Our mental health is so important. The way we look at life and our journey determine our happiness and our world. Hopefully, your mind is set to look at all the beautiful things there are in this life.
If you change your mindset, you have the ability to change your whole world.
– Damien Thomas
Photo by kylie De Guia on Unsplash
Family. What can you say? Family can be fun. Family can be frustrating. Family can be crazy. I have spent the last four weeks helping my husband and my sister-in-law move their mom from Texas to West Virginia and then to Florida. We’ve flown to different states and driven through a few more. We found a couple of apartments, waited on moving trucks, unpacked boxes, repacked boxes, moved furniture, hung pictures, opened and closed accounts, and needless to say had a few drinks at the end of the day. But for now, all is well. Fingers crossed 🙂
Family is a crazy thing. Some days are good. Some are bad. Some family members are there for you whenever you call upon them. And some are not. Sometimes family is supportive and sometimes they are exhausting. And sometimes they may talk behind your back yet will have no problem asking you for help.
Whatever your family is, whether you were born into it, adopted, or whether you chose to make others your family, just remember you don’t have to be taken advantage of. Family is there to love you, support you, to offer advice and encouragement. Family is not there to put you down, to make you feel bad, or to make you feel like you are doing something wrong.
Sometimes family members may not mean to make you feel bad but maybe they have other issues such as mental health conditions, depression, or dementia. And this can cause stress on your relationships with them and others. Gram, who never wanted to be a burden, caused us stress in a different way as we were constantly worried about her health and well-being. If this happens, try to open the lines of communication (if the family member is mentally capable). It is usually better to talk it out. Ignoring the problem really isn’t going to fix it. If something is bothering you then try to get clarification as oftentimes there might just be a misunderstanding or confusion within the situation. Hopefully, you can discuss the problem and come to a solution instead of holding a grudge for some misunderstanding. If mental health is in the way then you can help your family member with finding resources so they can get the help they need.
So, in the end, choose the “family” that makes you shine. Choose the family that is there for you. Choose the family that calls just say hi. Choose the family that makes you laugh. Choose the family that makes you feel good about being you. And that family can be whomever you want them to be!
When our family took a vacation, we drove. As a child, I only flew on a plane once. Most of the time, we traveled to South Carolina or Florida to visit other family members and driving was the most economical way to go for our family of 6. We had a conversion van so there was plenty of room for my sister and me and even Gram and Gramps.
When I was five years old, we flew to Texas to see my mom’s best friend. I remember that it was smoky and my ears kept popping. I can’t believe they used to let people smoke cigarettes on the plane. Woah.
I didn’t fly again until my sophomore year in college. I was part of Mercyhurst College’s Women’s Basketball team, and we made it to the Division II Elite Eight finals in Fargo, North Dakota. The team got to fly but all of the parents took a bus. What a long ride! I remember thinking how much more efficient flying was than driving. I loved the view from the plane and looking down at the world from 30,000 feet up in the air. I flew a few more times after that out to California before I moved there but after moving to Virginia, I didn’t fly much. It was just easier to drive home to PA. Driving was never a big deal for me. I enjoyed it for the most part. I had a convertible after 2007 so I loved driving from Virginia to Pennsylvania with the top down and the music up.
Since I met Jeff, my flight time has increased tenfold. I am on a plane every month if not twice a month or more! It’s crazy, but I do love it. I always wanted to be a gypsy, and I definitely am getting my wish.
I love flying now. We have Global Entry for traveling internationally. It makes it super easy to go through customs to come back into the United States. It also includes TSA Precheck which is the most convenient way to travel. No more taking off shoes or taking toiletries or my computer out. It’s easy and usually, the lines are shorter. I couldn’t fly without it. We also invested in the American Express Platinum card. Although the annual fee is high, the benefits make it worthwhile. You get paid back for Clear, Global Entry, TSA precheck, $200 of baggage fees on an airline of your choice, entry into priority pass clubs for you and a guest plus Delta clubs when you fly Delta, as well as an array of other benefits. The lounges make layovers well worth it with free food and beverages in the lounge. We also get Uber credit each month.
Anyway, the view from the plane is one of my favorite. I love watching the sunrise or the sunset from up in the sky. Jeff gets to see the sunrise and sunset from the front window of the plane and he’s talked about how beautiful it is. I love looking down at the houses, and the landscapes of different states. It is absolutely breathtaking. I love the views at night, especially over big cities with the sparkling lights and all of the cars racing through the streets.
Although flying can make many people nervous, I just love it. May has been an extremely busy month of flying. I was in Fort Lauderdale, St. Thomas, Dallas, Knoxville, and Pittsburgh just in the first two weeks! Now I can read, nap, listen to music, or write blog posts instead of paying attention to the road.
Mothers. Mothers. Mothers. They come in all shapes and sizes. Biological mothers, adoptive mothers, stepmothers, fur baby mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers. Some people have wonderful relationships with their mothers and some have no relationship at all.
The definition of a mother starts with one who gives birth, adopts, or raises a child. But being a mother is more than just giving birth or raising a child. It is teaching your children right from wrong. It is giving them opportunities to explore their own wants and needs. It is letting them experience a little bit of life on their own while they are young so that when they grow up they have the tools needed to succeed.
Now the definition of success may mean different things to different people. And sometimes what you want your child to succeed in doesn’t meet your expectations. Maybe you wanted your child to have babies so you could be a grandma but that didn’t happen. Maybe you wanted your child to go to college and they didn’t. Maybe you wanted them to build a house on the same farm you grew up on and they moved away. When expectations are not met, it can be very hard on relationships. And disappointment can set in.
Most mothers want more for their children than they do for themselves. They want to see their children happy. They want to see their children reaching for and achieving their dreams. They are the cheerleaders behind their children. They are there to pick them up and brush them off when they fall. They are there to tell them everything is going to be alright. And sometimes the mothers need to tell themselves that from time to time. And most importantly, mothers need to take care of themselves first so they can be the best caretakers to others.
In any situation, we need to embrace the positive. Check out these 21 Characteristics of a Good Mother. Take a moment to click on the link. Not only can it help you in motherhood but just overall in being a good human being.
“If we are not happy, then we can’t expect them to be either. A good mom is one who is always positive and looks on the bright side of things. This doesn’t mean that she is always happy, but she can find something good in every situation.”
Find your positives and embrace them in every situation. Happy Tuesday and Happy Mother’s Day Week!
Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash
“I’ve influenced kings and world leaders
I helped Hemmingway write like he did
And I’ll bet you a drink or two that I can make you
Put that lampshade on your head
‘Cause since the day I left Milwaukee
Lynchburg and Bordeaux France
Been making a fool out of folks just like you
And helping white people dance
I’m medicine and I am poison
I can help you up or make you fall
You had some of the best times
You’ll never remember with me
Alcohol
Alcohol”
The lyrics above are from Brad Paisley’s song “Alcohol“. Alcohol can definitely make you do some crazy things. It also can do some destruction to your body. Eight weeks ago I decided to quit drinking alcohol. My body needed a break. I felt bloated. My eyes looked tired. I didn’t feel good. My body hurt. I felt lazy. I felt like I had been on a drinking binge for over three months. Most people enjoy having a few drinks with their friends. Our problem is our friends and social life never end. Therefore, neither does the alcohol. We go skiing, so we drink. We have friends in town, so we drink. We go out on the boat, so we drink. Most people take breaks between big events but most times we have a new set of friends in town so the fun (and alcohol) keeps flowing.
This year it started in December. Jeff took some vacation time so we went on a ski week to Copper Mountain. Then we had Christmas and friends in town for New Year’s Eve. Then we had another ski week in Taos and when we returned to town more friends were here. February was filled with friends visiting from out of town throughout the whole month with the last week spent with four friends in the Keys with the Harley. As I look back on the year, I realize that between vacations, Jeff’s work schedule, and friends in town Jeff and I only had about eight days alone in our home.
It was March 2 which happened to be Ash Wednesday. I figured it was the old Catholic in me and a sign from Heaven that told me, “Stacy, it’s the perfect time to give something up”. And.Just.Like.That. I decided I needed to take a break from drinking. I also realized there were eight more weeks of Dream Team left. If you have been following my blog then you know that when I was living in Pennsylvania I became involved in the Dream Team contest which happens every year. It’s 16 weeks of dialing in your eating and becoming a little more strict with your lifestyle. Since 2017, I have been following the nutrition plan that I learned from Bill Lawrence’s Personal Fitness. Personally, I follow the program year-round. There are times I just become a little more strict than others. I decided to do my own eight-week dream team which would take me right at the May 1 weekend when we would be leaving for vacation to the British Virgin Islands.
The first week wasn’t too bad of a challenge. We had two concerts. I decided to just take it one day at a time. On the fourth day, I made it through the Sammy Hagar concert that we attended with one of Jeff’s high school buddies and his fiance. That night my husband told me he was so proud of me for not drinking. It really hit me and gave me increased motivation to keep going.
I was pretty nervous about the upcoming ski week. I have been attending ski weeks for over four years and not one of them has been sober. Everyone ended up being really supportive. It definitely was a different experience with no alcohol, but it was really fun all the same! I skied well, went to the gym a few times, felt great at night, and even sneaked in a dessert for dinner 🙂 I ended up having a few non-alcoholic beers on the mountain and felt just as much a part of the group as if I had a regular beer in my hand.
Once I made it through ski week, I knew I could make it through anything! I realized I didn’t NEED alcohol to have a good time or to be out and about. I realized drinking is a social thing for us. The problem is we are SOOOO social that drinking becomes an almost everyday thing.
My husband was the most supportive being. It meant the world to me to have his support and encouragement. Halfway through my experiment, he could see the changes in my face, my energy, and my body. Therefore, he decided to quit too, and even though he only gave up drinking for 30 days, he felt better about his workouts, body, and energy level. We did this together and it means the world to me. We both can see a few abs, and we love it!
Over the last eight weeks, I realized I can do things without alcohol. I went on a ski week and had a great time. I even tried a few non-alcoholic beers. I never understood why people drank those until I quit drinking. During social events, everyone has a drink in their hand. And most times water just isn’t going to cut it. When you have that can or bottle in your hand you feel a part of the group. It’s definitely a mental thing but just having a “beer” in my hand made me feel ok.
Everyone was so supportive over my eight-week journey. I found that no one really cares whether or not I drank alcohol. I found that I still laugh, I still enjoy my friends, and I am more aware of what is going on around me! My workouts were better and I felt great overall. I lost 5.4 pounds and .8% body fat.
Over the eight weeks, I ate as we normally eat in our lifestyle. I did sneak in a few desserts and ice cream the first few weeks. But then I decided to get a little more strict because I knew I wanted to look good in that bikini in the British Virgin Islands in May.
So if you are struggling with alcohol and feel like you need a break, just take it one day at a time. It actually became really fun for me. Some people didn’t think I could do it so I had to prove them wrong! And I am so glad I did. I had to prove to myself I didn’t need the alcohol. So now the challenge becomes pacing myself!
Featured photo by Adam Wilson on Unsplash
I saw this quote on social media the other day and thought it was awesome. Portray in yourself what you want to see in other people. Be what you admire. Be all that you want to be. Have a wonderful Wednesday!!
Attract What you Expect
Reflect What you Desire
Become What you Respect
Mirror What you Admire
Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash
I hope you had an amazing Easter weekend. It seems to be a holiday that some people just pass over. It has become the time when schools, kids, and parents are looking forward to spring break instead of celebrating the true meaning of Easter.
Easter is the day that Jesus rose from the dead after his burial three days before. We celebrate in the Christian Church and growing up Catholic meant we spent a lot of time in Church. In our area, we only had three days off from school around Easter weekend. The days were Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Monday. Most schools now give a week around Easter for Spring Break. And I think it’s great that families can take the time to travel to visit other family members and celebrate together.
Photo by Paul Zoetemeijer on Unsplash
Easter is really a beautiful time of reflection and peace. It means that the weather is turning and Spring is coming (depending on where you live!). When I was younger, we colored Easter eggs with Gram and Gramps and had a wonderful Easter dinner on Sunday. My parents hid our Easter baskets so we had to search the house high and low to find the Pulakos chocolate bunny. I always started with the ears and then went to the tail. Of course, I had to dip my bunny in peanut butter. It was soooooo good! I would just eat a little piece every day so it would last as long as possible. It was the best treat! We also got little chocolate eggs that were the perfect size to pop in your mouth. As I got older and moved away from the Erie area I came to love Cadbury mini eggs with the hard shell, and my parents would get me a bag whenever we got together around the holiday.
Many of our adult Easters were spent in Virginia. My sister and I both lived there, therefore, my parents would come down from northwest Pennsylvania. Because we had a week off, I would go get the grandparents from the condo in Fort Myers, and we would all meet in Virginia to go to church and have Easter dinner. Once my sister had children, we would go to her house to watch the kids go on egg hunts in their backyard. They were so excited.
It’s hard to believe that five years ago was my last Easter with my sister. On one hand, it seems like so long ago. On the other, it seems like just yesterday. That Easter I would never have imagined it would be her last. She was strong. She was happy. I didn’t see it coming just a short month later. I was blindsided.
So now even though Easter is a wonderful time of year it’s also a sad one for our family. April was the last month we had with her. Easter was our last holiday together. Spring, a time of new beginnings, is a time when we lost so much. I miss her every day, but the holidays are the worst. Oh how much I wish she was still here.
Many times we are so disheartened and saddened by the passing of a loved one that it’s hard to move on. And I suppose I could let myself cry every day. But I need to realize life must go on. There was some reason she was needed in Heaven. I have to believe that we will see her again someday, and we will have an eternity together. Until then, I need to count the blessings that I do have on this Earth.
This year Jeff and I were together in Fort Myers. And as soon as we woke up and walked into the kitchen a cardinal flew in and sat on one of our lounge chairs across the pool. It was a beautiful red bird, and I felt so loved and blessed. I said, “Jeff, look someone came to say Happy Easter.” It made me feel amazing for the rest of the day. I am not sure which family member it was, but it made my heart so happy. You may not believe in signs from Heaven but I do. It gives me a sense that they are still here and watching over us.
Jeff’s friend from college and his wife were in town for the weekend. We took them boating on Saturday. Then we had brunch on Sunday and sat by the pool as we listened to mass on our Sonos sound system. It was a beautiful day in Fort Myers and such a nice relaxing day. We called and talked to the kids (our niece and nephew) as they were just getting back from church and eating breakfast. They were so excited for Easter Day. Our eldest son was working so he could not come home. For our Easter dinner, we had salmon, salad, and stuffed mushrooms with our youngest son, who was home from college for the last time before graduating. Then the three of us watched the Tampa Bay Rays baseball game and finished with a little treat of ice cream from Rita’s Ice. It was the perfect ending to a beautiful Easter day.
I hope you had a wonderful weekend with your families and/or friends. I hope you had a chance to give some praise to God for his only son. I hope you set aside some time to call your family and friends and tell them how much they mean to you. I hope even if you have lost loved ones you can see the beauty in all the blessings around you.
Featured Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Hello, my Wednesday Warriors! I have decided that there are enough Weekly Wednesday Workouts on the blog for you to get started on your fitness journey. If you need a workout or ideas, please email, call, text, Facebook message, or Instagram me for ideas. I would be happy to come up with a workout to fit your needs.
Therefore, Wednesday will now be devoted to Weekly Wednesday Words. It may be a quote for the week to inspire you in the work environment, as a parent, or in fitness. It may be a devotion giving you the strength to make it through the rest of the week. Anyway, instead of daily inspirations, there will be one per week.
Again, if you follow and love my blog, please make sure you are following me on social media. Also, please share it with your friends. I’d love to inspire more people with your help.
Today’s quote is one of my absolute favorites, and we need to remember this as we journey through our lives together. All in all, just be kind.
“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
―
Today’s post is a continuation of my Letter to Gram. If you are jumping in, head on back to that first post about how writing a letter to your loved one can be therapeutic. This letter is the second part of my letter to Gram and about how much changed that first year I had the opportunity to take care of her.
Dear Gram,
Our journey continues. After 16 years in Richmond, I needed a change. I was not happy with my job or the dating scene. I met a friend of a friend who was moving to Thailand to teach English. It sounded like something that I just needed to do. I had the same feeling in my stomach as when I moved to California. I just knew I had to go.
As I was considering moving to Thailand, Grandpa voiced his opinion and didn’t really want me to go. He was about to turn 90, and I think he was scared he wouldn’t make it until my return. Maybe he knew his health was failing. He had been in and out of the hospital the year prior with his congestive heart failure, but he always bounced back. I don’t remember you telling me not to go. I only remember your support and you probably told me Gary and Shar used to live there, too! I think you were excited for me to go on a crazy adventure, and I couldn’t wait to see the world.
Even though I was only gone three months, I did miss Grandpa’s 90th birthday bash, and I am really sorry that I did. He was so happy and many of his old players and students came back for the occasion. Mom did FaceTime me so I did get to see you dancing with the toy soldier and got to be a part of some of the celebration.
I also missed the beautiful birth of my nephew. I knew there would never be a time that I wouldn’t miss something so I will never regret going to Thailand and gaining all that I experienced. But I also wish I could have been in two places at the same time. (of course! I am a Yes, Woman!)
I ended up coming back from Thailand for Christmas to see the family and my new nephew who was only 19 days old. That Christmas of 2015, Gramps got sick. My sister asked him if he wanted to go to the emergency room and he said yes. So off we went. He had fluid built up around his lungs and ended up having a longer stay than any of us wanted. I remember you not wanting to leave his side, and I wish I would have talked the staff into letting us both stay to be with him. I didn’t realize how much you felt the need to be there until I was the one who wanted to stay with you in the hospital room. I am sorry that we didn’t let you stay. I know the staff said it was a liability, and we didn’t want you to fall and get hurt either, but I finally realized how much you truly wanted to be there. And how lonely the hospital room can be.
After a week of Gramps being in the hospital, we all decided I wasn’t going back to Thailand. I had some wonderful adventures and saw nine new countries including Germany, Finland, Sweden, and The Netherlands so I decided I would stay home and spend time with you and Gramps. My house in Richmond was rented until September, and I was unemployed. Gramps spent a month in rehab while you and I stayed with mom. Finally, we decided to take Grandpa back home to Pennsylvania with Hospice Care. It was going to be a big change, but I would move in and be there for you both.
We made it home and my cousin across the street helped me get Gramps in the house. It was not an easy task, and I am not sure how we did it. Grandpa was so upset that we weren’t in your condo in Florida and once he saw the hospital bed in the living room, he seemed deflated. I think maybe it was his last wish to be in sunny Florida before he passed on.
My mom came up a few days later but after a week, Grandpa’s body couldn’t fight anymore. We called the priest in for the anointing of the sick and all prayed together with my sister on the phone. The next morning, he faded out and was gone. I am sorry, Grandpa, that I was not there to hold your hand as you headed toward the light. And I am sorry, Gram, that you barely made it to tell him you loved him one more time. It seemed to happen so fast, and I hate that we were not all there for him in those final moments.
That week was full of preparations. We planned with the funeral home and family started arriving in town. Although it was great to see everyone, it was sad, sad circumstances. After the dust settled, it was just you and me. I wasn’t sure if you would last two days, two months, or two years, without him. You just lost your best friend, and I wasn’t sure you knew what to do next.
It was February 2016. We just lost Gramps. It was snowing. I didn’t have a job yet therefore, we made fires, watched the snowfall, and watched black and white movies all day. We didn’t go out in the cold if we didn’t have to. About a month later, my high school girlfriends talked me into volunteer coaching for the high school softball team. Then one of my college girlfriends offered me a job at a local dairy isle. What a change from the field of education! We had a wonderful summer once the weather turned. We zoomed around town in my little convertible EOS, watching softball games, eating ice cream, drinking wine, and going out to eat at our favorite restaurant, Venango Valley. I reconnected with high school and college friends and was enjoying being with you and being back in my hometown.
Then December came and you broke your hip (the first time). I couldn’t let what happened to Gramps happen to you so I vowed to be with you 24/7 and I broke you loose from the rehab center. Once you were back home, your spirits picked right up, your attitude changed and you were walking around the house with your walker in no time. You became more dependent on me, but I was just happy you were doing well.
That February, after your fall, we both were sad and depressed because of the weather, and we were tired of being cooped up in the house. We needed a change. Therefore, we took off for Florida. It was perfect timing because that is when I met my Prince. You seemed to like him right from the start and that was the beginning of more crazy adventures, but now there was three of us.
Making the change and being able to take care of you led me to so many wonderful things in life. I reconnected with amazing friends and got to spend more time with them. I also met new friends who grew to love you and your presence. And of course, I met my husband. We all miss you more than you know.
(to be continued…)