I learned this lesson when I was 36 years old and my father passed away at the young age of 60. Time is short. Don’t waste it. Live life to the fullest!
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.
– Steve Jobs
Today’s post is a continuation of my Letter to Gram. If you are jumping in, head on back to that first post about how writing a letter to your loved one can be therapeutic. This letter is the second part of my letter to Gram and about how much changed that first year I had the opportunity to take care of her.
Dear Gram,
Our journey continues. After 16 years in Richmond, I needed a change. I was not happy with my job or the dating scene. I met a friend of a friend who was moving to Thailand to teach English. It sounded like something that I just needed to do. I had the same feeling in my stomach as when I moved to California. I just knew I had to go.
As I was considering moving to Thailand, Grandpa voiced his opinion and didn’t really want me to go. He was about to turn 90, and I think he was scared he wouldn’t make it until my return. Maybe he knew his health was failing. He had been in and out of the hospital the year prior with his congestive heart failure, but he always bounced back. I don’t remember you telling me not to go. I only remember your support and you probably told me Gary and Shar used to live there, too! I think you were excited for me to go on a crazy adventure, and I couldn’t wait to see the world.
Even though I was only gone three months, I did miss Grandpa’s 90th birthday bash, and I am really sorry that I did. He was so happy and many of his old players and students came back for the occasion. Mom did FaceTime me so I did get to see you dancing with the toy soldier and got to be a part of some of the celebration.
I also missed the beautiful birth of my nephew. I knew there would never be a time that I wouldn’t miss something so I will never regret going to Thailand and gaining all that I experienced. But I also wish I could have been in two places at the same time. (of course! I am a Yes, Woman!)
I ended up coming back from Thailand for Christmas to see the family and my new nephew who was only 19 days old. That Christmas of 2015, Gramps got sick. My sister asked him if he wanted to go to the emergency room and he said yes. So off we went. He had fluid built up around his lungs and ended up having a longer stay than any of us wanted. I remember you not wanting to leave his side, and I wish I would have talked the staff into letting us both stay to be with him. I didn’t realize how much you felt the need to be there until I was the one who wanted to stay with you in the hospital room. I am sorry that we didn’t let you stay. I know the staff said it was a liability, and we didn’t want you to fall and get hurt either, but I finally realized how much you truly wanted to be there. And how lonely the hospital room can be.
After a week of Gramps being in the hospital, we all decided I wasn’t going back to Thailand. I had some wonderful adventures and saw nine new countries including Germany, Finland, Sweden, and The Netherlands so I decided I would stay home and spend time with you and Gramps. My house in Richmond was rented until September, and I was unemployed. Gramps spent a month in rehab while you and I stayed with mom. Finally, we decided to take Grandpa back home to Pennsylvania with Hospice Care. It was going to be a big change, but I would move in and be there for you both.
We made it home and my cousin across the street helped me get Gramps in the house. It was not an easy task, and I am not sure how we did it. Grandpa was so upset that we weren’t in your condo in Florida and once he saw the hospital bed in the living room, he seemed deflated. I think maybe it was his last wish to be in sunny Florida before he passed on.
My mom came up a few days later but after a week, Grandpa’s body couldn’t fight anymore. We called the priest in for the anointing of the sick and all prayed together with my sister on the phone. The next morning, he faded out and was gone. I am sorry, Grandpa, that I was not there to hold your hand as you headed toward the light. And I am sorry, Gram, that you barely made it to tell him you loved him one more time. It seemed to happen so fast, and I hate that we were not all there for him in those final moments.
That week was full of preparations. We planned with the funeral home and family started arriving in town. Although it was great to see everyone, it was sad, sad circumstances. After the dust settled, it was just you and me. I wasn’t sure if you would last two days, two months, or two years, without him. You just lost your best friend, and I wasn’t sure you knew what to do next.
It was February 2016. We just lost Gramps. It was snowing. I didn’t have a job yet therefore, we made fires, watched the snowfall, and watched black and white movies all day. We didn’t go out in the cold if we didn’t have to. About a month later, my high school girlfriends talked me into volunteer coaching for the high school softball team. Then one of my college girlfriends offered me a job at a local dairy isle. What a change from the field of education! We had a wonderful summer once the weather turned. We zoomed around town in my little convertible EOS, watching softball games, eating ice cream, drinking wine, and going out to eat at our favorite restaurant, Venango Valley. I reconnected with high school and college friends and was enjoying being with you and being back in my hometown.
Then December came and you broke your hip (the first time). I couldn’t let what happened to Gramps happen to you so I vowed to be with you 24/7 and I broke you loose from the rehab center. Once you were back home, your spirits picked right up, your attitude changed and you were walking around the house with your walker in no time. You became more dependent on me, but I was just happy you were doing well.
That February, after your fall, we both were sad and depressed because of the weather, and we were tired of being cooped up in the house. We needed a change. Therefore, we took off for Florida. It was perfect timing because that is when I met my Prince. You seemed to like him right from the start and that was the beginning of more crazy adventures, but now there was three of us.
Making the change and being able to take care of you led me to so many wonderful things in life. I reconnected with amazing friends and got to spend more time with them. I also met new friends who grew to love you and your presence. And of course, I met my husband. We all miss you more than you know.
(to be continued…)
As you know I am a Pilot’s Wife. Many of you may think that being a Pilot’s Wife is a glamourous lifestyle full of travel and adventure. And yes, I must admit that is true most of the time. But if you marry a pilot like mine you are never home! And you have to be independent, flexible, and confident.
When we travel, many times we travel on standby. And some of you think that means we fly for free. That is not the case. Even with standby, there are costs involved. And it varies depending on the airline and how long of a flight we are trying to get on. Yes, it is less expensive but you are not guaranteed a seat. Many times that means hours in the airport or running from one terminal to another to try to catch another flight to get you where you want to go.
I have learned that if you fly standby and you are offered a seat you take it. This also means that sometimes I get a seat and Jeff doesn’t. Or Jeff gets a seat and I don’t. Then you have to resort to backup plans and running from one gate to another. The other thing it means is that we don’t usually get to sit together on a flight. Sometimes I am in the back, and he is in the cockpit. Or he is on one side of the plane, and I am on the other. When you fly standby, you take any seat you can get! And you have to be okay flying next to strangers and not your partner. If possible, the gate agents will try to seat us together but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.
Since becoming a Pilot’s Wife, I have become better at reading departure screens and using travel apps. Our favorite travel app is FlightView. You can see nonstop flights between cities. You can also track flights to see their arrival and departure times. It really is a great app. Another app I like is Kayak. It searches for low fares between destinations. I like to look on Kayak first then book on the specific airline website.
Another thing you need to get used to becoming a Pilot’s Wife is being alone. As you read before there are single people and there are relationship people. You are better at being lonely or better at being annoyed. Jeff and I make a great team because I am better at being lonely and he is better at being annoyed! I was a single, independent woman for 10 years before I met Jeff and became a Pilot’s Wife. I think those years prepared me for my role as a Pilot’s Wife. Jeff will go on trips for work. He may be gone two days. He may be gone for two weeks. And I am home… alone… since Sweet Gram is gone. I am responsible for the many possible mini disasters that usually occur the second he walks out the door. Sometimes the A/C goes out. Sometimes a cockroach scurries across the floor. Sometimes a big ass spider or a little black snake invades my space. And in these instances, I am the one responsible for getting that little creature out.
Being a Pilot’s Wife is a great adventure. I am grateful for the 11 different ski resorts, 20 states, and 6 different countries we have been able to go to over the past five years. I am grateful for the new friends and family members I have met along the way who have become some of my very best friends.
I wouldn’t give up being a Pilot’s Wife for anything. But if being a gypsy, being a big bad bug killer, a game-time decision-maker, a traveler of the world, and a woman of no routine is not your thing, then being a Pilot’s Wife is not for you.
This past week, we enjoyed another beautiful ski week in Lake Tahoe. We started with a weekend at a friend’s house on the south end of Lake Tahoe and ended up on the northside at Palisades at Tahoe, formerly known as Squaw Valley.
Jeff and I, along with two other friends skied a very fun mountain resort called Kirkwood on Saturday. The resort was selling minimal tickets to give pass holders a less busy day on the mountain. It was awesome. Out of the four of us, I was the least experienced skier. It seems they all started when they were four years old, and I didn’t get started until 41! Our friend led us around the mountain and for some reason I was feeling really comfortable and confident. I even went through some shoots and was going up and down the sides of the mountain. It was so much fun! I was keeping up with the group and it felt so good.
The next day we took a 45-minute drive and headed to Palisades. We passed Emerald Bay on our way and had to stop for pictures. We got to Palisades in the early afternoon so we decided to ski for about an hour. It was a beautiful mountain. From several peaks, you can see Lake Tahoe which is absolutely breathtaking. The mountain is huge and there are many ski runs and chair lifts which makes the mountain less busy. My first experience at Palisades was terrible, to say the least. The snow was slushy and hard to get through. As a newer skier, it made such a difference in my confidence and skiing. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing, and my legs were burning. I felt so defeated after my great day at Kirkwood.
The rest of the week was a mix of ice, slush, amazing snow, sunshine, and rain, however, my initial reaction changed. Overall, it was an amazing experience and Palisades became one of my favorite mountains. I skied several black diamond runs! I couldn’t believe it. I was going down the steepest peaks I had ever skied and went the fastest I had ever gone. I ended up loving Tahoe and the experience.
It seems that after about 40 days of skiing in my life something started to click. I believe any sport takes practice and maybe my practice is paying off. Something seems to be working. I am gaining confidence in my ability to stop and turn. I am learning that the more I lean forward the easier it is to control my skies. I am learning that the faster I go sometimes the more control I have as well. I also learned that this may be the one sport where you can semi-blame the equipment and the snow conditions. My skies are used skies, and I think if I get better skies and bindings I may even become a better skier!!
If you are planning a ski trip, I highly recommend Palisades at Tahoe. We stayed at the Resort at Squaw Creek. Even if you don’t ski, there was plenty to do. There was an ice skating rink, a spa, a few shops, and restaurants. There was also a free shuttle over to the village where there were more restaurants, bars, and shops. So get out there and go see the majestic mountain views!
For Christmas, we bought Jeff’s two sons concert tickets to see Metallica and Greta Van Fleet in Las Vegas. We like to give them memories rather than material things from time to time. It was going to be a three-day family trip to Vegas to see Jeff’s favorite band.
This concert was the second time all three guys have seen Metallica together. Jeff took them for the first time when they were just nine and eleven. Now look at them, all grown up!
When Jeff was buying tickets, he asked me if I wanted to go. I am not a huge Metallica fan but I am a Yes Woman so, of course, I said yes to Vegas and the show! Needless to say, all of us were excited about the trip.
Although we had some difficulties with our flights being delayed and canceled, we all made it to Vegas by midnight on Thursday. We stayed at one of the newest casinos called Resorts World. The hotel and casino were beautiful! They had about five pools which would have been awesome had it been summertime or the weather just a bit warmer!
Both boys are over 21 now so we had a few beverages at the hotel bar when we all got in. Not much gambling took place the first night as we just scouted the hotel and casino and took a little stroll down the Strip. Friday, after breakfast in the hotel, we decided to walk down the Strip to a few of the casinos. We spent a lot of time in Caesar’s Palace enjoying the shopping and people watching. We also walked through the Venetian. It was like we were in a different world and very similar to my time in Venice. I loved the canals and someday maybe we will have enough time for a gondola ride in Italy. Treasure Island was also very cool.
Once back at the hotel, we hit a few slot machines and roulette tables then got ready for the show. We went down to the House of Blues in Mandalay Bay. Blackened Whiskey sponsored the concert pre-party, and we were only a short walk to Allegiant Stadium. Everyone was excited and ready for the show. We missed the first opening band but got there right in time for Greta Van Fleet. They are a young band but the lead singer has a very distinctive voice similar to the lead singer of Led Zepplin. They put on a great show.
Next up Metallica. The crowd went wild! Even though I didn’t know many of the songs they were great performers, and it was an amazing show. They played all of their classics and a few of their newer songs. It seemed everyone knew all of the words except for me. We were up in the back corner and you could feel the heat from the fire near the stage. I really enjoyed the show and am so glad I am a yes girl.
After the show, we walked back to House of Blues and then got a car to our hotel. We gambled a few dollars away, saw the amazing Luke Bryan at the Craps table, and went to bed. Luke also had played that night at Resorts World. Maybe we will see him again in concert someday.
On Saturday, we made our way to the airport to all go our separate ways back to Florida. It was a memorable weekend with the boys, and I was glad to spend some quality with them. It’s crazy to think I am technically their stepmom. I came into their lives when they were already adults so they did not need another mother or anyone else telling them what to do. Now at 21 and 23, I am excited to be their adult friend and maybe a bit of a mentor should they ever want or need my advice.
I think it’s hard to go into a relationship at any point when there are children involved. I am thankful that we all get along, and that we can spend time together as a family. Although I have only known the boys for a short five years, I am really proud of the wonderful young men they are becoming. They have so much to look forward to in life and are at such a fun age. I remember being 23 and wondering where my life’s journey would take me. They now are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives and who they want to become.
Even though they probably don’t even think of me as a stepmom, I do hope when they find their significant others, and if they choose to have babies that I get to become Gram, Babcia, Nana, or some type of Grandma-figure. I really can’t wait to spoil the little ones!
All in all, I am counting my blessings that Sweet Gram led me to My Prince which led me to two amazing stepsons. I look forward to spending more time together with them, getting to know them better, and creating more memories together as we take on more family adventures.
February. A month of love. A time to celebrate those around you who mean so much to you. A month to start looking forward to spring and getting out of the dark cold winter months. A time to celebrate your Valentine.
It’s hard to believe that I met my Valentine and his wingwoman five years ago on February 11th. I was the new girl at CrossFit Thoroughbreds as you read in our three-part series of How We Met.
When I think back to how it all happened, it was just meant to be. All of the stars had to align for us to meet. If all of those circumstances didn’t line up, I don’t know how or if Jeff and I would have met. And where would we both be today?
The problem with fate is that we don’t even know what is happening until all the cards fall into place. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we need to do and achieve that we don’t take time to enjoy the ride. We get caught up in what we want to strive for next. And sometimes we just need to relax and let what’s meant to be, happen.
I, of course, do not know how Jeff and I would have met had Gram not broken her hip, had we not picked that week to go to Florida, had I not picked that CrossFit gym. What I do know is how grateful I am for the opportunity to go to Thailand, to take care of Gram, to spend the last five years of her life with her, and how grateful I am that she led me to my Valentine.
My Valentine. How I got so lucky I will never know. This guy treated Gram like his own. He loved her with all of his heart and was so patient with her. He persuaded her to do so many things when she wanted to be stubborn and just stay at home. He cared so deeply for her and for me. He tried to do whatever he could to make my job easier and make Gram happier and more comfortable.
If you have spent time with my Valentine you know he is really just about enjoying life. He will fly all night at work then come home, sleep a few hours and be ready for the company arriving the next day. He enjoys celebrating any occasion with others and can’t wait to see his friends at ski week or anywhere else.
Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Take this month to celebrate you, your loved one, your friends, and your family!
My husband sent me an article called “3 Signs You Are Growing Old Instead of Growing Up” from one of the subscriptions he gets from All Pro Dad. All Pro Dad is a great website for inspiration on how to deal with different situations with your children. Although the website focuses more on men (and dads in particular), I think it can be read by all. We are all growing older, every day. So what do we want to do with our lives going forward? What are our goals for the remainder of our lives? And once we achieve them do we just stop or chase another dream or goal? Or are we satisfied and become complacent? How can we grow up instead of just growing old?
“A good way to grow up instead of growing old is to get out of your comfort zone.”
The quote above says it all. No matter how old or young you are, get out of your comfort zone. Try something new or scary. Be willing to take the leap of faith. Do what you are passionate about. Show your children, your family, or your friends that you are willing to try something that may make you uncomfortable. Grow your soul.
I have a friend who cannot swim. She is afraid of the water but she has put herself out of her comfort zone several times. She enjoys being on the water on a boat and even has a trip planned to spend six days on a catamaran sailing the British Virgin Islands. I am so proud and excited for her. If she wasn’t willing to put herself out there (with a lifejacket of course), she would miss out on the most beautiful waters and sites of the islands. How fun is that?
Jeff and I try to keep our relationship alive and young by complementing each other, staying active, and eating healthy. We want to stay sexy for each other, stay active and athletic so we can leap out of our comfort zone as we get older. We want to be able to try new things like skiing (for me), scuba diving (for us both), or hiking no matter how old we are in years. The more active we stay, the more active we can be as we age. If we become complacent in our lifestyle, those things may not be as easy, and we may not be as motivated to try new things. And anyone who knows me knows I have FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), so I definitely don’t want to grow old!
Wherever you are in your life, don’t be afraid to try new things. Pray on it. Make a list of pros and cons. Get out there and live. Life is too short. Be an inspiration for your partner. Be an inspiration for your children and grandchildren. Get out there and grow up, not old!
Photo by Razvan Chisu on Unsplash
Jeff and I headed out west to visit some really good friends prior to our ski week in Taos. Although it took us seven hours to get there because of the weather and traffic, it was well worth it. As soon as we pulled into the little town of Glenwood Springs I loved it.
Upon our arrival, our friends had a delicious feast waiting for us. They knew we would be hungry after our long drive. We had some amazing homemade pizza, pesto-filled mushrooms, marinated chicken, Greek pepper salad, wine, and great conversation. The next morning, we got to see the beautiful mountain views from their deck in Glenwood Springs.
That day we went skiing at a local ski resort called Sunlight. I really enjoyed it. It was a beautiful bluebird day. We started on the green runs, and Jeff even gave me a few ski tips. I started feeling a little more comfortable. Clearly, he’s a better skier 🙂 Watch this video!
The resort had a great vibe. It was customer appreciation day so they had a costume contest and donut eating contest sponsored by Sweet Coloradough. They also had a DJ and everyone was dancing and playing cornhole. It became my second favorite ski resort behind Deer Valley.
Later that evening, we went downtown Glenwood Springs for dinner and drinks. We went to Riveria Supper Club. We sat at the bar until our table was ready. The staff was very friendly and knowledgeable. The table before us stayed longer than expected so they treated us with a free appetizer and round of champagne. We didn’t mind waiting and loved the freebies! The four of us split salmon, beef stroganoff, a burger, salad, and bone marrow. We were all a bit tired so we just headed back to the house for a nightcap.
Instead of skiing the next day, we decided to go on a snowmobiling tour. We woke up to a downpour of snow. It was a blast! Jeff and I rode together. The guide led us through the trees and up and down the trails. Then we stopped in a wide-open field, and they let us free ride for 30 minutes or so. I took the sled for a few spins and had so much fun. It was a snowy day so we didn’t get to see the majestic views from the summit, but eventually, the clouds broke up, and it turned into a beautiful sunny day. We continued on our journey, and they took us on a new trail. We had a group of about 10 snowmobiles and everyone was riding pretty good so they kept us out about an hour longer than normal, which was awesome but by the end of the ride, By the end, I was frozen to the bone.
Our trip to Glenwood Springs was short but very sweet. I really enjoyed the mountain town and the beautiful views. Check out the bighorn sheep we saw on our way out of town. Sunlight was a really fun and cute local ski resort that I can’t wait to visit again.
It seems every January, people make resolutions that they don’t keep. They think it’s a new year, it should be a new me. Instead of being realistic they go for the gold and end up quitting before they even get started. This year, make your resolution mindful and realistic. Reread the post Eat Better and Move Better and focus on becoming 1% better every day. What baby steps can you make to meet your goal? The more steps you take and the more progress you see the more likely you will be to keep going.
It’s hard because, after the holidays and all of the parties and gatherings, you want to be a new you in the new year. But try to evaluate where you are now and where you want to go. Then be realistic about the amount of work you will need to put in. I am not trying to discourage you. I just want you to be honest with yourself. Whatever your new year goals are…what does it take to get there?
Do you want to lose weight? Gain muscle? Run a race? Quit drinking? Quit smoking? Eat at home more often? Eat less fast food? Travel more? Do a Spartan Race or a mud run? Hike a mountain? Ride a bike? Whatever you decide, write it down, and determine your short-term goals. Remember the end goals are like marathons, not sprints. You are not going to lose 10 pounds in 10 days. It takes time. So start small. Start with two pounds a month and by next year the new you will be 24 pounds lighter! And next year, you can continue and soon you are down 48 pounds, and you can keep it off because you have changed your lifestyle and not gone on some fad diet.
I talk a lot in this blog about how we eat and how we move. I first learned to eat healthily at Bill Lawrencen’s Personal Fitness in Meadville, PA. If you are in the area, go now, and start Dream Team. You won’t be sorry. He gets some serious results. You can also participate virtually. Check out the website. To this day, Jeff and I continue eating a lean protein, the right carb, and a healthy fat at every meal. When we eat out, we make as healthy of a choice as we can, and usually, we order fish or lean meat and veggies.
If your goal is to travel more then decide how often do you want to go? How much do you want to spend on each trip? Then make it happen. Do a little each week or month to get you there. Look for deals on airlines. Look at the low-cost carriers. Try to pack minimally and don’t pay for a seat or luggage. There are many ways to travel inexpensively. Also, look at credit cards that give you miles.
Whatever your goals, it’s a new year for a new you. Start small and take baby steps. Jeff and I had our two-year wedding anniversary on December 31st. One of our new year’s commitments to each other is that every month we will do one of the Five Love Languages. We did them the first two years of our relationship but haven’t made a conscious effort on them for the last two years. Each month we will pick a language and make a day of it. To find out your love language and that of your partner or even a family member, click here.
Whatever your goals, I wish you a safe, happy, and healthy new year and new you! Stay strong and be inspired each and every day!
Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash
Isn’t it crazy how we always look forward to the holiday season than when it comes, somehow it’s sprinkled with little spurts of disappointment? Maybe we have higher expectations, and they don’t come true? We get so wrapped up in wanting things to be perfect, and our families to be perfect, that we tend to forget what the holiday season is really about.
After a week of Thanksgiving feasting and belly-shaking laughs with the family playing a game called 25 Words or Less, we found ourselves in Church where the pastor was talking about the upcoming holiday season. Church always makes me feel good, and I really need to get better about making it a weekly habit. Anyway, the church was decorated for Christmas and it was so beautiful. It made me think of family, snow, decorations, and all of the things Christmas. The holiday spirit was in the air especially with the sounds of the amazing choir.
The message of Pastor Russ was very uplifting. He talked about how we sometimes lose focus of what the holiday season is really about, which is Jesus Christ’s birthday. I think we forget that and most of us don’t even take time to talk to him or thank him for our blessings or wish him a happy birthday.
The Pastor talked about doing three things this holiday season to keep Jesus at the center of the hustle and bustle and to really enjoy the time we have with family. I can’t remember his exact words but you can listen to the service here. His first message was to spend less to get more. He talked about how Christmas really shouldn’t be about the presents or the gifts or hours of unwrapping. Give meaningful gifts and take time to open them one by one. Cherish the conversation around the gift. Then enjoy the time you have together playing games or playing with the toys or cooking a meal together.
In the second message, he talked about how sometimes we get so stressed about making the perfect meal or getting the house perfectly clean that when people are there we don’t stop and take the time to visit with them. So take a moment to sit and enjoy the people around you. Actually, take the whole day!
His third thought was taking a minute to give yourself to God by celebrating all we have in Jesus. He gave a cute example of saying would you go to a friend’s birthday party and not talk to the guest of honor? We are celebrating the birth of Christ but how often do we take the time to say a little prayer or to read the Story of Christmas to remind us what this holiday season really means.
As we enter into this busy time of year, please take a minute to stop and be at peace for at least a moment. Remember those you love. Say a thank you to someone who has made your day. Buy someone’s coffee the next time you are at the coffee shop. Volunteer for a soup kitchen or hand out food at the food pantry for those in need. If you are able, give what you can (whether time, money, or goods) to those who need it more than you. Find something that gives you that feeling of the Christmas spirit and take the time to celebrate with those around you.
Photo by Dan Kiefer on Unsplash