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Letter to Gram

March 8, 2022 No Comments

As you have read, I took care of Gram for five years before she passed away on February 24, 2021. I have been receiving grief therapy through Hope Hospice since then, and it has been very beneficial to have someone to talk to, not only about Gram but about my sister and dad plus just everyday life. I continue to struggle with the loss of Sweet Gram. I am not sure if it’s because I was raised Catholic, and I tend to feel the “Catholic Guilt” from putting her into senior living for the last three months of her life and not bringing her home when she broke her hip the second time or what. I know healing takes time and there will always be ups and downs when it comes to grief, but I just feel an overwhelming sense of loss when it comes to Gram.

My therapist sent me a video about letter writing. The video has to do with expressing gratitude and increasing happiness but she says the same benefits apply to grief letter writing. She suggested how writing a letter to Gram may help me.

Therefore, I decided to sit down and write a letter to Gram. It is sooooooo long, but I had 45 years of time to write to her about. For some reason, I felt compelled to share it with you. I won’t share all of it at once but here is the beginning. I will continue to share over the next few weeks.

Dear Gram,

I have been meaning to write a letter to you. And I wish I would have said all of this before you left this Earth, but I am telling you now. Ever since I was a little girl you were there for me. You told me several times you were the one who carried me home from the hospital after I was born. We lived with you for a period of time while dad was away in Korea. Throughout my childhood, you only lived three blocks away from me and worked right up the hill from our house. I remember walking home from school and heading straight to the college to see you and mom at work.

Although you didn’t play sports or jump around with us, you were always there to cheer us on and to cheer Gramps on, too. His life revolved around sports…Sports on TV, coaching sports and watching sports. You always said if you had a penny for every bleacher you sat on you’d be one rich lady, and I agree!! As far as I can remember, you were at every one of my basketball and softball games. Even in college when I received very little playing time, you and Gramps were always there.

As a little kid, all I can remember is how positive you were. You wanted us to succeed and you were always very proud of us. You and Gramps were the kindest, loving, and most generous people I have ever known. I remember you always making room for people at the dinner table or lending people a hand when they needed it. The more people that I meet that knew you, the more I see what an impact you had on our hometown community and the students who ventured into the area.

Although you were the small, quiet one, you were always so strong. I remember you getting sick and going to the hospital ONE TIME before you were in your 90s. You never went to the doctor. You just made yourself a Hot Toddy and moved on. Even as you got older you never wanted to go to the doctor and you always said you were fine. You were so strong, but also stubborn.

While I did my student teaching I had the wonderful opportunity to live with you and Gramps. Mom and Dad were hosting Marja from Finland so you let me move in with you. When I came home late and a little tipsy, you never lectured me. You listened to my stories and told me there were leftovers in the fridge for my midnight snack. You were usually up watching the 11 o’clock news and then some black and white film after while Gramps was asleep on the couch. It seemed late at night was the only time Gramps would let you have the remote control! The rest of the day the television was on some sporting event.

After I graduated from college in December, I moved to California. You supported my move and even lent me money to get me started. It took me years before trying to pay you back, which you didn’t accept, of course, but I tried because I appreciated all that you did for me.

Even though I was in California for just a short six months, you, Gramps, and Marja came out to visit. We drove to L.A. to see the Hollywood sign and the stars of fame on the sidewalk. And yes, we even took in another sporting event and went to see the L.A. Dodgers play.

After my six-month adventure in Cali, I settled in Richmond, Virginia for 16 years. We both traveled up and down the interstates more times than we can count. I came home a lot when Dad was battling cancer and got to spend extra time with you, too. The eight-hour drive seemed like nothing compared to being all the way across the country.

When we started worrying about you and Grandpa driving to Florida by yourselves for your winter stay at your condo, I volunteered for the job. Thankfully I was in a position in the school system where I could take the time off to drive you down after Christmas and then pick you back up around Easter. You were sometimes hesitant about going to Florida but you always ended up having a great time and you knew how much it meant to Gramps so you went. You loved Fort Myers but you also loved being in your home in Pennsylvania.

Driving with you was always an adventure. You would sit beside me in the passenger seat and get out your Rand McNally Road Atlas. You would follow along as we crossed state lines and tell me who lived where along the way. You and grandpa remembered so much about so many people. I honestly don’t know how you kept it straight.

Your positive attitude and the love you shared for those around you are what make me miss you so much. I could never repay all the love and support you both offered to me over the years, but I hope I can express to you how much it (and you) meant to me.

(To be continued…)

If you have lost someone special in your life, maybe you will find the strength to pick up a pen and paper and write them a little note about how much of an impact they had on your life. I know it has helped me.

In How We Move

7 Rounds of 7 Legs

March 2, 2022 No Comments

Equipment Needed

a light set of dumbbells (optional)

Weekly Wednesday Workout

Here is the second set of our 7 Rounds series. In today’s workout, you will do seven rounds of 7 reps of four leg movements. Rest as needed in between each round.

Movements for each round:

7 squats
7 lunges (each leg)
7 calf raises
7 straight leg deadlift

How to Do the Moves

For the video of movements click here. Remember there are always modifications. Let me know if you need help or suggestions. Don’t forget the warm-up. Make this workout work for you!

Photo by Lucrezia Carnelos on Unsplash

In Family

Vegas Baby

March 1, 2022 No Comments

For Christmas, we bought Jeff’s two sons concert tickets to see Metallica and Greta Van Fleet in Las Vegas. We like to give them memories rather than material things from time to time. It was going to be a three-day family trip to Vegas to see Jeff’s favorite band.

This concert was the second time all three guys have seen Metallica together. Jeff took them for the first time when they were just nine and eleven. Now look at them, all grown up!

When Jeff was buying tickets, he asked me if I wanted to go. I am not a huge Metallica fan but I am a Yes Woman so, of course, I said yes to Vegas and the show! Needless to say, all of us were excited about the trip.

Although we had some difficulties with our flights being delayed and canceled, we all made it to Vegas by midnight on Thursday. We stayed at one of the newest casinos called Resorts World. The hotel and casino were beautiful! They had about five pools which would have been awesome had it been summertime or the weather just a bit warmer!

Both boys are over 21 now so we had a few beverages at the hotel bar when we all got in. Not much gambling took place the first night as we just scouted the hotel and casino and took a little stroll down the Strip. Friday, after breakfast in the hotel, we decided to walk down the Strip to a few of the casinos. We spent a lot of time in Caesar’s Palace enjoying the shopping and people watching. We also walked through the Venetian. It was like we were in a different world and very similar to my time in Venice. I loved the canals and someday maybe we will have enough time for a gondola ride in Italy. Treasure Island was also very cool.

Once back at the hotel, we hit a few slot machines and roulette tables then got ready for the show. We went down to the House of Blues in Mandalay Bay. Blackened Whiskey sponsored the concert pre-party, and we were only a short walk to Allegiant Stadium. Everyone was excited and ready for the show. We missed the first opening band but got there right in time for Greta Van Fleet. They are a young band but the lead singer has a very distinctive voice similar to the lead singer of Led Zepplin. They put on a great show.

Next up Metallica. The crowd went wild! Even though I didn’t know many of the songs they were great performers, and it was an amazing show. They played all of their classics and a few of their newer songs. It seemed everyone knew all of the words except for me. We were up in the back corner and you could feel the heat from the fire near the stage. I really enjoyed the show and am so glad I am a yes girl.

After the show, we walked back to House of Blues and then got a car to our hotel. We gambled a few dollars away, saw the amazing Luke Bryan at the Craps table, and went to bed. Luke also had played that night at Resorts World. Maybe we will see him again in concert someday.

On Saturday, we made our way to the airport to all go our separate ways back to Florida. It was a memorable weekend with the boys, and I was glad to spend some quality with them. It’s crazy to think I am technically their stepmom. I came into their lives when they were already adults so they did not need another mother or anyone else telling them what to do. Now at 21 and 23, I am excited to be their adult friend and maybe a bit of a mentor should they ever want or need my advice.

I think it’s hard to go into a relationship at any point when there are children involved. I am thankful that we all get along, and that we can spend time together as a family. Although I have only known the boys for a short five years, I am really proud of the wonderful young men they are becoming. They have so much to look forward to in life and are at such a fun age. I remember being 23 and wondering where my life’s journey would take me. They now are trying to figure out what they want to do with their lives and who they want to become.

Even though they probably don’t even think of me as a stepmom, I do hope when they find their significant others, and if they choose to have babies that I get to become Gram, Babcia, Nana, or some type of Grandma-figure. I really can’t wait to spoil the little ones!

All in all, I am counting my blessings that Sweet Gram led me to My Prince which led me to two amazing stepsons. I look forward to spending more time together with them, getting to know them better, and creating more memories together as we take on more family adventures.

In Adventures with Gram

Sweet Gram

February 22, 2022 3 Comments

Can you believe Sweet Gram has been gone almost one year?? On one hand, it feels like it just happened. On the other, it feels like she’s been gone so long. People say time heals all wounds, and maybe that is true but losing Gram has been a real struggle for me.

It’s true our family has been through a lot of loss this past decade. It’s hard to believe that we lost my sister four years ago May 7th, my Dad 10 years ago May 23rd, my Gramps six years ago on February 4th, and my sweet Gram one year ago on February 24th.

All of these losses have taken a toll on my heart. Sometimes out of the blue something happens and it just hits me hard as a rock. A song that my sister and I used to listen to will come on the radio or my dad’s cologne will drift by me in the store. It’s amazing how hard something so little can hit you so hard.

This past year has been very difficult for me. I am not sure why the loss of Gram has hit me so hard but it has, and I still struggle. Maybe because I feel guilty about putting her into the senior living home for her final 3 months. Maybe because I took care of her for five years. Maybe because she was almost like a child to me and also at times my best friend. Maybe because she was a part of my life for 45 years. I miss her little laugh and her loving smile. I miss her advice, her thoughts, and her funny sayings. She was my partner-in-crime. I miss going to get ice cream with her. I am not sure there is anyone else in the world who loved ice cream as much as she did.

The littlest things made sweet Gram so happy. She never complained. And she rarely said a bad word about anyone. She had the most inspiring outlook on life. And that positive, optimistic little lady is what I miss so much. I am not sure there will ever be another one like her.

I guess that is why this past year has been so hard. That little lady carried me home from the hospital when I was born. That little lady was by my side almost every day for the last five years of her life. That little lady was there for every holiday and supported me at all of my sporting events in high school and college. That little lady was my idol. I can only strive to be half as good as my little lady was. I love and miss you sweet Gram.

In Family

Therapy

February 15, 2022 2 Comments

Therapy “is the treatment of a physical, cognitive, or behavioral disorder or illness.” People go to physical therapy all of the time to help with functional mobility. Many people participate in some form of physical fitness to keep their bodies healthy. Yet, people are afraid or feel there is a stigma around going to a psychologist, social worker, or counselor to get help with their mental health.

I am so blessed that I grew up in a generation and had friends who are open to therapy. Many people I know want to be the best person they can be both physically and mentally. And sometimes therapy is needed to become that person.

Seeing a professional isn’t the only way to stay healthy mentally. If you do decide to seek extra help you don’t have to stay forever. You can join a church group or participate in an online forum. You can have ladies’ night once a month, you can meditate, or write in a journal. There are many ways to keep your mind healthy. And these things may work for you most of the time, but there may be a time or two when you need a little extra support.

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

Although I have many wonderful friends that I can talk to and who help me work through things I struggle with, there is nothing like a good therapist. That person is there to listen only to you. She or he may give advice and help you work through the issues by asking leading questions, but they are there for YOU and to support YOU. Therapy for me is my time to be me. To cry if I want to. To laugh. To be mad at someone. It gives me the opportunity to evaluate my feelings by actually saying them aloud. Then I can determine if my feelings are really fair or if I need to change my perspective.

It is hard sometimes to go to therapy, and it may be scary. Sometimes you realize you are projecting your feelings and insecurities onto others. Sometimes you over-evaluate a situation that another person hasn’t thought about since it happened. Sometimes in your head, it may sound rationale but as soon as you say it aloud to someone else, it sounds completely different. Personally, I love having someone to talk through situations with and evaluate how I should be reacting to them. Because honestly although it hurts your heart sometimes you just gotta shake it off!

Whether you believe in therapy or not, I hope you take a little time each day, week, or month to give yourself a little grace and to take a moment to work on yourself and your mental health. Read a motivating passage, write in a journal, or take a walk and feel some sunshine on your face. Do something for yourself and just be.

Photo by Marcel Strauß on Unsplash

In Family

My Valentine

February 8, 2022 No Comments

February. A month of love. A time to celebrate those around you who mean so much to you. A month to start looking forward to spring and getting out of the dark cold winter months. A time to celebrate your Valentine.

It’s hard to believe that I met my Valentine and his wingwoman five years ago on February 11th. I was the new girl at CrossFit Thoroughbreds as you read in our three-part series of How We Met.

When I think back to how it all happened, it was just meant to be. All of the stars had to align for us to meet. If all of those circumstances didn’t line up, I don’t know how or if Jeff and I would have met. And where would we both be today?

The problem with fate is that we don’t even know what is happening until all the cards fall into place. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we need to do and achieve that we don’t take time to enjoy the ride. We get caught up in what we want to strive for next. And sometimes we just need to relax and let what’s meant to be, happen.

I, of course, do not know how Jeff and I would have met had Gram not broken her hip, had we not picked that week to go to Florida, had I not picked that CrossFit gym. What I do know is how grateful I am for the opportunity to go to Thailand, to take care of Gram, to spend the last five years of her life with her, and how grateful I am that she led me to my Valentine.

My Valentine. How I got so lucky I will never know. This guy treated Gram like his own. He loved her with all of his heart and was so patient with her. He persuaded her to do so many things when she wanted to be stubborn and just stay at home. He cared so deeply for her and for me. He tried to do whatever he could to make my job easier and make Gram happier and more comfortable.

If you have spent time with my Valentine you know he is really just about enjoying life. He will fly all night at work then come home, sleep a few hours and be ready for the company arriving the next day. He enjoys celebrating any occasion with others and can’t wait to see his friends at ski week or anywhere else.

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Take this month to celebrate you, your loved one, your friends, and your family!

In Family

Grow Up

February 1, 2022 No Comments

My husband sent me an article called “3 Signs You Are Growing Old Instead of Growing Up” from one of the subscriptions he gets from All Pro Dad. All Pro Dad is a great website for inspiration on how to deal with different situations with your children. Although the website focuses more on men (and dads in particular), I think it can be read by all. We are all growing older, every day. So what do we want to do with our lives going forward? What are our goals for the remainder of our lives? And once we achieve them do we just stop or chase another dream or goal? Or are we satisfied and become complacent? How can we grow up instead of just growing old?

“A good way to grow up instead of growing old is to get out of your comfort zone.”

The quote above says it all. No matter how old or young you are, get out of your comfort zone. Try something new or scary. Be willing to take the leap of faith. Do what you are passionate about. Show your children, your family, or your friends that you are willing to try something that may make you uncomfortable. Grow your soul.

I have a friend who cannot swim. She is afraid of the water but she has put herself out of her comfort zone several times. She enjoys being on the water on a boat and even has a trip planned to spend six days on a catamaran sailing the British Virgin Islands. I am so proud and excited for her. If she wasn’t willing to put herself out there (with a lifejacket of course), she would miss out on the most beautiful waters and sites of the islands. How fun is that?

Jeff and I try to keep our relationship alive and young by complementing each other, staying active, and eating healthy. We want to stay sexy for each other, stay active and athletic so we can leap out of our comfort zone as we get older. We want to be able to try new things like skiing (for me), scuba diving (for us both), or hiking no matter how old we are in years. The more active we stay, the more active we can be as we age. If we become complacent in our lifestyle, those things may not be as easy, and we may not be as motivated to try new things. And anyone who knows me knows I have FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), so I definitely don’t want to grow old!

Wherever you are in your life, don’t be afraid to try new things. Pray on it. Make a list of pros and cons. Get out there and live. Life is too short. Be an inspiration for your partner. Be an inspiration for your children and grandchildren. Get out there and grow up, not old!

Photo by Razvan Chisu on Unsplash

In Fitness and Nutrition

Insecurity

January 18, 2022 No Comments

“The American Psychological Association reports that insecurity is multifaceted. It pertains to an overall sense of uncertainty or anxiety about your worth, abilities, skills, and value as a person, conveying the message that you’re at risk or in danger of something or someone. That negative impact of insecurity could be physical, mental, or emotional. Without security, you can’t accomplish full trust or function to your fullest potential.”

Why do we have insecurity? Are we influenced by outside factors? Is there a way to feel more confident about relationships, our looks, our bodies, our talents, our jobs, and our material goods? Why are we so negative to ourselves? And how do we overcome it? Check out this website.

I try to be a positive person, and I try to count my blessings for all that I have in life and for all the amazing people I have met. But sometimes insecurity creeps in, and I feel anxious, sad, hopeless, or depressed. And that’s when I need to check myself and find ways to overcome it. I feel if you don’t deal with the insecurity it can really pull you into a deep dark place. Because I don’t want to stay in that place of insecurity, I take action to cope with it by talking to my husband, my therapist, or reading some self-help books. One of my favorite authors is SARK. Just picking up one of her books makes me smile. Her website is filled with positive thoughts and reinforcements as well. Two of my favorite books are Succulent Wild Woman and Transformation Soup.

It’s so hard when you see insecurity in others whether it be friends or family members. You want to tell them they have no reason to be insecure because you see all of their amazing qualities even when they don’t see it in themselves. They are smart or beautiful or talented. But when you feel it yourself you understand why others feel that way, too. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe that the most beautiful, famous, successful woman is insecure. We think how can she be insecure when she has it all (or what we think is “all”). But guess what? Insecurities are there for everyone. We just need to figure out how to deal with them in a healthy way.

“Insecurity is a universal experience, but not all people experience insecurity so intensely that it disrupts their life and ability to function. If insecurity is creating unwanted impacts in your mental, social, or physical health, it could be time to take action and address the issue with professional support and assistance” (written by Eric Patterson, LPC).

Somehow we need to figure out how to be more confident and count our blessings. No matter who we are, we have so much. We have our lives, our health, our families, and our friends. We have roofs over our heads, food to eat, and freedom to explore. We need to remember that every situation is just that, a situation. We need to form our response to that situation and that can be in a positive or a negative way. We create our own happiness and security. Positive self-talk, pushing away negative feelings, looking forward to the future, and focusing on the good in this world can make a huge difference.

Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash

In Fitness and Nutrition

New Year, New You

January 4, 2022 No Comments

It seems every January, people make resolutions that they don’t keep. They think it’s a new year, it should be a new me. Instead of being realistic they go for the gold and end up quitting before they even get started. This year, make your resolution mindful and realistic. Reread the post Eat Better and Move Better and focus on becoming 1% better every day. What baby steps can you make to meet your goal? The more steps you take and the more progress you see the more likely you will be to keep going.

It’s hard because, after the holidays and all of the parties and gatherings, you want to be a new you in the new year. But try to evaluate where you are now and where you want to go. Then be realistic about the amount of work you will need to put in. I am not trying to discourage you. I just want you to be honest with yourself. Whatever your new year goals are…what does it take to get there?

Do you want to lose weight? Gain muscle? Run a race? Quit drinking? Quit smoking? Eat at home more often? Eat less fast food? Travel more? Do a Spartan Race or a mud run? Hike a mountain? Ride a bike? Whatever you decide, write it down, and determine your short-term goals. Remember the end goals are like marathons, not sprints. You are not going to lose 10 pounds in 10 days. It takes time. So start small. Start with two pounds a month and by next year the new you will be 24 pounds lighter! And next year, you can continue and soon you are down 48 pounds, and you can keep it off because you have changed your lifestyle and not gone on some fad diet.

I talk a lot in this blog about how we eat and how we move. I first learned to eat healthily at Bill Lawrencen’s Personal Fitness in Meadville, PA. If you are in the area, go now, and start Dream Team. You won’t be sorry. He gets some serious results. You can also participate virtually. Check out the website. To this day, Jeff and I continue eating a lean protein, the right carb, and a healthy fat at every meal. When we eat out, we make as healthy of a choice as we can, and usually, we order fish or lean meat and veggies.

If your goal is to travel more then decide how often do you want to go? How much do you want to spend on each trip? Then make it happen. Do a little each week or month to get you there. Look for deals on airlines. Look at the low-cost carriers. Try to pack minimally and don’t pay for a seat or luggage. There are many ways to travel inexpensively. Also, look at credit cards that give you miles.

Whatever your goals, it’s a new year for a new you. Start small and take baby steps. Jeff and I had our two-year wedding anniversary on December 31st. One of our new year’s commitments to each other is that every month we will do one of the Five Love Languages. We did them the first two years of our relationship but haven’t made a conscious effort on them for the last two years. Each month we will pick a language and make a day of it. To find out your love language and that of your partner or even a family member, click here.

Whatever your goals, I wish you a safe, happy, and healthy new year and new you! Stay strong and be inspired each and every day!

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

In Adventures with Gram

Christmas Without Gram

December 28, 2021 No Comments

2021. Our first Christmas without Gram, our matriarch, our Babcia, our sweet little lady. In her younger days, she was the baker. She made everything from spaghetti sauce, to pumpkin rolls, to vanilla cream pie, to pierogis. She was the last to sit down and the first to get back up and make sure everyone had what they needed.

Christmas without Gram was different. Even though we continued on with many of Gram’s traditions, we missed her smiling face at the end of the table. We missed telling her to sit down and eat. We missed her telling us to put more filling in the pierogis. We missed taking pictures with her in front of the tree. We missed everything about her.

We tried to be present this Christmas without Gram, and we tried to honor and cherish her. We talked about her as we rolled the pierogi dough and decided what to fill it with. We talked about her as we shopped, knowing she would have loved the HUGE Christmas tree at the mall. We asked her to watch over us as we did our traditional “happy thought” on Christmas Eve.

Gram had such an impact on all of those who were lucky enough to have met her. The students from Alliance College still send cards and letters. They share stories with us of both my grandparents. The friends we have from Pennsylvania talk about how much they miss Gram. Friends from Florida talk about how much they enjoyed meeting her and loved seeing her on the boat so many times.

Even though we had Christmas without Gram, I realized how much she is there in all that we do. I realized how much of an impact she had and continues to have on my niece and nephew. Gram’s heart was huge, and I see her light shining through those little ones every day. They smile, they giggle, they laugh. They love making pierogis and baking cookies. This Christmas, we made gingerbread cookies, and they had a blast cutting out the shapes and decorating them. Gram would have loved it. I see Gram’s spirit, as well as my sister’s, shining through in them.

My goal is to keep Gram’s spirit alive by passing down our Polish traditions. I want to show the kids Christmas is not about the presents but about being present in the moment and enjoying each other’s company. It is about Jesus, his birthday, and all that he gave up for us. It is about the Polish tradition of Wigilia. It is about Christmas Eve Mass. It is about waiting all week to open your presents. It is about making pierogis and cookies. It is about spending quality time together with those that you love. It is about driving around and looking at the beautiful and “tacky” Christmas lights.

Although we have several old traditions, we also have new traditions that we are passing on to the kids. They get a gift from their mom every Christmas. My mom has continued her parents’ tradition of getting Lladro for the grandchildren. Gram and Gramps got them for us for 15 years. My mom has started that tradition for her little ones. Jeff and I started the tradition last year of the Christmas snowmen. Jeff built them a cardboard snowman and the kids get presents for each part of the snowman. We try to get them an activity, some clothes, and a toy or game.

In the end, Christmas without Gram was still beautiful and wonderful. We enjoyed the time with the family and the kids. We loved making the pierogis and the mess in the kitchen with our holiday baking. We loved having a family game night. Even though Gram wasn’t with us on Earth we know she was with us in spirit.