I hope you had a great July 4th weekend celebrating our freedoms and independence. Don’t take them for granted. All of the soldiers and their sacrifices who fought for our freedom should not go unnoticed. We live in the best country in the world. We need to celebrate that and not take it for granted.
The preservation of freedom is not the task of soldiers alone. The whole nation has to be strong.
– Lal Bahadur Shastri
Packing…seems to now be the story of my life. Pack for the weekend. Pack for the week. Pack for the summer. Pack for the ski trip. Pack for the beach trip. I left Tuesday, June 14 to go to Virginia to see the family. My mom and I then drove from Virginia to Pennsylvania to play in the annual PNA Golf Tournament. It was a wonderful weekend honoring the memory of my grandparents. I miss them so much.
On Father’s Day, mom dropped me off at the Pittsburgh Airport. I was supposed to fly from Pittsburgh to Baltimore to Fort Myers. I was flying standby, which means I still pay a reduced rate, but I get the very last seat if one is available. I got on the flight to Baltimore. I even had a boarding pass to get on the flight to Fort Myers but she called me up to the desk at the last minute and took it away. Even with my big, brown sad eyes, I couldn’t get a seat. I was so close, and I just wanted to be home.
The gate agent tried to help me with another plan. The rest of the direct flights to Fort Myers were full. She suggested I go through Atlanta or Chicago. I have friends in both cities in case I got stuck so I said either one. Well, the flight was boarding so she sent me a few gates down. The flight was going through La Guardia (NYC) to Chicago (Midway). I had a seat so I went.
When I got to Chicago I asked how the flight looked. The gate agent said it was full. I was number seven in line. Therefore, seven people needed to NOT show up. And sometimes this happens, but very rarely when the flight is full. So, I called my friend, crying, and asked her to come to pick me up. I had been awake since 5:30 am and now it was 8:30 pm my time. I was beyond exhausted and frustrated. I wanted out of the airport.
There was a flight to Fort Myers the next day where I could have bought a ticket but I just couldn’t fathom getting up at 3:30 am. I asked Erin if she would have me for a few days even though I had no clothes of my own except the ones on my body. My suitcase was checked and on its way to Fort Myers (without me). This is when you realize why it’s important to make sure your toothbrush, a pair of underwear, and a change of clothes are in your carry-on!
Needless to say, I went to Erin’s. We chatted and made plans for the next few days. Jeff and I were supposed to fly to Chicago on Tuesday anyway to visit them for a few days. I told My Prince that I would just stay in Chicago and wait for him. I couldn’t spend one more day at the airport.
It worked out wonderfully. Erin and I got to spend some time together. We worked out, went shopping, and had a bellini at Restoration Hardware! Monday night, Jeff and I used the Facetime app so he could pack my suitcase for Cabo. It is hard to remember everything when you aren’t in the house to pack but he did a wonderful job. Finally, Tuesday afternoon, Jeff arrived in Chicago.
That day and evening, we had a great time having conversations together with Erin and her husband. We spent Wednesday together and helped Erin design her new patio. Thursday we hopped on another plane and flew to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico for Jeff’s cousin’s 50th birthday. We have been to Cabo together and just loved it. We couldn’t wait to spend a few days just relaxing in Mexico.
After getting bumped several times on the previous Sunday, Jeff and I decided to buy tickets back from Cabo. We originally were planning on flying standby but we found affordable tickets leaving Cabo Sunday and going back to Chicago for 12 hours. We would then get into Fort Myers on Monday. Erin said she would love to have us again so we went back to her house for the night.
Monday, June 27 (my best friend‘s birthday!), we made it home safely. We literally had 36 hours to unpack, do laundry, bring outdoor furniture inside, and repack for our next adventure which includes, Atlanta, Richmond, Lake Anna, Honolulu, Maui, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania (for the next three months). Needless to say, I am a bit overwhelmed!
Although I continue to love the view from the plane and my life as a pilot’s wife I am beginning to wonder if we just need to get a dog so we have some excuse to stay home because clearly, we don’t know how to do that since we lost Sweet Gram.
Featured Photo by Surface on Unsplash
I am not sure if it was because my grandpa was so involved in sports or if it was in my DNA, but I love being a part of a team. I enjoy camaraderie and fighting for a common goal. The people I have met at different sports camps and along the way will forever have a place in my heart. Sports instilled in me the willingness to work with other people. That has helped me throughout my career as a teacher as well as a caregiver and a wife.
Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision, the ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.
— Andrew Carnegie
Photo from Unsplash
Instead of worrying about what may happen, take the chance and follow your dreams.
Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.
— Les Brown
This past weekend at the Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course we had the annual Polish National Alliance (PNA) Golf Tournament. This has recently been renamed the “Thaddeus Haluch Memorial Golf Tournament” in honor of my grandfather. Grandpa ran the tournament for at least 37 years. and it has been held on Friday and Saturday of Father’s Day Weekend every year since I can remember.  He passed away in 2016 so I decided I needed to keep up the tradition. I ran it for another five years with help from our Lodge 1540 and the West End Lodge in Pittsburgh. It become difficult for me to run from Florida, therefore, I asked the guys from the West End Lodge to take it over. Even though my family still helps with the logistics, Jeff, mom, and I get to golf if we want to!
Last year was my first time golfing. Â I had taken three lessons prior to the outing, and I thought I was going to be GOOD! Haha! Little did I know that golf is a very complicated game. I had a wonderful time and loved being a part of this tournament and actually golfing in it. But I won “high score”. In golf, the goal is to get the lowest score! My grandpa would have just shaken his head and said, “You need to keep your head down.” This year, I did improve my game and did not come in last place! Definitely, something to celebrate! On the opposite end of the spectrum, my mom won the tournament for the ladies (as she has at various times over the years).
Since I was a little girl I have been helping with this golf tournament. Grandpa would start getting stressed in May when the golfers would turn in their registration forms late or cancel at the last minute. My gram took the brunt of the frustration, but we all saw it. He would stress himself to the max letting 130-150 golfers play in this thing. But he loved it. He loved seeing all of the guys from the different lodges throughout Pennsylvania. He loved being the big guy and speaking at the awards banquet. And everyone loved seeing him, too.
It really is a great tournament with years of tradition. You get two days of golf, snacks throughout the day, the best Polish kielbasa, pop, beer, a gift, and dinner on Saturday. Plus, if you happen to be good enough you can win money and a trophy for first, second, and third place (if you are a part of the PNA by having a life insurance or annuity policy). My grandpa arranged the golfers by Flights depending on their scores from the previous year. If you never golfed in this tournament before you were not eligible to win a prize. But if you win your flight you move up to the next one the next year.
Our family has been involved in this tournament for over 40 years. When we were little, my sister and I would volunteer to take the most candy bars we could get that we had to sell for our softball teams. We knew Gramps would tell the golfers he needed a $1 for the 50/50 and $1 for a candy bar. They had to buy the candy whether they wanted to eat it or not! As we got older we drove around on the beer cart. We would have a boat load of cash tips at the end of the day. We thought it was the greatest thing. Even as adults we would man the beer cart and make some money.
My grandpa was old school so of course everything was done by hand. He also didn’t trust the guys so we needed to add up the scores. Then we needed to break any ties. Then we needed to write down their names, lodges, and scores in two places. It took us HOURS to do this. Most of the time we missed dinner and all the golfers just sat there waiting.
Eventually, gramps gave in to the computer, and I would sit on the course and take scores. That way they were added up correctly, and we could sort them and decide the next day’s pairings more quickly. It made it quicker but still, Friday was a long, long day that turned into a long, long night. On Saturday, we had to be down there at 6:30 am to get everything ready for the 8:00 am tee time. Many guys wouldn’t show up because they had too much fun the night before.
Once my sister and I were old enough to drink we would hang out in the bar with the golfers on Friday night. Of course, we didn’t pay for one drink. Grandpa was always worried about the drinking but he loved this weekend and looked forward to it every year. By Saturday evening, he was grinning ear to ear. He loved this tournament.
The past two years have been emotional for me. They were the first two years without gram or gramps. We had 20 new players this year and it hit me that they didn’t get the pleasure of meeting either one of my grandparents. It makes me sad that people won’t get to know them and what they meant to this golf tournament and what the tournament meant to them.
It’s hard to explain especially if you didn’t have a chance to meet my grandparents. It’s hard to understand what a golf tournament can mean to a family. I love that my grandparents knew so many people and that I get to hear their stories. I hope that those who knew my grandparents continue to pass along stories of them to the younger generations. I hope that they appreciate all that they were.
If you are interested in joining the PNA by buying a life insurance policy or annuity, please contact me.
Our mental health is so important. The way we look at life and our journey determine our happiness and our world. Hopefully, your mind is set to look at all the beautiful things there are in this life.
If you change your mindset, you have the ability to change your whole world.
– Damien Thomas
Photo by kylie De Guia on Unsplash
This is post III of my letter to Gram. I told you it was LONG!! If you are just joining us, head on back to check out Letters to Gram I and II (Change). Writing this letter was very therapeutic for me and maybe writing a letter to your lost loved one will help you, too. Reading these letters again as I edit this post about Gram and my frustration just brings tears to my eyes. I miss that little lady so much.
Last week, my husband and I were blessed to have one of my Gramps‘ former basketball players and his wife at our house for an overnight stay. They were so close to my grandparents that they called them “Mama and Papa”. Hearing their stories of my grandparents and seeing the love in their eyes just touches my heart. My grandparents were the most amazing people and influenced so many lives. Even though I had over 40 years with them I wish I had more. I wish I would have had the pleasure of knowing my grandparents as young adults.
And now to continue on with my Letter to Gram….
Dear Gram,
After our trip to Florida where we met Jeff and Virginia to visit the family, we settled in for the northwest PA spring. That summer, I started working at Bill Lawrence Personal Fitness and took you with me many times. Everyone loved saying hi and chatting with you. You were such an inspiration because you had to climb up two flights of stairs to get to the gym every time we went. Thank you for letting me drag you along. I know it must have been more difficult and frustrating than you led on, but I think you enjoyed being around people even if they were 40 years younger than you.
Over the next three years, we had many great adventures. Jeff and I got more serious, and he asked us to move to Florida for most of the year. We became Sunbirds and started going to Florida for the winter and Pennsylvania in the summer. We flew more times those last five years of your life than you did the whole 91 years before. Even though you were becoming forgetful and on medication for dementia, you still remembered all of the family members and all of the former Alliance students as well. You were happy and willing to do almost anything we asked of you. Rarely did you show any frustration or anger.
In 2018, we lost my sister to cancer. You were upset that it was her and not you. You didn’t understand how or why these things were happening. We vowed to spend more time with the kids and mom in Virginia so we traveled up and down the highway even more.
Soon, you became less independent. I couldn’t leave you for an extended period of time. You started falling from time to time and once even had to get seven stitches put in your head. Jeff and I got engaged, and although we loved taking you with us, we wanted some time for just us. I remember starting to feel a bit resentful and frustrated about having to stay home with you (and boy, do I regret that now) when we couldn’t find anyone to relieve us of our caretaking duties. What I wouldn’t give to spend another beautiful day with you just chilling by the pool.
Even though we had many great talks in the bathroom, I was starting to get down. I wanted to travel more. I wanted to be able to pick up and go and not worry about finding someone to stay with you. I didn’t feel like I had any help except for my Prince, my cousin across the street, a wonderful friend from elementary school, and some amazing, caring teenagers. My caregiving job was getting harder and harder, and I felt like I was not being fair to you.
I feel terrible about how frustrated I would get sometimes with you. I didn’t know how to stop and breathe and just let it go. I didn’t know how to not be selfish. I didn’t want to resent my husband for getting to go while I had to stay home with you. And I didn’t want to resent you for having to stay home. And yes, I know there are worse things than having to sit and watch Wheel of Fortune with you. Honestly now, I wish you were here so we could relax by the pool while Jeff ran around like a gypsy!
I just wanted help. I wanted a granny nanny who could be on call when we needed her and who would treat you like we did. I know plenty of families who had nannies. Could it be that hard to find someone to stay with you? I didn’t think it would be.
We searched Care.com and interviewed tons of people. We found one lady who actually worked with you for about two weeks. I was so happy to have help and to have someone we could trust when we wanted to take a trip. But then she quit. We interviewed more people but no one seemed right for the job. I guess the task is different from asking someone to care for a child and asking someone to care for an elderly woman.
After discussions with mom and Jeff and after you fell again when I was on the other side of the pool, we decided that a senior living center was probably our only option. We wrote you a letter and you agreed that it was time to go. We told you that you would have your own apartment and you seemed really excited about it. We dropped you off and when we left you were all smiles. It was such a relief. I really hoped you would enjoy being in a place where you could relax and not be drug around with us. I was hoping you would make new friends and thrive in your new living environment. But the next three months were some of the most difficult for me and probably for you, too. Please know that leaving you in the senior living center was one of the hardest things I have had to do.
Deciding when to be a caregiver and when to give it up is a very personal and difficult decision. As a caregiver, you do need to put yourself and your relationships first. That way you can be the best caregiver to those you are caring for. There are many decisions to weigh and lots of options out there. Do what is best for you!
There is still one more letter…the story continues.
I love this quote because I quit my job, moved to Thailand, came back, started caring for my Gram and the journey led me to My Prince. Today is his birthday, and I can’t wait to celebrate him and the amazing man he is. So thankful for my journey.
You don’t always need to understand your journey in life, you just need to trust that you’re going in the right direction.
-Steven Aitchis
Photo by Clemens van Lay on Unsplash
Family. What can you say? Family can be fun. Family can be frustrating. Family can be crazy. I have spent the last four weeks helping my husband and my sister-in-law move their mom from Texas to West Virginia and then to Florida. We’ve flown to different states and driven through a few more. We found a couple of apartments, waited on moving trucks, unpacked boxes, repacked boxes, moved furniture, hung pictures, opened and closed accounts, and needless to say had a few drinks at the end of the day. But for now, all is well. Fingers crossed 🙂
Family is a crazy thing. Some days are good. Some are bad. Some family members are there for you whenever you call upon them. And some are not. Sometimes family is supportive and sometimes they are exhausting. And sometimes they may talk behind your back yet will have no problem asking you for help.
Whatever your family is, whether you were born into it, adopted, or whether you chose to make others your family, just remember you don’t have to be taken advantage of. Family is there to love you, support you, to offer advice and encouragement. Family is not there to put you down, to make you feel bad, or to make you feel like you are doing something wrong.
Sometimes family members may not mean to make you feel bad but maybe they have other issues such as mental health conditions, depression, or dementia. And this can cause stress on your relationships with them and others. Gram, who never wanted to be a burden, caused us stress in a different way as we were constantly worried about her health and well-being. If this happens, try to open the lines of communication (if the family member is mentally capable). It is usually better to talk it out. Ignoring the problem really isn’t going to fix it. If something is bothering you then try to get clarification as oftentimes there might just be a misunderstanding or confusion within the situation. Hopefully, you can discuss the problem and come to a solution instead of holding a grudge for some misunderstanding. If mental health is in the way then you can help your family member with finding resources so they can get the help they need.
So, in the end, choose the “family” that makes you shine. Choose the family that is there for you. Choose the family that calls just say hi. Choose the family that makes you laugh. Choose the family that makes you feel good about being you. And that family can be whomever you want them to be!
