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In Travel Junkie

Marja: Coming to America

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Marja’s Perspective

Would you let a stranger from the other side of the globe move into your house and promise to treat them as family? Put that way it sounds crazy! Maybe you’d be more likely to answer “yes” if asked, could you see having an exchange student living with you as a possibility?

marjaHowever, that’s what it was. At 17 years old, I hopped on a plane and after four flights landed in Northwestern Pennsylvania, as now a new member of Stacy’s family. From her family’s perspective, they drove to the airport as a family and drove back home with a new addition whom they knew very little about.

When Stacy asked me to write for her blog, I immediately had an idea of what I wanted to share. I wanted to tell the world how much we can all gain by opening our hearts and lives to other people. This is also a story of how being real and present in a moment means a billion times more than big gestures.

Stepping into Stacy’s family’s home over twenty years ago for the first time, I was nervous. Everything was new and many things were different from home. However, I soon discovered many things that were the same as in my home in Finland. They were a family who all cared deeply for each other, helped, hugged, laughed, and, like myself,  loved basketball.

The latter helped to get me a good start. I recall being anxious about meeting Grandpa and Grandma (Gram) for the first time. During one of the first visits to their home, everyone else was in the kitchen, and I was left in the living room with Grandpa. As a teenager, I wasn’t sure how to start a conversation with him, but in a few seconds, all my insecurity faded because I realized he loved basketball as much as I did! During that year, in Northwestern Pennsylvania, I spent quite a few Sundays at Stacy’s grandparents’ place. Besides Gram’s delicious meatball sauce, moments with grandpa were the highlight of those Sundays. I loved hearing the passion in his voice when he talked about basketball.

marja with famDuring the year, I was treated with many amazing experiences: a visit to Los Angeles to see Stacy, a trip to Niagara Falls, and many others. I’m grateful for all those possibilities! However, the memories that I still remember the best aren’t those. By far, the most precious memories are little glimpses of daily life. Coming home from practice, having Stacy’s dad at home, watching him make dinner, and telling him how the day had gone. Sitting in the back seat on our way to the grocery store and listening to Stacy’s parents talk about all the “ordinary things”. Riding in the red truck with Stacy’s sister. Other memories of my year included Stacy’s family cheering for me at the games, going to football games together, getting ice cream together, and playing Trivial Pursuit.

2020 is actually a great year to talk about this. I love traveling and going to events, but not being able to do that right now isn’t the end of the world. After 20 years, I do remember going to a concert in Pittsburgh with Stacy’s family and going to Six Flags. But when I think back to the afternoons with Stacy’s parents taking me shopping or grandpa telling me about coaching, those are the memories that even now bring back strong emotions and touch me.

Stacy’s family is different from my own family in many ways, but that year taught me that being different doesn’t matter if you’re able to keep an open mind and are willing to listen and show kindness to each other.

Having an ocean between us means we don’t see each other very often, but every time we do, I’m humbled by being welcomed back as a family member.

I try to remember these lessons in my daily life and pass them onto my child. I try to cherish the little things and be present in the moment. I do my best to set an example by keeping an open mind and open heart, and by showing kindness and caring for people who are not close to me.

The Other Side by Stacy’s Mom

Have you ever thought about having a stranger come live with you for a year? Well, that is exactly what my husband and I did in 1998. One of our friends worked at our local high school and asked us if we would want to host a foreign exchange student. We weren’t sure because both of our girls had already graduated, but the exchange student was from Finland, a good student, and a basketball player.  My daughters thought it would be fun since they played basketball and their grandfather used to coach basketball. After a couple of months of paperwork and planning, the four of us drove to the airport to pick up our new family member.

Marja was blonde, just like our girls, so she fit right in. She spoke English relatively well though there were a few phrases she didn’t quite understand. She was tall and looked athletic. We were excited to see how the school year would go and couldn’t wait to see her play. My father was pretty excited as well because he now had someone else to watch play basketball since my girls had graduated.

My daughters welcomed her with open arms. Stacy lived with my parents (Gram and Gramps) just down the street while she was doing her student teaching. My younger daughter lived at home for a few weeks and then got an apartment off-campus. Marja was excited to hear about the college experience from both girls.

marja stacy and sisterIt was a very eventful year. The girls took a beautiful picture and framed it for my husband and me for our 25th Wedding anniversary. Our local school basketball team did very well and even made the playoffs that year. Marja was a big part of that team and its success. She was tall and had a great three-point shot. We all really enjoyed watching her play.

In January, Stacy moved to California. We loaded up a U-haul in a snowstorm and Stacy, her dad, and her sister drove cross country and unloaded in the sunshine. Marja and I stayed home and bonded while the others were gone.  We talked about the similarities and differences between the United States and Finland. We had many nights to get to know each other and each other’s families.

marja gram and grampsMarja had the chance to go to California that spring with my parents to visit Stacy. She showed them all the sites of Los Angeles, Palm Springs, and San Bernardino. I am glad Marja had the opportunity to see more of the United States than just Northwestern Pennsylvania. Because we live within a couple of hours of Pittsburgh and Niagara Falls, we took her on a few day trips. We also went on the Canadian side of the Falls because Americans did not need passports to enter Canada at that time and, of course, Marja had hers so she was good to go.

Although we were a little apprehensive of getting a foreign exchange student in the beginning, it turned out to be a wonderful experience! We grew to love Marja like our own. To this day, we keep in touch and she, her fiance, and son come to visit as often as they can. They are truly fantastic people, and we are thankful that we got to know and love Marja. And although I have no desire to fly across the Atlantic Ocean, like Stacy did as you read in “Visiting Helsinki and Stockholm”, I wish I could see Marja’s hometown, meet her parents, and thank them for raising a wonderful young lady.

About the Guest Authors

Marja is a wonderful mother, daughter, educator, and friend. She become a part of Stacy’s family in 1998 when she became an exchange student from Finland into Stacy’s family in Northwest Pennsylvania. She is an athletic, free spirit who is a role model to the students she teaches, her own son, and those around her.

Stacy’s mom has got it going on 🙂 She raised two crazy girls and then took on the responsibility of a third. She was always supportive of all three women and is to this day. Although she isn’t as adventurous as they are, she enjoys hearing their stories and seeing their pictures. She also enjoys taking care of her grandchildren, going golfing, and always looks forward to her annual trip to Las Vegas with her cousins. 

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

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In What We Use

Amazon Prime Day

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Amazon Prime Day is today and tomorrow. Get started on your Holiday shopping list now! By using our associate links below, we may get a small commission which enables gram and me to continue our trips to the ice cream shop!

If you don’t have Amazon Prime, click the link below to try it for 30 days FREE!

Take all your favorite books with you without taking up all that space in your suitcase with a Kindle. I personally have the Kindle Paperwhite, and I love it for reading in the sunshine! Other favorites can be found in “Books we Read” if you are looking for suggestions.

               

Give the gift of giving with Amazon Gift Cards!

Check out the banners throughout the day for Amazing Amazon Deals!

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wild cod, cabbage, mushrooms and onions | healthy eating
In What We Eat

Wild Cod and Veggies

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Fish and veggies is a frequent meal in our household. Here is just another example of how to season the fish with a different mix of veggies on the side. The directions below are for baking the fish but if you have the opportunity to put it on the grill then by all means do that!

Ingredients

  • wild-caught cod (or other fish if you prefer)
  • 1/2 head of cabbage
  • 2 cups of mushrooms
  • 1 small white onion
  • salt
  • pepper
  • dash of parmesan cheese
  • dash of bread crumbs
  • Nature Seasons
  • 1/2 tbsp flaxseed
  • olive oil spray

Stacy’s Suggestions and Preparation

  1. Line a baking sheet with aluminon foil and parchment paper (for easy clean-up)
  2. Preheat oven to 400
  3. Put fish on a baking sheet
  4. Spray with Olive Oil Spray (or use EVOO)
  5. Sprinkle on salt, pepper, bread crumbs, and parmesan cheese to your liking
  6. Bake for about 15-20 minutes or Grill for about 10 minutes
  7. Chop up mushrooms, onions, and cabbage
  8. Spray a large frying pan with Olive Oil spray
  9. Put veggies in the pan
  10. Season veggies with Nature Seasons and flaxseed
  11. Pan fry veggies on medium heat about 15 minutes
  12. Stir frequently to prevent sticking (unless you like your cabbage a little crisp)
  13. Scoop onto a plate and Enjoy!

     

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In How We Move

5 Rounds

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In this workout, you will need some type of weight and some type of chair or railing to use for balance. This workout consists of 5 rounds of:

  • 40 jumping jacks
  • 20 one-arm bicep curls (10 each arm) (you can use dumbbells or water bottles)
  • 40 jumping jacks
  • 20 one-arm rows (10 each arm) (you can use dumbbells or water bottles)
  • 40 jumping jacks
  • 20 tricep extensions (10 each arm) (you can use dumbbells or water bottles)

These are your workouts so let me know how I can help make them work for you!

 

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gram looking at food and wondering what it is
In Adventures with Gram

Day After Day

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The movie, 50 First Dates, was released in 2004 so it has been a while since I have seen it, but I love Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler. It’s about a woman (Drew Barrymore) who has short term memory loss and a man (Adam Sandler) who falls for her. But every morning she wakes up and doesn’t remember who he is. So, day after day he goes about making her fall in love with him again by repeating the first date.

gram and stacy on NYEWhen I first started living with Gram back in 2016 (“Life Changes“) she was, for the most part, able to take care of herself. She got herself up, dressed, showered, and even made her own breakfast. She read the paper every morning. I knew she had been diagnosed with dementia, and she would repeat questions, but she was doing well.

Since then, her memory and stability have gotten worse. Although she has declined physically and cognitively, she is still able to do a lot. She is able to feed herself (although I make her breakfast and bring her to the table), remember names, remember people and places. Sometimes she will surprise us all when she asks a question about something that happened the day before.

gram riding ceramic bear with arms upAlthough I have heard of Dementia and Alzheimer’s patients being mean and physically aggressive, I rarely have had that experience with Gram. She is the sweetest, kindest, and the most wonderful little lady I know (mostly). Even after five years of being diagnosed with Dementia, she still laughs, cries, and knows what she likes and doesn’t like. And if she can hear you or read your lips, she can have a relatively decent conversation.

That being said, although she continues to do pretty well, I feel like I am living the movie 50 First Dates. Day after day, at the kitchen table in Pennsylvania, we hear the story of how she replanted a twig of a tree in the backyard. She always smiles as she annunciates Grandpa saying “Do you REALLY think THAT is going to grow?” Then she smiles and says I said, “Yes, and now look at it!” And I agree, the tree is huge.

Almost every morning at our house in Florida, after breakfast she asks if she can go sit by the pool. Then she will ask if it’s warm enough. Well, 99.9% of the time it is, Gram…we live in Florida 🙂

Almost daily, Gram asks where my husband is or where my mom is. “Where’s Jeffrey?” or “Where’s Mama?”  I often hear. When I tell her, she gets a little sad, and can’t believe they are not home with us. She doesn’t understand anymore that my husband has to work and that requires him to be gone at times, and she doesn’t realize that my mom has moved to Virginia and doesn’t live up the street anymore.

She seems to have a handle on breakfast as it’s the same every day.  She eats an over-easy egg and a piece of toast with jelly. At dinner is where we can get the most frustrated. She eats the same thing day after day which is mac and cheese, however, it’s the protein that changes.  She will usually eat a few bites, but as soon as my husband and I sit down and put that piece of protein on her plate she asks, “What is This?” We tell her then two minutes later, and often after already having tried it, we hear again “what is this?”, and we tell her again. We usually tell her the truth the first few times she asks, but then we sometimes mess with her and tell her it’s mushrooms (because she hates them) or something so far off base of what is actually on her plate. She just looks at us and shakes her head, says ” I don’t think so” and then proceeds to eat the “unknown”. It is sad to see her little mind not know what something is, especially when she asks what Pepsi is because she’s been drinking it her whole life. I just shake my head and think 50 First Dates.

gram and stacy in carEvery time we are in the car and I take her down a back road or she gets into unfamiliar territory she asks “Where are we?” I tell her, but then a few minutes later the same question again. Sometimes even when we pull into her house that she has lived in for 50 years, she will ask, “Who lives here?”

Almost every night when I put her to bed she will ask, “Is this my bedroom? Is this my bed?” and “Where’s Kuma?”. Kuma is the cat. She always needs to know where the cat is. It’s funny, though, because she talks to that cat like the cat is a person. She offers her food, tells her it’s time to get up, tells her it’s time to eat and tells her it’s time for bed. And if Kuma isn’t in the bed waiting for her then it’s the question, “Where’s Kuma?” Like the cat got up and left. After she kisses me good night, blesses herself, and lays down, she always says, “Stacy, thank you for everything”, which in the end makes it all worth it.

So, my life with gram is essentially like 50 First Dates. We have the same conversations day after day, we do a lot of the same things day after day, I answer the same questions day after day, and I make her the same food day after day. Many people think it’s a glamourous life I lead. Granted, I can travel, I can sit by the pool, I can live in two states, I can visit family and yes, I have been blessed to be able to take her with me on many adventures. But the day-to-day is not glamourous and honestly, sometimes it is downright depressing.

Maybe she asks these questions just to make conversation. Maybe she doesn’t know what else to say. Maybe the logical part of her brain isn’t working anymore. I don’t know, but I do try to learn what I can about the disease, and I do try to make the best of the situation.  Either way, like Teepa Snow, says you have to try to find the Gems. Celebrate what she can do, can say, and what she can remember. That is what we try to do day after day.

gram and stacy on golf cartBeing a caregiver doesn’t mean your life is over. It doesn’t mean you have to sit at home with your loved one and watch them sleep (and boy does gram like to sleep!).  We have discovered that if you are willing to take the wheelchair, pack up the oxygen, bring an extra change of clothes, answer the same questions over and over, and say the right thing to get them in the car, you can still take that loved one with you almost anywhere you go. Yes, you may have to persuade them. You may have to trick them. You may have to pull out all the stops, just like you may do with a three-year-old, but even though it’s more work, in the end, you both get amazing experiences to cherish.

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