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Grief and a Letter

December 20, 2022 No Comments

Last year I wrote a post called “Letter from Above.” A friend told me I should republish it every year around the holidays so I thought I would remind you to check it out. Click on the link above and it will take you back to my letter. I hope it gives you a sense of peace as we embark on this holiday season. Even though the holidays are a beautiful time of year, they also can be very painful for some people who have suffered severe loss. I hope that you have the support you need to get through this season with a smile on your beautiful face and a light of hope in your heart.

As I was wasting time on Facebook the other day, I saw this letter that someone else shared. I also kept the links that will take you to their pages. I thought both of these women were very inspirational. I hope you take some time to scroll through their pages. Just reading a few of their posts made me feel better about myself, my journey, and the losses I have suffered. I hope they do the same for you.

The Soul Journey with Sarah Moussa

A love letter from those who have passed on…

Take the love you have for me

And radiate it outwards

Allowing it to touch and impact others

Take the memory you have of me

And use it as a source of inspiration

To live fully, meaningfully and intentionally

Take the image you have of me in your mind

And allow it to fuel you

To take action

Seize the day

And be reminded of what is most important in life

Take the care you have for me

And let it remind you

To care for yourself fully

And shower yourself with your own love

And take the pain and grief you feel

Following my loss

And alchemize it into

Love, compassion and beauty

Build a castle

From the wreckage of my passing

And allow it to unlock your greatness and potential

And empower you to become more than you ever thought you were capable of being

And know that I can never truly leave you

And will always remain beside you

Watching over you in spirit

And that the love I have for you lives on

Through the connections you form

The kindness and compassion you share

And the future relationships and friendships you cultivate.

And until we are one day reunited

I will remain with you

Through the storms and chaos of life

And am always beside you

Walking with you, laughing with you, crying with you and smiling with you

And I am proud of you for being strong

I am proud of you for being brave

And I am proud of you for being you.

Words by Tahlia Hunter

I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and a very Happy, Happy New Year!

Photo by Álvaro Serrano on Unsplash

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Admiration

August 31, 2022 No Comments

Yes, life can be hard but we need to push past those defeats and look forward to the positive outcomes that are yet to come.

I admire people who choose to smile and shine even after all the storms they’ve been through.

– Positiveoutlooks.com

Photo by Joe deSousa on Unsplash

In Family

Jealousy

July 12, 2022 No Comments

Jealousy is a dangerous trait. According to Wikipedia, jealousy is resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself. Why are we jealous of others instead of being happy for that person’s success and happiness? Although I think we all feel a little jealousy at times, that jealousy needs to be in check. When you were younger maybe somebody got an A on the test and you didn’t. Maybe somebody got a car when they were 16 and you didn’t. Maybe someone got to take a fabulous vacation and you didn’t. Yes, we all experience a little bit of jealousy but usually, it passes or we use it to better ourselves through competition. We study harder to get an A. We work harder to get the car or take a vacation. The problem occurs when that jealousy takes a hold of your life and you can’t be happy with anything that you have and you feel hatred towards people who have worked hard to get what they have.

Jealousy though can destroy relationships. Jealousy can destroy someone’s own self-worth. It can lead to self-doubt and negative talk. None of this is healthy.

It is so hard. I think we are taught at a young age to compare ourselves to others. And if we don’t have what others have then we feel bad about ourselves. Why do we do this?? Does anyone really care what kind of car I drive? And if so, why? It’s a car.

I started reading a book called “Compete Every Day” by Jake Thompson. He states, “We have control of only three things in life: our effort, our attitude, and our emotions.” He goes on to say that it is unsustainable to constantly compare yourself to others. You cannot control them. Comparison is a never-ending rat race. This type of mindset is exhausting.

We need to learn to compete with ourselves. We need to be better today than we were yesterday. Your greatest competition should be with yourself.

When you compare yourself to others you are measuring your worth against what you perceive others to be. Quit sitting around waiting for things to happen to you and choose to take action. Decide what you want to do and who you want to be.

On page 17 he breaks it down by saying that “the problem with comparison is that there’s always someone doing better than we are and that there’s always someone doing it worse than we are. Instead of celebrating the progress we’ve made, we’re miserable, because we still aren’t to the level of someone else. We blame our lack of success on “big risks, lack of experience, bad bosses, snooze alarms, and crazy exes” when if you really look on the inside we need to work on “our fears, our doubts, our self-limiting beliefs, our bad habits, and our toxic relationships.”

Instead of competing with others (who you can’t control) compete with yourself. What do you want to do better than you did before? What goals do you want to accomplish? What steps do you need to take to get there?

At the end of each chapter, he has takeaways. I love this one and need to remember it every day.

“No matter what, you always control your attitude, your effort, and your actions. Blaming someone else when you falter with these three is simply an excuse and a lack of personal responsibility. Own what you control, and do your best every day.”

It’s so simple, yet so complicated. We as humans are full of excuses. We want to blame everyone but ourselves. We need to take responsibility for the careers we chose, the choices we’ve made, and the vacations we’ve decided to take.

In another chapter, he talks about forming your team. You want to surround yourself with people who want to grow and succeed and who want YOU to grow and succeed. We need to rid our lives of those toxic people who are filled with negativity. We want relationships that encourage us, challenge us, and remind us of who we say we want to be. We need to set a high standard for ourselves and live up to that standard. Life is hard enough. We don’t need to be in a circle of friends who pull us down. We need to surround ourselves with people who are happy for the successes we have, happy for the vacations we get to take, and happy for the love we’ve found in life. We don’t need people in our circle who are upset that we smile, upset that we get to go somewhere they have never been, or upset because we are happy and successful.

So, try to move past the jealousy. Take responsibility for your actions and your choices. Praise and be happy for those who are successful and compete with yourself to get 1% better every day!

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

In Pilot's Wife

View from a Plane

May 31, 2022 No Comments

When our family took a vacation, we drove. As a child, I only flew on a plane once. Most of the time, we traveled to South Carolina or Florida to visit other family members and driving was the most economical way to go for our family of 6. We had a conversion van so there was plenty of room for my sister and me and even Gram and Gramps.

When I was five years old, we flew to Texas to see my mom’s best friend. I remember that it was smoky and my ears kept popping. I can’t believe they used to let people smoke cigarettes on the plane. Woah.

I didn’t fly again until my sophomore year in college. I was part of Mercyhurst College’s Women’s Basketball team, and we made it to the Division II Elite Eight finals in Fargo, North Dakota. The team got to fly but all of the parents took a bus. What a long ride! I remember thinking how much more efficient flying was than driving. I loved the view from the plane and looking down at the world from 30,000 feet up in the air. I flew a few more times after that out to California before I moved there but after moving to Virginia, I didn’t fly much. It was just easier to drive home to PA. Driving was never a big deal for me. I enjoyed it for the most part. I had a convertible after 2007 so I loved driving from Virginia to Pennsylvania with the top down and the music up.

Since I met Jeff, my flight time has increased tenfold. I am on a plane every month if not twice a month or more! It’s crazy, but I do love it. I always wanted to be a gypsy, and I definitely am getting my wish.

I love flying now. We have Global Entry for traveling internationally. It makes it super easy to go through customs to come back into the United States. It also includes TSA Precheck which is the most convenient way to travel. No more taking off shoes or taking toiletries or my computer out. It’s easy and usually, the lines are shorter. I couldn’t fly without it. We also invested in the American Express Platinum card. Although the annual fee is high, the benefits make it worthwhile. You get paid back for Clear, Global Entry, TSA precheck, $200 of baggage fees on an airline of your choice, entry into priority pass clubs for you and a guest plus Delta clubs when you fly Delta, as well as an array of other benefits. The lounges make layovers well worth it with free food and beverages in the lounge. We also get Uber credit each month.

Anyway, the view from the plane is one of my favorite. I love watching the sunrise or the sunset from up in the sky. Jeff gets to see the sunrise and sunset from the front window of the plane and he’s talked about how beautiful it is. I love looking down at the houses, and the landscapes of different states. It is absolutely breathtaking. I love the views at night, especially over big cities with the sparkling lights and all of the cars racing through the streets.

Although flying can make many people nervous, I just love it. May has been an extremely busy month of flying. I was in Fort Lauderdale, St. Thomas, Dallas, Knoxville, and Pittsburgh just in the first two weeks! Now I can read, nap, listen to music, or write blog posts instead of paying attention to the road.

In Family

10 Years

May 24, 2022 No Comments

On May 23, ten years ago we lost my dear old dad. As you have read, he was a fighter. He battled lung cancer for nine years. He rarely complained, and he rarely let it slow him down. He kept smiling through any of the pain he was in.

The other night the whole family must have been on my mind because I had a crazy dream that included my mom, my dad, my sister, and Gram. It was so nice to see them all. Gramps rarely visits me in my dreams, which does make me sad because I would love to see him. I don’t know why he doesn’t show up.

My dreams usually jump from one setting to another. Almost like being on a movie set. It was like I was in an airport meeting the family. And then we were all in a few rooms in a hotel. Of course, in my dreams, I was in one of those moods and was ready to sing DREAMS! I think my prince said “noooooo” but everyone else was ready. It really was a great dream. It didn’t make any sense but all of the family was there. And everyone was happy. What I liked most was that it was a kind of a long dream so I got to spend a lot of time with the family. And what I really loved was when I woke up I remembered it because it was so vivid.

I can’t believe it has been 10 years since my father died. I wish he was here to see his amazing grandchildren. He would love watching his granddaughter hit the game-winning RBI. I wish he was here to enjoy retirement with my mom. I imagine they would be traveling all over. I wish he was here to spend the holidays with the family. I wish he was here to meet my husband. He would enjoy relaxing by our pool and seeing his stepgrandson graduate from college. I wish for so many things.

It’s amazing to think that 10 years ago I was only 36 years old when my dad went to heaven. I can’t believe it. I was in such a different phase of life. I am glad my dad got to see me as a successful teacher and coordinator of special education, a house owner, and a woman who wanted to see the world. I believe he was proud of me then, and I believe he would be proud of me now in my role as a former caretaker of Gram as well as my new role as a temporary teacher, blogger, travel agent, fitness enthusiast, slumlord, and pilot’s wife. I miss him so much.

So, dad, I hope you are having a blast up there in heaven. As much as I wish you were here, I hated to see you in pain. I am relieved of that but of course, I wish things were different. I hope you keep coming to us in our dreams. Put your arms around mom every now and again. She could use a great big hug from you. Watch over us and keep us safe. You always did. Love and miss you dad. See you when my time comes.

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Reflect

April 20, 2022 No Comments

I saw this quote on social media the other day and thought it was awesome. Portray in yourself what you want to see in other people. Be what you admire. Be all that you want to be. Have a wonderful Wednesday!!

Attract What you Expect

Reflect What you Desire

Become What you Respect

Mirror What you Admire

Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash

In Pilot's Wife

Pilot’s Wife

March 29, 2022 No Comments

As you know I am a Pilot’s Wife. Many of you may think that being a Pilot’s Wife is a glamourous lifestyle full of travel and adventure. And yes, I must admit that is true most of the time. But if you marry a pilot like mine you are never home! And you have to be independent, flexible, and confident.

When we travel, many times we travel on standby. And some of you think that means we fly for free. That is not the case. Even with standby, there are costs involved. And it varies depending on the airline and how long of a flight we are trying to get on. Yes, it is less expensive but you are not guaranteed a seat. Many times that means hours in the airport or running from one terminal to another to try to catch another flight to get you where you want to go.

I have learned that if you fly standby and you are offered a seat you take it. This also means that sometimes I get a seat and Jeff doesn’t. Or Jeff gets a seat and I don’t. Then you have to resort to backup plans and running from one gate to another. The other thing it means is that we don’t usually get to sit together on a flight. Sometimes I am in the back, and he is in the cockpit. Or he is on one side of the plane, and I am on the other. When you fly standby, you take any seat you can get! And you have to be okay flying next to strangers and not your partner. If possible, the gate agents will try to seat us together but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.

Since becoming a Pilot’s Wife, I have become better at reading departure screens and using travel apps. Our favorite travel app is FlightView. You can see nonstop flights between cities. You can also track flights to see their arrival and departure times. It really is a great app. Another app I like is Kayak. It searches for low fares between destinations. I like to look on Kayak first then book on the specific airline website.

Another thing you need to get used to becoming a Pilot’s Wife is being alone. As you read before there are single people and there are relationship people. You are better at being lonely or better at being annoyed. Jeff and I make a great team because I am better at being lonely and he is better at being annoyed! I was a single, independent woman for 10 years before I met Jeff and became a Pilot’s Wife. I think those years prepared me for my role as a Pilot’s Wife. Jeff will go on trips for work. He may be gone two days. He may be gone for two weeks. And I am home… alone… since Sweet Gram is gone. I am responsible for the many possible mini disasters that usually occur the second he walks out the door. Sometimes the A/C goes out. Sometimes a cockroach scurries across the floor. Sometimes a big ass spider or a little black snake invades my space. And in these instances, I am the one responsible for getting that little creature out.

Being a Pilot’s Wife is a great adventure. I am grateful for the 11 different ski resorts, 20 states, and 6 different countries we have been able to go to over the past five years. I am grateful for the new friends and family members I have met along the way who have become some of my very best friends.

I wouldn’t give up being a Pilot’s Wife for anything. But if being a gypsy, being a big bad bug killer, a game-time decision-maker, a traveler of the world, and a woman of no routine is not your thing, then being a Pilot’s Wife is not for you.

In Family

Therapy

February 15, 2022 2 Comments

Therapy “is the treatment of a physical, cognitive, or behavioral disorder or illness.” People go to physical therapy all of the time to help with functional mobility. Many people participate in some form of physical fitness to keep their bodies healthy. Yet, people are afraid or feel there is a stigma around going to a psychologist, social worker, or counselor to get help with their mental health.

I am so blessed that I grew up in a generation and had friends who are open to therapy. Many people I know want to be the best person they can be both physically and mentally. And sometimes therapy is needed to become that person.

Seeing a professional isn’t the only way to stay healthy mentally. If you do decide to seek extra help you don’t have to stay forever. You can join a church group or participate in an online forum. You can have ladies’ night once a month, you can meditate, or write in a journal. There are many ways to keep your mind healthy. And these things may work for you most of the time, but there may be a time or two when you need a little extra support.

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

Although I have many wonderful friends that I can talk to and who help me work through things I struggle with, there is nothing like a good therapist. That person is there to listen only to you. She or he may give advice and help you work through the issues by asking leading questions, but they are there for YOU and to support YOU. Therapy for me is my time to be me. To cry if I want to. To laugh. To be mad at someone. It gives me the opportunity to evaluate my feelings by actually saying them aloud. Then I can determine if my feelings are really fair or if I need to change my perspective.

It is hard sometimes to go to therapy, and it may be scary. Sometimes you realize you are projecting your feelings and insecurities onto others. Sometimes you over-evaluate a situation that another person hasn’t thought about since it happened. Sometimes in your head, it may sound rationale but as soon as you say it aloud to someone else, it sounds completely different. Personally, I love having someone to talk through situations with and evaluate how I should be reacting to them. Because honestly although it hurts your heart sometimes you just gotta shake it off!

Whether you believe in therapy or not, I hope you take a little time each day, week, or month to give yourself a little grace and to take a moment to work on yourself and your mental health. Read a motivating passage, write in a journal, or take a walk and feel some sunshine on your face. Do something for yourself and just be.

Photo by Marcel Strauß on Unsplash

In Pilot's Wife

My Music

September 21, 2021 1 Comment

Many people, whether they are single or in a relationship love watching movies, television series, and Netflix. And maybe it’s because Jeff and I barely sit still for one minute let alone for an hour or two to watch TV, but the first thing we do when we walk in the house is turn on the music. In Florida, we use our phones to turn on our Sonos system. In Pennsylvania, we either turn on the Sonos Move that we bring with us or Gramps‘ Bose radio. Either way, music is on ALL THE TIME.

I was trying to think of something to blog about, and I thought why not talk about music. I can learn about your favorite songs and maybe you can listen to a few of mine. I love discovering new music so I hope to hear from many of you about some new (or old) artists that I may not know about and may soon love, too.

My Favorite Music as a Child

I was born in 1976. My parents loved music as well and had it on throughout the weekends. We had a stereo and a record player. In my dad’s Bronco, we also had an 8 track player! Some of you youngsters may have to Google all of that 🙂 but we had a good collection of music. We joined BMG records and would get 12 records or audiocassettes and later CD’s for the price of one. It was the best way to get new music delivered right to your doorstep.

My childhood was filled with the sweet sounds of bands like the Eagles, Michael Jackson, Prince, Kenny Rogers, and Credence Clearwater Revival to name a few. My mom loved Air Supply and REO Speedwagon, and I flash right back to my childhood when I hear any of the above artists. One evening at Gram’s House, we were listening to Brown Eyed Girl on the tape player. My sister and I must have hit play and rewind 100 times trying to learn all the words as my parents would sign along and tell us what was coming up.

My First CD

As I got a little older, the music industry came out with CDs. My first CD was the Boomerang Soundtrack. I had a collection of over 100 CDs by the time I went to college (which got stolen from my car BTW). I had everything from Garth Brooks to Shai to Sophie B. Hawkins to Janet Jackson.

My Favorite Song to Sing with my Best Friend

I have had the same best friend since 7th grade. We played softball and basketball together and developed an everlasting friendship to this day. She was a year younger than me and she won’t let me forget it now! But we would ride around the country roads of our town and learn the words to various songs. Our most favorite that we still send pictures of when it’s playing on Sirius XM is Stay by Lisa Loeb. We still know every word because we kept hitting rewind and signing each line until we KNEW every word. We also love Sophie B. Hawkins and the song Did We Not Choose Each Other. Of course, we also rode all over Edinboro with my portable CD player blasting Janet Jackson’s Janet CD. Other high school memories include our softball team being on the bus with the baseball team and every few weeks after a good win we would all sing Friends in Low Places on the way home. I also loved The Jets Got a Crush on You. And my high school girlfriends will still play it for me when we go out together.

My Favorite Song to Sing

If you know me or have been reading this blog for a while then you know my favorite song to sing after a few beers is Dreams by Van Halen. Jeff’s mom had the pleasure of listening to me sing a few weeks ago. Although she laughed and laughed, I am afraid I may have scared her away. Hopefully she comes back for another performance very soon.

My Favorite Artist to Sing that Sounds a Liiiiiitttttttllle Better than Sammy But Not Much

My roommate from college brought a double-disc live CD back from a concert she went to one summer. The artist was Ani Difranco and it was her Living In Clip CD. Ani opened for Bob Dylan that summer of 97 in Boston. Once D brought her into our lives, we couldn’t stop listening to her. We listened to those two CDs over and over again. I can still turn on almost any Ani song and know the words. I love Gravel, Little Plastic Castles, Angry Anymore. Shameless and Buildings and Bridges. My husband says I sound much better singing any Ani song rather than any Van Halen song. So I am going with it.

Other CDs that I wore out in college were TLC’s CrazySexyCool, Sheryl Crow’s Tuesday Night Music Club, and Dave Matthews Band Before These Crowded Streets. Our favorite concert to go to in college was DMB. So much fun!

Music When You are in Love

I believe these songs change over time as you and your partner grow into different stages of your relationship and one song may work for one relationship but if that relationship ends another song fills the void when a new partner is found. Jeff and I love making playlists on Spotify and some of our favorite songs from the beginning of our relationship until now are Written in the Sand, Happens Like That, What Ifs, Unforgettable, Meant to Be, Whole Lot in Love, The Bones, More, and Made For You. We started a playlist when we started dating and made it collaborative so we could add to it as time went on. It’s still one of my favorites. If you don’t have Spotify, you should check it out. For $10-15 a month you can listen to almost any full album by any artist new or old. You can also make and share playlists.

When You Need a Good Cry

This song Show Me Around brings tears to my eyes. It really hit me after Gram passed but it makes me think of my dad, sister, and grandpa as well. If you have lost someone this song can bring you some hope even though it will make you a bit sad, too. Drink a Beer, Watch Over You, and I Will Not Say Goodbye are a few more to put on when you are missing your person.

When You Hang out with Your Girlfriends

My sister and I loved listening to music, too. So many songs and CDs make me think of her. A few of our favorites were The Wreckers, Dixie Chicks, Taylor Swift, Luke Bryan, and Indigo Girls. Whenever I hear an older song from one of these artists, I instantly go back to the moment with my sister. One of our favorite songs, when we were tired of a relationship and needed to be strong and move on, was Fergie’s Big Girls Don’t Cry. We used to love driving around to this song with the top-down on my VW EOS signing at the top of our lungs.

So whatever mood you are in, check out a few of these songs. Also, please comment or email me a few of your favorites! I love listening to all kinds of music, especially new artists. Oh btw, three more artists to check out on YouTube, Spotify, Amazon Music, or ApplePlay are O.A.R, Diamond Dixie, and Amber Patino. Enjoy!!

Photo by Spencer Imbrock on Unsplash