young adult caregiving Archives - Page 2 of 3 - Inspired & Strong

Gramps

August 17, 2021 No Comments

I thought I would take a moment to celebrate my grandfather. We called him “Gramps”. So much of this blog has been about Gram and my adventures with her over the past five years that I feel bad that you haven’t gotten to know my Grandpa. He was the talker. He was the one with the huge personality. He was the generous and giving one. Gram and he were married just two weeks shy of 66 years! What a marriage and what a legacy they left on this world. Besides having two children, three grandchildren, and five great children, they left behind 30 years of college students who think of them as family.

Gramps was a member of the United States Navy for four years. My grandmother talked often of him being stationed in the Aleutian Islands and every time my husband would go to Alaska for work she would say that Grandpa was stationed there and asked if that’s where Jeff was going. Jeff does not go to the islands but maybe someday we can go. Gram said Gramps said it was beautiful, and she always wanted to go. Jeff often goes to Anchorage for work, but I have not had the chance to go yet. Hoping my day will come very soon.

Gramps was the social butterfly. Although they both knew all the college kids and took them in when they couldn’t go home for the holidays, he was the one who invited them over. Gram was the one who cooked and got the house ready. He was loud, and he was big compared to tiny, quiet Gram. He had a big old belly and always ate everyone’s leftovers. He always told the story of how they went to Eddie’s Footlongs one night. Usually, his children wouldn’t eat their whole dinner, and they would waste food and throw it away. So one night he decided not to order anything. And wouldn’t you know it, the kids ate every last bite!! Poor Gramps was left with nothing and clearly, he was upset about it because he told that story for years!

Gramps was the basketball coach at Alliance College for over 30 years. The athletes and other students at the college and in our town respected him and admired him. He demanded a lot of his players but many of them now say they would have not made it through college without my grandparents. They would have quit, given up, or flunked out. The pressure and support of my grandparents helped pull them through and now they are successful and many of them say they owe it all to my grandparents.

I loved having him as a Grandpa. We could go to the gym any time we wanted because he had the key. I loved it, but I loved being in the gym. It was so fun. We would play basketball, racquetball, jump on the trampoline, or work out in the weight room. As I got older, I would open the gym for my friends around town. Many of the local guys wanted to play basketball. My grandpa would let them in but only if they let me play with them. He always stressed the importance of free throws. I realized how important they were as I played with the guys from the town. I knew I had to make my free throws to be one of the first 10 players on the court. Then we had to win to keep playing. I feel like playing with the boys really helped me become a better player.

I remember Gramps wearing one of those plastic suits and running laps around the basketball court as we messed around in the gym. He was always trying to lose weight by doing activities but didn’t try too hard when it came to his diet. He loved his food. I tried several times to get him to try different nutrition plans to help him lose weight and help control his diabetes but nothing seemed to stick. He loved food way too much, and I didn’t know at that point how to explain that he needed to use food as fuel. The nutrition lifestyle that my husband and I follow now would have been very beneficial for him and his diabetes. But he ate what he wanted and did what he thought was right for him. As he got older and his body started to fall apart, he would say the same Polish phrase that Gram always did which is “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old” according to them.

I miss Gramps so much. Like my husband, Gramps could hold a conversation with anyone about anything. He knew sports and everything about the teams and the players. Gramps was also one of the most giving and generous people I know. He was always trying to give things away, from food, to money, to Steelers tickets. I was young at the time so I may not remember it exactly but I swear one time Gramps gave a family his car because they needed it more than he did. He had season tickets to the Steelers games and most times he would just give the tickets away or sell them for less than face value. I think he believed in karma and that it would come back around.

All in all, I know I am biased but I believe I had the best Gram and Gramps there could ever be. They were a power couple. Everyone who knew them loved them, admired them, and respected them. I am so thankful that I got to spend over 40 years with them although I wish I could have known them when they were younger. I also wish my husband would have had the chance to meet Gramps, and Gramps Jeff. But whenever we get the chance to meet up with former Alliance College players and students, my husband gets to hear stories and gets a little glimpse of the amazing man that he was.

So Gramps, I miss you and love you. I know you and Gram are back to Polka dancing every Saturday night and I can’t wait to see you again. I will try to carry on your legacy here on Earth until that time comes.

In Family

Changes

August 3, 2021 1 Comment

Hello loyal followers,

This past year has shown me how beautiful life is. Although there have been many ups and downs, I continue to give thanks for being so blessed. With that being said, I am trying to make some changes. I am trying to simplify my life, which means simplifying my social media and this blog. I love doing this blog, but for a few months, I felt it was taking time away from my husband and my family. I started this blog to share stories of my Adventures with Gram, and to have something to do when my husband left for work. When I lost Gram, I felt like my inspiration was gone. I wasn’t sure what else to write about. She wasn’t there to make me smile or laugh with her little comments. She wasn’t there by my side when my husband was away, and I missed her. Plus, I didn’t think you wanted to hear about our loss over and over again, and honestly, I wasn’t sure what else to write about.

At this point, I realize I do have many more stories to tell. I have stories about Gram, about caregiving for her, about my travels, and about my journey in love. I want to continue to write, and I hope you will continue to read. My Adventures with Gram, Travel excursions and Family stories will be posted here. I am hoping to get back to a weekly basis, but they will be posted when inspiration finds me 🙂 I LOVE doing the daily inspirations and hope that they inspire you, too. I will also continue with the Weekly Wednesday Workouts. Every now and again I may post a full video here or on Instagram TV but for the most part, I will show you the moves and give you the workout. Please let me know if you need suggestions or modifications.

I am going to try to do more on linked social media and Instagram. Follow me @strong_inspired on Instagram. I will be posting recipes and stories as things come up. Some workouts will also be published on IGTV. Of course, you can always go back and do your favorite workout or find a special recipe on the blog.

I hope you enjoy these changes. If you have any feedback, please email or message me. And please follow me on Facebook and Instagram and share with your friends and family!

In Family

Church

April 20, 2021 2 Comments

I was raised Catholic. I went to Sunday School and CCD until I was confirmed in the 11^th grade. I continued going to church with my family on Saturday nights and even on weekends through most of my college days.

Being Catholic was part of me. My grandparents were in the choir and very involved in the church. They sang for many weddings, holidays, and funerals. My parents were of the belief system that if we missed church and something “bad” happened it was because we missed church. I believed that for a while as well.

The most significant thing I learned about being Catholic was the Golden Rule, “Do Unto Others as You Would Have them Do Unto You.” I feel this is a very important rule to remember throughout life. Putting yourself in other people’s shoes is one way to feel compassion for others. Treat a situation like you would want to be treated if that person was you.

Once I moved to Richmond I didn’t go as often as I should. When I was in church, I was thinking of 100 different things I had to do or places I wanted to be. Church didn’t hold my attention. Plus, it was the same thing over and over. I could pretty much repeat it in my sleep 🙂

There was one small Catholic church in Richmond that I did enjoy. It seemed to be more like a Southern Baptist church because people were loud and happy and cheerful. The choir was amazing and the songs were upbeat. It was very different than the traditional Catholic Churches I had been to. Because there was a shortage of priests, Sister Cora did the service, which I thought was amazing as well. I actually enjoyed going to church and felt fulfilled.

A few years later, I was kind of lost. I wasn’t going to church. I had been through a divorce. I was a 31-year-old woman but acting like a 21-year-old with no cares in the world. A few people mentioned a church to me that they really enjoyed, but I never went. It was non-denominational, and I just wasn’t really sure. Until one morning, I woke up, late, hungover, and discovered my wallet was missing.

I decided it was time for a change. I decided to try this new church that everyone was raving about. I went to Commonwealth Chapel the next week and fell in love. Everyone was so nice. I felt welcomed, the music was incredible, and they served coffee! I left church feeling really good. I listened to Pastor Brandon’s message and the words of the music without thinking of where I needed to be the rest of the day. It ended up being really emotional for me, which again, was very different than the traditional Catholic Church.

After a few weeks, I was asked to join a Bible study group. I had never been to one, and even though I had gone to church my whole life, I didn’t know much about the Bible. But because I am a Yes, Woman, I said yes. The group was great. It was a wonderful mix of young adults. We talked about the sermon that week or a chapter in the Bible. Then we would just chat about life, socialize, and pray for each other. Throughout the week, we would check up on each other and sometimes do things after church or on another day of the week. I felt really happy and excited to be a part of such a wonderful, kind group of people. At that time, my Dad was fighting cancer and was nearing the end. We prayed for him as a group, and I thought for sure a miracle would happen because of the strong beliefs of this group of people, but in the end, we lost him.

After a few years, people started leaving the church. All of my friends were going in different directions. I tried a few other churches but nothing felt right. Then it was 2015, and I was off to Thailand.

Once I returned and started living with Gram in my hometown, we went to church for a while but then they changed the time, and it was too early for Gram. I went with friends to a few more churches around my hometown but again nothing felt right. My husband and I have tried a few different churches over the years as well but we haven’t found one that we have loved. We don’t believe in going to church just to go. We want to feel fulfilled, blessed, and happy after attending a service. And we know it can be that way so we will keep searching.

As you know, I have been feeling Lost Without Gram. I don’t know what my purpose is. I don’t know what is next. I am not sure who I am anymore or why I am here. I have turned to traveling and being comfortably numb. I have tried to not think about anything.

Until this past weekend, when I was home. Alone. It was the first time since Gram passed. As soon as I dropped my husband off at the airport, I was in tears. I don’t know why. I guess I just needed a good cry. I had such a mix of feelings. I felt guilty for putting Gram in the home. I felt sad for not taking her out when she broke her hip. I felt joy that she lived such a long, wonderful life. I felt happy that so many people got to meet and know her. I felt envious that she lived such a long and beautiful life. I felt relief that she was no longer in pain. I felt blessed that I was able to spend five wonderful years with her. And I felt lost because I wanted her here. I want to see her sweet face and hear her cute laugh.

The next day, I was home alone and listening to music. Two songs came on that reminded me of church, “Watch Over You” and “One Thing Remains.” You may not be into Christian music but please take a quick listen to these two songs. I feel they are really powerful, no matter what you believe, and I think you can relate to it as a parent or a child as well.

I thought maybe I should go back to church. It seemed to help before. I turned to Ecosia (similar to Google but they plant trees for each search!). I found the First Assembly of God Church. Something different from my Catholic upbringing but after perusing the website I was intrigued. I went to the Women’s Ministries page and listened to a video called “Help for Hurting Women: Identity Crisis”. It really hit home. These two prayers really helped me. Again, I apologize if the church thing isn’t for you, but I feel like they are pretty powerful words. I intend to repeat them when I am feeling down. I hope they help you, too.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need you. I need you to guide my life. I need you to save me. Please forgive me for every way that I have not honored you with my life. Jesus, come into my heart and make me to be the woman that you designed for me to be. Jesus, change in me whatever needs to be changed. And I will trust you all the days of my life with all of my heart. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

-Linda Dorcey

I am an awesome spirit being of magnificent worth as a person. I am deeply loved by God. I am fully pleasing to God. I am totally accepted by God. I am absolutely complete in Christ. And when my person is expressed through my performance, the reflection is dynamically unique. There has never been another like me in the history of mankind nor will there ever be. I am an original. One of a kind. Really somebody. And so are you.

-Linda Dorcey’s Pastor friend

So in the end, I believe there is something greater than us, and I need to believe that one day I will get to see all of my lost loved ones again. I honestly can’t wait for the reunion. I don’t know what my purpose on Earth is, at this time, but I have faith that God needs me here for some reason and a plan will be revealed eventually. For some reason Gram’s purpose on this Earth was complete, and she was needed in Heaven. One day we will know. Until then, don’t be afraid to take chances. Don’t be afraid to go to a new church or try a new activity. Life is too short. Get out there, be brave, be strong, and LIVE!

In Adventures with Gram

Goodbye Gram

March 23, 2021 1 Comment

Tomorrow it will be one month since we lost Gram. Three weeks ago, we said goodbye Gram with a wonderful service. I am not sure you can say that funerals are beautiful or that dead bodies look good but it was a beautiful tribute to Gram and as always Gram looked stunning and so sweet in her casket. She was surrounded by blankets from friends, photos of her family, and of course, her rosary.

Although she didn’t have as many visitors as my grandfather did because of Covid and six added years, it was a wonderful turnout of support for our family. We were surrounded by many friends and family. One of her favorite couples, who called her mama, made the 10-hour drive from Tennessee to pay their respects. Gram would have been honored at the goodbye she received.

At the church service, a former student of Alliance College gave one of the most beautiful and amazing tributes I have ever heard. Click here to play the video. His words summed up Gram in a nutshell. Whoever met her felt the same way. Even the priest who never knew her did an amazing job. (Thank you Meghan D. for the videos and pictures). For the final hymn click here.

After the service, we went to the cemetery to lay her body to rest and to say goodbye Gram. It was a chilly day and the streets were ice-covered. We even had some snow flurries in the air, which she would have loved. Before we moved to Florida for the winters, one of Gram’s favorite pastimes was sitting in her chair and watching the snowfall.

Several people came to Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course for a memorial luncheon. The staff was fantastic and the food was amazing. The owners have known my grandparents for years, and we have all become very close. Every time I would take Gram to dinner at the restaurant she would say, “Where’s Kim?” and head straight for the kitchen. She would bust those doors open and sweet Kim would head over to give Gram a great big hug no matter what she was in the middle of doing. Her friendship and love for my grandparents are beyond words, and I cannot thank her enough for everything that Venango Valley has done for us.

We were surrounded by family, former students, colleagues, and friends. One of my oldest friends in life gave the perfect blessing for the food. I asked her to do this about three minutes before it was time. What an amazing friend to be able to come up with something so beautiful on the spot. I think Gram had that way about her to inspire beautiful words and actions in all of those around her.

It was hard to leave the luncheon because that meant it was over. There was nothing more to do but collect the flowers and picture frames from the funeral home. It was the final goodbye Gram. I didn’t want to do it.

Although I know in my head Gram had a long and absolutely wonderful life, it still hurts my heart that I won’t hear her laugh anymore, I won’t be able to put her in the car and take her to the nearest ice cream shop, I won’t get to hear her say “starość to nie radość” which she told means “it’s hell getting old”, which actually means “old age is not joy”, and I won’t hear her say “I look like death warmed over three times!”, her other famous words.

So I have to say goodbye gram to your earthly body, but I know you will visit by way of cardinals and in my dreams. I look forward to those signs from heaven. Please give everyone up there in heaven a great big hug for us. I know you are singing and dancing and having the most beautiful time. Keep an eye on your great-grandchildren for us. Hold them in your arms and make them feel your presence every day. Love and miss you. Goodbye Gram.

In Adventures with Gram

Missing Gram

February 16, 2021 7 Comments

It’s been about three months since we decided to put Gram into Senior Living. We tried to get extra help for her in our home but the lady quit after four days 🙁 She said it was too hard physically. Hmm…not sure that walking a few steps from the bedroom to the kitchen to the pool at a snail’s pace is all that tough but….whatever… it didn’t work out. So here I am three months later missing Gram.

After lots of discussions, pros, cons, tears and a few falls we determined that senior living was the best place for Gram. Jeff and I loved taking care of Gram, and we loved having her in our home. I definitely got more frustrated at times than he did but he also got more breaks from Gram than I did. Needless to say, after caring for Gram for just about five years, I was burned out and exhausted. I couldn’t keep an eye on her every minute she was awake, and I felt like I wasn’t being a good caregiver or granddaughter. We couldn’t go to the store without taking her or getting someone to stay with her. She fell a few times over the past year and even once when I was right across the pool. We didn’t want to take the chance that she would fall, get hurt, or break her hip again.

We found a wonderful facility and together with my mom, we wrote Gram a note about why we felt she would be safer there. She read, smiled, and agreed. The next day she hopped right out of bed, ate breakfast, asked my mom if we would be ok without her money, and asked questions about her new “apartment”. We were in shock. I took her to get her nails and hair done, and we took her to her new place. When it was time for us to leave she was sitting with some ladies, drinking a milkshake, and smiling a big smile. It made my heart happy even though I knew I would be missing Gram.

We were sad that she didn’t seem to care that we were leaving, but we had hope in our hearts that she would adjust well and possibly fall in love with her new home and her new friends. The house felt differently without her, and we kept looking over our shoulders to see what she was doing. We were definitely missing Gram.

Three months later, she has adjusted pretty well, but she still asks to come home. She still asks where she is. Because of her dementia, she doesn’t realize this is her new permanent place. She still has hope that she is coming home. The beautiful thing about putting her in a facility in Fort Myers is that we can visit as often as we want. We can take her out to lunch if we want as well. We also were so blessed to be able to take her to Virginia for Christmas. Although she was very confused about where we were going the first day, she enjoyed being with the family for the holidays. She also enjoyed helping us make pierogies. It broke my heart to put her back in at the end of our trip but the next day she seemed ok.

Things seemed to be heading in a positive direction. She was walking better than she did in our home so we were very happy about that. She seemed to be maintaining her weight. She was socializing with the other ladies more often. I took her out for lunch once and out for ice cream another time. I was trying to show her that she could come and go. We started talking about places we could take her and getting excited about having more adventures with Gram, especially since she was soon going to be vaccinated against the Covid virus.

Then it happened. Last Wednesday, she got her second Covid vaccine shot. Personally, I think Gram is so strong that she would have fought off the Covid without it, but you never know. Well, that evening, she tried to stand up, got dizzy, and lost her balance. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the vaccine or not. But she fell, hit her head on a side table, tore her skin on her elbow, and landed on her right hip (the hip she broke in 2016). Thankfully, we were in town, and I was able to meet her at the Emergency Room. She was so scared and in so much pain. The emergency room nurses were wonderful. They got her head cleaned up and thankfully she didn’t need any stitches. They did the x-rays and yep, her right femur is broken again. Because she already had a replacement, the doctor said there was nothing they could do. He recommended lots of pain meds and to keep her moving as much as she can tolerate.

So here we are six days later, and I am missing Gram. I am missing the Gram I had who made me laugh, who made me a better person, who told me to take care of my husband, who in her nineties had so many adventures, and who was so cute you couldn’t stand it. I am missing Gram because right now she can’t walk (although she is able to sit in her wheelchair relatively comfortably). I am missing Gram because she isn’t talking to me, and she can’t move her right hand. I am missing Gram because she is not eating and not taking her medications consistently. She has been such an inspiration and positive influence on me. She has shown me how to be strong. How to love wholeheartedly. How to laugh. How to enjoy life. How to support your family. How to keep traditions alive. I am not sure what the next few weeks will bring for us. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. If you are in the Fort Myers area and would like to visit Gram or if you would like to send her a card, contact me for the information.

In Pilot's Wife

How We Met- Part 1

February 8, 2021 No Comments

As you read in, The Broken Hip, Gram broke her hip in December 2016 but by February she was making great strides. We left the snow for the sun and ended up at her condo in Fort Myers.

Since I had just started CrossFit, I googled CrossFit gyms near the condo. I found a few and decided on CrossFit Thoroughbreds. I took a few CrossFit classes and met some great people and instructors. It was my first time dropping into other boxes, and I fell in love with the CrossFit community. On Saturday, February 11, 2017, I decided to try Boot Camp. After class, I met two amazing people who would significantly impact my life. One would later become my husband and the other one gave me the tools and the support to start this blog. (Their stories of “how we met” will be published this week. Stay Tuned!)

I arrived at Boot Camp a little early and was stretching and warming up. I observed a man and woman having a conversation about what seemed to be some kitchen renovations and possibly an ex. They both talked fairly loud so it was easy to eavesdrop 🙂 They seemed to be very good friends who had a history of being there for each other. I was intrigued by their conversation and wanted to know more about both of them. The guy was good looking, and he seemed like he was about my age, but I can never tell. Plus, he had on a hat and you never know what’s underneath that! They both had great figures and looked like they were dedicated athletes.

During the workout, they were partners while I was in another group. I remember it being a pretty tough workout with push-ups and running. I also remember looking out of the corner of my eye to see how good of an athlete this guy was. I found they both worked hard and were impressive in their moves.

After class, the woman, who was sitting next to the man, said hi to me and asked if I was new to town. I explained I was only there for about two weeks and was taking care of my grandmother. I told them I had friends coming to town that night so they gave me some suggestions on where to take them. The guy mentioned he had some time off from work and wanted to know if I wanted to meet him the next day and go to the beach. Because I am a Yes Woman I didn’t hesitate to say it sounded like a fabulous idea. We chatted a few more minutes and before we parted ways, Eleina, the amazing wing woman, said how can he contact you without your number. I laughed and probably rolled my eyes. In the end, we exchanged numbers and the rest is history 🙂

I still find it hard to believe that quitting my job in 2015 led me back to my hometown which led me to caregiving for Gram which led me to CrossFit which in turn led me to my prince. I would not have met my husband if I hadn’t taken that leap of faith. And I wouldn’t have found him if God hadn’t placed me right where I needed to be at that moment.

This week is dedicated to our story of how we met four years ago this week. No, it wasn’t love at first sight and no, we didn’t start dating right away because we were in two different states. But we met and that was just the beginning.

Jeff, my husband, and Eleina, the wing woman will be writing posts Tuesday and Thursday of how our first meeting went from their perspectives. Check them out!

In What We Use

Our Favorites

February 2, 2021 No Comments

As you have read the posts, you may have noticed that we have recommended a few of our favorite things such as Rogue Fitness or Teepa Snow Videos. Together, with an amazing friend, we developed a beautiful page where you can easily access them. Therefore, check out Our Favorite Tools page where the products we use to Eat Better, Sleep Better, Move Better, and Live Better are listed. We also added categories of tools that help us Travel Better, CareGive Better, Blog Better, and Shop Better. There is a brief description of each product, why we like it, and a link to where to buy it. Some of the products have affiliate links that will help keep the lights on but some of them do not. We only recommended products we know, use, and love. We hope you find this Favorites page helpful and if you have any products you know and love, please let us know!

This page will be a work in progress so check back often for new favorites! You will notice there is a new category title across the top for easy access.

In Adventures with Gram

Traveling with Gram

January 12, 2021 2 Comments

Over the Christmas holiday, we took on the task of traveling with Gram to Virginia to see the family. Although she still remembers all of us, she really has no concept of where she is in the world or how far away Virginia is. When we travel with Gram we usually hear the question “Where are we going?” about 150 times 🙂 We usually fly out of Fort Lauderdale because there is a direct flight from Lauderdale to Richmond. Therefore, we have about a two-hour drive to begin the trip. Gram loves riding in the car. She looks out the window and reads all of the road signs. She doesn’t say much unless she wants to tell us who lived in certain towns or to ask the question “Where are we going?” We tell her every time yet she doesn’t remember.

When we pull up to the airport she asks “Where are we going?” or “Who is leaving?” because many times she and I take my husband to the airport when he has to go to work. Needless to say, I get her in the wheelchair, and we roll along to the security line.

Traveling with Gram is always an adventure. She has never liked flying but over the past five years I have made her become a frequent flyer, and she has done very well. We got her a transport wheelchair because the first few times we traveled we used the airport wheelchairs. And although they are very nice, I would rather be on my own time instead of having to wait for someone to push her. I also got her TSA precheck because we were traveling so much. If you travel frequently, I highly suggest you get TSA precheck. It is so smooth and nice. I am always nervous with Gram in the security line because I am afraid she’s going to say something loud and inappropriate. She can walk through the metal detector but she has touched the sides before and had to go through again. Plus she can’t hear so I am always afraid they are going to say something to her and she won’t hear them.

Once we are through the line and she is settled back in her chair, we roll to the gate. We ask to gate-check her wheelchair and many times the gate agent will move us up a few rows. I always appreciate this! We also get to board first which is such a great benefit of traveling with Gram.

After we are checked in, we usually head to the restroom. This is one of the hardest parts of traveling with Gram. The companion restrooms are a blessing and make it easier. But we go to the restroom and get ready to fly. We go to the gate, and she usually sits there just people watching as we all do at the airport. But every now and again, the question comes up “Where are we going??”.

She does really well boarding the plane. Smiles at everyone and takes the window seat. I usually keep the window closed during take-off. I always worry she will get upset about flying because she never really liked it but to this day it’s been smooth sailing. She just asks the repetitive question again and again “Where are we going?”. On this last trip, she was eating a muffin. I felt bad for the poor gentleman beside us because she asked at every bite “What is This?”.

Over the years, traveling with Gram has opened my eyes to many things. First, TSA precheck is a must. Secondly, you never know how far you will have to walk to your gate. These things don’t really cross your mind as a young adult but when you travel with the elderly you realize how BIG airports really are. You also are grateful for elevators and shuttles. I have also learned that it is ok to buy a one-way ticket to your destination and wait to buy a one-way ticket back. I also discovered that it’s ok to fly different airlines on the same trip. Yes, you have to pay attention to baggage restrictions, but you can find yourself better deals if you don’t mind researching a bit.

Because we usually travel with Gram to Virginia we have learned to leave a lot of our winter clothes there. That’s usually where we need them and that helps us to pack lightly. We pretty much have a wardrobe at my mom’s house with all of our toiletries which makes it very nice for flying. We usually just have a small bag each. It’s also very nice to have the wheelchair to hang them on instead of having to carry them 🙂 Spirit is one of my favorite airlines. If you live close to an airport, go to the counter to get your tickets. You get a discount buying Spirit and Frontier tickets at the airport.

Yes, it can be difficult to travel with someone who is in their 90’s, but if you look at all the positives, it actually can be a really great experience. When I travel without her I really miss the perks of traveling with Gram although I don’t miss answering the question “Where are we going?”.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram’s Condo

December 8, 2020 No Comments

As you read in “The Broken Hip”, I packed up Gram and the cat and took off to spend a few weeks in Florida at Gram’s condo. My grandparents bought the condo in the early 2000s after two other couples convinced them to just do it! All three couples were the best of friends and had been since they were in their 20’s. They would all vacation down to Fort Myers in the winter. My grandparents were the last to buy and the ones to spend the least amount of time down there. The other couples were retired and would spend most of their winter in Fort Myers, but my grandmother was still working. Therefore, they could only go for a few weeks at a time. Gram worked until she was 80 years old because of a change in retirement regulations and health benefits. What an amazing woman!

But as soon as she retired they bought Gram’s condo across the parking lot from their very good friends. My grandfather loved going down every winter. He couldn’t wait to read the paper and eat breakfast on the lanai. He would have stayed down there for six months if Gram would have let him. But she didn’t like change and wanted to be back in her home to watch the snowfall after a few short months.

In 2007, I started working as an administrator for a school district in Virginia. Therefore, I had a bit more flexibility in taking time off of work. Usually, my grandparents would come to Richmond for Christmas. Then I would drive them from Richmond to Fort Myers over Christmas break and then I would go pick them up on Spring Break. We did this for years. I didn’t mind driving, and I definitely didn’t mind getting some sun or lying by the pool for a few days while they got settled into Gram’s condo.

One of the best things about Gram’s condo was that it was an end unit at the end of the development. Next to the condo was a gathering place the residents called “the marina”, which was a place on a small canal with a boat dock and several tables and chairs set up. They would go down there to socialize, have happy hour, and cookout.

That marina holds many memories for my family and me. My grandparents didn’t drink often but they would go down to the marina and socialize. One of the Board Members, we can call him the “Captain”, lived right above my grandparents. He would keep an eye on them as they got older and more forgetful. He would also cookout at the marina, help residents who needed projects done, put up Christmas decorations at the marina, and take people out on the pontoon boat. We knew all the residents but especially my grandparents were in good hands for the winter.

One of my favorite memories of the marina include a family trip we took to the Gram’s condo. I am not sure why we went, but my dad, mom, sister, and I rode down in my mom’s little Toyota Solara. My sister braided my hair in teeny tiny braids in the back seat as we made the 18+ hour drive from PA to FL. Over the next week, we went to Fort Myers Beach, Shrimp Shack, and Rib City. Some of my parents’ and grandparents’ favorite places to go to.

The second memory is when my sister started dating a guy, who would end up becoming her husband. He came with us on a family trip to Gram’s condo. I remember sitting down at the marina and a raccoon came to see what we had to eat. The Captain got his BB gun out just in case the little creature got a little too close. Well, that BB gun turned into a shooting contest. There were wind chimes hanging in the tree, and we decided to see who could make them ding. My dad eventually taught me how to line the dang thing up after shooting into the trees for about 20 minutes. Then for some reason, I was on fire. We would take turns and see who could hit it the most. We had so much fun. Well, I did. Probably because I was winning ….

Needless to say, Gram’s condo holds many, many memories for us. As Gram and I made our way into Fort Myers after her broken hip, I wasn’t sure how Gram would react. This was her first time at the condo without my grandfather. I assumed it would be tough, and she may be emotional, which she was. But being in the smaller setting with the sunshine and the memories of family around us, she nursed her way back to amazing health. In less than two weeks, she was walking without her walker, and it was like the broken hip never existed! She was so strong and inspiring.

While we were there, I realized that the Gold’s Gym I used to go to had shut down. Since I had just started CrossFit, I decided to search for a CrossFit gym. I compared two different ones and decided on CrossFit Thoroughbreds. That Thursday, I went and enjoyed the people and the community. They offered a boot camp on Saturday morning, and I decided to try it. That’s when I met two people, who little did I know at the time, would enter my life to stay and bring some incredible life changes. One was an amazing woman who would later become one of my greatest friends and supporter (who also inspired me to do this blog) and the other was an absolutely wonderful man who would later take in Gram, the cat, and me and ask me to be his wife.

In Adventures with Gram

She Goes Where We Go

November 10, 2020 No Comments

While Gram has been limited in what she can do and how fast she can go, she has usually been up for an adventure. She goes where we go. When we do something fun or go on an adventure, people always ask, “what did you do with Gram?” We can’t leave her home alone so we take her almost everywhere we go. Our friends know when we come to visit, it’s me, my husband, Gram, and even sometimes the cat.

As you read in “How Did I Get Here“, I have been taking care of Gram for almost five years. In that time, Gram has probably flown on more planes and been on more adventures than she had the previous 91 years of her life. And for that, I am thankful and blessed. Gram goes where we go, and I am sure we probably wear her out, but she just keeps ticking like the Energizer bunny. So strong and inspiring.

Although we know we need a “Break from Gram“, we also know if she goes where we go, she will enjoy it. We all will. Sometimes she takes more coaxing to start the adventure, but almost every time she says thank you and has a huge smile on her face at the end. Since 2016, she has hiked Cooper’s Rock, done shot ski’s in Copper Mountain, sat on the beach in the Outer Banks and Virginia Beach, been on our boat for over 140 hours, sat in between us on the golf cart, and spent hours in the car driving back and forth from Florida to Pennsylvania. Whether our adventures are up and down the East Coast or just a jaunt in the car to the nearest ice cream shop she always seems to have a good time.

Then it happened. This summer, Gram got weaker. It all seemed to have started with a sore on her ankle. Then her right leg was numb so she was getting up several times a night trying to “walk it off.” I was so tired and frustrated. Getting up to walk around on a numb leg just isn’t a good idea. It was then that I started doubting my abilities as a caregiver. Could I continue doing it and keep her safe?

She became more and more wobbly and unsteady. One morning she fell and hit her head. We ended up having to take her to Med Express for stitches. By the time we got there, she didn’t even remember she had fallen.

About a month later, we had five days of respite care (through Hospice), and although we wanted her to go where we went, we also wanted a few days away. Well, when we picked her up 4 days later, she still had the same socks on she went in with. They had her in a hospital gown instead of the clothes I sent with her. Her food was to the side of her bed and completely untouched. She wasn’t up, dressed, packed, or even close to being ready to go home. I was there 30 minutes getting her out of bed, to the restroom, washed up, and into her clothes. Not one person came by. Next, I realized her toothbrush was still in the wrapper. I was LIVID, to say the least.

After that, gram got weaker still. She started having trouble walking even short distances. She started using a walker. Because she had been in the bed for so long, we had to make her walk short distances to try to gain some strength back.

Towards the end of summer, her congestive heart failure started filling her with fluid. She was having a very hard time breathing, and we were scared she wasn’t going to make it. She was so weak, and we were worried we were going to lose her. Hospice was wonderful again, got her some medications, and Gram, the superwoman that she is, nursed her way back to health.

Gram definitely isn’t as strong as she once was and it definitely is getting harder on us as caregivers. She is slower, she is more forgetful, she is weaker, and she is even having trouble standing up. We are so blessed to have had all these wonderful years with Gram, but caregiving is getting harder and harder. She still goes where we go, but it takes a lot more effort and takes a lot more time. She gets worn out more quickly. She needs a wheelchair more often than not. She doesn’t want to go as much anymore either. And we realize it is hard for her and on her body. Sometimes we wonder if we are pushing too hard or expecting too much.

Over the past two months, I have realized that Gram doesn’t really want to get out of bed anymore. Even when we were visiting her daughter and great-grandchildren, she would say “just leave me in bed.” It hit me that she didn’t realize that she was missing time with the kids or her own daughter. Even though she asks about my mom and the kids all the time, she showed little effort in wanting to spend time with them and that made me so sad. I know in her heart she wants to be a part of it all, but in her dementia brain, she could care less.

This realization made us start seriously thinking about getting extra help with Gram. We found a lady who seemed perfect and jumped right in helping Gram, but three days later she quit saying the job was more difficult than she had anticipated. This made us realize that it was time to consider a memory care facility. We do not want to do this by any means, but we can’t take the chance that a caregiver is going to quit on us again, forcing us, and Gram to start over again with another new face in the house . We are also wondering if Gram just wants to sit and do nothing. Does she try so hard to keep moving because she doesn’t want to disappoint us or let us down?

Although I can’t imagine taking her to a facility and dropping her off, we are not confident that we can keep her safe at home. We are so torn. I have been crying on and off for two weeks now. I took her to get her hair done and she could barely make it to the door. We took her to the store, and she could barely get in the car. We took her to sit out by the pool and she tried to get up by herself and fell. We cannot keep our eyes on our 24/7, and we just don’t know what to do. We also know Gram has lived an amazing life, and we want to live ours, too. Does Gram just want to sit in a chair all day? Does she just want to dream of her lost loved ones? Are we pushing her too hard to push herself? We understand that this may be one of the hardest decisions we have to make, and we really don’t want to make. We are scared and nervous and worried about how she will adjust. We are scared, nervous, and worried about how we will adjust. But it appears “life changes” are on our doorstep.

Has anyone had to make this type of decision? What did you do? How did you decide?