caregiver for grandparents Archives - Page 2 of 4 - Inspired & Strong

Letter to Gram

March 8, 2022 No Comments

As you have read, I took care of Gram for five years before she passed away on February 24, 2021. I have been receiving grief therapy through Hope Hospice since then, and it has been very beneficial to have someone to talk to, not only about Gram but about my sister and dad plus just everyday life. I continue to struggle with the loss of Sweet Gram. I am not sure if it’s because I was raised Catholic, and I tend to feel the “Catholic Guilt” from putting her into senior living for the last three months of her life and not bringing her home when she broke her hip the second time or what. I know healing takes time and there will always be ups and downs when it comes to grief, but I just feel an overwhelming sense of loss when it comes to Gram.

My therapist sent me a video about letter writing. The video has to do with expressing gratitude and increasing happiness but she says the same benefits apply to grief letter writing. She suggested how writing a letter to Gram may help me.

Therefore, I decided to sit down and write a letter to Gram. It is sooooooo long, but I had 45 years of time to write to her about. For some reason, I felt compelled to share it with you. I won’t share all of it at once but here is the beginning. I will continue to share over the next few weeks.

Dear Gram,

I have been meaning to write a letter to you. And I wish I would have said all of this before you left this Earth, but I am telling you now. Ever since I was a little girl you were there for me. You told me several times you were the one who carried me home from the hospital after I was born. We lived with you for a period of time while dad was away in Korea. Throughout my childhood, you only lived three blocks away from me and worked right up the hill from our house. I remember walking home from school and heading straight to the college to see you and mom at work.

Although you didn’t play sports or jump around with us, you were always there to cheer us on and to cheer Gramps on, too. His life revolved around sports…Sports on TV, coaching sports and watching sports. You always said if you had a penny for every bleacher you sat on you’d be one rich lady, and I agree!! As far as I can remember, you were at every one of my basketball and softball games. Even in college when I received very little playing time, you and Gramps were always there.

As a little kid, all I can remember is how positive you were. You wanted us to succeed and you were always very proud of us. You and Gramps were the kindest, loving, and most generous people I have ever known. I remember you always making room for people at the dinner table or lending people a hand when they needed it. The more people that I meet that knew you, the more I see what an impact you had on our hometown community and the students who ventured into the area.

Although you were the small, quiet one, you were always so strong. I remember you getting sick and going to the hospital ONE TIME before you were in your 90s. You never went to the doctor. You just made yourself a Hot Toddy and moved on. Even as you got older you never wanted to go to the doctor and you always said you were fine. You were so strong, but also stubborn.

While I did my student teaching I had the wonderful opportunity to live with you and Gramps. Mom and Dad were hosting Marja from Finland so you let me move in with you. When I came home late and a little tipsy, you never lectured me. You listened to my stories and told me there were leftovers in the fridge for my midnight snack. You were usually up watching the 11 o’clock news and then some black and white film after while Gramps was asleep on the couch. It seemed late at night was the only time Gramps would let you have the remote control! The rest of the day the television was on some sporting event.

After I graduated from college in December, I moved to California. You supported my move and even lent me money to get me started. It took me years before trying to pay you back, which you didn’t accept, of course, but I tried because I appreciated all that you did for me.

Even though I was in California for just a short six months, you, Gramps, and Marja came out to visit. We drove to L.A. to see the Hollywood sign and the stars of fame on the sidewalk. And yes, we even took in another sporting event and went to see the L.A. Dodgers play.

After my six-month adventure in Cali, I settled in Richmond, Virginia for 16 years. We both traveled up and down the interstates more times than we can count. I came home a lot when Dad was battling cancer and got to spend extra time with you, too. The eight-hour drive seemed like nothing compared to being all the way across the country.

When we started worrying about you and Grandpa driving to Florida by yourselves for your winter stay at your condo, I volunteered for the job. Thankfully I was in a position in the school system where I could take the time off to drive you down after Christmas and then pick you back up around Easter. You were sometimes hesitant about going to Florida but you always ended up having a great time and you knew how much it meant to Gramps so you went. You loved Fort Myers but you also loved being in your home in Pennsylvania.

Driving with you was always an adventure. You would sit beside me in the passenger seat and get out your Rand McNally Road Atlas. You would follow along as we crossed state lines and tell me who lived where along the way. You and grandpa remembered so much about so many people. I honestly don’t know how you kept it straight.

Your positive attitude and the love you shared for those around you are what make me miss you so much. I could never repay all the love and support you both offered to me over the years, but I hope I can express to you how much it (and you) meant to me.

(To be continued…)

If you have lost someone special in your life, maybe you will find the strength to pick up a pen and paper and write them a little note about how much of an impact they had on your life. I know it has helped me.

In Inspiration

Failure

November 2, 2021 No Comments

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

– Thomas Edison

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

In Adventures with Gram

Gram’s House

August 31, 2021 4 Comments

As most of you know, I started taking care of Gram in 2016. Then she passed away on February 24, 2021, and life hasn’t been the same without her. Also, as most of you know, I met my husband, Jeff, along the way and became a snowbird. The three of us have been spending winters in Florida and summers at Gram’s House in Pennsylvania.

Over the past five years, we have done several updates to Gram’s House. When I first moved back in 2016, my mom reminded me that Grandma and Grandpa built their house in 1967. It’s a three-bedroom, two-bathroom ranch with a one-car garage. I have always loved Gram’s House and I love it, even more, knowing that they built it just the way they wanted it.

Once I moved in I thought some updates were definitely needed. The rug in Gram’s House was so old. I don’t know if I remembered it being any other color but blue. I told mom we should get a new carpet, and she said there were hardwood floors underneath. Not sure why my grandparents covered them up but I, along with my cousin, Pat, decided to uncover them! And wow, are they beautiful!

Over the past five years, we have done quite a few updates. The floors are all new, we updated the little bathroom, got a new roof, and finally took the wallpaper off the kitchen walls. We added a little backsplash and made it a little homier and less 1980’s. Gram enjoyed the changes although, at one point, I mentioned painting the kitchen cabinets gray and white, and she was not having it. Other than that, she was happy and she always said, this is your house. You and Jeff.

When she passed away we weren’t sure what to do with the house. The housing market in our area was booming, and the house was worth more than we could have ever imagined it would be worth. Even at her funeral, we had a few people interested in Gram’s House. One of our local churches wanted it for a pastoral home. My mom, Jeff, and I were excited about this offer. We knew if the family wasn’t going to be in the house that Gram and Gramps built then perhaps Gram and Gramps would want the church to have it. The church would maintain it and do all the upkeep on the place. Our biggest fear was that someone would move in and not appreciate Gram’s House. We believed the church would take care of it and it would continue to be a part of the community that meant so much to my grandparents.

Well, that deal didn’t happen, and we were at a loss. My mom recently moved to Virginia to be close with her grandchildren so she didn’t need another house. We didn’t need another house. We made the decision that we would clean out Gram’s House this summer and put a For Sale sign in the yard.

But then it happened. I drove across the back roads and down the hill and pulled into the driveway. I loved this house. Could I let it go? Did I want to let it go? Jeff and I loved coming to Pennsylvania for the summers. Where would we stay? My mom was coming up in a few days for my grandpa’s memorial golf tournament. We were going to clean things out and get Gram’s House ready to sell. But as we went through things it became more and more clear. I wasn’t ready.

After a few days of cleaning and reminiscing, I talked to my mom. I couldn’t let it go. Would she sell it to us? Would she want to keep it in the family? And much to my relief…she said Yes! I didn’t know if I was just being emotional or not. But I talked to my therapist (because I have one and believe everyone should talk to someone because mental health is just as important as physical health) and she said to consider the 4 Rs. Is the decision Reasonable, Rational, Realistic and what will you Regret less? So, in the end, I talked to my husband. Were we being emotional? Was it reasonable and rational? What would we regret less? Together, we decided we wanted to buy Gram’s House.

We love Gram’s house, the layout, the location, and the memories. We couldn’t let it go. My husband, mother, and I came up with a plan and everything was super easy. We went to First Choice Settlements and the closing took about 10 minutes. I am so proud and excited to say that the first BIG purchase Jeff and I made together was to buy Gram’s House. And even though it’s ours now, and we will probably make more changes, I don’t know if I will ever call it anything other than Gram’s House. And I hope that anyone who comes to our house feels the love, presence, and generosity that was instilled in Gram’s house by my grandparents.

In Family

Gramps

August 17, 2021 No Comments

I thought I would take a moment to celebrate my grandfather. We called him “Gramps”. So much of this blog has been about Gram and my adventures with her over the past five years that I feel bad that you haven’t gotten to know my Grandpa. He was the talker. He was the one with the huge personality. He was the generous and giving one. Gram and he were married just two weeks shy of 66 years! What a marriage and what a legacy they left on this world. Besides having two children, three grandchildren, and five great children, they left behind 30 years of college students who think of them as family.

Gramps was a member of the United States Navy for four years. My grandmother talked often of him being stationed in the Aleutian Islands and every time my husband would go to Alaska for work she would say that Grandpa was stationed there and asked if that’s where Jeff was going. Jeff does not go to the islands but maybe someday we can go. Gram said Gramps said it was beautiful, and she always wanted to go. Jeff often goes to Anchorage for work, but I have not had the chance to go yet. Hoping my day will come very soon.

Gramps was the social butterfly. Although they both knew all the college kids and took them in when they couldn’t go home for the holidays, he was the one who invited them over. Gram was the one who cooked and got the house ready. He was loud, and he was big compared to tiny, quiet Gram. He had a big old belly and always ate everyone’s leftovers. He always told the story of how they went to Eddie’s Footlongs one night. Usually, his children wouldn’t eat their whole dinner, and they would waste food and throw it away. So one night he decided not to order anything. And wouldn’t you know it, the kids ate every last bite!! Poor Gramps was left with nothing and clearly, he was upset about it because he told that story for years!

Gramps was the basketball coach at Alliance College for over 30 years. The athletes and other students at the college and in our town respected him and admired him. He demanded a lot of his players but many of them now say they would have not made it through college without my grandparents. They would have quit, given up, or flunked out. The pressure and support of my grandparents helped pull them through and now they are successful and many of them say they owe it all to my grandparents.

I loved having him as a Grandpa. We could go to the gym any time we wanted because he had the key. I loved it, but I loved being in the gym. It was so fun. We would play basketball, racquetball, jump on the trampoline, or work out in the weight room. As I got older, I would open the gym for my friends around town. Many of the local guys wanted to play basketball. My grandpa would let them in but only if they let me play with them. He always stressed the importance of free throws. I realized how important they were as I played with the guys from the town. I knew I had to make my free throws to be one of the first 10 players on the court. Then we had to win to keep playing. I feel like playing with the boys really helped me become a better player.

I remember Gramps wearing one of those plastic suits and running laps around the basketball court as we messed around in the gym. He was always trying to lose weight by doing activities but didn’t try too hard when it came to his diet. He loved his food. I tried several times to get him to try different nutrition plans to help him lose weight and help control his diabetes but nothing seemed to stick. He loved food way too much, and I didn’t know at that point how to explain that he needed to use food as fuel. The nutrition lifestyle that my husband and I follow now would have been very beneficial for him and his diabetes. But he ate what he wanted and did what he thought was right for him. As he got older and his body started to fall apart, he would say the same Polish phrase that Gram always did which is “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old” according to them.

I miss Gramps so much. Like my husband, Gramps could hold a conversation with anyone about anything. He knew sports and everything about the teams and the players. Gramps was also one of the most giving and generous people I know. He was always trying to give things away, from food, to money, to Steelers tickets. I was young at the time so I may not remember it exactly but I swear one time Gramps gave a family his car because they needed it more than he did. He had season tickets to the Steelers games and most times he would just give the tickets away or sell them for less than face value. I think he believed in karma and that it would come back around.

All in all, I know I am biased but I believe I had the best Gram and Gramps there could ever be. They were a power couple. Everyone who knew them loved them, admired them, and respected them. I am so thankful that I got to spend over 40 years with them although I wish I could have known them when they were younger. I also wish my husband would have had the chance to meet Gramps, and Gramps Jeff. But whenever we get the chance to meet up with former Alliance College players and students, my husband gets to hear stories and gets a little glimpse of the amazing man that he was.

So Gramps, I miss you and love you. I know you and Gram are back to Polka dancing every Saturday night and I can’t wait to see you again. I will try to carry on your legacy here on Earth until that time comes.

In Family

Changes

August 3, 2021 1 Comment

Hello loyal followers,

This past year has shown me how beautiful life is. Although there have been many ups and downs, I continue to give thanks for being so blessed. With that being said, I am trying to make some changes. I am trying to simplify my life, which means simplifying my social media and this blog. I love doing this blog, but for a few months, I felt it was taking time away from my husband and my family. I started this blog to share stories of my Adventures with Gram, and to have something to do when my husband left for work. When I lost Gram, I felt like my inspiration was gone. I wasn’t sure what else to write about. She wasn’t there to make me smile or laugh with her little comments. She wasn’t there by my side when my husband was away, and I missed her. Plus, I didn’t think you wanted to hear about our loss over and over again, and honestly, I wasn’t sure what else to write about.

At this point, I realize I do have many more stories to tell. I have stories about Gram, about caregiving for her, about my travels, and about my journey in love. I want to continue to write, and I hope you will continue to read. My Adventures with Gram, Travel excursions and Family stories will be posted here. I am hoping to get back to a weekly basis, but they will be posted when inspiration finds me 🙂 I LOVE doing the daily inspirations and hope that they inspire you, too. I will also continue with the Weekly Wednesday Workouts. Every now and again I may post a full video here or on Instagram TV but for the most part, I will show you the moves and give you the workout. Please let me know if you need suggestions or modifications.

I am going to try to do more on linked social media and Instagram. Follow me @strong_inspired on Instagram. I will be posting recipes and stories as things come up. Some workouts will also be published on IGTV. Of course, you can always go back and do your favorite workout or find a special recipe on the blog.

I hope you enjoy these changes. If you have any feedback, please email or message me. And please follow me on Facebook and Instagram and share with your friends and family!

In Adventures with Gram

Celebration of Gram

June 15, 2021 No Comments

Many of our friends from Florida could not make it to Pennsylvania for Gram’s memorial service. Therefore, a few weeks ago, we held a poolside Celebration of Gram. Sitting by the pool became Gram’s favorite “activity”. As soon as she finished breakfast it was poolside where she wished to be. So what better place to honor Gram and her inspiring life.

We had a great turnout. All but one of our friends had met Gram before and had their picture taken with Gram either at our house, by the pool, on the boat, or at a restaurant. It made us realize how much of an impact she really had and how many people she met over the past five years.

As I was going through all the pictures trying to get ready for the celebration, it hit me how much we did with Gram. We took her everywhere. She met so many people and loved all of them. We laugh at thinking how most of her “friends” over her last 5 years of life were 40-50 years younger than her. It makes me happy that she had such adventures in her 90’s. She seemed to enjoy everything we did with her. At first, she didn’t really like flying but over the past five years, I think she came to enjoy it. My guess is that she flew more in her last 5 years than she did in her first 91 combined. Even with her dementia, she was happy. It makes me miss her so much.

Because I was always with her I didn’t notice how much she actually aged over the past year or two. Looking at the pictures and thinking back I remember her getting very sick in January and September of 2020. She fell three times last summer, one of which required 7 stitches on her forehead. She wasn’t doing much but sleeping on the couch, by the pool, and in her bed. Although she never complained, I am sure at 96 and a half, after all the running we made her do, her body was tired.

At the Celebration of Gram, our friends told stories of Gram. They remembered how sweet her smile was, how she loved sitting by the pool, how she loved Kuma the cat, and how she cheered for Jeff’s Ohio State Buckeyes. One friend remembered how Gram was really not happy one night when I made her stay at their house too long. It seemed Gram was always in the opposite room of where we were. She kept saying, “Stacy, let’s go. It’s time to go.” And she would give me that look. She never wanted to be a burden and this was her way of saying it. It was the one time our friends remember her being the least bit upset. Sweet Gram definitely could turn into a spitfire when she wanted to!

Anyway, the turnout was beautiful and Gram was sorely missed. She lived an amazing life. If you missed the Eulogy take a few minutes to watch it. It really celebrates Gram and her impact on this world. Love and miss you Gram!

In Family

That Summer

May 18, 2021 No Comments

As you read in “The Broken Hip”, Gram and I took off for Florida in February 2017. It was there, at the CrossFit gym, where I met my future husband as you read in our trio blog posts from him, Eleina, and myself. It was also at that time that I had just started my First Dream Team. And we had just learned that my sister had Cancer. But let’s continue on our journey with Gram that summer.

After two weeks in Florida, Gram, the cat, and I made our way to Richmond to see the family. My sister had just undergone surgery and was recovering from having several organs removed. The doctors felt surgery was the best approach to try to rid her body of cancer. She was hopeful and ready to kick cancer’s ass. She was so strong and she didn’t stay long in the hospital bed. She was ready to be home with her little ones. We stayed a couple of weeks to help out and to spend some time with her.

Once she was settled back at home, Gram and I continued on our journey to PA. I decided to start taking classes to get my real estate license. I thought being a realtor would give me flexible hours and a flexible schedule. I could then care for Gram, but also make some money and possibly turn it into a career when my caretaking duties were finished.

Because it was my first Dream Team I also spent a lot of time at the gym. I took my new healthy lifestyle seriously plus I was meeting new friends. I really enjoyed it. Many days, I would take Gram with me to the gym and even put her through a few workouts. She was so inspiring. She would do some squats, lift some dumbbells, and do a weight machine or two. I hoped it would help her with her balance. At that time, the gym was on the second floor so just to get to the gym Gram had to walk up two flights of stairs. And she did it well!

My sister had another surgery in May, and they scraped every inch of her abdomen. She was in the operating room for 20 hours. It was so scary. But, she pulled through and was ready to go home within days. I couldn’t believe how determined she was. We all prayed that the surgery would be the last, and she would start the remission process. But they still wanted her to do chemotherapy and radiation that summer, which she did. She held onto most of her hair until that fall. Then it started getting thin. It eventually fell out by Christmas.

After months of studying, I passed my real estate license test and started selling houses. I really enjoyed it. Gram went with me several times to show houses. Sometimes she would go in and sometimes she would just sit in the car. She was content and happy. We spent that summer riding around in my little convertible EOS, getting ice cream at all of the hot spots, and making our way up and down the highway to and from Richmond. We didn’t have much of a schedule so we just took one day at a time and wanted to spend as much time as we could with the family.

That summer, I was busy with real estate and started doing some personal training at the gym. Jeff and I stayed in touch but only saw each other a few times. I kept thinking ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be.’ I wanted it to work, but I knew the distance could limit the opportunity, especially since his youngest son was still in high school. So I enjoyed my time with Gram and doing my own thing. She was the best companion because she did what I wanted to do and didn’t complain 🙂

As the weather got chillier and fall came upon us, things started to change. Jeff asked me to a few family functions and football games as our relationship started becoming more serious. Gram told my friends and family that she better not say how much she liked Jeff or I would stop dating him. Therefore, she kept it a secret for a while. But every now and again, when I was in the bathroom with Gram, she would let it slip and say, “I like Jeff. Do you like Jeff?” And of course, I liked Jeff but we still lived in different states, and I wasn’t sure where life would lead or what Life Changes would occur.

My sister finished chemo and was feeling pretty good. She was working on gaining muscle and getting her strength back. The kids were getting older and more involved in gymnastics and tee-ball. We all loved watching them play. We were all hopeful. We were looking forward to Christmas and spending more family time together. My sister was so positive and determined. Even as she was battling cancer and going through surgeries, radiation, and chemo, she kept a positive outlook. She laughed, she smiled. She enjoyed all the little things. Little did we know that upcoming Christmas would be her last and more life changes would be upon us.

In Family

Church

April 20, 2021 2 Comments

I was raised Catholic. I went to Sunday School and CCD until I was confirmed in the 11^th grade. I continued going to church with my family on Saturday nights and even on weekends through most of my college days.

Being Catholic was part of me. My grandparents were in the choir and very involved in the church. They sang for many weddings, holidays, and funerals. My parents were of the belief system that if we missed church and something “bad” happened it was because we missed church. I believed that for a while as well.

The most significant thing I learned about being Catholic was the Golden Rule, “Do Unto Others as You Would Have them Do Unto You.” I feel this is a very important rule to remember throughout life. Putting yourself in other people’s shoes is one way to feel compassion for others. Treat a situation like you would want to be treated if that person was you.

Once I moved to Richmond I didn’t go as often as I should. When I was in church, I was thinking of 100 different things I had to do or places I wanted to be. Church didn’t hold my attention. Plus, it was the same thing over and over. I could pretty much repeat it in my sleep 🙂

There was one small Catholic church in Richmond that I did enjoy. It seemed to be more like a Southern Baptist church because people were loud and happy and cheerful. The choir was amazing and the songs were upbeat. It was very different than the traditional Catholic Churches I had been to. Because there was a shortage of priests, Sister Cora did the service, which I thought was amazing as well. I actually enjoyed going to church and felt fulfilled.

A few years later, I was kind of lost. I wasn’t going to church. I had been through a divorce. I was a 31-year-old woman but acting like a 21-year-old with no cares in the world. A few people mentioned a church to me that they really enjoyed, but I never went. It was non-denominational, and I just wasn’t really sure. Until one morning, I woke up, late, hungover, and discovered my wallet was missing.

I decided it was time for a change. I decided to try this new church that everyone was raving about. I went to Commonwealth Chapel the next week and fell in love. Everyone was so nice. I felt welcomed, the music was incredible, and they served coffee! I left church feeling really good. I listened to Pastor Brandon’s message and the words of the music without thinking of where I needed to be the rest of the day. It ended up being really emotional for me, which again, was very different than the traditional Catholic Church.

After a few weeks, I was asked to join a Bible study group. I had never been to one, and even though I had gone to church my whole life, I didn’t know much about the Bible. But because I am a Yes, Woman, I said yes. The group was great. It was a wonderful mix of young adults. We talked about the sermon that week or a chapter in the Bible. Then we would just chat about life, socialize, and pray for each other. Throughout the week, we would check up on each other and sometimes do things after church or on another day of the week. I felt really happy and excited to be a part of such a wonderful, kind group of people. At that time, my Dad was fighting cancer and was nearing the end. We prayed for him as a group, and I thought for sure a miracle would happen because of the strong beliefs of this group of people, but in the end, we lost him.

After a few years, people started leaving the church. All of my friends were going in different directions. I tried a few other churches but nothing felt right. Then it was 2015, and I was off to Thailand.

Once I returned and started living with Gram in my hometown, we went to church for a while but then they changed the time, and it was too early for Gram. I went with friends to a few more churches around my hometown but again nothing felt right. My husband and I have tried a few different churches over the years as well but we haven’t found one that we have loved. We don’t believe in going to church just to go. We want to feel fulfilled, blessed, and happy after attending a service. And we know it can be that way so we will keep searching.

As you know, I have been feeling Lost Without Gram. I don’t know what my purpose is. I don’t know what is next. I am not sure who I am anymore or why I am here. I have turned to traveling and being comfortably numb. I have tried to not think about anything.

Until this past weekend, when I was home. Alone. It was the first time since Gram passed. As soon as I dropped my husband off at the airport, I was in tears. I don’t know why. I guess I just needed a good cry. I had such a mix of feelings. I felt guilty for putting Gram in the home. I felt sad for not taking her out when she broke her hip. I felt joy that she lived such a long, wonderful life. I felt happy that so many people got to meet and know her. I felt envious that she lived such a long and beautiful life. I felt relief that she was no longer in pain. I felt blessed that I was able to spend five wonderful years with her. And I felt lost because I wanted her here. I want to see her sweet face and hear her cute laugh.

The next day, I was home alone and listening to music. Two songs came on that reminded me of church, “Watch Over You” and “One Thing Remains.” You may not be into Christian music but please take a quick listen to these two songs. I feel they are really powerful, no matter what you believe, and I think you can relate to it as a parent or a child as well.

I thought maybe I should go back to church. It seemed to help before. I turned to Ecosia (similar to Google but they plant trees for each search!). I found the First Assembly of God Church. Something different from my Catholic upbringing but after perusing the website I was intrigued. I went to the Women’s Ministries page and listened to a video called “Help for Hurting Women: Identity Crisis”. It really hit home. These two prayers really helped me. Again, I apologize if the church thing isn’t for you, but I feel like they are pretty powerful words. I intend to repeat them when I am feeling down. I hope they help you, too.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need you. I need you to guide my life. I need you to save me. Please forgive me for every way that I have not honored you with my life. Jesus, come into my heart and make me to be the woman that you designed for me to be. Jesus, change in me whatever needs to be changed. And I will trust you all the days of my life with all of my heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

-Linda Dorcey

I am an awesome spirit being of magnificent worth as a person. I am deeply loved by God. I am fully pleasing to God. I am totally accepted by God. I am absolutely complete in Christ. And when my person is expressed through my performance, the reflection is dynamically unique. There has never been another like me in the history of mankind nor will there ever be. I am an original. One of a kind. Really somebody. And so are you.

-Linda Dorcey’s Pastor friend

So in the end, I believe there is something greater than us, and I need to believe that one day I will get to see all of my lost loved ones again. I honestly can’t wait for the reunion. I don’t know what my purpose on Earth is, at this time, but I have faith that God needs me here for some reason and a plan will be revealed eventually. For some reason Gram’s purpose on this Earth was complete, and she was needed in Heaven. One day we will know. Until then, don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be afraid to go to a new church or try a new activity. Life is too short. Get out there, be brave, be strong, and LIVE!

In Adventures with Gram

Goodbye Gram

March 23, 2021 1 Comment

Tomorrow it will be one month since we lost Gram. Three weeks ago, we said goodbye Gram with a wonderful service. I am not sure you can say that funerals are beautiful or that dead bodies look good but it was a beautiful tribute to Gram and as always Gram looked stunning and so sweet in her casket. She was surrounded by blankets from friends, photos of her family, and of course, her rosary.

Although she didn’t have as many visitors as my grandfather did because of Covid and six added years, it was a wonderful turnout of support for our family. We were surrounded by many friends and family. One of her favorite couples, who called her mama, made the 10-hour drive from Tennessee to pay their respects. Gram would have been honored at the goodbye she received.

At the church service, a former student of Alliance College gave one of the most beautiful and amazing tributes I have ever heard. Click here to play the video. His words summed up Gram in a nutshell. Whoever met her felt the same way. Even the priest who never knew her did an amazing job. (Thank you Meghan D. for the videos and pictures). For the final hymn click here.

After the service, we went to the cemetery to lay her body to rest and to say goodbye Gram. It was a chilly day and the streets were ice-covered. We even had some snow flurries in the air, which she would have loved. Before we moved to Florida for the winters, one of Gram’s favorite pastimes was sitting in her chair and watching the snowfall.

Several people came to Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course for a memorial luncheon. The staff was fantastic and the food was amazing. The owners have known my grandparents for years, and we have all become very close. Every time I would take Gram to dinner at the restaurant she would say, “Where’s Kim?” and head straight for the kitchen. She would bust those doors open and sweet Kim would head over to give Gram a great big hug no matter what she was in the middle of doing. Her friendship and love for my grandparents are beyond words, and I cannot thank her enough for everything that Venango Valley has done for us.

We were surrounded by family, former students, colleagues, and friends. One of my oldest friends in life gave the perfect blessing for the food. I asked her to do this about three minutes before it was time. What an amazing friend to be able to come up with something so beautiful on the spot. I think Gram had that way about her to inspire beautiful words and actions in all of those around her.

It was hard to leave the luncheon because that meant it was over. There was nothing more to do but collect the flowers and picture frames from the funeral home. It was the final goodbye Gram. I didn’t want to do it.

Although I know in my head Gram had a long and absolutely wonderful life, it still hurts my heart that I won’t hear her laugh anymore, I won’t be able to put her in the car and take her to the nearest ice cream shop, I won’t get to hear her say “starość to nie radość” which she told means “it’s hell getting old”, which actually means “old age is not joy”, and I won’t hear her say “I look like death warmed over three times!”, her other famous words.

So I have to say goodbye gram to your earthly body, but I know you will visit by way of cardinals and in my dreams. I look forward to those signs from heaven. Please give everyone up there in heaven a great big hug for us. I know you are singing and dancing and having the most beautiful time. Keep an eye on your great-grandchildren for us. Hold them in your arms and make them feel your presence every day. Love and miss you. Goodbye Gram.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram, our Matriarch

March 9, 2021 No Comments

Over the past weekend, we laid Gram, our Matriarch, to rest next to her husband, at a cemetery bordering the campus of the old Alliance College. My grandparents had a profound impact on many of the students at the college as well as many others in the community. This is a tribute from one of my grandpa’s former players.

Mrs. Haluch, our Matriarch.

I had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Haluch over 60 years ago.

In 1957 to be exact…when I was a scared, skinny teenager…with only one suitcase in hand…arriving in Cambridge Springs as a Freshman at Alliance College. She was the first person to make me feel at home. She had two kids of her own, as Stanley and Tusha were young children at the time…yet still had time for me.

I’ve been blessed with over six decades of memories filled with that smile, that giggle…and her voice saying “Bobby, you don’t mind that I still call you Bobby?” I would say without hesitation, “NO Mrs. Haluch…I love that you call me Bobby.”

Many of us associate all of our Cambridge Springs memories with Coach Haluch…but if you really think about it…many of those are linked directly to…Mrs. Haluch. A quiet, gentle, and incredibly strong woman. A leader in her family…her church…and her community.

Remembering those wonderful days playing basketball and baseball for Coach…well…who do you think washed all of those uniforms for so many years? Mrs. Haluch.

All of the Alliance Reunions over the years…there she was making us all feel welcome… making over 500 perogies…yes 500, so when we stopped by over during the weekend, we’d all have something to eat. Always the consummate hostess.

When we would visit on a weekend, we’d go to church before heading back home. You could hear a beautiful voice coming from the choir loft. That’s Mrs. Haluch.

As the years went on…the mentorship continued with Coach and Mrs. Haluch…and a beautiful deeper friendship grew with our family.

Enjoying a Pirate Games at PNC Park…a couple of years ago…the usher giving her a game ball because he couldn’t resist that smile and twinkle in her eye.

Sitting watching a football game at their house…when Mrs. Haluch would blurt out a player’s name, position…and something interesting about them.

Such wonderful sunny days on Ft. Myers Beach. I would sit and talk with Coach and Mrs. Haluch would stroll the beach picking up shells with my wife and daughter. Then we would spend hours laughing…and eating… as we looked out over the Gulf of Mexico. Those are some of my most cherished memories.

At Coach’s 90th Birthday…who do you think stole the show? Mrs. Haluch…dancing with the toy soldier…she looked just like Cinderella.

In more recent years we were blessed to get to know Stacy…she has been an angel to Mrs. Haluch. The two of them…two peas in a pod. Their endless adventures are epic, but what was so special to me…was Stacy’s selfless and tireless dedication to her Gram. That is something that is so rare in today’s society. Stacy…that gift of time with you were given with your Gram…and Matriarch…will remain in your heart forever.

We would try to give Stacy a little break and take Mrs. Haluch on day trips to Waterford and Erie. Our lunches were filled with good food from Carini’s…but of course, it was all about the pie for Mrs. Haluch…the car rides were equally special…when she would tell tales of countless good times her and Coach had over the years.

Our destination was always the Casino, where she would sit at her penny machine having a high old time flanked by my wife and daughter. The best experience…was when she hit the jackpot and thought she broke the machine. We still laugh at the moment when the bells and lights started flashing and ringing and she turned to me and said… “Bobby I think I broke the machine.”

For such a tiny statured woman…she was a Giant…a giant to all of us. Making a Big impact in each of our lives.

Mrs. Haluch was…

The Matriarch of her beloved family – to her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

The Matriarch of Alliance College

The Matriarch of Cambridge Springs

I imagine and smile thinking about…Mrs. Haluch and Coach enjoying endless polkas and perogies…in Heaven…

I love you Mrs. Haluch. Thank you for being a Matriarch in my family too.

Love,

Bobby F.