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Our Anniversary

January 5, 2021 No Comments

I know I said I wasn’t going to post this week, but I thought I would share a few thoughts about our day. We spent our actual anniversary with a few of our closest friends at our annual New Year’s Eve party (which we may still be recovering from). But this weekend, we were able to actually spend some quality time together. It is very important to spend quality time together as you read in “The 5 Love Languages“.

After the wedding, we put a bottle of wine, our vows, the shower cards, and the wedding cards into a wooden box we received from my uncle. We determined we would open it on our first anniversary and drink the bottle of wine.

After our friends left, and we got the house back into some kind of order, we decided to have a nice anniversary dinner and open our box. It was a wonderful evening. We had stone crabs and a bottle of our wedding wine which was Witching Hour. We read the cards all over again, which were so pretty and sweet. In the end, we read our vows to each other again. Saying and hearing them again made us both a bit tearful.

Although it was a nice, simple evening, it was very meaningful. We took the time to just sit with each other and remember what a wonderful day our wedding was and how we are so blessed by amazing friends and family members. We can’t thank you enough for being a part of our day. Here’s to a fresh start and a brand new year. Let’s make some more memories!

Now, what to put in the box for next year?!!

In Pilot's Wife

New Year’s Eve!

December 29, 2020 2 Comments

Since we met in 2017, Jeff and I have had an annual New Year’s Eve Party. The first one we had, we had only been dating for a few months but it was about the time we fell in love. I didn’t know many people at the party, but I was excited to meet his friends. The second year, Gram and I had moved to Florida for the winter so I was getting to know more people. We had a few of our mutual friends then one of mine came over with one of his from Lauderdale. It ended up being a small party but still lasted into the morning hours. The next day, we took our house guests out on a boat ride. It was so much fun, and I was so happy to be living in Florida for the winter. And I loved being on the boat on New Year’s Day.

The third New Year’s Eve party (2019) ended up being our wedding. We decided to get married at 8:30 am because the sun rises behind our house, and we wanted to get married on our new dock. We were surrounded by family, friends, and the most amazing weather. I could not have asked for a more perfect day or a more perfect man for me.

After the ceremony, we had a brunch reception around our pool catered by Lena and Chris from Global Event Marketplace. By noon, most of the guests had left, but a few out-of-towners stayed and relaxed by the pool for the afternoon. That evening we had our annual New Year’s Eve party/evening reception. There was plenty of singing, dancing, and laughing.

I can’t believe it’s been almost one year. Even though 2020 has been a bit challenging, we have had a great time being married. We continue to incorporate The 5 Love Languages into our relationship, and we had an awesome time celebrating our monthaversary in a different state every month until Covid-19 hit and traveling came to a brief halt. We went skiing in Park City and Steamboat Springs in January. Then in February, we went to Las Vegas to celebrate our cousin’s 50^th birthday. In March, we were in Virginia to see the family. In April and May, we stayed in Florida but got dive certified as you read in “Break from Gram” and experienced another world underwater.

In June, we made our annual trek from Florida through Virginia to Pennsylvania to Gram’s house, aka our summer home. We did a lot of outdoor activities such as kayaking, bonfires, and go-cart racing with our friends, and maybe a few craft beers from some of our amazing local breweries.

Over the summer, Jeff’s boys, sister, and niece came to visit us for a few days. We showed them our country lifestyle but also drove them to Cleveland to tour the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Even though a few displays were shut down because of Covid, it was still a really awesome experience.

In the fall, we traveled back down to Florida via Virginia. Florida welcomed us with open arms as we fell right back into boating and our Florida way of life. Throughout the year, we had a few scary moments with Gram, but together we pushed through.

All in all, I must say it’s been a wonderful first year of marriage. Although we haven’t gone on an official honeymoon yet, we went to several new places and went on some amazing adventures together. This man has been my rock and my support. He always knows what I need and checks on me when he knows I am getting frustrated or overwhelmed.

I know they say opposites attract and there are definitely things we disagree on, but for the most part, I think he is the male version of myself. And I couldn’t have asked for anything better. We both are willing to help each other out. We don’t keep score of who did what or who made dinner or did the dishes. We both see things that need done and do them. We also are both up for any adventure, and although it is has been slightly limited in 2020, we made the best of it. I can’t wait to celebrate with him on New Year’s Eve and to see what the future has in store for us.

So as New Year Eve approaches and our anniversary nears, I want to say thank you for your loyalty and support as my blog is four months old! Don’t forget to comment and share on social media. Also, as you reflect on the past year, try this exercise below to put things in perspective as Tim Ferris suggests in his “5 Bullet Fridays“. Cherish your family and friends and don’t wait until the time is right. Live life to the fullest always.

Well, friends, it’s time to focus on my hubby and get ready for our annual New Year Eve gathering. Therefore, Tuesday and Friday posts may be missing in the next week or two. Weekly Wednesday Workouts will continue as scheduled. Happy New Year!

Last year, around this time, many of you found the text below helpful. I am including it again, as this what I do every year. Have a wonderful NYE!

I’m often asked about how I approach New Year’s resolutions. The truth is that I no longer approach them at all, even though I did for decades. Why the change? I have found “past year reviews” (PYR) more informed, valuable, and actionable than half-blindly looking forward with broad resolutions. I did my first PYR after a mentor’s young daughter died of cancer on December 31st, roughly eight years ago, and I’ve done it every year since. It takes 30-60 minutes and looks like this:

Grab a notepad and create two columns: POSITIVE and NEGATIVE.
Go through your calendar from the last year, looking at every week.
For each week, jot down on the pad any people or activities or commitments that triggered peak positive or negative emotions for that month. Put them in their respective columns.
Once you’ve gone through the past year, look at your notepad list and ask, “What 20% of each column produced the most reliable or powerful peaks?”
Based on the answers, take your “positive” leaders and schedule more of them in the new year. Get them on the calendar now! Book things with friends and prepay for activities/events/commitments that you know work. It’s not real until it’s in the calendar. That’s step one. Step two is to take your “negative” leaders, put “NOT-TO-DO LIST” at the top, and put them somewhere you can see them each morning for the first few weeks of 2021. These are the people and things you *know* make you miserable, so don’t put them on your calendar out of obligation, guilt, FOMO, or other nonsense.

That’s it! If you try it, let me know how it goes.

And just remember: it’s not enough to remove the negative. That simply creates a void. Get the positive things on the calendar ASAP, lest they get crowded out by the bullshit and noise that will otherwise fill your days. Good luck and godspeed!

In Family

Christmas with Gram

December 22, 2020 No Comments

It’s almost Christmas! I just love this time of year. The holiday lights and the Christmas decorations just make me smile. But is hard to believe that Christmas is here already. 2020 has been an interesting year to stay the least. I hope you stay safe and enjoy your families and friends this holiday season. We will be celebrating Christmas with Gram and the fam.

It is Christmas and the holiday season so it’s time for family traditions. Because we are Polish, we have long had the tradition of making pierogies and then celebrating Wigilia on Christmas Eve. When I was younger, we always went to my grandparents’ house for Christmas Eve dinner then we would go to Midnight Mass to hear my grandparents sing in the choir. They both loved singing and had amazing voices. Too bad that trait didn’t get passed on to me 🙂 (as some of you have heard). But no matter how many pierogies we made (a lot or a little), somehow they always held up dinner. Everything would be ready… the cream of mushroom soup, the sweet potatoes (which I did not like), the mashed potatoes, the corn, and the beer-battered haddock from the freezer section, but we couldn’t eat because someone was still on the skillet warming up the pierogies. I remember thinking there has got to be a better way. I will let you know when we figure it out 🙂 We also broke Oplatek (Christmas wafers) hugged each other and wished each other a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Although we still have many of the same traditions, we have added a few twists. Christmas Eve is still at Grandma’s house, but Grandma is now my mom and she lives in Richmond. We are teaching my niece and nephew to make pierogies although I think they like playing in the dough and flour more than actually making the pierogies but Gram, also known as Babcia to the great-grandkids, supervises and tells us what to do.

We have kept the tradition of having everyone over to grandma’s house. However, the kids are allowed to open their gifts from us and from my mom. This is another new twist as my sister and I were never allowed to open one gift before Christmas morning. We still make a meatless dinner and it’s still the pierogies that hold us up and usually make us late for church, even though we don’t go to Midnight Mass anymore.

Another twist we added was lobster tails. Several years ago, my Grandpa suggested we get them for Wigilia, and ever since then, our family meal has changed. Now we have fresh salmon, shrimp scampi, lobster, mushroom or broccoli cheese soup, and some type of vegetable, and my brother-in-law’s family is in charge of dessert. Although it may not be the traditional Polish meal, it is ours, and I love it.

Another fun tradition we started was driving around to see the lights on the Tacky Light Tour. My grandfather LOVED it. He could not believe the number of lights people would put on their houses. More recently, we have driven through the Illumination. The kids have so much fun hanging out of the windows listening to the music and watching the lights dance.

Even though Christmas can be sad at times because you miss the loved ones that are no longer here on Earth as you read in “Signs From Heaven“, it is still a time to celebrate family, the birth of Jesus, and be thankful for what you have. Whatever holiday you celebrate this winter, cherish your loved ones and enjoy your time around them. What traditions do you and your families have? Please share with us!

In What We Eat

Stuffed Dates

December 18, 2020 No Comments

I actually haven’t made these delicious dates myself, but my friend (who also introduced me to Healthy Cookies) left these in my freezer a few weeks ago. (And I only have two left so that is what I took a picture of) They are a great little treat if you have a sweet tooth. Here is the official recipe. Her suggestions are below. When I make them I am going to use almond butter and dark chocolate chips. I am not a huge coconut fan, but I really enjoyed these.

Ingredients

8 medjool dates
8 tsp almond or peanut butter (or your choice of nut butter)
1/4 cup dark chocolate chips
2 tbsp shredded coconut

Suggestions and Preparation

Start with the recipe above.
Make sure to take out the pit.
You may want to cut dates in half.
Stuff with your choice of all-natural peanut butter, almond butter, or other nut butter.
For the chocolate, buy a bag of your choice of dark or milk chocolate morsels.
Microwave in 30-second increments, stir in between. Skip the coconut oil on the recipe above.
Cover dates with melted chocolate.
Sprinkle with coconut.
Stick them in the freezer when done.
Each 1/2 is one.

Enjoy!!

In Fitness and Nutrition

The BackFlip

December 15, 2020 No Comments

As a child, I was involved in gymnastics. I wanted to be the next Mary Lou Retton and participate in the Olympics. I loved doing and watching the floor exercise. Back handsprings and roundoff backflips were my favorite. I did gymnastics up until eighth grade. (up until age 36, every summer, with the support of my sister, I would do a roundoff backflip in the backyard. I wanted to prove to myself that I was still young.) In my eighth-grade year, I had to make a choice between gymnastics, basketball, and Friday night football games. So as a 13-year-old girl, I realized I wasn’t going to the Olympics so I might as well concentrate on basketball and watch my friends play football on Friday nights.

After all those years of practice, I could never do just a standing backflip. I remember practicing in our living room one night when I was younger. My mom was sitting on the couch. I had taken the huge cushion off of the couch and put it on the floor. I went straight up… and straight back down… landing flat on my face. I may have quit trying after that one 🙂 I don’t know why, but I could never do it. It was beyond frustrating. I could do a roundoff back handspring into a backflip, but just standing there would not work for me.

About a year and a half after starting CrossFit, I felt stronger and more flexible. For some reason, I felt like a teenager again and thought I could do anything I put my mind to. Already I had done the Murph WOD, which is a 1-mile run, 300 squats, 200 push-ups, 100 pull-ups, and another mile run. I figured if I could do that, I could do anything!

One Saturday morning, we were doing back squats at our gym in Pennsylvania. There were usually about 8-10 of us that would do squats then a WOD. One of the women who was squatting that day was a gymnastics coach in our area. I told her how much I loved gymnastics and how I always tried but I could never do a standing backflip. She mentioned I was welcome to come to the studio to do gymnastics anytime to work on my backflip. However, I was feeling confident so I asked if she would spot me over at our stretching mat right there in the gym. I was really nervous because there were several people around, but I was also confident that she wasn’t going to let me land on my head! So we counted to three and can you believe it… I did it!! I was so excited! I think I proceeded to do about five in a row. It was so much fun. I couldn’t wait to call my sister to tell her and to send her the video.

I couldn’t believe I had done it. I was one week shy of becoming a 42-year-old woman and finally did a standing backflip! Thank you to my spot for giving me the confidence to try! And thank you CrossFit Meadville for making me stronger every day!! A lesson learned to never, ever give up on your goals no matter what they are or how old you are! Check out the video of the backflip here!

In Adventures with Gram

Gram’s Condo

December 8, 2020 No Comments

As you read in “The Broken Hip”, I packed up Gram and the cat and took off to spend a few weeks in Florida at Gram’s condo. My grandparents bought the condo in the early 2000s after two other couples convinced them to just do it! All three couples were the best of friends and had been since they were in their 20’s. They would all vacation down to Fort Myers in the winter. My grandparents were the last to buy and the ones to spend the least amount of time down there. The other couples were retired and would spend most of their winter in Fort Myers, but my grandmother was still working. Therefore, they could only go for a few weeks at a time. Gram worked until she was 80 years old because of a change in retirement regulations and health benefits. What an amazing woman!

But as soon as she retired they bought Gram’s condo across the parking lot from their very good friends. My grandfather loved going down every winter. He couldn’t wait to read the paper and eat breakfast on the lanai. He would have stayed down there for six months if Gram would have let him. But she didn’t like change and wanted to be back in her home to watch the snowfall after a few short months.

In 2007, I started working as an administrator for a school district in Virginia. Therefore, I had a bit more flexibility in taking time off of work. Usually, my grandparents would come to Richmond for Christmas. Then I would drive them from Richmond to Fort Myers over Christmas break and then I would go pick them up on Spring Break. We did this for years. I didn’t mind driving, and I definitely didn’t mind getting some sun or lying by the pool for a few days while they got settled into Gram’s condo.

One of the best things about Gram’s condo was that it was an end unit at the end of the development. Next to the condo was a gathering place the residents called “the marina”, which was a place on a small canal with a boat dock and several tables and chairs set up. They would go down there to socialize, have happy hour, and cookout.

That marina holds many memories for my family and me. My grandparents didn’t drink often but they would go down to the marina and socialize. One of the Board Members, we can call him the “Captain”, lived right above my grandparents. He would keep an eye on them as they got older and more forgetful. He would also cookout at the marina, help residents who needed projects done, put up Christmas decorations at the marina, and take people out on the pontoon boat. We knew all the residents but especially my grandparents were in good hands for the winter.

One of my favorite memories of the marina include a family trip we took to the Gram’s condo. I am not sure why we went, but my dad, mom, sister, and I rode down in my mom’s little Toyota Solara. My sister braided my hair in teeny tiny braids in the back seat as we made the 18+ hour drive from PA to FL. Over the next week, we went to Fort Myers Beach, Shrimp Shack, and Rib City. Some of my parents’ and grandparents’ favorite places to go to.

The second memory is when my sister started dating a guy, who would end up becoming her husband. He came with us on a family trip to Gram’s condo. I remember sitting down at the marina and a raccoon came to see what we had to eat. The Captain got his BB gun out just in case the little creature got a little too close. Well, that BB gun turned into a shooting contest. There were wind chimes hanging in the tree, and we decided to see who could make them ding. My dad eventually taught me how to line the dang thing up after shooting into the trees for about 20 minutes. Then for some reason, I was on fire. We would take turns and see who could hit it the most. We had so much fun. Well, I did. Probably because I was winning ….

Needless to say, Gram’s condo holds many, many memories for us. As Gram and I made our way into Fort Myers after her broken hip, I wasn’t sure how Gram would react. This was her first time at the condo without my grandfather. I assumed it would be tough, and she may be emotional, which she was. But being in the smaller setting with the sunshine and the memories of family around us, she nursed her way back to amazing health. In less than two weeks, she was walking without her walker, and it was like the broken hip never existed! She was so strong and inspiring.

While we were there, I realized that the Gold’s Gym I used to go to had shut down. Since I had just started CrossFit, I decided to search for a CrossFit gym. I compared two different ones and decided on CrossFit Thoroughbreds. That Thursday, I went and enjoyed the people and the community. They offered a boot camp on Saturday morning, and I decided to try it. That’s when I met two people, who little did I know at the time, would enter my life to stay and bring some incredible life changes. One was an amazing woman who would later become one of my greatest friends and supporter (who also inspired me to do this blog) and the other was an absolutely wonderful man who would later take in Gram, the cat, and me and ask me to be his wife.

In What We Use

Rogue Fitness

December 1, 2020 No Comments

We love Rogue products.

Since it’s the holiday season, we thought we would do a few posts about the products we use and because we love them, we also applied to be an affiliate. If you order through our links then we may get a small commission, which we would really appreciate.

EQUIPMENT

One of my favorite purchases from Rogue has been my jump rope. During quarantine, I ruined my first one by jumping on the cement. But I loved it so much, I bought another one exactly like it! For Christmas last year, my husband got me this amazing Toomey Edition Women’s Bella barbell. Baby Blue is my favorite. The rowers we use at home and at our gyms is the Concept 2 Rower. We also just ordered the Rogue Vertical Plate Tree. We are working on building our home gym. We love working out with the CrossFit community but it is nice to have the option to do something at home, especially when we feel like sleeping in!

OTHER STUFF

I bought my husband this hat, which he loves. Although I don’t use it as much anymore, I used to use a lot of tape. This goat tape is the best. We also have these Rogue Bumper plates.

We believe Rogue has great quality products. Many of the CrossFit gyms we go to use them as well as people who have created gyms at home. If you decide to order, please go through this link or the Rogue ad below. The links to the products don’t have my affiliate ID in them, but I wanted you to see what we use. Please let us know if you have any questions. Happy shopping!

In Family

Taking a Bath

November 24, 2020 No Comments

We lost my sister in May 2018 after an 18-month battle with cancer (as you read in “About Stacy“). Her kids were five and two at the time, but they still talk about her all the time. They love looking at pictures of her and hearing stories about her. I wish I had more videos of her to show them. When we visit my family in Virginia, at least one night our niece and nephew usually spend the night with us at my mom’s house. It gives their dad some time to himself and gives us more time to spend with them. One night, I had the fun opportunity to give my niece and nephew a bath.

Though I remember taking baths as a child with my sister, I don’t believe I have ever given a baby a bath. I never had children of my own and my stepchildren are adults. So this was an amazing opportunity for me, and I felt blessed to be able to do it.

After playing outside all day, the kids needed a rinse. Though I figured the bathroom would be a sloppy mess by the time we were done, I didn’t care. They had no toys. Only each other, a cup to wash their hair, and me. They tried to pretend they were swimming. They poured water on each other. My nephew even peed in the water! We all had the best time laughing and giggling. It was so much fun giving them a bath!

My niece practiced holding her breath underwater. And my nephew didn’t mind water in his face either which is a huge step for both of them. Once they were washed and started getting more water on the floor than in the tub I told them it was time to get out. I dried them off and helped them into their pajamas.

We combed their hair, brushed their teeth, and then cuddled on the couch. Though it was a very simple evening, it was one that I will always remember. Their laughs and innocence make my heart so happy. I am so blessed to be able to spend time with them.

Although I am not their mother, I felt inspired that maybe for those 15 minutes I filled a void for them of having a young female presence doing something ordinary with them. My intention is never to replace their mother but to build memories with them as their aunt and as a young female role model.

In Fitness and Nutrition

Sub This for That

November 17, 2020 No Comments

As you read in “Eat Better and Move Better“, we try to maintain a healthy lifestyle by eating whole foods and working out. We try to stick to it about 90% of the time. Yes, we still drink alcohol. Yes, we still go out to eat. Yes, we still have high energy carbs outside of our “window”. But most of the time, we try to be mindful of how and what we are eating. We have found that we can easily sub this item for that item, and we eat foods that are lower in calories and higher in nutritional value.

I wanted to do a post to explain a few things you can do in your kitchen to help yourself if you want to start a nutrition journey. These simple replacements are better for you and will save you some calories. So try to sub this for that and see how you feel!

It may take some time to get used to the new products, but once your palate is used to it, you won’t even notice the difference.

Please note, I am not a nutritionist. These are some things we have learned over the years that work for us so I wanted to share our knowledge.

If it’s in the house, you are going to eat it.
Moderation is key.
You can still eat relatively healthy when you go out to eat (if you make good choices)
Bad food decisions are usually made when you are drinking 🙂
Food prepping helps tremendously.

First of all, you should go through your pantry and refrigerator and get rid of any food that may tempt you -aka that delicious bag of potato chips 🙂 Then plan out your meals for the week for each day. Six small meals a day is ideal. Make your grocery list. Shop and meal prep! If you don’t buy bad foods then you cannot eat bad foods. It all starts at the grocery store. Stay on the outskirts of the store where the fresh food is. Below are a few simple substitutions you can make.

SUBSTITUTIONS

Sub this…… for that

liquid protein flavors for coffee cream/sugar or creamer (We like Quest Salted Caramel or Vanilla) (Premier Protein has some amazing flavors as well)
avocado oil butter for butter
unsalted grass-fed stick butter for salted margarine (Cabot)
unsweetened almond, coconut, or cashew milk for cow milk
Quest protein bars for other snack bars
coconut sugar for white sugar and sugar substitutes such as Sweet and Low
coconut or almond flour for white flour
all-natural peanut, almond, or cashew butter for peanut butter
cage-free, organic brown eggs for eggs (if you can get them straight from a farm or chicken even better)
whole wheat instead of white bread
Ezekiel muffins/bread is even better (made with sprouted wheat)
water, tea, coffee, green tea instead of soda/pop/Coke
extra virgin olive oil or coconut oil for butter or margarine for cooking
dressings made with olive or avocado oil instead of creamy salad dressings (use sparingly)
homemade balsamic even better
avocado oil mayonnaise instead of Miracle Whip or mayo
Bragg’s liquid aminos for soy sauce
cauliflower rice for rice
quinoa for rice or noodles
protein, veggie, or edamame noodles for white noodles
vegan cheese for cheese or make your own cheese
homemade Vegan Cheddar Cheese
homemade Mozzarella
low-fat cottage cheese for regular cottage cheese (2-4%)
plain non-fat Greek yogurt (sweeten with honey and a flavored protein powder) for flavored yogurt
cage-free egg whites for eggs beaters
plant-based wraps or wheat wraps for flour tortillas
mashed cauliflower for mashed potatoes
sweet potatoes for white potatoes
dark chocolate (70% cacao or higher) for milk chocolate (a small piece a day is okay)
kettle-cooked potato chips for chips if you just can’t resist
do not buy and please throw away any products with high fructose corn syrup in them, here’s why

I hope this helps. There is always a good, better, or best option. For example, fries are an option. Choosing sweet potato fries would be better. Subbing a side salad or a vegetable such as broccoli is best. So try to sub this for that and see how it goes. Let us know if you have found any other substitutes that you enjoy.

In Adventures with Gram

She Goes Where We Go

November 10, 2020 No Comments

While Gram has been limited in what she can do and how fast she can go, she has usually been up for an adventure. She goes where we go. When we do something fun or go on an adventure, people always ask, “what did you do with Gram?” We can’t leave her home alone so we take her almost everywhere we go. Our friends know when we come to visit, it’s me, my husband, Gram, and even sometimes the cat.

As you read in “How Did I Get Here“, I have been taking care of Gram for almost five years. In that time, Gram has probably flown on more planes and been on more adventures than she had the previous 91 years of her life. And for that, I am thankful and blessed. Gram goes where we go, and I am sure we probably wear her out, but she just keeps ticking like the Energizer bunny. So strong and inspiring.

Although we know we need a “Break from Gram“, we also know if she goes where we go, she will enjoy it. We all will. Sometimes she takes more coaxing to start the adventure, but almost every time she says thank you and has a huge smile on her face at the end. Since 2016, she has hiked Cooper’s Rock, done shot ski’s in Copper Mountain, sat on the beach in the Outer Banks and Virginia Beach, been on our boat for over 140 hours, sat in between us on the golf cart, and spent hours in the car driving back and forth from Florida to Pennsylvania. Whether our adventures are up and down the East Coast or just a jaunt in the car to the nearest ice cream shop she always seems to have a good time.

Then it happened. This summer, Gram got weaker. It all seemed to have started with a sore on her ankle. Then her right leg was numb so she was getting up several times a night trying to “walk it off.” I was so tired and frustrated. Getting up to walk around on a numb leg just isn’t a good idea. It was then that I started doubting my abilities as a caregiver. Could I continue doing it and keep her safe?

She became more and more wobbly and unsteady. One morning she fell and hit her head. We ended up having to take her to Med Express for stitches. By the time we got there, she didn’t even remember she had fallen.

About a month later, we had five days of respite care (through Hospice), and although we wanted her to go where we went, we also wanted a few days away. Well, when we picked her up 4 days later, she still had the same socks on she went in with. They had her in a hospital gown instead of the clothes I sent with her. Her food was to the side of her bed and completely untouched. She wasn’t up, dressed, packed, or even close to being ready to go home. I was there 30 minutes getting her out of bed, to the restroom, washed up, and into her clothes. Not one person came by. Next, I realized her toothbrush was still in the wrapper. I was LIVID, to say the least.

After that, gram got weaker still. She started having trouble walking even short distances. She started using a walker. Because she had been in the bed for so long, we had to make her walk short distances to try to gain some strength back.

Towards the end of summer, her congestive heart failure started filling her with fluid. She was having a very hard time breathing, and we were scared she wasn’t going to make it. She was so weak, and we were worried we were going to lose her. Hospice was wonderful again, got her some medications, and Gram, the superwoman that she is, nursed her way back to health.

Gram definitely isn’t as strong as she once was and it definitely is getting harder on us as caregivers. She is slower, she is more forgetful, she is weaker, and she is even having trouble standing up. We are so blessed to have had all these wonderful years with Gram, but caregiving is getting harder and harder. She still goes where we go, but it takes a lot more effort and takes a lot more time. She gets worn out more quickly. She needs a wheelchair more often than not. She doesn’t want to go as much anymore either. And we realize it is hard for her and on her body. Sometimes we wonder if we are pushing too hard or expecting too much.

Over the past two months, I have realized that Gram doesn’t really want to get out of bed anymore. Even when we were visiting her daughter and great-grandchildren, she would say “just leave me in bed.” It hit me that she didn’t realize that she was missing time with the kids or her own daughter. Even though she asks about my mom and the kids all the time, she showed little effort in wanting to spend time with them and that made me so sad. I know in her heart she wants to be a part of it all, but in her dementia brain, she could care less.

This realization made us start seriously thinking about getting extra help with Gram. We found a lady who seemed perfect and jumped right in helping Gram, but three days later she quit saying the job was more difficult than she had anticipated. This made us realize that it was time to consider a memory care facility. We do not want to do this by any means, but we can’t take the chance that a caregiver is going to quit on us again, forcing us, and Gram to start over again with another new face in the house . We are also wondering if Gram just wants to sit and do nothing. Does she try so hard to keep moving because she doesn’t want to disappoint us or let us down?

Although I can’t imagine taking her to a facility and dropping her off, we are not confident that we can keep her safe at home. We are so torn. I have been crying on and off for two weeks now. I took her to get her hair done and she could barely make it to the door. We took her to the store, and she could barely get in the car. We took her to sit out by the pool and she tried to get up by herself and fell. We cannot keep our eyes on our 24/7, and we just don’t know what to do. We also know Gram has lived an amazing life, and we want to live ours, too. Does Gram just want to sit in a chair all day? Does she just want to dream of her lost loved ones? Are we pushing her too hard to push herself? We understand that this may be one of the hardest decisions we have to make, and we really don’t want to make. We are scared and nervous and worried about how she will adjust. We are scared, nervous, and worried about how we will adjust. But it appears “life changes” are on our doorstep.

Has anyone had to make this type of decision? What did you do? How did you decide?

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