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The Kids

May 4, 2021 No Comments

A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful pleasure of spending 10 days with my niece and nephew while my mom had some free time to go on vacation. I was excited to spend some time in Richmond, and of course, to spend some quality time with the kids.

My niece and nephew are the cutest little people. I love hearing their stories, watching them play together, and laugh. My nephew, who is the youngest, is always trying to do what his older sister can. He has absolutely no fear. So what she does, he wants to do. Although my niece is a little more hesitant she is always ready to swing from the monkey bars or climb high on the jungle gym. She loves being the big sister and showing him what to do. I hope they stay this close as they grow up.

Over the course of my visit, I took the kids to many different playgrounds. They showed me a few of their favorites, and I showed them a new one that they loved. They are little monkeys and climbed all over the obstacles, swings, and monkey bars. They love Ninja Warrior, and I feel like they themselves are little warriors!

We ate dinner as a family almost every night. It is then when we heard the kids’ stories of how their day went at school and what they did. They usually had something to say about school, their teacher, or a friend, and they loved telling their dad about their afternoon at the playground.

It was a perfect vacation for me. It was a little sad not having Babcia there (what they called Gram). The kids loved their great-grandmother so much and loved helping her. Although they thought she was as slow as a turtle, they would always volunteer to take her hand and help her steady herself up the stairs and into the house. In earlier days, they loved going in and waking her up, too. “Babcia, it’s time to get up!” is what they would say. Then they would help make her eggs and a piece of toast. We would all have breakfast together, and they would try to persuade her to eat when she was just sitting there staring into space.

We all missed Babcia and our traditions of waking her up, helping her into the house, and going to get ice cream. My nephew had great insight and just made my heart melt. We talked a little about Babcia, and he said “Did Babcia like dogs?”, I said, “Yes, she did.” He said then she must be up in Heaven playing with Phoenix. (Phoenix was his Pops dog that passed away a few years ago.) He said, “I bet mom is playing with Phoenix, too.” And, “I am glad they can all be together.” Oh, my sweet baby boy. How precious.

I am sure you all have nieces, nephews, sons, daughters, or cousins who say the most precious things at the right time. Or in some cases the most embarrassing thing at the wrong time! But these two kids have the biggest hearts and the sharpest minds. Through all the pain and loss that they have suffered, they have rebounded. They love each other and know they are loved by all around them. They seem to know that life is short and to not take it for granted. They love to laugh and have fun.

Although I want them to stay these ages forever, I am excited to see what is in store for them in the future. What will they become? What passion will they find? How can I influence them to be kind, loving human beings? I try not to stress or worry about the otherworldly influences on them or wonder if they will make the right decisions. For now, I will continue loving them and encouraging them to be strong and inspiring.

In Family

Church

April 20, 2021 2 Comments

I was raised Catholic. I went to Sunday School and CCD until I was confirmed in the 11^th grade. I continued going to church with my family on Saturday nights and even on weekends through most of my college days.

Being Catholic was part of me. My grandparents were in the choir and very involved in the church. They sang for many weddings, holidays, and funerals. My parents were of the belief system that if we missed church and something “bad” happened it was because we missed church. I believed that for a while as well.

The most significant thing I learned about being Catholic was the Golden Rule, “Do Unto Others as You Would Have them Do Unto You.” I feel this is a very important rule to remember throughout life. Putting yourself in other people’s shoes is one way to feel compassion for others. Treat a situation like you would want to be treated if that person was you.

Once I moved to Richmond I didn’t go as often as I should. When I was in church, I was thinking of 100 different things I had to do or places I wanted to be. Church didn’t hold my attention. Plus, it was the same thing over and over. I could pretty much repeat it in my sleep 🙂

There was one small Catholic church in Richmond that I did enjoy. It seemed to be more like a Southern Baptist church because people were loud and happy and cheerful. The choir was amazing and the songs were upbeat. It was very different than the traditional Catholic Churches I had been to. Because there was a shortage of priests, Sister Cora did the service, which I thought was amazing as well. I actually enjoyed going to church and felt fulfilled.

A few years later, I was kind of lost. I wasn’t going to church. I had been through a divorce. I was a 31-year-old woman but acting like a 21-year-old with no cares in the world. A few people mentioned a church to me that they really enjoyed, but I never went. It was non-denominational, and I just wasn’t really sure. Until one morning, I woke up, late, hungover, and discovered my wallet was missing.

I decided it was time for a change. I decided to try this new church that everyone was raving about. I went to Commonwealth Chapel the next week and fell in love. Everyone was so nice. I felt welcomed, the music was incredible, and they served coffee! I left church feeling really good. I listened to Pastor Brandon’s message and the words of the music without thinking of where I needed to be the rest of the day. It ended up being really emotional for me, which again, was very different than the traditional Catholic Church.

After a few weeks, I was asked to join a Bible study group. I had never been to one, and even though I had gone to church my whole life, I didn’t know much about the Bible. But because I am a Yes, Woman, I said yes. The group was great. It was a wonderful mix of young adults. We talked about the sermon that week or a chapter in the Bible. Then we would just chat about life, socialize, and pray for each other. Throughout the week, we would check up on each other and sometimes do things after church or on another day of the week. I felt really happy and excited to be a part of such a wonderful, kind group of people. At that time, my Dad was fighting cancer and was nearing the end. We prayed for him as a group, and I thought for sure a miracle would happen because of the strong beliefs of this group of people, but in the end, we lost him.

After a few years, people started leaving the church. All of my friends were going in different directions. I tried a few other churches but nothing felt right. Then it was 2015, and I was off to Thailand.

Once I returned and started living with Gram in my hometown, we went to church for a while but then they changed the time, and it was too early for Gram. I went with friends to a few more churches around my hometown but again nothing felt right. My husband and I have tried a few different churches over the years as well but we haven’t found one that we have loved. We don’t believe in going to church just to go. We want to feel fulfilled, blessed, and happy after attending a service. And we know it can be that way so we will keep searching.

As you know, I have been feeling Lost Without Gram. I don’t know what my purpose is. I don’t know what is next. I am not sure who I am anymore or why I am here. I have turned to traveling and being comfortably numb. I have tried to not think about anything.

Until this past weekend, when I was home. Alone. It was the first time since Gram passed. As soon as I dropped my husband off at the airport, I was in tears. I don’t know why. I guess I just needed a good cry. I had such a mix of feelings. I felt guilty for putting Gram in the home. I felt sad for not taking her out when she broke her hip. I felt joy that she lived such a long, wonderful life. I felt happy that so many people got to meet and know her. I felt envious that she lived such a long and beautiful life. I felt relief that she was no longer in pain. I felt blessed that I was able to spend five wonderful years with her. And I felt lost because I wanted her here. I want to see her sweet face and hear her cute laugh.

The next day, I was home alone and listening to music. Two songs came on that reminded me of church, “Watch Over You” and “One Thing Remains.” You may not be into Christian music but please take a quick listen to these two songs. I feel they are really powerful, no matter what you believe, and I think you can relate to it as a parent or a child as well.

I thought maybe I should go back to church. It seemed to help before. I turned to Ecosia (similar to Google but they plant trees for each search!). I found the First Assembly of God Church. Something different from my Catholic upbringing but after perusing the website I was intrigued. I went to the Women’s Ministries page and listened to a video called “Help for Hurting Women: Identity Crisis”. It really hit home. These two prayers really helped me. Again, I apologize if the church thing isn’t for you, but I feel like they are pretty powerful words. I intend to repeat them when I am feeling down. I hope they help you, too.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need you. I need you to guide my life. I need you to save me. Please forgive me for every way that I have not honored you with my life. Jesus, come into my heart and make me to be the woman that you designed for me to be. Jesus, change in me whatever needs to be changed. And I will trust you all the days of my life with all of my heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

-Linda Dorcey

I am an awesome spirit being of magnificent worth as a person. I am deeply loved by God. I am fully pleasing to God. I am totally accepted by God. I am absolutely complete in Christ. And when my person is expressed through my performance, the reflection is dynamically unique. There has never been another like me in the history of mankind nor will there ever be. I am an original. One of a kind. Really somebody. And so are you.

-Linda Dorcey’s Pastor friend

So in the end, I believe there is something greater than us, and I need to believe that one day I will get to see all of my lost loved ones again. I honestly can’t wait for the reunion. I don’t know what my purpose on Earth is, at this time, but I have faith that God needs me here for some reason and a plan will be revealed eventually. For some reason Gram’s purpose on this Earth was complete, and she was needed in Heaven. One day we will know. Until then, don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be afraid to go to a new church or try a new activity. Life is too short. Get out there, be brave, be strong, and LIVE!

In Adventures with Gram

Lost Without Gram

April 6, 2021 2 Comments

Honestly, I know it should be somewhat of a relief. I should be excited to have no responsibility, but I feel lost without Gram. She has always been a huge part of my life. It all started the day I was born. My Dad was not able to be there because he was in the Army and deployed to Korea. Therefore, Gram was the one with my mom at the hospital, and she was the one who carried me home. Gram was a constant in my life. She lived three blocks away, she was at most of my athletic events, and she was there for all the important dates like Prom and Homecoming.

My Grandparents supported my move to California when I felt I needed to get out of my small town. They came all the way out to visit me with our foreign exchange student Marja. Gramps was so excited to go to Dodger Stadium for a baseball game and Dodger Dog. I showed them around Los Angeles, Palm Springs, and San Bernandino.

Once I moved to Richmond, my grandparents again made many trips up and down the interstate to visit. We saw each other for holidays, birthdays, and random times in between. When I decided to quit my job and move to Thailand, Gram was sad to see me leave but was one of my biggest supporters.

Even though she was my grandmother and had been a part of my life since I was born, these past five years were different. Our relationship became so much more. At first, when she was more independent, she was my partner in crime. We did everything together. It was nice to have someone to keep me company. We went shopping, we traveled up and down the East Coast, and of course, we drove to the nearest ice cream shop. We weren’t in a hurry and we weren’t trying to meet deadlines or set any records. We just went where we wanted to go when we wanted to go. Gram rarely complained. She was always up for a ride in the car. She loved my little convertible EOS. And I usually loved her by my side except when she would say some embarrassingly loud comment about the “geezer” getting gas at the pump next to us in his fancy convertible. Oh, gram.

After a while, she became a little more dependent on me, and then it seemed she became more like the child I never had. I got to know her really well. I knew what she liked to eat, what she was about to say, when she had to go to the bathroom, and what color she wanted on her nails. I imagine this is what having a three-year-old is like 🙂 But I loved having this little lady by my side. She smiled, she laughed, and she just went with the flow. She never had a whole lot to say but every now and again that little lady would make me laugh so hard. Some of my fondest memories and best pieces of advice came In the Bathroom with Gram. Because my grandmother knew me almost as well as I knew her, she would tell my mom and my friends that we can’t tell Stacy how much we like Jeff or she won’t like him. She was his biggest fan and of course, I became his biggest fan, too.

So six weeks after her passing, here I am, lost without Gram. I miss her advice. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss my sidekick.

For five years, I worked odd jobs even though my biggest job was caring for Gram. I just felt like I needed to do something. I needed to have a “job”. I don’t know why I felt defined by my “job” but for some reason, it has always mattered to me. It’s the first question people ask when you meet them. I realized how lost without Gram I was at our last ski week. We met new friends on the mountain and everyone had a job. Some were in real estate, some in film and of course, most of mine were pilots. Then someone asked me, “What do you do?”. Hmmm, what was I going to say? I wasn’t an educator anymore, I wasn’t a caregiver anymore, I wasn’t a realtor anymore. Who was I? I felt like I didn’t have an identity. I was just a pilot’s wife being a ski bum on a beautiful mountain.

I know I am a strong, independent woman with the most amazing husband. I know I am an aunt and I love those little ones so much. I know I am a travel junkie and can’t wait for more amazing adventures. But what do I say? What do I do now? I guess it’s ok to take the time to figure that out, but it’s hard, and it honestly has me a little lost without Gram. One wonderful friend of mine suggested I say something like “After five years of caregiving, I am taking some time to enjoy my husband and my marriage while I figure out my next adventure.” And that is amazing advice but it’s so hard to be patient and to not feel a little lost.

I know I am on a new journey and right now even though I am lost without Gram, I do believe something exciting and meaningful will come my way. I will never forget my time with Gram or the memories I made with her. She left me on this Earth a better person than I was five years ago and for that, I will forever be grateful. I am excited to see what this next chapter of my life will bring and maybe my husband and I won’t feel so lost without Gram. Maybe we will be led by Gram to new adventures, new memories together, and new times to cherish. I am surrounded by one amazing, loving, supportive husband and several wonderful friends and family members. Whatever will be is meant to be, and I have to have faith that all my angels above will lead us in the right direction.

In Adventures with Gram

Goodbye Gram

March 23, 2021 1 Comment

Tomorrow it will be one month since we lost Gram. Three weeks ago, we said goodbye Gram with a wonderful service. I am not sure you can say that funerals are beautiful or that dead bodies look good but it was a beautiful tribute to Gram and as always Gram looked stunning and so sweet in her casket. She was surrounded by blankets from friends, photos of her family, and of course, her rosary.

Although she didn’t have as many visitors as my grandfather did because of Covid and six added years, it was a wonderful turnout of support for our family. We were surrounded by many friends and family. One of her favorite couples, who called her mama, made the 10-hour drive from Tennessee to pay their respects. Gram would have been honored at the goodbye she received.

At the church service, a former student of Alliance College gave one of the most beautiful and amazing tributes I have ever heard. Click here to play the video. His words summed up Gram in a nutshell. Whoever met her felt the same way. Even the priest who never knew her did an amazing job. (Thank you Meghan D. for the videos and pictures). For the final hymn click here.

After the service, we went to the cemetery to lay her body to rest and to say goodbye Gram. It was a chilly day and the streets were ice-covered. We even had some snow flurries in the air, which she would have loved. Before we moved to Florida for the winters, one of Gram’s favorite pastimes was sitting in her chair and watching the snowfall.

Several people came to Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course for a memorial luncheon. The staff was fantastic and the food was amazing. The owners have known my grandparents for years, and we have all become very close. Every time I would take Gram to dinner at the restaurant she would say, “Where’s Kim?” and head straight for the kitchen. She would bust those doors open and sweet Kim would head over to give Gram a great big hug no matter what she was in the middle of doing. Her friendship and love for my grandparents are beyond words, and I cannot thank her enough for everything that Venango Valley has done for us.

We were surrounded by family, former students, colleagues, and friends. One of my oldest friends in life gave the perfect blessing for the food. I asked her to do this about three minutes before it was time. What an amazing friend to be able to come up with something so beautiful on the spot. I think Gram had that way about her to inspire beautiful words and actions in all of those around her.

It was hard to leave the luncheon because that meant it was over. There was nothing more to do but collect the flowers and picture frames from the funeral home. It was the final goodbye Gram. I didn’t want to do it.

Although I know in my head Gram had a long and absolutely wonderful life, it still hurts my heart that I won’t hear her laugh anymore, I won’t be able to put her in the car and take her to the nearest ice cream shop, I won’t get to hear her say “starość to nie radość” which she told means “it’s hell getting old”, which actually means “old age is not joy”, and I won’t hear her say “I look like death warmed over three times!”, her other famous words.

So I have to say goodbye gram to your earthly body, but I know you will visit by way of cardinals and in my dreams. I look forward to those signs from heaven. Please give everyone up there in heaven a great big hug for us. I know you are singing and dancing and having the most beautiful time. Keep an eye on your great-grandchildren for us. Hold them in your arms and make them feel your presence every day. Love and miss you. Goodbye Gram.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram, our Matriarch

March 9, 2021 No Comments

Over the past weekend, we laid Gram, our Matriarch, to rest next to her husband, at a cemetery bordering the campus of the old Alliance College. My grandparents had a profound impact on many of the students at the college as well as many others in the community. This is a tribute from one of my grandpa’s former players.

Mrs. Haluch, our Matriarch.

I had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Haluch over 60 years ago.

In 1957 to be exact…when I was a scared, skinny teenager…with only one suitcase in hand…arriving in Cambridge Springs as a Freshman at Alliance College. She was the first person to make me feel at home. She had two kids of her own, as Stanley and Tusha were young children at the time…yet still had time for me.

I’ve been blessed with over six decades of memories filled with that smile, that giggle…and her voice saying “Bobby, you don’t mind that I still call you Bobby?” I would say without hesitation, “NO Mrs. Haluch…I love that you call me Bobby.”

Many of us associate all of our Cambridge Springs memories with Coach Haluch…but if you really think about it…many of those are linked directly to…Mrs. Haluch. A quiet, gentle, and incredibly strong woman. A leader in her family…her church…and her community.

Remembering those wonderful days playing basketball and baseball for Coach…well…who do you think washed all of those uniforms for so many years? Mrs. Haluch.

All of the Alliance Reunions over the years…there she was making us all feel welcome… making over 500 perogies…yes 500, so when we stopped by over during the weekend, we’d all have something to eat. Always the consummate hostess.

When we would visit on a weekend, we’d go to church before heading back home. You could hear a beautiful voice coming from the choir loft. That’s Mrs. Haluch.

As the years went on…the mentorship continued with Coach and Mrs. Haluch…and a beautiful deeper friendship grew with our family.

Enjoying a Pirate Games at PNC Park…a couple of years ago…the usher giving her a game ball because he couldn’t resist that smile and twinkle in her eye.

Sitting watching a football game at their house…when Mrs. Haluch would blurt out a player’s name, position…and something interesting about them.

Such wonderful sunny days on Ft. Myers Beach. I would sit and talk with Coach and Mrs. Haluch would stroll the beach picking up shells with my wife and daughter. Then we would spend hours laughing…and eating… as we looked out over the Gulf of Mexico. Those are some of my most cherished memories.

At Coach’s 90th Birthday…who do you think stole the show? Mrs. Haluch…dancing with the toy soldier…she looked just like Cinderella.

In more recent years we were blessed to get to know Stacy…she has been an angel to Mrs. Haluch. The two of them…two peas in a pod. Their endless adventures are epic, but what was so special to me…was Stacy’s selfless and tireless dedication to her Gram. That is something that is so rare in today’s society. Stacy…that gift of time with you were given with your Gram…and Matriarch…will remain in your heart forever.

We would try to give Stacy a little break and take Mrs. Haluch on day trips to Waterford and Erie. Our lunches were filled with good food from Carini’s…but of course, it was all about the pie for Mrs. Haluch…the car rides were equally special…when she would tell tales of countless good times her and Coach had over the years.

Our destination was always the Casino, where she would sit at her penny machine having a high old time flanked by my wife and daughter. The best experience…was when she hit the jackpot and thought she broke the machine. We still laugh at the moment when the bells and lights started flashing and ringing and she turned to me and said… “Bobby I think I broke the machine.”

For such a tiny statured woman…she was a Giant…a giant to all of us. Making a Big impact in each of our lives.

Mrs. Haluch was…

The Matriarch of her beloved family – to her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

The Matriarch of Alliance College

The Matriarch of Cambridge Springs

I imagine and smile thinking about…Mrs. Haluch and Coach enjoying endless polkas and perogies…in Heaven…

I love you Mrs. Haluch. Thank you for being a Matriarch in my family too.

Love,

Bobby F.

In Family

Friends

February 23, 2021 2 Comments

I can’t express to you how amazing my friends are. Family is one thing, and I am blessed with a small, close immediate family and a huge, wonderful extended family. But my friends’ network is beyond words. They always say quality over quantity, but I believe that somehow I got both. I have friends that I have had since birth (literally our moms were in the same hospital room), since elementary school, since high school, since college, since California, since Virginia, since Thailand, since back to Pennsylvania when I started caring for Gram, and now since Florida. It seems that the older I get and different life circumstances occur, it seems the more wonderful people I meet.

From elementary school, I have a core group of friends. Although our paths took different turns, we managed to stay in touch. It didn’t matter if we saw each other every month or once a year, we would get together and it was as if no time had passed. We support each other through beautiful weddings and some heartbreaks. Some of us had children and some were lucky enough to inherit stepchildren. Some of us stayed in the small town where we grew up and others decided to leave. But these women and men have been there for me through good and bad times. And I can’t say enough about their support of gram and me over the past five years. I also have a boxful of notes from some of them from fifth grade forward. I can’t wait for us to get together to read through some of these over some wine one of these days.

Then I was off to college. There I met another group of fantastic ladies. We were from all different states and even though we are now spread all over the globe, and we don’t keep in touch as often as we should, we have a bond that remains. When we do get together or do a Zoom call, it brings my heart so much joy to see their beautiful faces and talk about their children and careers. Again, some decided to have children, some didn’t, some have been married, some have suffered the loss of a husband, some have been divorced and some have long-time partners. Although the differences in paths mean some loss of communication and closeness, we continue to cheer each other on from afar. And when we can meet up, it’s like we go back to those days sitting outside our apartment in college having coffee talk about the night before.

I have another group of friends that I met in Virginia through my education career and by participating in social sports. Richmond has some great adult league social sports you can play such as kickball, football, and wiffleball. We had so much fun playing these sports especially when we won a few championships! Although we don’t stay in touch as often as we should, these folks are always willing to help each other out. Receiving a text out of the blue from one of these special people always makes my heart happy. We may not talk or see each other often, but they all pass through my mind and my heart more often than they probably know.

When I went to Thailand, I met two very special ladies in Richmond before we left. We bonded right away because of our sense of adventure and the fear of the unknown. Once we got to Thailand, we met 30 more people who all had similar interests in traveling and teaching children. I am Facebook friends with many of these people, and recently I reconnected with one wonderful woman who can bring a smile to anyone’s face with her cuteness.

When I moved back to my hometown to provide care and companionship to Gram, I was excited to see my hometown girlfriends and their families. Whenever I would go to our small town sporting events, it was like a high school reunion. It was so much fun! We all had many things going on, but we got together as often as we could. Then I joined CrossFit Meadville and made another group of fantastic friends. I love that there are so many badass women in this gym. Most of these women are married, but in the beginning, they took me on as the odd wheel, and I loved it. When I introduced them to Jeff, they embraced him just as well. This crew enjoys Sunday Fun Days and brewery tours. They also love coming to Florida in the winter to visit. And we love spending our summers in Pennsylvania near them.

Once Gram and I started spending winters in Florida, we met more married couples that Jeff has been friends with for years. Friends he has met through his work or through his sons’ school or sporting events. I love these couples, and although I am still working on developing woman relationships in this area, I enjoy hanging out with them and going to dinner.

Another group of friends I adore is our ski club friends. Jeff started taking me skiing in 2018, and I met some very amazing people while skiing. Most of these friends are in the airline industry which is very intriguing to me. These friends come to ski weeks from all over the United States, and now I have friends to visit all over the country. It is amazing to me to keep meeting such generous and fun-loving people. It truly makes me so happy and makes me believe in the good of this world.

Lastly, I have a group of friends that I have met because of my grandparents. Many of my grandfather’s past basketball players send cards, messages, letters and through these, I have tried to keep the relationship going with Gram. Every time we meet up with someone from the old college, she has the biggest smile on her face. She always knows where they live and usually what they are doing. It amazes me. My husband and I love hearing the stories about my grandpa and how much he meant to them as a coach as well as the life lessons they learned through him. We miss him so much, and I love that he had such an impact on these gentlemen and their families.

This post is for you, my friends. You all know who you are and please know that I love and cherish each one of you. You made my transitions in each area of my life bearable and enjoyable. I am so blessed to be able to count on so many of you for anything, and I hope you feel the same about us. It makes my heart so warm to know that you are all out there. And it makes my heart happy to know how much you love and care about sweet Gram.

In Adventures with Gram

Missing Gram

February 16, 2021 7 Comments

It’s been about three months since we decided to put Gram into Senior Living. We tried to get extra help for her in our home but the lady quit after four days 🙁 She said it was too hard physically. Hmm…not sure that walking a few steps from the bedroom to the kitchen to the pool at a snail’s pace is all that tough but….whatever… it didn’t work out. So here I am three months later missing Gram.

After lots of discussions, pros, cons, tears and a few falls we determined that senior living was the best place for Gram. Jeff and I loved taking care of Gram, and we loved having her in our home. I definitely got more frustrated at times than he did but he also got more breaks from Gram than I did. Needless to say, after caring for Gram for just about five years, I was burned out and exhausted. I couldn’t keep an eye on her every minute she was awake, and I felt like I wasn’t being a good caregiver or granddaughter. We couldn’t go to the store without taking her or getting someone to stay with her. She fell a few times over the past year and even once when I was right across the pool. We didn’t want to take the chance that she would fall, get hurt, or break her hip again.

We found a wonderful facility and together with my mom, we wrote Gram a note about why we felt she would be safer there. She read, smiled, and agreed. The next day she hopped right out of bed, ate breakfast, asked my mom if we would be ok without her money, and asked questions about her new “apartment”. We were in shock. I took her to get her nails and hair done, and we took her to her new place. When it was time for us to leave she was sitting with some ladies, drinking a milkshake, and smiling a big smile. It made my heart happy even though I knew I would be missing Gram.

We were sad that she didn’t seem to care that we were leaving, but we had hope in our hearts that she would adjust well and possibly fall in love with her new home and her new friends. The house felt differently without her, and we kept looking over our shoulders to see what she was doing. We were definitely missing Gram.

Three months later, she has adjusted pretty well, but she still asks to come home. She still asks where she is. Because of her dementia, she doesn’t realize this is her new permanent place. She still has hope that she is coming home. The beautiful thing about putting her in a facility in Fort Myers is that we can visit as often as we want. We can take her out to lunch if we want as well. We also were so blessed to be able to take her to Virginia for Christmas. Although she was very confused about where we were going the first day, she enjoyed being with the family for the holidays. She also enjoyed helping us make pierogies. It broke my heart to put her back in at the end of our trip but the next day she seemed ok.

Things seemed to be heading in a positive direction. She was walking better than she did in our home so we were very happy about that. She seemed to be maintaining her weight. She was socializing with the other ladies more often. I took her out for lunch once and out for ice cream another time. I was trying to show her that she could come and go. We started talking about places we could take her and getting excited about having more adventures with Gram, especially since she was soon going to be vaccinated against the Covid virus.

Then it happened. Last Wednesday, she got her second Covid vaccine shot. Personally, I think Gram is so strong that she would have fought off the Covid without it, but you never know. Well, that evening, she tried to stand up, got dizzy, and lost her balance. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the vaccine or not. But she fell, hit her head on a side table, tore her skin on her elbow, and landed on her right hip (the hip she broke in 2016). Thankfully, we were in town, and I was able to meet her at the Emergency Room. She was so scared and in so much pain. The emergency room nurses were wonderful. They got her head cleaned up and thankfully she didn’t need any stitches. They did the x-rays and yep, her right femur is broken again. Because she already had a replacement, the doctor said there was nothing they could do. He recommended lots of pain meds and to keep her moving as much as she can tolerate.

So here we are six days later, and I am missing Gram. I am missing the Gram I had who made me laugh, who made me a better person, who told me to take care of my husband, who in her nineties had so many adventures, and who was so cute you couldn’t stand it. I am missing Gram because right now she can’t walk (although she is able to sit in her wheelchair relatively comfortably). I am missing Gram because she isn’t talking to me, and she can’t move her right hand. I am missing Gram because she is not eating and not taking her medications consistently. She has been such an inspiration and positive influence on me. She has shown me how to be strong. How to love wholeheartedly. How to laugh. How to enjoy life. How to support your family. How to keep traditions alive. I am not sure what the next few weeks will bring for us. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. If you are in the Fort Myers area and would like to visit Gram or if you would like to send her a card, contact me for the information.

In Pilot's Wife

New Girl? Part 2

February 9, 2021 No Comments

I missed the new girl the first two days she was at the gym. But that’s how fate works. We met on a Saturday, but for me, it started the night prior.

I had just broken up with a girlfriend, and my friend, Eleina was navigating through Match.com. We would go out for “wing therapy” which consisted of wings, beer, and honest talk of what men and women are really thinking. So after a Friday night of wings and beer, we decided to go to Saturday Bootcamp.

Bootcamp was at 10 am, which was perfect after a night of drinking. A little late for Stacy as she had been going to 5 am CrossFit, and I usually went to the 8 am class. I met E upon arrival, and we chatted briefly before the group warm-up started. This is where I first noticed the “new girl”. We were instructed to the wall and started with leg swings. She somehow managed to get between myself and E even though we were talking during the warm-up. CrossFit is a group class and the “community” we have prompted us to part a bit to allow her a space along the wall. As we exited from the wall to continue the warm-up, Eleina was still talking as my eyes moved towards this “new girl”. I gave E a “shhh” with a finger held in front of my lips and pointed to her with my other hand. Yes, I noticed something beautiful and intriguing that morning.

E and I partnered for the 30+ minute Bootcamp workout. While these were usually long grinders, I stayed focused on the workout. It was easily recognizable that this “new girl” was quite athletic and had an amazing work ethic in the gym. Definitely not her first workout.

After the workout, the group gathered on the floor for a post-workout stretch. Eleina and I sat beside this new girl and chatted about the work that we had just accomplished. Stacy was her name, and she was down from PA enjoying the Florida sunshine and helping her gram recover from a broken hip. Her grandparents had a condo here and this was the first time that gram had been here since her husband had passed away.

We continued to chat and I offered suggestions of things to do in Ft. Myers. Little did I know that Stacy and her family had been coming to Ft. Myers for about 15 years. But I continued rambling on thinking this was her first time here. Stacy mentioned that she had friends coming in that night and was looking forward to seeing old friends from high school. I then mentioned that I was going to the beach the next day, and I asked Stacy if she would like to join me. “How are you going to take her to the beach if you don’t have her number?”, Eleina chimed in. Stacy and I kinda stared at each other, smiled, and then we exchanged numbers.

By now it was after 11 am and Stacy was concerned about gram being home alone. We all parted ways for the day. A few hours later Stacy texted. I forget what exactly she said, but it led to our first date the next day at the beach. I promptly texted E and said, “she texted!” I am not sure who was more excited to go to the beach the next day as I had not been there in a while. And yes, that “plan” to go to the beach was only in effect if I had Stacy with me. I certainly wasn’t planning to go without her. That was just part of my “pick up line”. And that is how I met the new girl.

Guest Post was Written by Jeff F.

Jeff is Stacy’s (the new girl’s) husband and partner in crime. Jeff is an avid crossfitter, pilot, boater, amazing husband, brother, and father. Jeff has been in the Fort Myers area for over 20 years. He enjoys being a snowbird and spending the summers up north in Gram’s house in PA.

In Pilot's Wife

How We Met- Part 1

February 8, 2021 No Comments

As you read in, The Broken Hip, Gram broke her hip in December 2016 but by February she was making great strides. We left the snow for the sun and ended up at her condo in Fort Myers.

Since I had just started CrossFit, I googled CrossFit gyms near the condo. I found a few and decided on CrossFit Thoroughbreds. I took a few CrossFit classes and met some great people and instructors. It was my first time dropping into other boxes, and I fell in love with the CrossFit community. On Saturday, February 11, 2017, I decided to try Boot Camp. After class, I met two amazing people who would significantly impact my life. One would later become my husband and the other one gave me the tools and the support to start this blog. (Their stories of “how we met” will be published this week. Stay Tuned!)

I arrived at Boot Camp a little early and was stretching and warming up. I observed a man and woman having a conversation about what seemed to be some kitchen renovations and possibly an ex. They both talked fairly loud so it was easy to eavesdrop 🙂 They seemed to be very good friends who had a history of being there for each other. I was intrigued by their conversation and wanted to know more about both of them. The guy was good looking, and he seemed like he was about my age, but I can never tell. Plus, he had on a hat and you never know what’s underneath that! They both had great figures and looked like they were dedicated athletes.

During the workout, they were partners while I was in another group. I remember it being a pretty tough workout with push-ups and running. I also remember looking out of the corner of my eye to see how good of an athlete this guy was. I found they both worked hard and were impressive in their moves.

After class, the woman, who was sitting next to the man, said hi to me and asked if I was new to town. I explained I was only there for about two weeks and was taking care of my grandmother. I told them I had friends coming to town that night so they gave me some suggestions on where to take them. The guy mentioned he had some time off from work and wanted to know if I wanted to meet him the next day and go to the beach. Because I am a Yes Woman I didn’t hesitate to say it sounded like a fabulous idea. We chatted a few more minutes and before we parted ways, Eleina, the amazing wing woman, said how can he contact you without your number. I laughed and probably rolled my eyes. In the end, we exchanged numbers and the rest is history 🙂

I still find it hard to believe that quitting my job in 2015 led me back to my hometown which led me to caregiving for Gram which led me to CrossFit which in turn led me to my prince. I would not have met my husband if I hadn’t taken that leap of faith. And I wouldn’t have found him if God hadn’t placed me right where I needed to be at that moment.

This week is dedicated to our story of how we met four years ago this week. No, it wasn’t love at first sight and no, we didn’t start dating right away because we were in two different states. But we met and that was just the beginning.

Jeff, my husband, and Eleina, the wing woman will be writing posts Tuesday and Thursday of how our first meeting went from their perspectives. Check them out!

In Pilot's Wife

My Prince

January 26, 2021 4 Comments

My Prince… Finally! After All Those Frogs

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Stacy. Her mom read her princess stories like Cinderella and Snow White. She watched movies like 16 Candles and The Breakfast Club. She believed in love and believed one day she would find her Prince.

The High School Years

Stacy “liked” boys in grade school, but it was grade school so it wasn’t anything serious. In 7^thgrade, she was swept away by an older guy, and they were together for three years. While she had a great experience with him, she missed out on dances and a lot of girly things during those middle school years. During high school, she dated on and off but was more interested in hanging with her friends, especially her best friend, Missy, than anything else. She wanted to be free to discover and experience all high school had to offer.

The College Years

In college, Stacy thought for sure she would find “her prince”. She dated a guy for about a year, but it just didn’t work out. After that, she continued to enjoy her friends and all the experiences college had to offer.

After college, she moved to California and then to Virginia. Stacy dated here and there, but she was one of those girls who would rather do what she wanted to do rather than be in a relationship and have to compromise. She just couldn’t be with someone who annoyed her within the first month. So she stayed single and enjoyed life.

The Richmond Years

When she was 23, she met a guy and thought maybe this was her prince. They spent a couple of years together, got married, then got divorced. Nope, just another frog. After that, Stacy started reading a blog called “The Spinsterlicious Life” because that clearly seemed to be the path she was on. In one of the posts, Eleonore Wells wrote about how there are relationship people and there are single people. She said you are either better at being annoyed (in relationships) or you are better at being lonely (single).

That post rang true to Stacy. She discovered she definitely was a single person. She realized all this time of dating that she was just better at being lonely than being annoyed. It made so much sense! Therefore, she played sports, she traveled, and she spent time with friends and family. She was still on her journey to find her prince, but she wasn’t sure he was going to find her.

The Best Years

Once she started caregiving for Gram, she really wondered if there was anyone out there. Who would take on her, let alone her, her grandmother, and a cat? She decided there probably wasn’t a lot of hope so she made a commitment to enjoy herself, the opportunities that presented themselves, and her time with Gram.

Then it happened. She met him. Instead of pushing things too hard or worrying too much, she tried to have the motto “if it’s meant to be it will be”. She hoped it would be, but she also knew her life circumstances may prevent that.

Funny how just the opposite happened. Her life circumstances led her to him. And enabled her to spend more time with him than her previous life circumstances would have allowed. She found a guy who was willing AND able to make the distance between them short. She found a guy who was willing to love her, her grandmother, and the cat(mostly)! She found a guy who somehow loved her for her. She didn’t pretend to be anyone else. She found a guy who was willing to listen. She found someone who loved many of the same things she did…traveling, working out, eating right, being outside, boating, trying new things, and striving to be better every day. She found her Prince!

Stacy is so blessed to be where she is today. To be with a man who loves her with his whole heart and who tries every day to make her life a little easier. To be able to care for her Grandmother who makes her day brighter by making some funny comments in the bathroom. To be able to live in two different states and have amazing friends and family in both. To be able to pursue her dream and write this blog. To be able to tell you, you might have to kiss a lot of frogs but someday you WILL find your Prince.