cancer sucks Archives - Inspired & Strong | Making the Best of Every Day with Stacy

Six Years Ago

May 7, 2024 No Comments

May 7. On this day six years ago I lost my best friend, my sister. How is it six years? I miss her so much and think about her every day. Sometimes I will make a face in the mirror and think wow I look like my sister. And it makes me sad that she is gone but it makes me smile that maybe that is her way of saying I am right here with you. And that gives me comfort. I still need to be more conscious of the Signs from Heaven.

It’s amazing how time goes by so fast. I started this blog on her birthday almost four years ago. It was to help me with my grief journey as well as talk about my amazing Adventures with Gram who I also miss more every day. I wanted to write in a way that would honor the memory of my sister. And I hoped that my posts would help others. I hoped my writings would inspire others and help them to become stronger on their journey.

If you knew my sister then you know how amazing she was. You know how big her heart was. You know she would do anything for her family, friends, or anyone who asked. She was the sweetest soul.

Growing up we would play school together. I would be the teacher and make her the student. I am not sure she liked playing school but it was fun for me. We loved music, and we made a tape of us singing some of our favorite songs. I wish we could find that thing. I think there is still an audiocassette player in the basement that I could play it on. Anyone who knows me knows I CANNOT sing. She may have been a little better than me but… needless to say, we sang and we loved it! We thought we were so good! We loved listening to music and would record songs off of the radio station. It made us so mad when they would talk over the music. I guess that is what we get for trying to get the songs without buying the actual tape or record. We did everything together.

I was the oldest so I paved the way for her when we became teenagers. I was the one who stayed out too late and tried to push the limits as far as I could. My mother hated liars, and I was terrible at it. Every time I tried to lie I would end up messing it up and getting myself caught. It ended up being better just to tell my mom the truth. It saved us both some heartache. My dad was pretty easygoing so when he was upset, I knew I was in trouble.

But I got in trouble and my sister could do no wrong. I guess the little ones just learn by watching and figuring out what NOT to do, and they stay out of trouble. Or they learn how to get away with things! Little sneaks. I mean look how cute she was. They couldn’t get upset with her. I suppose I never learned my lesson because sometimes I still feel like the little kid who pisses off my mom.

My sister was an amazing person, sister, friend, daughter, and mother. She was ALWAYS there for me. I could call her with the littlest problem and she would offer her advice and help me out. I have never been good at decisions. I always say yes then after thinking about it I want to change my mind. I think I know in my mind what the right decision is but I always need someone else to give me the green light and agree with me. She was the one who could help me see the pros and cons of each decision. She just knew what to say and knew what I needed to hear. God, I wish she was still here to help me.

If you knew my sister you know how great of a soul she was. You probably have been missing her for six years as well. Sometimes I wonder how different life would be if she were still here. But I realize these are the things I cannot change. These are the things we must live with and carry on with. We will never forget her; some days may be sadder than others, but we need to live our best life in her honor.

We need to realize that we can only control our reactions to events in our lives. I know as much as I miss her, I need to focus on the positives. I need to be happy that I am still alive and that I have a wonderful life to live. I realize this life is short, and I can’t waste time being upset with others because they didn’t behave in the way I wanted them to. I need to accept others for who they are. I need to surround myself with people who lift me up. I can’t let little things bother me. I cannot be the judge of others. Everyone is living their best life. Everyone is on their own journey reacting to their circumstances. Some may do it more beautifully than others. We can’t be jealous of others, and we can’t put others down. Maybe we want something others have and if we do then let’s work hard and achieve that goal. But let’s not be upset with that person for something they have that we don’t.

My sister lived her life as a wonderful example of how to live for her short 38 years. And she lived that life to the fullest. She focused on her goals and her family, and if negative people showed up, she let them go. I think we can all learn a little bit from her wonderful spirit. Missing you little one.

In Family

My Birthday!

April 9, 2024 2 Comments

Monday, April 1, was my birthday which always happens to be April Fools’ Day! And I love it. Many people would find being born on April 1 annoying, but I have always found it so much fun. My mom tried to get me out on March 31, but I am glad my little body decided to stay in there until 12:06 midnight 48 years ago.

April has always been the best time for a birthday. It’s springtime and the weather starts getting better. It doesn’t fall around Christmas or Back to School Time so you get presents throughout the whole year for all the special occasions 🙂 Sometimes it falls around Easter, but that just makes it more special.

But here we are, another trip around the sun for me. Some people fret about getting older, but I think what I have learned from my dear family members who have passed away at the young ages of 38, 60, and 63 is that celebrating a birthday is a magical thing that you should feel blessed to be celebrating.

Although it is hard to believe that I am TWO years away from turning the BIG 5-0, I am excited about it. I hope I make it, and I hope I get to celebrate. My goal has always been to make it to all 50 states by my 50th birthday. If I haven’t made it to all 50 states by 50 (I’ll be close), my birthday party may end up in Arkansas! I am not sure what there is to do in Arkansas, but I will have to think of something if that happens to be the last state on my list.

This year, I was blessed that my late sister’s family was in town for Easter AND my birthday for the second year in a row. I hope the Spring Break tradition continues. I was so excited to spend time with my brother-in-law, his girlfriend, my niece and nephew, and my bonus niece and nephews. It was a packed few days with nine of us running around the house. We made it to church, had a delicious brunch, afternoon pool time, and an Easter dinner on the pool deck. The next few days were filled with boating and spending time on Fort Myers Beach. If you have visited us in Fort Myers then you probably know of our favorite ice cream place called Love Boat. My Prince and I continue to follow the tradition of my late grandfather which started over 20 years ago. Just like he did, we take all of our visitors to the Love Boat for ice cream! And I haven’t found one person who doesn’t love it! The rest of our time together was spent playing pool, ping pong, and games around the fire.

Anyway, as I get older I try to look at the positives. I don’t need anything materialistic for my birthday, just a few good wishes and some time with family and friends. I also realize that birthdays don’t need to be celebrated on the exact day which is perfect for me because I love celebrating ANYTIME around my birthday with ANYONE willing to celebrate!!

So the next birthday you have, live it up and be proud of whatever age you are celebrating! Celebrate YOU and YOUR day! You made it and deserve to be proud of your age, accomplishments, and life. Cheers to you!

P.S.

If you do want to try to reverse time, check out my new health and wellness business at www.skinlikestacy.mynuskin.com, and let’s get rid of some of those fine lines and wrinkles together!

In Adventures with Gram

Ups And Downs

February 24, 2024 No Comments

Hi Gram,

Three years ago today, we said goodbye. So many ups and downs since then. Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was driving you and Gramps home from Virginia after his month-long stay in the hospital. We lost him just a week later on February 4th. I can’t believe that was eight years ago. I miss his big belly laugh so much. He was so full of life. I wish there was a way to know him as I did as my Grandpa but also if I could go back in time and know him as a young adult. I think he would have been a very interesting young man to know as My Prince and I hear many, many stories of “Coach” from his former players and friends.

After Gramps passed away, we had a lot of fun didn’t we, Sweet Gram? I miss our times together. Even though we had many ups and downs, overall I had the best time living with you and taking care of you. I can’t believe it has been three years since we lost you. I think about all of our adventures often, and we talk about them all the time with others who remember you and others who never had the chance to meet you.

My first summer back in my hometown we did a few updates to your house including a new roof, new floors, new carpet, and some outside landscaping. We made several fires as we always needed to take the chill off. We napped during the day anytime we wanted to. We drove to softball games so you could see me help coach my alma mater’s team. We also found as many ice cream joints as we could. We zipped around in my little EOS convertible without a care in the world. (I am sure you know I am now on my fourth EOS 🙂 It’s blue and beautiful.)

We had so much fun driving up and down the East Coast visiting the family in Virginia and your condo in Fort Myers. Those first two years we were together were full of so many ups and downs. We learned that my sister had the dreaded C word. Then a few months later, while we were in Fort Myers, we met the man who would become my forever Valentine. You liked him so much and he must have liked us, too. As you can see lots of ups and downs.

The next year we lost the sweetest, kindest soul, my sister. It was a shock that her battle with cancer only lasted 18 months. I couldn’t believe she was gone. It was one of the hardest times in my life. I was blessed to have you, my friends, and My Prince to support me through the grief.

Later that year, we moved to Florida to be with My Rock. We continued driving up and down the East Coast but now we were a trio. The next year your health declined a bit but My Heart and I got engaged and married. More ups and downs for sure.

We continued our adventures together. We watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. We sat by the pool and took you on the boat. We visited friends and family. We even took you hiking and out to the mountains of Colorado. Sometimes you didn’t want to go but after some arm twisting you were all smiles and at the end of the night you thanked us for such a good time.

Gram, life is so full of ups and downs. I guess we need the downs to appreciate the ups. I don’t know. I loved all of our ups and downs together and miss you like crazy. I know when the rest of us get to Heaven it will seem like no time has passed. Until then those of us down here will keep having our ups and downs on this journey we call life.

In Family

Letter from Above Again

December 19, 2023 No Comments

A friend told me I should publish this letter every year so I thought I would share it again for those who missed it the first time or for those who may need to read it again at this time of year. Even though many of us have family or friends who are no longer in our lives for a variety of reasons, I hope we can rejoice and celebrate those who are. Celebrate each other and your relationships whether it’s someone you talk to once a day, once a month or once a year. If they bring joy and light to your world, tell them how much you appreciate them. For those who shed a shadow of darkness on your light, let them go. Live this life that’s meant to be lived this holiday season and the upcoming new year.

Prior Post

The Holidays. We all seem to love them. We have many expectations for them. Some of us have a lot of anxiety for them. Some of us have lost loved ones through the years, and we seem to miss them the most during the holidays. Let us try to rejoice and be happy this holiday season. Let’s honor our lost loved ones by keeping their spirit alive with love and laughter. To try to deal with loss and anxiety I decided to write a letter from above. Imagine this letter being sent to you by your lost loved one.

Dear loved one on Earth,

I know this is a difficult time for you. You want me to be there in person and not just in spirit. You want to hear me laugh and give me a big squeeze. I, too, want that more than anything. But I also want you to understand how much I want you to be happy even though I am gone.

I feel like you are holding yourself back. Maybe you are afraid that you will disappoint me if you are too happy without me down there. Maybe you feel I will be disappointed if you have too much fun. Maybe you are scared that my memory will fade if you enjoy yourself and other people around you. Please know that is the furthest thing from the truth.

The way you can honor me the most is by living your best life!! As you know time on Earth is limited and you never know when your time will be up. I am at peace. I am happy. I am having the best time reuniting with all of our lost loved ones. I am no longer in pain. I am free. I am young. I am waiting for you. You, too, will see when your time comes how wonderful it is here in Heaven.

Please know I have not forgotten about you, and I still hold you tight whenever I get the chance. I am by your side every day. I hold your hand when you are lonely, and I pick you up when you have fallen. I send you signs from Heaven. But I see your struggles, and I know it is my fault you are so sad, and I don’t want you to be sad. I want you to live! I need you to search your soul and find yourself. Who are you now? Who can you become? How can you honor me and my spirit?

Even though it may be hard, please know that I am ok. And now I want you to be ok. I want you to find a companion or partner to make you happy. I want you to find friends where you can laugh and giggle until all hours of the night. I want you to take chances and travel. Go on a wild adventure. And when you think of me, think of me and smile. Don’t feel guilty. Life is meant to be lived and you need to start living again.

So for the upcoming holidays, give yourself grace. You are not alone. I am by your side and I love you. Talk about me, smile about the amazing memories we shared, and start this new year by living your best life… without me.

Love,

Your Loved One in Heaven

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Grace

November 3, 2023 No Comments

I know it’s been a few weeks since I posted and I am sorry. We have been all over the country enjoying the fall weather and spending time with family and friends. I found this quote this morning and needed to post it before we take off for another adventure this weekend. We are so blessed in this life with our family and friends. I hope that every time you get to spend time with loved ones, I hope you feel grateful. I know it’s hard but you can’t take these things for granted. One day you will not be able to call up that person on the phone, dress up in sixties gear to celebrate their birthday, or drop by their house to drink too much beer and stay up too late. Be grateful for the times you get to share together and enjoy the many moments of laughter.

“For me, every hour is grace. And I feel gratitude in my heart each time I can meet someone and look at his or her smile.”

~ Elie Wiesel

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash

In Family

Remembering My Dad

October 17, 2023 No Comments

💙 Remembering My Dad 💙

Today, I want to take a moment to honor and celebrate my dad. He would have been 72 years old today. Happy heavenly birthday! Words cannot express how much I love and miss him every day.

My dad was my biggest cheerleader. He was at every sporting event I competed in when he could be. He worked different shifts so sometimes he could only be there for his 30-minute lunch break. But he was there. He taught me the importance of kindness, compassion, and integrity through his own actions. His unwavering support and belief in me gave me the confidence to chase my dreams and overcome any obstacles that came my way.

I cherish the memories we shared, from the simple moments of laughter to camping at Kinzua Dam or boating on Edinboro Lake. He never said too much but the conversations we did have shaped my perspective on life. Whether it was playing catch in the backyard, shooting hoops out the back door, or teaching me to drive a stick shift, his presence always brought comfort and reassurance.

His love was unconditional, and he never hesitated to put his family’s needs before his own. He worked tirelessly to provide for us, sacrificing his own desires to ensure we had everything we needed. Even during his nine-year battle with lung cancer, he continued to drive hours to and from work. He never showed us that he was in any pain or uncomfortable in any way. His strength was beyond measure. His selflessness and dedication continue to inspire me to be a better person every day.

Losing my dad was undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever faced. But even in his absence, his spirit lives on within me. I carry his values, his wisdom, and his love in my heart, and I strive to make him proud in everything I do.

Today, I encourage you all to take a moment to appreciate the special bond you share with your own fathers. Let them know how much they mean to you, for time is fleeting, and we never know what tomorrow may bring. If you have lost your father I hope you see signs from Heaven that he may be sending you every day.

Dad, I hope you can feel the love and gratitude that surrounds you. I hope the family gets together up there for a great heavenly birthday dinner. Tell everyone hello. Thank you for being my hero. You will forever hold a special place in my heart. I miss you more than words can express, but I find peace in knowing that your love will forever be with me.

In Pilot's Wife

MindSet

October 3, 2023 No Comments

Mindset by definition: is a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about mindset and how it can impact our lives. I feel like two people can look at the same situation and have two completely different thoughts about it. Some look up at a beautiful blue sky and only see the sun while the person standing right beside them sees the one cloud in the sky and can only worry about when it is going to rain. It is very intriguing. I believe it comes down to our state of mind and how we view the events in our lives.

Depending on the circumstances thrown at us and the lessons we’ve learned, we have different ways of viewing and reacting to life’s circumstances. I think many times, we as humans, tend to lean towards the negative. Our brains seem to remember the bad times more than the good times. Why do we do that? According to the article below, psychologists refer to this as negativity bias. It’s easier to see and remember the negative because it has more of an impact on us. Therefore, we need to make a conscious effort to stay positive.

My husband says it all the time… life is about making choices (and living with the consequences of those choices). We are thrown into many circumstances in life. We have hundreds of choices to make every day. Are we washing our hair? Going to the gym? Drinking beer? Smoking cigarettes? Using sugar in our coffee or almond milk? Are we trying to eat healthy or stopping at the fast food restaurant? These are all choices, and they all have consequences that go with them. If you decide to eat out at a fast food restaurant every day for lunch and you get a double cheeseburger and fries then most likely you are going to gain weight and health problems may occur. On the flip side, if you have an important test coming up and you study and understand the material, the consequence is likely a good grade. This is your choice, and we are all free to make them. So what is your mindset? What are your goals? What do you want out of life? And are you happy with the choices you are making?

A positive mindset isn’t just for those day-to-day decisions. It also determines how we will react to those bigger life circumstances. Remember, we cannot control the circumstances around us (the event) but we can control our REACTIONS to the situations. We may lose a loved one. We may get laid off from a job. We may have our car broken into. The question is how do we react to these situations? What is our mindset?

If we have a negative mindset then we can get down, be depressed, blame others, and not take responsibility for our own lives. Yes, it’s ok to be sad sometimes. But we need to pick ourselves up. If we lose our job we can blame our employer, our family, or the economy. We can believe it is the worst thing that ever happened to us. We can sit at home and sulk about how terrible life is. OR we can take responsibility, change our mindset, and we can say wow this is a wonderful opportunity to go back to school, learn a new skill, or start our own business.

Having a positive mindset can be challenging. Sometimes it takes therapy. Maybe it takes good friends to help you realize life is not all bad. It definitely takes a conscious effort and hard work. The thing we need to realize is we cannot blame others for our situations, and we cannot compare our lives to others. Every single one of us has experienced heartbreak, death, disappointment, and sadness. And every single one of us has a different reaction to those experiences. Some of us have done the work and are striving for the silver lining. We cannot blame them. It does not mean they haven’t forgotten or that it doesn’t hurt anymore. It just means they are consciously reframing the negative thoughts in their head and striving for positive outcomes. We need to look within ourselves and see if we are stuck in a negative mindset. Then we need to decide what WE can do individually to help ourselves.

Just because “bad” things happen, doesn’t mean it’s time to give up. It just means there a different road is ahead and now we have a choice. Are we going to be strong and recover from the setback or are we going to continue letting circumstances control us? If we believe our life sucks then it will. If we see the world in a negative way we need to try to turn our thinking around as this helpful article suggests. Remember:

“Life is amazing. Even when it sucks, it is amazing, and we should be grateful for every moment.”

— Hal Elrod

Our mindset is the most critical piece of the puzzle. How we view our life and its’ circumstances is under our control. Believing in ourselves and trying to find the silver lining is well within us. We just need to do the work and change the way we see things.

Photo by Katrina Wright on Unsplash

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Settle

August 30, 2023 No Comments

I learned a long time ago that life is too short. Let’s not settle for what life gives us which is sometimes loss, grief, and sadness. Let’s take what is given and turn it into something beautiful.

“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something.”

— Ashton Kutcher

Photo by Mario Dobelmann on Unsplash

In Family

Happy Birthday Little One!

August 8, 2023 No Comments

Today is my little sister’s birthday. She would have been 44 years old. Happy heavenly birthday, little one. It’s hard to believe that it’s been five years, and we haven’t been able to celebrate your birthday together. I know you are here with us everyday (and my session with Medium helped me realize that even more), but it still hurts that I can’t call you up on the phone and hear your voice.

This is a hard day for everyone that knew you, but I know we should celebrate the years we had with you. We need to look back on the memories and cherish all the laughs that we shared. You brightened up a room and our hearts every day.

I know this will be a hard day for my mom. I hope she has a good cry and then goes out doing something she loves to celebrate her giving birth day. She misses you so much. Maybe you can send her an extra sign from Heaven today to let her know how magical it is up there and that you are okay.

Birthdays can be exciting, but they also can be hard. As a little kid you can’t wait to get older! Then as an adult you keep wishing you were younger. (Or at least feel younger!) I feel like sometimes people are reluctant to tell you how old they are especially as that number gets higher. Why? Why should we be embarrassed as to how old we are? Why should we be reluctant to say a number of how many times we’ve been around the sun? My message to you is be loud and be proud of that number because there are some people who never get to celebrate that day.

My dear sister, we love you more than you will know and miss you twice as much. Life on Earth is hard without you but as you know we can’t quit living because of you dying. We know you’d love to be here with us but your calling came early and you were needed in Heaven. I know the best way to honor you is to live our lives with happiness, with grace, and with kindness. The best way to honor you is to let our hearts shine as yours did.

Love and miss you, little one, happy birthday!

In Family

Spring Break

August 1, 2023 No Comments

April 2023 will forever hold a special place in my heart. We had the pleasure of hosting my brother-in-law, his girlfriend, our niece, and nephew at our home in Fort Myers. I was so excited they were coming for spring break. I hadn’t seen the kids since Christmas, and I couldn’t wait.

We had so much fun with them. They got here on my Birthday, which is the best present that I could have wished for. They were tired of being in the car and ready to swim. They immediately jumped in the pool wasting no time sitting in the house. After a while, we decided to open my presents by the pool. We Facetimed with my mom who was enjoying a mini vacation of her own with her cousin out in Las Vegas. I got a new driver and two new hybrids for golfing and a bottle of tequila. Perfect presents and a wonderful start to Spring Break.

That evening we went to a country concert at an outdoor venue called “Alliance for the Arts“. It’s a great place for concerts and any outdoor event. Plus, it was right down the road so we took the golf cart and two bicycles. It was a fun ride there and home! The bands were really good. They had Hayden Coffman, Cody Cozz, Drew Parker, and Kayley Bishop. Great up-and-coming artists. We danced and laughed and talked.

When we got home the kids decided it was time for a night swim. We could hardly keep them out of the pool. Once they got out we had some birthday ice cream and a Bailey’s and chocolate vodka nightcap. Jeff’s specialty (next to his famous margaritas). The kids were exhausted and went to bed. The adults decided it was time to sing on the two karaoke microphones my friend Dani sent me for my birthday. We stayed up way too late but had so much fun!

I don’t think my niece was very happy with us (for keeping her up with our singing) but it was a great beginning to our week. The next day we loaded up the bicycles in the truck and went down to Fort Myers beach. We rode around and showed them some of the devastation of Hurricane Ian. We played at the beach and swam in the Gulf. The kids had a great time as did we. We rode the bikes back over the bridge and then of course had to stop at the Love Boat for ice cream!

The kids got back in the pool when we got home. It was an early night because we wanted to get up and get on the boat the next day. We packed sandwiches and snacks and got out on the boat. We went to Sanibel Island and anchored off shore. My brother-in-law found some sand dollars which are all over the Gulf floor. We tried to go to Lover’s Key but the tide was too strong and it was still closed from the Hurricane.

We rode around the backside of Fort Myers beach and saw a huge stingray jump straight up and out of the water! We saw dolphins and they even played in our wake for a few minutes. It was another beautiful day on the boat.

Overall, it was a great spring break. We played card games and Rumikub. The kids swam all hours in the pool. We had so much fun giggling, laughing and getting to know each other better. I hope to make this spring break an annual event. (just hoping my brother-in-law feels the same way!) Maybe one day we can have the kids down for Camp Aunt Stacy!

cancer sucks

Six Years Ago

My Birthday!

Ups And Downs

Letter from Above Again

Prior Post

Grace

Remembering My Dad

MindSet

Mindset by definition: is a habitual or characteristic mental attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations.

Settle

Happy Birthday Little One!

Spring Break

Missing Gram

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Letter to Gram

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