Alliance College. When it was nice out we would go on the field and throw the softball around. He was all about sports, and he didn’t care that we were girls. He was going to turn us into the best athletes possible.
He wasn’t always the gentle teddy bear, especially when it came to athletics. He would push us and demand we do better. He would even swear under his breath when we got it wrong or messed around. And as much pressure, as you may think that put on us, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. He was the guy you didn’t want to disappoint. He was the guy you wanted to prove yourself to. He was the guy who would eventually tell you how proud he was of you.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t think about my grandfather a lot. I am not sure why. Maybe because I feel guilty for not taking him to Fort Myers. Maybe because I remember so many good times with him that it hurts to think about them. Maybe because I started caregiving for Sweet Gram right away and need to be strong for her. I don’t know. Or maybe he is just always right there that I don’t have to consciously think about him.
But always, I will cherish the memories of you, Gramps. I will look for all the signs from heaven that you are here and around me every day. I will celebrate the wonderful life you lived, and I will thank God this life had you for 90 wonderful years. Miss you much!
Every morning wake up with a fresh start and a positive thought. Every day can be the best day if you realize the beauty around you.
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson
As you all know, I lost my sister almost five years ago. It still stings every day, and so many times I want to call her, ask her for advice or just give her a big ole hug. But then I realize I can’t. And it hurts, really hurts. But I have to pull myself together and move forward. Even though she isn’t here I can still imagine what advice she would give me because most of the time, I knew the answer in my heart, I just needed her to reassure me.
Sisterhood is an amazing bond. If you are lucky enough to have a sister, hold onto her tightly. If you have any type of bond that resembled the one my sister and I had, please know I am extremely envious. My sister and I could just look at each other and knew what each other was thinking. We knew when the other one needed support or needed to vent. She always knew what to say to me, and I miss that most of all.
Five years. Where did the time go? Things have changed so much in such little time. Her children are now 10 and seven. I look at the last few pictures of my sister’s life and the kids are so small. My nephew is just a little pea pod of two years old. Does he truly remember her? Does he remember her sweet smile and demeanor? Does he remember her holding him and rocking him? He knows her picture and talks as though he does. We can only hope. My niece who was five at the time remembers her but what does she remember? And how much does she remember of my sister’s illness and battle with cancer? How does that impact her? All we can do is hope that they go to therapy or a support group like Valerie’s House if they need it and develop into happy, loving, kind human beings.
I can’t imagine losing a spouse. Of course, marriages are not perfect. They take work, communication, respect, and love. And yes, sometimes you really want your spouse to go away, but you don’t expect to lose someone to cancer at such a young age. My sister was only 38 years old and her husband was only 33. Their lives were just beginning and their family was just starting. Sometimes I get so upset that she finally found the love of her life and then she was taken away. Sometimes this life seems so unfair. I want to scream, and I want her to come back, but yet again, I have to move forward. I have no control over life’s events.
Since she must have been needed in Heaven and can’t be with us anymore, we need to realize that she would want us all to live life to the fullest until we meet her again. In my heart, I know that she would want her husband and her children to be happy. She would want her husband to find love again. She would want him to smile, laugh, go on adventures, and have fun. She would want him to find a woman to help nurture her children. She would want someone in her children’s lives who would love them and treat them with kindness and respect. She would want them to know love and see their father happy. She would want her children to exude positive energy and happiness, not sorrow and despair. I believe my brother-in-law has found someone that exudes those qualities that my sister would want. I am truly happy for him and the kids.
Here we are almost five years later. Even though I miss my sister more than words can say and wish she was here more than anything, I am grateful that my brother-in-law has found someone. This new woman and her family celebrated the holidays with our family. It seems this woman has brought a lot of positive changes to my brother-in-law’s life. When I see him with her, I see them smiling, laughing, and enjoying each other and each other’s children. I like her a lot and hope we become closer as time moves on. I am excited to embrace these new family members and am open to creating a bond with this new woman and her family. I hope she is as open to me as I am to her, and I can’t wait to see where this journey takes us.
Yes, change is hard. Losing a family member is hard. Losing a young life is hard. Life is hard. Sometimes family dynamics unexpectedly change and sometimes family becomes people who are not necessarily related to you by blood. And sometimes you find new family members actually related to you by blood. The one thing we can all count on is that life changes. Let’s embrace those changes and make the best of the situations we are in.
Happy New Year, everyone! I hope this year you embrace new adventures. I hope you embrace new family members, and I hope you realize life is too short to hold grudges, to be pissed off at the little things, and to degrade other people because you feel bad about yourself. Let’s make an effort to celebrate and support one another in 2023.
Life is a crazy ride and you are driving. Where do you want to go? How do you want to live? You have the power to decide and make the necessary changes to get you there.
“Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.”
―Germany Kent
Photo by Brendan Church on Unsplash
I write a lot about my sister’s children because I feel so close to them and they are such an important part of my life. Sometimes I forget that we have five more nieces and nephews on my husband’s side of the family. Three of them are beginning adulthood and making lives for themselves, as are our sons. They are starting their careers and continuing their education. Some have significant others in their lives and some don’t. They are talented young people, and although they don’t call me Aunt Stacy, I am proud to be just that.
We also have two younger nieces. They are the most beautiful little girls inside and out. They are talented, smart, funny, and full of curiosity. We love spending time with them just as much as we love spending time with my sister’s children. I love hearing them call me Aunt Stacy, and I love watching their eyes light up when they tell a joke, and we laugh out loud. I also love braiding their hair and getting their gifts of love such as drawings and notes.
These two are seven and nine. They love spending time with their grandparents in the summer, and they do a week-long stay called “Camp Mo Mo”. During this “camp”, they spend time at the beach, do art projects, go to the pier, and eat too much ice cream (which was one of my favorite things to do with Sweet Gram!). Their parents get a little break and the girls get to spend some valuable time with their grandparents. I am thinking I need to start a “Camp Aunt Stacy.”
Because I never had children of my own, I get attached to these little people. I love their energy and their amazing spirit. I love how all of my younger nieces and nephews laugh with such innocence. They have no cares or worries. They are just happy being happy. They don’t need anything material. Just love.
Over the summer, we spent some time with our nieces at the beach. We walked through a cute little beach town and did some shopping. Their mom teaches them how to stay healthy by eating well. We showed them how to stay active by participating in a little workout on their grandparents’ deck. They were full of energy and loved doing burpees (I mean what child wouldn’t lol). They called me Aunt Stacy the whole time. They rode on my shoulders as well as my husband’s. They couldn’t get enough of us, and we couldn’t get enough of them.
I assume my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law as well as their significant others would really enjoy some time off from parenting and responsibility. I hope I can get these four little people together this year and host a “Camp Aunt Stacy” at our home in Florida. We will do crafts, play card games like “kings on the corner”, swim in the pool, and hopefully get Uncle Jeff to take us out on the boat.
Maybe Camp Aunt Stacy can become a yearly tradition. Maybe Camp Aunt Stacy will be a traveling camp of different experiences for these little people in different places. Maybe Camp Aunt Stacy will be as memorable for them as I know it will be for me. So, keep your fingers crossed, and let’s get Camp Aunt Stacy started!
The first thing we need to decide is that we want to make a change. If you are not happy where you are then take the necessary steps to change it. It’s scary but you can do it!
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.”
—J.P. Morgan
Photo by Jukan Tateisi on Unsplash
It’s a new year. What do you want yours to look like? Are you happy where you are? Would you like to try something new? Then take the chance, make the changes, and change your story.
“New year—a new chapter, new verse, or just the same old story? Ultimately we write it. The choice is ours.”
—Alex Morritt
Photo by S O C I A L . C U T on Unsplash
Even though I grew up around the game of golf, I was never much interested in playing the sport. My whole family golfed including the women. I felt like the day was too long, it was too hard, and there wasn’t enough action for me. My grandfather ran a golf tournament all of my life. I got involved in selling candy bars at the tournament when I was in second grade. Then my sister and I became the beer girls and eventually, I ran the thing when he passed away.
Last month, I had a wonderful experience. I went to a networking group in Florida called #LEGS (Ladies Executive Golf Society). It’s all about women meeting women and learning a new skill, golf! My friend, Karen, introduced me to this group, and I felt like I was exactly in the right place at the right time. Tonight, we meet again, and we are learning how to putt before we socialize and learn more about each other. I can’t wait! The last time I went I left feeling excited and hopeful. I hope this organization continues to grow in the Fort Myers area. And I hope I can attend many more of these events!
#LEGS was started for women by women. Its vision is to empower women to try new things, build relationships, foster growth in communities, and have fun! If you think about it, many men develop business relationships and networking connections on the golf course whether they are any good at the sport or not. As women, we don’t always take that step to try something new, especially something as challenging and overwhelming as golf. #LEGS is trying to change that by giving us the confidence to step on the golf course and support other women in the community. Let’s get more women out on the golf course!
Whether you are into golf and whether you work or not, I highly suggest coming to at least one event. The events are posted on the website and occur once a month. Golf is just a tiny piece of what the group is all about and part of the event registration fee goes to a local charity. The one in Fort Myers is called Valerie’s House which is a nonprofit dedicated to helping children on their journey of grief after losing a parent or sibling.
There are #LEGS chapters in six cities in Florida, but the founder is always looking to expand. If you are willing to start a chapter in your area contact Jillian Foss at ladiesexecutivegolfsociety@gmail.com. If you are in the Fort Myers area, please sign up and take a chance at this event. Come meet other women and learn a new skill. There is still time to sign up for tonight’s event at Eastwood Country Club. See you there!
Photo by Courtney Cook on Unsplash
Most people love summer more than winter but I truly believe every season has such beauty. The summer sun is amazing and that’s why my Rock and I are pretty much Sunbirds. We chase the sun all year. But we also find time to marvel at the beauty of the mountains, the lakes, and the snow when we go skiing.
“He who marvels at the beauty of the world in summer will find equal cause for wonder and admiration in winter.”
— John Burroughs
Photo by Hert Niks on Unsplash