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In Family

Remembering My Dad

October 17, 2023 No Comments

💙 Remembering My Dad 💙

Today, I want to take a moment to honor and celebrate my dad. He would have been 72 years old today. Happy heavenly birthday! Words cannot express how much I love and miss him every day.

My dad was my biggest cheerleader. He was at every sporting event I competed in when he could be. He worked different shifts so sometimes he could only be there for his 30-minute lunch break. But he was there. He taught me the importance of kindness, compassion, and integrity through his own actions. His unwavering support and belief in me gave me the confidence to chase my dreams and overcome any obstacles that came my way.

I cherish the memories we shared, from the simple moments of laughter to camping at Kinzua Dam or boating on Edinboro Lake. He never said too much but the conversations we did have shaped my perspective on life. Whether it was playing catch in the backyard, shooting hoops out the back door, or teaching me to drive a stick shift, his presence always brought comfort and reassurance.

His love was unconditional, and he never hesitated to put his family’s needs before his own. He worked tirelessly to provide for us, sacrificing his own desires to ensure we had everything we needed. Even during his nine-year battle with lung cancer, he continued to drive hours to and from work. He never showed us that he was in any pain or uncomfortable in any way. His strength was beyond measure. His selflessness and dedication continue to inspire me to be a better person every day.

Losing my dad was undoubtedly one of the most challenging experiences I’ve ever faced. But even in his absence, his spirit lives on within me. I carry his values, his wisdom, and his love in my heart, and I strive to make him proud in everything I do.

Today, I encourage you all to take a moment to appreciate the special bond you share with your own fathers. Let them know how much they mean to you, for time is fleeting, and we never know what tomorrow may bring. If you have lost your father I hope you see signs from Heaven that he may be sending you every day.

Dad, I hope you can feel the love and gratitude that surrounds you. I hope the family gets together up there for a great heavenly birthday dinner. Tell everyone hello. Thank you for being my hero. You will forever hold a special place in my heart. I miss you more than words can express, but I find peace in knowing that your love will forever be with me.

In Family

My Dad

October 18, 2022 No Comments

Yesterday my dad would have turned 71. He has been gone 10 years meaning he was only 60 years old when cancer took him from us. It is hard to believe he’s been gone that long. We miss him every day and wish he was here to spend time with us and his grandchildren. He would have such a blast watching them play softball and baseball.

My dad fought lung cancer for 9 years. Again, it’s hard to believe that he was only 51 years old when his battle began. I was in my twenties when it started. He wasn’t old but it seemed he had lived a lot of life. Now that I am four years away from being 50 I realize how young he was and how much of life there was still to live.

I have said it before but the lesson learned from him passing away so young was that I promised myself I would live life to the fullest. I was going to be a Yes Girl! I was going to be responsible with my money but also spend what was needed to travel and see the world as much as I could. I was going to enjoy myself and be as happy as possible. Back in my twenties and thirties, I was probably also a little more daring about how risky I was going to live this life! Oh, how times have changed.

Now in my forties, I have much more freedom from a work schedule to live life to the fullest, but my mind and fear also get in the way of doing things that 10 years ago I wouldn’t have thought twice about doing. I also met my Rock who enjoys life as much as I do. Sometimes I think we have too much fun but I think that’s better than not enjoying life at all.

So today I just wanted to give a shout-out to my dad up there in Heaven. I hope you all celebrated with a nice big campfire. I hope you had a shot and beer. And I hope you keep looking down on all of us and know we are living our lives to the fullest because of you. Love and miss you, Dad.

In Family

Dad

November 3, 2020 3 Comments

My dad…Just saying those two words bring tears to my eyes. His 69^th birthday would have been October 17. As you read in “About Me“, he’s been gone for over eight years now. Most days, I smile when I think of him. I know he’s looking down on me, happy for me, and even proud of me.

But then there are days, where out of nowhere, it hits you like a ton of bricks. It takes your breath away. And some days you have tears rolling down your face, and you can’t stop. You want him back. You want a hug, a smile, a laugh, or to smell the coffee on his breath when he kisses your cheek.

When you lose a loved one, it leaves such a huge hole in your heart. I haven’t cried over losing my dad in a long time, but for some reason these past few days, I can’t stop. I have tried to figure out why. Maybe it was his birthday. Maybe it was missing being a little kid on Halloween and going trick-or-treating around our town. Maybe it was because he used to rake huge piles of leaves for us to jump in around this time. It doesn’t really matter why because it can sneak up on you out of nowhere.

Jeff was away at work so it was just me in the Kitchen with Gram working on dinner. We always have music on through our Sonos system, which we love! My dad loved music, too. I remember one Christmas my mom bought him a Bose stereo, and he was so excited. Well, actually I think he knew he was getting it, and maybe my sister and I were more excited than he was! I wish I had a picture of it. He was so happy and cute. (Of course, I HAVE a picture of it in a photo album in Pennsylvania 🙁 which does me absolutely no good right now). Anyway, we couldn’t believe he finally got a Bose! He had wanted one for so long. He always loved music and could tell you the name of the song and the artist of almost any tune. Whenever I listen to Bob FM, I always think of him and the old Bose 🙂

Needless to say, I had country music playing through the speakers and a song came on called”Love ya Son, Go Dawgs“. It’s about a dad calling his son and leaving a voicemail. The son plays the voicemail whenever he wants to hear his dad’s message. It reminded me of a voicemail I have from my dad, although right now, I have no idea where it is, but I know I have a saved voicemail on an old phone somewhere.

Listening to that song makes me miss him so much. It makes me think about all the things he has missed out on since he’s been gone such as meeting his grandchildren and my husband. It also makes me miss all of the future things I won’t get to do with him. I won’t get another voicemail from him. I won’t get to hear his voice telling me to check the oil or telling me the weather is too bad to come home. I won’t hear him saying, “love ya and miss ya, talk to you later” on the other end of the phone, and it hurts so badly.

If you’ve lost a loved one, please remember it’s ok to let it go sometimes. No, you can’t hide away forever and you can’t stop living and enjoying your life. Remember, life is so short, you need to live and be happy.

But don’t be surprised when out of nowhere, grief hits you. I found this blog post about dealing with grief when it sneaks up on you. We are all different, and there is no set timeline and standard or manual. You need to lean on your friends and family. And maybe try to figure out why your body is grieving before your mind even puts it together. I hope this post helps finds you well and offers you some comfort if you are having a hard time right now.

In Family

Forever Friendships

October 31, 2024 No Comments

Friendships come in all shapes and sizes. They say people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. As you have read, my husband and I are truly blessed with amazing friends and family. We love all of you, but today, I want to talk about one special couple who inspired me to take chances.

“True friendship resists time, distance and silence”

A few weeks ago My Rock and I made our annual road trip from Pennsylvania back to Florida. We stayed with a couple that we usually stay with up and down the coast. I have known him since I was five years old and her since I was in sixth grade. My Prince just met them in 2017 and luckily everyone gets along very well, probably too well (lol). Even though we live 5 hours away from each other, and only get together a few times a year, when we get together it is so easy. I leave every weekend with them with my cheeks hurting from the smiling, laughter, and shenanigans we end up getting into. These weekends are absolutely some of my favorite times.

I reconnected with the couple after a pretty long hiatus because we both moved away from our small town. The story is one of randomness and chance happenings. My mom was driving my grandparents home from their condo in Fort Myers to Pennsylvania when their car broke down in northern Florida. They decided to rent a car in Florida and drive to my sister and me in Virginia. Once the repairs were done, someone had to go back to Florida to get the car.

Even though I hadn’t talked to my childhood friends in a long time, we were from the same small town. We had been good friends back then because our parents were friends, too. To me, we had a bond and it didn’t matter how long it had been since we had talked. I asked if we could stay with them for a night to break up the trip while my mom and I headed back to Florida to get this car. They kindly opened their house to us.

We reconnected as if no time had passed. We learned about each other as adults and reminisced about our childhoods. It was one of my favorite nights.

I learned they were selling their house and most of their possessions and buying an RV. They were huge mountain biking enthusiasts and in their mid 30’s they felt they needed to go. They had saved money and made a plan. They were leaving from Florida, traveling up the east coast then heading out west. I thought it sounded amazing even if I wasn’t into camping or mountain biking. I was so proud of them for taking the Leap of Faith and going on their adventure. Most people wait for retirement to do all the things they’ve ever wanted to do. And sometimes, like my Dad, retirement is too late.

On their way up the coast, they stopped to see us in Richmond. We had a fire and had a great time catching up. They visited our houses, and we spent some time at their campground. I have to say they were part of the inspiration that lead me to quit my job that fall and go to Thailand to teach English. If my grandparents’ car hadn’t broken down and my mom wouldn’t have left it in Florida or if I didn’t have the guts to give them a call, I wonder where I would be and where our friendship would be today. What opportunities would I have missed out on? Things happen for a reason, my friends.

Since that phone call in the spring of 2015, we have stayed in touch and seen each other two to three times per year. They have welcomed us into their house each time we drive up and down the east coast. They were even generous enough to open their home to Sweet Gram and the cat! We don’t need to call each other every day or check in every weekend. We send texts when we miss each other, and we make plans when we want to get together.

I am truly blessed to have this couple in my life, along with so many others that make friendships and life easy. I believe our small-town childhood created deep bonds within us. I believe that friendships should bring you joy. Friendships should make you laugh. We need to remember that we are all busy. We may not hear from our friends as much as we want to at any given moment but we need to not take it personally. We can’t make assumptions unless we are assuming our friend loves us and just can’t get back to us right now.

Anyway, I hope you are blessed with a few easy friendships where you can catch up and laugh your face off until all hours in the morning. I hope you have people in your life that make it easy, that support you, and that love you. So Happy Halloween, my friends! Although we aren’t dressing up, we are off to Las Vegas to spend another weekend with these amazing friends.

In Family

Getting Old

September 3, 2024 No Comments

My Rock and I were on a standby flight from Aruba to the United States. We were the last people on but the flight attendant gave us the perk of sitting in the front row with her as she had it saved because her seat belt was broken in the flight attendant jump seat. Across the way was an elderly man with what appeared to be his daughter and granddaughter. It made me think of getting old.

He walked with a cane and was slow moving. I can’t tell age but he seemed older or at least his body did. He went to use the restroom and when he returned you could tell he went. I felt terrible for him and for those of us around him.

But it reminded me of Gram who always said “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old” in Polish. And wow isn’t it? Our bodies slow down, we don’t remember as much, we are sore and tired all the time, we get grumpy, and we lose control of some of our bodily functions. The little things we took for granted when we were younger are missed so much as we get older.

When we are kids we wish the time away and we can’t wait to be adults. Then at some point in adulthood, we wish time would slow down, and we wish we could go back to those youthful days when there was no fear, no anxiety, and no cracking when we got out of bed.

Even though I still have almost two years, the big 5-0 is coming soon! It’s crazy to think how old I thought 50 was as a kid. Now it’s so young. I feel like our friends are the same as they always have been. We are still going non-stop and in my mind, I feel like I can do anything now that I did 25 years ago. However, my body and the bulging disks in my neck tell me otherwise.

Anyway, back to the plane and getting old. My mind wandered to my father and others who didn’t have the chance to get old. His body was ravaged by cancer and the treatments but at 60 he was still so very young. I am glad that he didn’t have to go through the stages of old age but he barely got to go through the good old days of retirement because he was fighting cancer for nine years.

So then I have to ask myself, which way is better? Growing old and losing control of your body or dying young and not knowing what you’ve missed? Is it better to know a loved one is going to die as sometimes we do with disease or is it better to lose your loved one in a freak accident that you never saw coming?

I have decided it doesn’t matter. They both suck. Losing a loved one to cancer, disease, or an accident can be unbearable. There is always something you wanted to say. There is always something left undone. There is always a hole in your heart. It can’t be replaced, and you can do nothing to not feel the hurt.

Therefore, my friends, all we can do is support one another. No one’s grief is more or less than another’s. We all grieve in different ways and it all hurts no matter what. Let’s not compare our lives or our grief to others. Let’s help each other by lifting each other up as best we can. Let’s support each other and bring each other out of the dark places we can sometimes get ourselves into.

In Family

Disappointment

June 18, 2024 No Comments

Sometimes, life throws unexpected challenges our way which can lead to disappointment, and it is during those times that we truly discover who our real family and true friends are. It breaks my heart when I hear of or experience family members who have chosen to sever ties with their family over trivial matters especially when it is done with no explanation or communication.

Family is supposed to be the foundation of love, support, and understanding. We expect them to be there, through thick and thin, standing by our side no matter what. If we can’t depend on family who can we depend on? But when materialistic concerns take precedence over genuine connections, it leaves us feeling nothing but sad and empty.

We have all heard the stories of how families are torn apart especially after a family member dies and there is some type of disagreement over the will or the estate. I never thought that money could be the reason for such a loss, but I hear of more and more families being torn apart by materialistic things. It is unreal to me. My grandparents were so generous with the small amount of money they had. I remember my grandfather saying we can’t take it with us. Therefore, every birthday and holiday he gave monetary gifts to his children and grandchildren. And when my dad died, my mom gave my sister and me more money than she kept. What a generous gesture to give money when they didn’t have to.

I know misunderstandings can occur and that leads to frustration. If we would just pick up the phone and have a conversation I believe a lot of estrangements could be solved. But maybe I am naive. Maybe I believe there is good in every person. But maybe people don’t think like I do. Maybe people don’t see the good in others. Maybe they are only out for themselves and what they want. Maybe people don’t look out for one another. Maybe they don’t even realize how selfish they are being. And that makes me sad especially when it comes to family.

I believe that love and compassion are far more valuable than any material possession. It pains me to realize that some family members place a price tag on relationships, valuing their financial gain over the family bonds that were once cherished.

It’s disheartening to witness how easily relationships can crumble when faced with materialistic temptations, leaving us questioning the very essence of family. However, despite the pain and disappointment, we must remember that true family is not defined solely by blood ties. It extends beyond that, encompassing those who choose to be there for us, support us emotionally, and genuinely care about our well-being. That is why we have the best of friends.

In these moments, we must lean on the genuine bonds we have formed with those who have shown us unwavering support. Let us focus on the people who have proven their love and loyalty, rather than dwelling on the hurt caused by those who have chosen to prioritize superficial matters over family ties and who have decided not to have relationships with us.

Remember, disappointment may linger, but it does not define us. We are strong, resilient, and deserving of genuine connections. Let us surround ourselves with those who lift us up, appreciate us for who we are, and never let toxic relationships cloud our judgment.

Above all, let us learn from our experiences and those of others and strive to be the kind of family member who values love, compassion, communication, and empathy above all else. Together, we can break the cycle of disappointment and build a stronger, more supportive family network.

Photo by nrd on Unsplash

In Family

Missing You

May 22, 2024 No Comments

As you read in Sad Sometimes, I get sad sometimes. Today is one of those days. I am missing my sister, my gram, and my dad. And sometimes it just really sucks. As you know, I try to write uplifting, inspiring posts, and I try to be strong. But sometimes I need to let my guard down and be vulnerable.

May is a tough month for our family. In 2012, we lost my dad on the night of May 22 and in 2018 we lost my sister on May 7. Therefore, this month can be difficult, especially for my mother who misses a piece of herself on Mother’s Day.

Death is tough. You want to convince yourself that it is good because the person you love is no longer in pain, especially if they have been fighting a terminal illness. And yes, death is amazing for the person who has died because they have moved on to eternal life. They are enjoying all the glory of God and in the best and most peaceful place ever.

But here we are down here. Missing them. Suffering. Making ourselves miserable. Why? I think it is because we feel guilty for one reason or another. We are sad that we didn’t get a chance to tell our person one more thing. Or maybe we feel guilty because we feel we should have spent more time with them. Or maybe we feel guilty because we hadn’t talked to that person in a long time. Whatever it is we need to STOP. We cannot keep living with guilt. We made the best decisions for ourselves at the time with the information we had. We did not know our person would be gone. And even if we did, we did what we felt we needed to do with the time we had left.

I can almost guarantee that the person in Heaven is not holding a grudge against you. They are not worried one bit about how much time you did or didn’t spend with them because they know when your time comes you will be spending eternity together. And they are not upset about words that were spoken. So give yourself some grace. Let the guilt go. Your person does not want you down here being miserable or making others miserable. What they want for you is to live your life to the fullest. They want you to find someone to share life with. They want you to be happy and share happiness with others. They want you to honor them by sharing the amazing times you had and being happy.

Some days it is hard and some days it’s ok to be missing them. But let’s quit feeling sorry for ourselves and let’s be happy. Life is way too short to dwell on unhappy times. It’s also too short to try to control situations and people that we cannot.

So, Dad, please know I am missing you more than anything today. I wish you were here to call when my tire light comes on or when the pilot light goes out. I wish you were here to help us with projects and come relax by the pool. We’d love to take you out on the boat. I know you would love it. But you are gone. Therefore, the only thing I can do is try to live a life that I can be proud of and that I feel would make you proud. I know you are watching over us and smiling down in your quiet way. I can picture your face and it brings me peace. (Can you believe I started to like playing golf after all those years of bitching about it!!?? I am hoping to beat mom in the upcoming PNA Tourney…don’t tell her :))

Life is too short, my friends, for pettiness and jealousy. We need to remember death is inevitable for all of us. Therefore, if today were your last day on Earth, can you go with no regrets? If not, then take steps to complete your tasks so you can go with a clean conscience. Maybe write a letter to someone you need to make peace with (even if you just put it in an envelope for them to find later). Maybe write a thank you note to someone who made a difference in your life. Maybe give someone a call and tell them you love them. Whatever it is, get it done because we never know when it will be our time.

Remember, we are only here for a short time. Live a life full of adventure, kindness, and happiness. And let’s spread joy to one another. If you are missing someone take a moment to say hello and look for those Signs from Heaven. Hopefully, that will make you smile.

In Family

Six Years Ago

May 7, 2024 No Comments

May 7. On this day six years ago I lost my best friend, my sister. How is it six years? I miss her so much and think about her every day. Sometimes I will make a face in the mirror and think wow I look like my sister. And it makes me sad that she is gone but it makes me smile that maybe that is her way of saying I am right here with you. And that gives me comfort. I still need to be more conscious of the Signs from Heaven.

It’s amazing how time goes by so fast. I started this blog on her birthday almost four years ago. It was to help me with my grief journey as well as talk about my amazing Adventures with Gram who I also miss more every day. I wanted to write in a way that would honor the memory of my sister. And I hoped that my posts would help others. I hoped my writings would inspire others and help them to become stronger on their journey.

If you knew my sister then you know how amazing she was. You know how big her heart was. You know she would do anything for her family, friends, or anyone who asked. She was the sweetest soul.

Growing up we would play school together. I would be the teacher and make her the student. I am not sure she liked playing school but it was fun for me. We loved music, and we made a tape of us singing some of our favorite songs. I wish we could find that thing. I think there is still an audiocassette player in the basement that I could play it on. Anyone who knows me knows I CANNOT sing. She may have been a little better than me but… needless to say, we sang and we loved it! We thought we were so good! We loved listening to music and would record songs off of the radio station. It made us so mad when they would talk over the music. I guess that is what we get for trying to get the songs without buying the actual tape or record. We did everything together.

I was the oldest so I paved the way for her when we became teenagers. I was the one who stayed out too late and tried to push the limits as far as I could. My mother hated liars, and I was terrible at it. Every time I tried to lie I would end up messing it up and getting myself caught. It ended up being better just to tell my mom the truth. It saved us both some heartache. My dad was pretty easygoing so when he was upset, I knew I was in trouble.

But I got in trouble and my sister could do no wrong. I guess the little ones just learn by watching and figuring out what NOT to do, and they stay out of trouble. Or they learn how to get away with things! Little sneaks. I mean look how cute she was. They couldn’t get upset with her. I suppose I never learned my lesson because sometimes I still feel like the little kid who pisses off my mom.

My sister was an amazing person, sister, friend, daughter, and mother. She was ALWAYS there for me. I could call her with the littlest problem and she would offer her advice and help me out. I have never been good at decisions. I always say yes then after thinking about it I want to change my mind. I think I know in my mind what the right decision is but I always need someone else to give me the green light and agree with me. She was the one who could help me see the pros and cons of each decision. She just knew what to say and knew what I needed to hear. God, I wish she was still here to help me.

If you knew my sister you know how great of a soul she was. You probably have been missing her for six years as well. Sometimes I wonder how different life would be if she were still here. But I realize these are the things I cannot change. These are the things we must live with and carry on with. We will never forget her; some days may be sadder than others, but we need to live our best life in her honor.

We need to realize that we can only control our reactions to events in our lives. I know as much as I miss her, I need to focus on the positives. I need to be happy that I am still alive and that I have a wonderful life to live. I realize this life is short, and I can’t waste time being upset with others because they didn’t behave in the way I wanted them to. I need to accept others for who they are. I need to surround myself with people who lift me up. I can’t let little things bother me. I cannot be the judge of others. Everyone is living their best life. Everyone is on their own journey reacting to their circumstances. Some may do it more beautifully than others. We can’t be jealous of others, and we can’t put others down. Maybe we want something others have and if we do then let’s work hard and achieve that goal. But let’s not be upset with that person for something they have that we don’t.

My sister lived her life as a wonderful example of how to live for her short 38 years. And she lived that life to the fullest. She focused on her goals and her family, and if negative people showed up, she let them go. I think we can all learn a little bit from her wonderful spirit. Missing you little one.

In Family

Sad Sometimes

September 26, 2023 No Comments

I try to write inspiring and uplifting posts, but sometimes I need to write about the sad stuff. Life is too short to hold grudges, be mad, sad, or down on yourself. But sometimes you can get in a funk and sometimes it’s hard to pull yourself out of it. That’s why it’s important to have a sound support system. Sometimes you need some positive reinforcement from your friends or family.

It’s hard to be positive especially when you’ve been hit with tragic events over and over. Losing a loved one, losing your job, losing your partner to divorce or separation, becoming distant from your family, or not hearing from your best friend can be huge downers. These are life circumstances. They are sad, and no one ever said it would be easy.

Yes, we can get down on ourselves. We can feel left out. We can feel depressed or pissed off. And yes, sometimes you need to sit in your private space, be sad, and have a good cry. Let it all out. Scream. Shout. Tell the world it’s not fair. Tell God you are upset. But then you need to pull yourself together and search deep within your soul. What has got you down? What has caused the feelings inside of you? Remember, we can only control our reactions to the circumstances that are thrown at us.

Over the years, I have lost several of my family members. I could be down and mad at the world. And sometimes I am. Sometimes I wonder why our family? Why did my sister have to go? Why isn’t my dad here with us anymore? And that’s okay. I am allowed to be sad sometimes. But I have to realize I cannot control their death. I cannot bring them back. I can only control how I react to the situation. I can only learn from their death that life is so very short and that one day I will reconnect with them. Until then why shouldn’t I try to be positive and spread kindness in this world? Why shouldn’t I enjoy the days I have left on this Earth? Why shouldn’t I try to experience all this world has to offer?

And maybe my circumstances are different than others. I don’t have to work full-time or stay in one place for an extended period. And for me, that is what I enjoy. I love living the gypsy life! Even if you have a job or need to stay in one place you can make it an adventure. Treat your city as if you are a tourist. What can you explore on your days off? Can you rent a bike and take a ride? Can you take a Sunday drive and head out into the country or to a park to enjoy the peacefulness? There are ways to make the world around you a wonderful place. You just need to start with you. What do you enjoy?

Remember, you have to do what makes you happy and what you have control over. Waiting for your best friend to call isn’t something you can control. You need to reach out or you need to move on. You cannot control your best friend. Waiting for the man of your dreams to show up on your doorstep isn’t going to happen either. You need to put yourself in situations where you can meet new people. It’s scary and intimidating, but taking that first step is the hardest. But I promise it will be worth it!

It is also important to have friends that inspire you. It is important to have friends that are there for you through the good and bad times. It is important to have a friend you can call when you are down. Hopefully, your friends can pick you up when you are sad. Sometimes friends can be more understanding and supportive than your family. That’s why it’s important to choose friends who lift you up. My Prince and I are blessed with the best of friends.

In the end, it is okay to be sad sometimes, but please don’t let that sadness ruin your life. Life is too short, my friends. Turn your circumstances around. Find a powerful, uplifting song! Find a better, happier place for you within you. Take control of your life and make it the best life it can be! Take the Leap of Faith and do all those things you’ve always wanted to do!

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

In Adventures with Gram

99 Years

September 13, 2023 1 Comment

Today would have been 99 years for Gram. Wow. What an amazing life. Even though she only made it to 96 1/2 she showed people what it meant to be alive. I miss her so much and wish I could kiss her sweet little face and help her celebrate her day.

99 years. Can you even imagine? I remember when I was a little kid looking up at my parents and thinking they were so old. I calculate the ages they were then and now I am older than they were! Oh, how times have changed because clearly, 47 is not so old anymore!

As I sit here and contemplate all the losses I’ve had over the past 11 years, I think what a difference in ages of all my people’s deaths. Dad was 60. My uncle was 61. My grandpa thrived until 90. My sister was just getting started at 38. And Gram was called up at 96. Why do the numbers make us feel that some people missed out while others lived a full life? Does it make it better that they are older when they go? And why? Is it true that my grandparents lived a full life while my sister and my dad missed out? Just because they only lived to be 38 and 60 does it mean they were incomplete? Or did they find love and happiness and did they pass onto the next adventure complete and full?

I don’t know the answers. I know how I feel and I know what the Medium told me when I connected with them. I feel like the older we are the more we get to see, the more we get to experience, and the more we get to do. But what if you find happiness at a young age? Or what if you never explore anything at all? Is your life still complete because that’s the way you wanted to live it? Why do we feel bad for those who had to leave this world at a young age? Why do we feel bad when anyone has to leave this world at all? If we believe there is something more then we truly should be celebrating that those souls are in the most peaceful and magical place. So why does it hurt so bad? And why does our grief overwhelm us at times? I think we are really sad for ourselves because we feel incomplete without our people, and we can’t get past the fact that they are okay without us.

All I know is that I miss my people and sometimes it hits harder than on other days. I need to do a better job of recognizing the signs from Heaven that they send me. I know when we meet again it will be amazing and even though sometimes I feel sorry for myself because they are not here, I know I need to celebrate that they are in a better place.

So here’s to you, Gram, we wish you a happy birthday and hope you have a wonderful time celebrating your 99 years up there with the family. We miss you all terribly and can’t wait until we can all celebrate together again. Until then we will toast you and look for those signs. Have the happiest of birthdays, sweet gram!

dad

Remembering My Dad

My Dad

Dad

Forever Friendships

Getting Old

Disappointment

Missing You

Six Years Ago

Sad Sometimes

99 Years

Missing Gram

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Letter to Gram

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