caregiver for grandparents Archives - Page 3 of 4 - Inspired & Strong

Friends

February 23, 2021 2 Comments

I can’t express to you how amazing my friends are. Family is one thing, and I am blessed with a small, close immediate family and a huge, wonderful extended family. But my friends’ network is beyond words. They always say quality over quantity, but I believe that somehow I got both. I have friends that I have had since birth (literally our moms were in the same hospital room), since elementary school, since high school, since college, since California, since Virginia, since Thailand, since back to Pennsylvania when I started caring for Gram, and now since Florida. It seems that the older I get and different life circumstances occur, it seems the more wonderful people I meet.

From elementary school, I have a core group of friends. Although our paths took different turns, we managed to stay in touch. It didn’t matter if we saw each other every month or once a year, we would get together and it was as if no time had passed. We support each other through beautiful weddings and some heartbreaks. Some of us had children and some were lucky enough to inherit stepchildren. Some of us stayed in the small town where we grew up and others decided to leave. But these women and men have been there for me through good and bad times. And I can’t say enough about their support of gram and me over the past five years. I also have a boxful of notes from some of them from fifth grade forward. I can’t wait for us to get together to read through some of these over some wine one of these days.

Then I was off to college. There I met another group of fantastic ladies. We were from all different states and even though we are now spread all over the globe, and we don’t keep in touch as often as we should, we have a bond that remains. When we do get together or do a Zoom call, it brings my heart so much joy to see their beautiful faces and talk about their children and careers. Again, some decided to have children, some didn’t, some have been married, some have suffered the loss of a husband, some have been divorced and some have long-time partners. Although the differences in paths mean some loss of communication and closeness, we continue to cheer each other on from afar. And when we can meet up, it’s like we go back to those days sitting outside our apartment in college having coffee talk about the night before.

I have another group of friends that I met in Virginia through my education career and by participating in social sports. Richmond has some great adult league social sports you can play such as kickball, football, and wiffleball. We had so much fun playing these sports especially when we won a few championships! Although we don’t stay in touch as often as we should, these folks are always willing to help each other out. Receiving a text out of the blue from one of these special people always makes my heart happy. We may not talk or see each other often, but they all pass through my mind and my heart more often than they probably know.

When I went to Thailand, I met two very special ladies in Richmond before we left. We bonded right away because of our sense of adventure and the fear of the unknown. Once we got to Thailand, we met 30 more people who all had similar interests in traveling and teaching children. I am Facebook friends with many of these people, and recently I reconnected with one wonderful woman who can bring a smile to anyone’s face with her cuteness.

When I moved back to my hometown to provide care and companionship to Gram, I was excited to see my hometown girlfriends and their families. Whenever I would go to our small town sporting events, it was like a high school reunion. It was so much fun! We all had many things going on, but we got together as often as we could. Then I joined CrossFit Meadville and made another group of fantastic friends. I love that there are so many badass women in this gym. Most of these women are married, but in the beginning, they took me on as the odd wheel, and I loved it. When I introduced them to Jeff, they embraced him just as well. This crew enjoys Sunday Fun Days and brewery tours. They also love coming to Florida in the winter to visit. And we love spending our summers in Pennsylvania near them.

Once Gram and I started spending winters in Florida, we met more married couples that Jeff has been friends with for years. Friends he has met through his work or through his sons’ school or sporting events. I love these couples, and although I am still working on developing woman relationships in this area, I enjoy hanging out with them and going to dinner.

Another group of friends I adore is our ski club friends. Jeff started taking me skiing in 2018, and I met some very amazing people while skiing. Most of these friends are in the airline industry which is very intriguing to me. These friends come to ski weeks from all over the United States, and now I have friends to visit all over the country. It is amazing to me to keep meeting such generous and fun-loving people. It truly makes me so happy and makes me believe in the good of this world.

Lastly, I have a group of friends that I have met because of my grandparents. Many of my grandfather’s past basketball players send cards, messages, letters and through these, I have tried to keep the relationship going with Gram. Every time we meet up with someone from the old college, she has the biggest smile on her face. She always knows where they live and usually what they are doing. It amazes me. My husband and I love hearing the stories about my grandpa and how much he meant to them as a coach as well as the life lessons they learned through him. We miss him so much, and I love that he had such an impact on these gentlemen and their families.

This post is for you, my friends. You all know who you are and please know that I love and cherish each one of you. You made my transitions in each area of my life bearable and enjoyable. I am so blessed to be able to count on so many of you for anything, and I hope you feel the same about us. It makes my heart so warm to know that you are all out there. And it makes my heart happy to know how much you love and care about sweet Gram.

In Adventures with Gram

Missing Gram

February 16, 2021 7 Comments

It’s been about three months since we decided to put Gram into Senior Living. We tried to get extra help for her in our home but the lady quit after four days 🙁 She said it was too hard physically. Hmm…not sure that walking a few steps from the bedroom to the kitchen to the pool at a snail’s pace is all that tough but….whatever… it didn’t work out. So here I am three months later missing Gram.

After lots of discussions, pros, cons, tears and a few falls we determined that senior living was the best place for Gram. Jeff and I loved taking care of Gram, and we loved having her in our home. I definitely got more frustrated at times than he did but he also got more breaks from Gram than I did. Needless to say, after caring for Gram for just about five years, I was burned out and exhausted. I couldn’t keep an eye on her every minute she was awake, and I felt like I wasn’t being a good caregiver or granddaughter. We couldn’t go to the store without taking her or getting someone to stay with her. She fell a few times over the past year and even once when I was right across the pool. We didn’t want to take the chance that she would fall, get hurt, or break her hip again.

We found a wonderful facility and together with my mom, we wrote Gram a note about why we felt she would be safer there. She read, smiled, and agreed. The next day she hopped right out of bed, ate breakfast, asked my mom if we would be ok without her money, and asked questions about her new “apartment”. We were in shock. I took her to get her nails and hair done, and we took her to her new place. When it was time for us to leave she was sitting with some ladies, drinking a milkshake, and smiling a big smile. It made my heart happy even though I knew I would be missing Gram.

We were sad that she didn’t seem to care that we were leaving, but we had hope in our hearts that she would adjust well and possibly fall in love with her new home and her new friends. The house felt differently without her, and we kept looking over our shoulders to see what she was doing. We were definitely missing Gram.

Three months later, she has adjusted pretty well, but she still asks to come home. She still asks where she is. Because of her dementia, she doesn’t realize this is her new permanent place. She still has hope that she is coming home. The beautiful thing about putting her in a facility in Fort Myers is that we can visit as often as we want. We can take her out to lunch if we want as well. We also were so blessed to be able to take her to Virginia for Christmas. Although she was very confused about where we were going the first day, she enjoyed being with the family for the holidays. She also enjoyed helping us make pierogies. It broke my heart to put her back in at the end of our trip but the next day she seemed ok.

Things seemed to be heading in a positive direction. She was walking better than she did in our home so we were very happy about that. She seemed to be maintaining her weight. She was socializing with the other ladies more often. I took her out for lunch once and out for ice cream another time. I was trying to show her that she could come and go. We started talking about places we could take her and getting excited about having more adventures with Gram, especially since she was soon going to be vaccinated against the Covid virus.

Then it happened. Last Wednesday, she got her second Covid vaccine shot. Personally, I think Gram is so strong that she would have fought off the Covid without it, but you never know. Well, that evening, she tried to stand up, got dizzy, and lost her balance. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the vaccine or not. But she fell, hit her head on a side table, tore her skin on her elbow, and landed on her right hip (the hip she broke in 2016). Thankfully, we were in town, and I was able to meet her at the Emergency Room. She was so scared and in so much pain. The emergency room nurses were wonderful. They got her head cleaned up and thankfully she didn’t need any stitches. They did the x-rays and yep, her right femur is broken again. Because she already had a replacement, the doctor said there was nothing they could do. He recommended lots of pain meds and to keep her moving as much as she can tolerate.

So here we are six days later, and I am missing Gram. I am missing the Gram I had who made me laugh, who made me a better person, who told me to take care of my husband, who in her nineties had so many adventures, and who was so cute you couldn’t stand it. I am missing Gram because right now she can’t walk (although she is able to sit in her wheelchair relatively comfortably). I am missing Gram because she isn’t talking to me, and she can’t move her right hand. I am missing Gram because she is not eating and not taking her medications consistently. She has been such an inspiration and positive influence on me. She has shown me how to be strong. How to love wholeheartedly. How to laugh. How to enjoy life. How to support your family. How to keep traditions alive. I am not sure what the next few weeks will bring for us. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. If you are in the Fort Myers area and would like to visit Gram or if you would like to send her a card, contact me for the information.

In Adventures with Gram

Traveling with Gram

January 12, 2021 2 Comments

Over the Christmas holiday, we took on the task of traveling with Gram to Virginia to see the family. Although she still remembers all of us, she really has no concept of where she is in the world or how far away Virginia is. When we travel with Gram we usually hear the question “Where are we going?” about 150 times 🙂 We usually fly out of Fort Lauderdale because there is a direct flight from Lauderdale to Richmond. Therefore, we have about a two-hour drive to begin the trip. Gram loves riding in the car. She looks out the window and reads all of the road signs. She doesn’t say much unless she wants to tell us who lived in certain towns or to ask the question “Where are we going?” We tell her every time yet she doesn’t remember.

When we pull up to the airport she asks “Where are we going?” or “Who is leaving?” because many times she and I take my husband to the airport when he has to go to work. Needless to say, I get her in the wheelchair, and we roll along to the security line.

Traveling with Gram is always an adventure. She has never liked flying but over the past five years I have made her become a frequent flyer, and she has done very well. We got her a transport wheelchair because the first few times we traveled we used the airport wheelchairs. And although they are very nice, I would rather be on my own time instead of having to wait for someone to push her. I also got her TSA precheck because we were traveling so much. If you travel frequently, I highly suggest you get TSA precheck. It is so smooth and nice. I am always nervous with Gram in the security line because I am afraid she’s going to say something loud and inappropriate. She can walk through the metal detector but she has touched the sides before and had to go through again. Plus she can’t hear so I am always afraid they are going to say something to her and she won’t hear them.

Once we are through the line and she is settled back in her chair, we roll to the gate. We ask to gate-check her wheelchair and many times the gate agent will move us up a few rows. I always appreciate this! We also get to board first which is such a great benefit of traveling with Gram.

After we are checked in, we usually head to the restroom. This is one of the hardest parts of traveling with Gram. The companion restrooms are a blessing and make it easier. But we go to the restroom and get ready to fly. We go to the gate, and she usually sits there just people watching as we all do at the airport. But every now and again, the question comes up “Where are we going??”.

She does really well boarding the plane. Smiles at everyone and takes the window seat. I usually keep the window closed during take-off. I always worry she will get upset about flying because she never really liked it but to this day it’s been smooth sailing. She just asks the repetitive question again and again “Where are we going?”. On this last trip, she was eating a muffin. I felt bad for the poor gentleman beside us because she asked at every bite “What is This?”.

Over the years, traveling with Gram has opened my eyes to many things. First, TSA precheck is a must. Secondly, you never know how far you will have to walk to your gate. These things don’t really cross your mind as a young adult but when you travel with the elderly you realize how BIG airports really are. You also are grateful for elevators and shuttles. I have also learned that it is ok to buy a one-way ticket to your destination and wait to buy a one-way ticket back. I also discovered that it’s ok to fly different airlines on the same trip. Yes, you have to pay attention to baggage restrictions, but you can find yourself better deals if you don’t mind researching a bit.

Because we usually travel with Gram to Virginia we have learned to leave a lot of our winter clothes there. That’s usually where we need them and that helps us to pack lightly. We pretty much have a wardrobe at my mom’s house with all of our toiletries which makes it very nice for flying. We usually just have a small bag each. It’s also very nice to have the wheelchair to hang them on instead of having to carry them 🙂 Spirit is one of my favorite airlines. If you live close to an airport, go to the counter to get your tickets. You get a discount buying Spirit and Frontier tickets at the airport.

Yes, it can be difficult to travel with someone who is in their 90’s, but if you look at all the positives, it actually can be a really great experience. When I travel without her I really miss the perks of traveling with Gram although I don’t miss answering the question “Where are we going?”.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram’s Condo

December 8, 2020 No Comments

As you read in “The Broken Hip”, I packed up Gram and the cat and took off to spend a few weeks in Florida at Gram’s condo. My grandparents bought the condo in the early 2000s after two other couples convinced them to just do it! All three couples were the best of friends and had been since they were in their 20’s. They would all vacation down to Fort Myers in the winter. My grandparents were the last to buy and the ones to spend the least amount of time down there. The other couples were retired and would spend most of their winter in Fort Myers, but my grandmother was still working. Therefore, they could only go for a few weeks at a time. Gram worked until she was 80 years old because of a change in retirement regulations and health benefits. What an amazing woman!

But as soon as she retired they bought Gram’s condo across the parking lot from their very good friends. My grandfather loved going down every winter. He couldn’t wait to read the paper and eat breakfast on the lanai. He would have stayed down there for six months if Gram would have let him. But she didn’t like change and wanted to be back in her home to watch the snowfall after a few short months.

In 2007, I started working as an administrator for a school district in Virginia. Therefore, I had a bit more flexibility in taking time off of work. Usually, my grandparents would come to Richmond for Christmas. Then I would drive them from Richmond to Fort Myers over Christmas break and then I would go pick them up on Spring Break. We did this for years. I didn’t mind driving, and I definitely didn’t mind getting some sun or lying by the pool for a few days while they got settled into Gram’s condo.

One of the best things about Gram’s condo was that it was an end unit at the end of the development. Next to the condo was a gathering place the residents called “the marina”, which was a place on a small canal with a boat dock and several tables and chairs set up. They would go down there to socialize, have happy hour, and cookout.

That marina holds many memories for my family and me. My grandparents didn’t drink often but they would go down to the marina and socialize. One of the Board Members, we can call him the “Captain”, lived right above my grandparents. He would keep an eye on them as they got older and more forgetful. He would also cookout at the marina, help residents who needed projects done, put up Christmas decorations at the marina, and take people out on the pontoon boat. We knew all the residents but especially my grandparents were in good hands for the winter.

One of my favorite memories of the marina include a family trip we took to the Gram’s condo. I am not sure why we went, but my dad, mom, sister, and I rode down in my mom’s little Toyota Solara. My sister braided my hair in teeny tiny braids in the back seat as we made the 18+ hour drive from PA to FL. Over the next week, we went to Fort Myers Beach, Shrimp Shack, and Rib City. Some of my parents’ and grandparents’ favorite places to go to.

The second memory is when my sister started dating a guy, who would end up becoming her husband. He came with us on a family trip to Gram’s condo. I remember sitting down at the marina and a raccoon came to see what we had to eat. The Captain got his BB gun out just in case the little creature got a little too close. Well, that BB gun turned into a shooting contest. There were wind chimes hanging in the tree, and we decided to see who could make them ding. My dad eventually taught me how to line the dang thing up after shooting into the trees for about 20 minutes. Then for some reason, I was on fire. We would take turns and see who could hit it the most. We had so much fun. Well, I did. Probably because I was winning ….

Needless to say, Gram’s condo holds many, many memories for us. As Gram and I made our way into Fort Myers after her broken hip, I wasn’t sure how Gram would react. This was her first time at the condo without my grandfather. I assumed it would be tough, and she may be emotional, which she was. But being in the smaller setting with the sunshine and the memories of family around us, she nursed her way back to amazing health. In less than two weeks, she was walking without her walker, and it was like the broken hip never existed! She was so strong and inspiring.

While we were there, I realized that the Gold’s Gym I used to go to had shut down. Since I had just started CrossFit, I decided to search for a CrossFit gym. I compared two different ones and decided on CrossFit Thoroughbreds. That Thursday, I went and enjoyed the people and the community. They offered a boot camp on Saturday morning, and I decided to try it. That’s when I met two people, who little did I know at the time, would enter my life to stay and bring some incredible life changes. One was an amazing woman who would later become one of my greatest friends and supporter (who also inspired me to do this blog) and the other was an absolutely wonderful man who would later take in Gram, the cat, and me and ask me to be his wife.

In Adventures with Gram

She Goes Where We Go

November 10, 2020 No Comments

While Gram has been limited in what she can do and how fast she can go, she has usually been up for an adventure. She goes where we go. When we do something fun or go on an adventure, people always ask, “what did you do with Gram?” We can’t leave her home alone so we take her almost everywhere we go. Our friends know when we come to visit, it’s me, my husband, Gram, and even sometimes the cat.

As you read in “How Did I Get Here“, I have been taking care of Gram for almost five years. In that time, Gram has probably flown on more planes and been on more adventures than she had the previous 91 years of her life. And for that, I am thankful and blessed. Gram goes where we go, and I am sure we probably wear her out, but she just keeps ticking like the Energizer bunny. So strong and inspiring.

Although we know we need a “Break from Gram“, we also know if she goes where we go, she will enjoy it. We all will. Sometimes she takes more coaxing to start the adventure, but almost every time she says thank you and has a huge smile on her face at the end. Since 2016, she has hiked Cooper’s Rock, done shot ski’s in Copper Mountain, sat on the beach in the Outer Banks and Virginia Beach, been on our boat for over 140 hours, sat in between us on the golf cart, and spent hours in the car driving back and forth from Florida to Pennsylvania. Whether our adventures are up and down the East Coast or just a jaunt in the car to the nearest ice cream shop she always seems to have a good time.

Then it happened. This summer, Gram got weaker. It all seemed to have started with a sore on her ankle. Then her right leg was numb so she was getting up several times a night trying to “walk it off.” I was so tired and frustrated. Getting up to walk around on a numb leg just isn’t a good idea. It was then that I started doubting my abilities as a caregiver. Could I continue doing it and keep her safe?

She became more and more wobbly and unsteady. One morning she fell and hit her head. We ended up having to take her to Med Express for stitches. By the time we got there, she didn’t even remember she had fallen.

About a month later, we had five days of respite care (through Hospice), and although we wanted her to go where we went, we also wanted a few days away. Well, when we picked her up 4 days later, she still had the same socks on she went in with. They had her in a hospital gown instead of the clothes I sent with her. Her food was to the side of her bed and completely untouched. She wasn’t up, dressed, packed, or even close to being ready to go home. I was there 30 minutes getting her out of bed, to the restroom, washed up, and into her clothes. Not one person came by. Next, I realized her toothbrush was still in the wrapper. I was LIVID, to say the least.

After that, gram got weaker still. She started having trouble walking even short distances. She started using a walker. Because she had been in the bed for so long, we had to make her walk short distances to try to gain some strength back.

Towards the end of summer, her congestive heart failure started filling her with fluid. She was having a very hard time breathing, and we were scared she wasn’t going to make it. She was so weak, and we were worried we were going to lose her. Hospice was wonderful again, got her some medications, and Gram, the superwoman that she is, nursed her way back to health.

Gram definitely isn’t as strong as she once was and it definitely is getting harder on us as caregivers. She is slower, she is more forgetful, she is weaker, and she is even having trouble standing up. We are so blessed to have had all these wonderful years with Gram, but caregiving is getting harder and harder. She still goes where we go, but it takes a lot more effort and takes a lot more time. She gets worn out more quickly. She needs a wheelchair more often than not. She doesn’t want to go as much anymore either. And we realize it is hard for her and on her body. Sometimes we wonder if we are pushing too hard or expecting too much.

Over the past two months, I have realized that Gram doesn’t really want to get out of bed anymore. Even when we were visiting her daughter and great-grandchildren, she would say “just leave me in bed.” It hit me that she didn’t realize that she was missing time with the kids or her own daughter. Even though she asks about my mom and the kids all the time, she showed little effort in wanting to spend time with them and that made me so sad. I know in her heart she wants to be a part of it all, but in her dementia brain, she could care less.

This realization made us start seriously thinking about getting extra help with Gram. We found a lady who seemed perfect and jumped right in helping Gram, but three days later she quit saying the job was more difficult than she had anticipated. This made us realize that it was time to consider a memory care facility. We do not want to do this by any means, but we can’t take the chance that a caregiver is going to quit on us again, forcing us, and Gram to start over again with another new face in the house . We are also wondering if Gram just wants to sit and do nothing. Does she try so hard to keep moving because she doesn’t want to disappoint us or let us down?

Although I can’t imagine taking her to a facility and dropping her off, we are not confident that we can keep her safe at home. We are so torn. I have been crying on and off for two weeks now. I took her to get her hair done and she could barely make it to the door. We took her to the store, and she could barely get in the car. We took her to sit out by the pool and she tried to get up by herself and fell. We cannot keep our eyes on our 24/7, and we just don’t know what to do. We also know Gram has lived an amazing life, and we want to live ours, too. Does Gram just want to sit in a chair all day? Does she just want to dream of her lost loved ones? Are we pushing her too hard to push herself? We understand that this may be one of the hardest decisions we have to make, and we really don’t want to make. We are scared and nervous and worried about how she will adjust. We are scared, nervous, and worried about how we will adjust. But it appears “life changes” are on our doorstep.

Has anyone had to make this type of decision? What did you do? How did you decide?

In Adventures with Gram

Day After Day

October 6, 2020 8 Comments

The movie, 50 First Dates, was released in 2004 so it has been a while since I have seen it, but I love Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler. It’s about a woman (Drew Barrymore) who has short term memory loss and a man (Adam Sandler) who falls for her. But every morning she wakes up and doesn’t remember who he is. So, day after day he goes about making her fall in love with him again by repeating the first date.

When I first started living with Gram back in 2016 (“Life Changes“) she was, for the most part, able to take care of herself. She got herself up, dressed, showered, and even made her own breakfast. She read the paper every morning. I knew she had been diagnosed with dementia, and she would repeat questions, but she was doing well.

Since then, her memory and stability have gotten worse. Although she has declined physically and cognitively, she is still able to do a lot. She is able to feed herself (although I make her breakfast and bring her to the table), remember names, remember people and places. Sometimes she will surprise us all when she asks a question about something that happened the day before.

Although I have heard of Dementia and Alzheimer’s patients being mean and physically aggressive, I rarely have had that experience with Gram. She is the sweetest, kindest, and the most wonderful little lady I know (mostly). Even after five years of being diagnosed with Dementia, she still laughs, cries, and knows what she likes and doesn’t like. And if she can hear you or read your lips, she can have a relatively decent conversation.

That being said, although she continues to do pretty well, I feel like I am living the movie 50 First Dates. Day after day, at the kitchen table in Pennsylvania, we hear the story of how she replanted a twig of a tree in the backyard. She always smiles as she annunciates Grandpa saying “Do you REALLY think THAT is going to grow?” Then she smiles and says I said, “Yes, and now look at it!” And I agree, the tree is huge.

Almost every morning at our house in Florida, after breakfast she asks if she can go sit by the pool. Then she will ask if it’s warm enough. Well, 99.9% of the time it is, Gram…we live in Florida 🙂

Almost daily, Gram asks where my husband is or where my mom is. “Where’s Jeffrey?” or “Where’s Mama?” I often hear. When I tell her, she gets a little sad, and can’t believe they are not home with us. She doesn’t understand anymore that my husband has to work and that requires him to be gone at times, and she doesn’t realize that my mom has moved to Virginia and doesn’t live up the street anymore.

She seems to have a handle on breakfast as it’s the same every day. She eats an over-easy egg and a piece of toast with jelly. At dinner is where we can get the most frustrated. She eats the same thing day after day which is mac and cheese, however, it’s the protein that changes. She will usually eat a few bites, but as soon as my husband and I sit down and put that piece of protein on her plate she asks, “What is This?” We tell her then two minutes later, and often after already having tried it, we hear again “what is this?”, and we tell her again. We usually tell her the truth the first few times she asks, but then we sometimes mess with her and tell her it’s mushrooms (because she hates them) or something so far off base of what is actually on her plate. She just looks at us and shakes her head, says ” I don’t think so” and then proceeds to eat the “unknown”. It is sad to see her little mind not know what something is, especially when she asks what Pepsi is because she’s been drinking it her whole life. I just shake my head and think 50 First Dates.

Every time we are in the car and I take her down a back road or she gets into unfamiliar territory she asks “Where are we?” I tell her, but then a few minutes later the same question again. Sometimes even when we pull into her house that she has lived in for 50 years, she will ask, “Who lives here?”

Almost every night when I put her to bed she will ask, “Is this my bedroom? Is this my bed?” and “Where’s Kuma?”. Kuma is the cat. She always needs to know where the cat is. It’s funny, though, because she talks to that cat like the cat is a person. She offers her food, tells her it’s time to get up, tells her it’s time to eat and tells her it’s time for bed. And if Kuma isn’t in the bed waiting for her then it’s the question, “Where’s Kuma?” Like the cat got up and left. After she kisses me good night, blesses herself, and lays down, she always says, “Stacy, thank you for everything”, which in the end makes it all worth it.

So, my life with gram is essentially like 50 First Dates. We have the same conversations day after day, we do a lot of the same things day after day, I answer the same questions day after day, and I make her the same food day after day. Many people think it’s a glamourous life I lead. Granted, I can travel, I can sit by the pool, I can live in two states, I can visit family and yes, I have been blessed to be able to take her with me on many adventures. But the day-to-day is not glamourous and honestly, sometimes it is downright depressing.

Maybe she asks these questions just to make conversation. Maybe she doesn’t know what else to say. Maybe the logical part of her brain isn’t working anymore. I don’t know, but I do try to learn what I can about the disease, and I do try to make the best of the situation. Either way, like Teepa Snow, says you have to try to find the Gems. Celebrate what she can do, can say, and what she can remember. That is what we try to do day after day.

Being a caregiver doesn’t mean your life is over. It doesn’t mean you have to sit at home with your loved one and watch them sleep (and boy does gram like to sleep!). We have discovered that if you are willing to take the wheelchair, pack up the oxygen, bring an extra change of clothes, answer the same questions over and over, and say the right thing to get them in the car, you can still take that loved one with you almost anywhere you go. Yes, you may have to persuade them. You may have to trick them. You may have to pull out all the stops, just like you may do with a three-year-old, but even though it’s more work, in the end, you both get amazing experiences to cherish.

In Adventures with Gram

Happy Birthday Gram!

September 13, 2020 3 Comments

Today is Gram’s 96th Birthday!

Can you even imagine having 96 birthdays? I really can’t, but every year I look forward to celebrating Gram’s. Since I have been taking care of her as you read in “How Did I Get Here“, we have had some good times on her birthday. One of the best things about being back in my home town is being with friends I have had since Kindergarten. They have known Gram almost as long as I have, and they love her just as much.

In 2016, my friends, Karlee and Kylee, went with Gram and me to a restaurant called The Frog Pond. It’s a great little place with a lake and beautiful sunsets.

In 2017, my high school girlfriends met us at Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course, one of Gram’s most favorite places to go. The owners have known my grandparents for years and are always the sweetest people, especially when Gram opens the kitchen door because she wants to say hi!

For Gram’s 94th Birthday, we had dinner again at Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course. My friends from high school, their husbands, a family friend, and one of Gram’s friends from Bingo attended. We had a wonderful dinner then we decided to take Gram to the local VFW. After she said hi to one of her favorite men (a former player of my grandpa’s), we got her some rip off tickets and a mini beer. She won $75 and had the best time! So did we 🙂

In 2019, Gram turned 95. We decided to have a little party for her at Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course. Some of my grandpa’s ex-basketball players came as well as my friends from high school and from the gym. My mom and Gram’s niece also were able to attend. Gram loved seeing everyone and talked about the party for days.

Needless to say, Gram is a trooper. She goes along with whatever we have planned. She smiles, she laughs, she cries when she sees people she hasn’t seen in a while. She really can light up a room. One of the fun questions we ask Gram is “How old are you?” Her answers range from 21 to 200 depending on how she is feeling that day. But most days she is pretty close because she usually says she feels like she’s 100. Not yet Gram, but FOUR more years!

Gram has qualified for Hospice care twice in the past five years. Once after she broke her hip in 2017 and once in January 2020 when she was very ill. We continue to use the support of Hospice Care and cannot say enough wonderful things about them. They are supportive of my husband and me as the caregivers and available whenever we have a question about Gram. Recently, Heartland Hospice worked very hard to get us oxygen when Gram’s congestive heart failure was making it hard for her to breathe. Both Hope Hospice of Fort Myers, FL and Heartland Hospice of Erie, PA have been absolutely amazing.

Today, we are hosting a small celebration for Gram’s birthday at our home in Pennsylvania. Because we take her everywhere, all of our friends know her and love her. If you would like to celebrate Gram, please do so by making a donation to Hospice using the donation button below. We will also send you an Inspired and Strong face mask for your generosity so please include your address!

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In Adventures with Gram

The Broken Hip

September 1, 2020 1 Comment

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. And that’s exactly what happened. As you read in “Life Changes“, Gram loved playing Bingo and would do so every other Monday. On December 5, 2016, I dropped gram off and then received one of the worst phone calls three hours later. She had fallen on her way out of the bingo hall. It was a rainy, chilly night, and they weren’t sure if she slipped or if her legs just gave out. I raced over to the church parking lot as fast as I could, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was sweet gram on the asphalt, covered with blankets, crying, and apologizing. I hoped and prayed she did not have a broken hip, but it did not look good.

After what seemed like an eternity, the ambulance arrived. Gram was so upset and sorry. I kept telling her it wasn’t her fault. We finally got to the hospital and yep, you know it, it was a broken hip. The doctors were great and wasted no time. Surgery was the next day. I didn’t feel comfortable letting Gram stay in the hospital by herself. She would have no idea about insurance or her medications and would have a hard time hearing the nurses and doctors. Plus, she would have no idea what was going on. Thankfully, I have amazing friends and cousins, and they brought me an overnight bag.

My mom arrived from Virginia and all three of us spent a couple of days at the hospital in a wonderful suite. Then, they sent Gram to rehab, and mom returned home to Virginia. After a week in rehab, she wasn’t really getting better and seemed to be losing hope. I decided I didn’t want her to deteriorate as my grandpa did, so I asked if I could take her home.

At first, they were hesitant, but the physical therapist came out to our house for a trial run, and Gram started zipping around the house with her walker. We decided it definitely would be better for her to be at home, but one of the stipulations was that I had to be with her 24/7. 24/7 is very overwhelming, especially since she was fairly independent up until that point. But I felt I needed to make the sacrifice.

Back at Home. It’s really hard to take care of someone who has dementia and a broken hip. There were certain movements she wasn’t supposed to do because the hip could pop out. I did my best to keep her on track. She couldn’t do a whole lot on her own so she became more and more dependent on me. I was making her breakfast, helping her get dressed, and helping her shower. I did sneak out to the gym in the morning, which was my alone time, my social time and my let my frustrations out time. Because I needed that hour a day, I woke up early so I would be back before she decided to get out of bed. I did what I had to do to make it happen, to keep myself sane and our relationship healthy.

Lonely Christmas. By Christmas🎄, she was walking around the house like a rock star with her walker, but I wasn’t sure if an eight-hour car ride to Virginia would be good for her. We decided not to travel and had a nice, quiet Polish Wigilia by ourselves. It was a very emotional Christmas because we weren’t able to spend it with our family, and it was our first Christmas without Gramps. It’s amazing the little things you come to appreciate as time goes by and how much you learn to appreciate your family and the time spent with them.

Although she was weak at times, I couldn’t believe how well she was recovering from the broken hip. She was walking around the house with her walker. She would take little rides with me when it was nice out. I talked her into going out to dinner a few times and a month later she was back at the bingo hall! Not too shabby for a 92-year-old.

But by February 2017, Gram and I were feeling pretty down. We were around each other constantly. She was getting stronger and able to do more, but she wasn’t fixing herself breakfast and didn’t seem motivated to do much. My life was changing as she became more and more dependent on me.

A Bright Idea. One morning, Gram mentioned going to her condo in Fort Myers, Florida. Needless to say, it sounded like a fabulous idea!! It was cold and snowy in Pennsylvania, and we were both ready for some sunshine! We also were in need of some family time. We packed our bags, loaded up the cat in the car, and headed south. Not knowing that soon again I would be experiencing more life changes.

In Adventures with Gram

How Many Dogs Do You Have?

August 18, 2020 3 Comments

On one of our summer road trips, we stopped at my sister-in-law’s house in West Virginia. They have four dogs, three of which probably weigh more than Gram. Although Gram loves dogs, she gets a little anxious around them, especially if they jump, bark, or lick. When we walked up to the house, the dogs came running 🙂 Wide-eyed Gram said, “I don’t need your kisses. No no no.” Then she asked my sister-in-law, “how many dogs do you have?” She seemed to be in disbelief at the number of dogs around her. Gram doesn’t usually say too much, but when she does talk, she is pretty funny and delightful. Usually…

For the next three hours, all we heard over and over was, “How many dogs do you have?” We would say four. Then, she would count them. Then, five minutes later she would ask again, “How many dogs do you have?” She would count them again. It was funny but also sad and slightly frustrating that she just couldn’t remember how many dogs were around. Then every third time, she would say, “They have four dogs and you won’t even let me have one” with a sad look on her face. I see how parents get roped into buying things and getting pets. I mean, how can you say no to such a sweet face?

The next morning as she was sitting eating her egg and toast, she counted three dogs and she said, “Hmm, one is missing.” We were the ones now in disbelief that she finally knew how many dogs they had!

We have learned to accept the fact that her dementia brain isn’t going to remember the short term. She’s going to ask the same questions again and again and again. Yes, we could and sometimes do get very frustrated, and we could make her feel bad by saying, “Can’t you remember, you just asked that question.” But we try to roll our eyes, laugh, and just answer the question again hoping it will sink in eventually. Sometimes, we try to make her laugh as well by giving her some off the wall answer to her repetitive question. Then, she is the one rolling her eyes at us.

I have tried to rely on the strategies I used as a special education teacher for being a good caregiver. Gram has definitely tried my patience and those around us. I mean how many times can you answer the question “How many dogs do you have?” But she’s so cute 🙂 and I have also learned I need to find and celebrate what she can do. It really doesn’t do any good to dwell on what she can’t do anymore.

If you are a caregiver or know someone with Dementia or Alzheimer’s, Teepa Snow is a fabulous resource. She is a psychologist, and she has several helpful videos about being a good caretaker. She explains how to handle stressful situations, how to understand the person with dementia, and how to diffuse aggressive situations.

I am just thankful we have amazing family and friends who understand her and just keep answering the question “how many dogs do you have?”

In Family

How Did I Get Here?

August 8, 2020 No Comments

So who am I? How did I get here? And why am I writing a blog?

WHO AM I?

I am from a tiny town in Northwestern Pennsylvania. I went to a small college and graduated with an education degree. Then, I moved to California to teach first grade. Six months later, I moved to Richmond, Virginia. There, I taught special education for eight years, earned my Master’s degree, and became a special education coordinator for another eight years.

Something happened in 2015, and I just wanted out. I needed a change of pace. A friend recommended the Greenheart Travel program, and I decided to go to Thailand to teach English as a second language. I was super excited. I had a friend to travel with and tons of opportunities to meet others.

After months of debate and discussion, I left a 16-year career in education where I was making $70,000 a year and had 14 weeks of sick time built up. I wasn’t sure how things would turn out, and many people thought I was making the wrong decision, but I decided to take a leap of faith and jump. Looking back now, I can’t be more thankful that I did.

In the fall of 2015, I left for what would end up being an amazing adventure. Because I am a Travel Junkie, I contacted friends I had around Europe and visited eight countries along the way (Germany, Switzerland, Finland, Sweden, Italy, The Netherlands, France, and Spain).

Then, my friend Katherine and I headed to Thailand where we would end up spending two months working with children and exploring the Thai culture. I remember when we arrived in Bangkok, we met about 30 people who were also there for training. We had a couple of days in Bangkok where we visited Thai markets, ate some interesting foods, and went to a Thai cooking class. Then, we headed to Hua Hin where we had classroom activities. We learned a bit of the Thai language and that was my first introduction to Sabai Sabai [pron. suh-BYE suh-BYE] which means “no worries, no problem, just relax”. After three weeks of training, Katherine and I were placed at an international school. We were only there for three weeks and then it was Christmas break and we had a month off, so we traveled around Thailand a bit and then I decided to go home to Virginia for Christmas.

HOW DID I GET HERE?

It was Christmas 2015. Our whole family was together including Grandma and Grandpa. We had a great time making pierogies as per our (Polish) Christmas tradition but, I also made mango sticky rice, which was my new favorite dessert from Thailand. We had a wonderful time until Christmas evening when my 90-year-old grandfather ended up in the hospital. He had fluid built up around his lungs and was having trouble breathing. He was in the hospital for several days. I wasn’t sure what would happen, but I felt I needed to stay in the United States and be with him and my family. Therefore, I canceled my trip back to Thailand. After a week in the hospital, they sent him to rehab.

About a month later, in February 2016, our family was at a loss. He wasn’t getting better, he seemed to have lost all hope and wasn’t trying. After several discussions about different options, it was decided I would drive my grandparents home to Pennsylvania. We arranged for Hospice care so that I would have some help. Even though physically he had deteriorated, mentally, he had every desire in the world to go to Fort Myers, Florida to their winter condo like they did every year, but Gram won out, and we headed north.

He was a large, stubborn man and he was very upset that we went north instead of south, but we made it. He was very weak and couldn’t even walk to the door. His heart failure won out because we weren’t even home a week and the good Lord called him to heaven. My grandparents were together just two weeks shy of 66 years. What an inspiring marriage!

Since I didn’t have a job and my house in Virginia was rented for the year, I decided to stay and take care of my grandmother. She needed company, and I needed a place to live. I didn’t know if my grandmother would live for two days, two weeks, or two months without my grandfather, but I decided to stay.

WHY AM I WRITING THIS BLOG?

This blog is a collection of stories from September 2015 to the present day. It is meant to make you want to live life to the fullest, laugh often, love with your whole heart, and constantly learn to be better. It is to share the stories of my Adventures with Gram and my family. It is to show you to never give up on your dreams by sharing my travel adventures, my fitness journey, and my journey in finding love. Hopefully, some of my stories will inspire you to take chances that you’re too scared to take right now. Hopefully, it will inspire you to start a fitness journey of your own. It may inspire you to go see your grandparents or parents. Whatever it is, I hope this blog at least warms your heart and makes you smile.