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caregiver for grandparents

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When I quit my job in the fall of 2015, I wasn’t sure where life would lead. I just knew I wasn’t happy, and I wanted to see the world. I also wanted to find love, and I wasn’t having any success in Virginia. As you read in the post “How Did I Get Here?“, I left a wonderful career in education to go to Thailand to teach English. I came back. I didn’t have a job and my house was rented.

Those life changes led me back to my hometown. It was winter. It was snowing. It was cold, but I decided to make the best of it. Gram and I made fires in the fireplace, and we didn’t really have anywhere to go so winter wasn’t too bad 🙂

snow covered field with pine trees

As time went on, I hung out with old friends from high school. Many of their children were in high school so, I went to local sporting events to watch them. Every time I went to a game, it was like a high school reunion! It was great to see everyone and their mini me’s.

Finally, spring arrived and my high school friends talked me into helping coach my old high school softball team. Also, to fill some time because Gram was fairly self-sufficient, I started working at J’s Ice Cream and Hot Dog Shop where I learned to make ice cream cones. It is definitely a lot harder than it looks! I felt comfortable leaving her for half the day because she would get herself up and dressed, read the paper, and make breakfast. I would work and then pick her up for the softball games. She loved seeing me coach and watching the girls play.

Stacy and Gram with mini ice cream cones

Spring was long, cold, and muddy but, we made it. Finally, summertime. Long, warm summer days and cool summer nights came upon us which was great for sleeping with no air conditioning. That summer, I hung out with one of my high school friend’s daughter. I couldn’t believe she was 21. We had the best time. I introduced her to some amazing 80’s music, and she taught me the names of some of the back roads in town that I didn’t know.

Sunset over Edinboro Lake

That fall, I worked with her at a chiropractor’s office. When we weren’t working, we were out drinking a lot together, and I was drinking a lot on my own. I decided I needed a detox. I set the goal to quit drinking for a month. With the support of family and friends, I made it 34 days without one drink!!

That fall, someone suggested that I try CrossFit Meadville. I was doing workouts at home, but I really missed going to a gym. After the first week, I was hooked! I was sore, tired, and exhausted, but the workouts were awesome and always different. I had a great trainer and the support of other CrossFitters was motivating. I was easy to coach and eager to learn. Bill, the owner of the gym, talked a lot about nutrition and eating right, and I was interested in making those changes. He definitely inspired me to challenge myself.

Stacy doing a squat clean

That year was full of life changes. I went from being a professional educator to becoming a caregiver with minimum wage part-time jobs. I moved from a big city back to my small rural home town. My social life went from hanging out with a variety of friends to hanging out with Gram, but we had some great adventures. We went to Pirates games. We traveled a lot to Virginia to see family. We ate a lot of ice cream. We took a lot of Sunday drives.

She went to bingo every other Monday, which gave me a night free of responsibility.  At first, she could get herself ready and would proudly pack her “bingo bag” with her markers and lucky charms. As time went on, she needed a little extra help but, she still was determined to go. Those Mondays off were very important to me as a caregiver, and I cherished the time off. Even though I felt a little lost, I knew I was on the right journey. Then one rainy, chilly night in December 2016 as she was leaving bingo, she fell and broke her hip. And once again, new life changes were upon me.

I have had over four years of Adventures with Gram. When I started taking care of her in February 2016 after my grandfather passed, I didn’t know how long she would last. I also didn’t know that 90% of our conversations would take place in the bathroom! But here I am. Another Friday night …in the bathroom with Gram.

pool deck at nightMy husband and our friends are outside sitting by the pool enjoying a beautiful night, good friendship, and some adult beverages.  And here I am …in the bathroom with Gram. And it’s fine. But then I ask myself “is it?” Is this where I am supposed to be? Is there where I pictured myself being …in the bathroom with Gram? Of course not, but this is where I am and this is my journey. Sabai Sabai

In the bathroom with Gram is where I am more often than I imagined. Sometimes I get down about missing certain things because I am in the bathroom with Gram, but then I try to remind myself it’s kind of like being a mom and having to put the kiddos to bed. You may miss out on what’s going on in your living room, but sometimes you have amazing, special experiences on your own when you are tucking them in tight.

Some of my favorite conversations are in the bathroom with Gram. A lot of times she repeats the same phrases. Most of the time I hear “take me behind the barn and shoot me” or “I look like death warmed over… two times” or “starość nie jest radością” which is Polish and she tells me it means “it’s hell getting old”. The formal translation means “old age is not joy”. She will talk about how she misses my grandpa. She talks about how she’s a burden and to just put her away. She tells me not to let her sit around and eat candy all day. She is really funny sometimes especially when she cracks herself up. She talks about how I am spending too much time with her and how I need to get back out to my husband. I am thankful that she is considerate of me. Of course, it’s not like she is setting any speed records but she tries. So, I spend my time in the bathroom with Gram, enjoying our conversations and hoping my ice doesn’t melt by the time I get back to my drink.