I love this quote because I quit my job, moved to Thailand, came back, started caring for my Gram and the journey led me to My Prince. Today is his birthday, and I can’t wait to celebrate him and the amazing man he is. So thankful for my journey.
You don’t always need to understand your journey in life, you just need to trust that you’re going in the right direction.
-Steven Aitchis
Photo by Clemens van Lay on Unsplash
Family. What can you say? Family can be fun. Family can be frustrating. Family can be crazy. I have spent the last four weeks helping my husband and my sister-in-law move their mom from Texas to West Virginia and then to Florida. We’ve flown to different states and driven through a few more. We found a couple of apartments, waited on moving trucks, unpacked boxes, repacked boxes, moved furniture, hung pictures, opened and closed accounts, and needless to say had a few drinks at the end of the day. But for now, all is well. Fingers crossed 🙂
Family is a crazy thing. Some days are good. Some are bad. Some family members are there for you whenever you call upon them. And some are not. Sometimes family is supportive and sometimes they are exhausting. And sometimes they may talk behind your back yet will have no problem asking you for help.
Whatever your family is, whether you were born into it, adopted, or whether you chose to make others your family, just remember you don’t have to be taken advantage of. Family is there to love you, support you, to offer advice and encouragement. Family is not there to put you down, to make you feel bad, or to make you feel like you are doing something wrong.
Sometimes family members may not mean to make you feel bad but maybe they have other issues such as mental health conditions, depression, or dementia. And this can cause stress on your relationships with them and others. Gram, who never wanted to be a burden, caused us stress in a different way as we were constantly worried about her health and well-being. If this happens, try to open the lines of communication (if the family member is mentally capable). It is usually better to talk it out. Ignoring the problem really isn’t going to fix it. If something is bothering you then try to get clarification as oftentimes there might just be a misunderstanding or confusion within the situation. Hopefully, you can discuss the problem and come to a solution instead of holding a grudge for some misunderstanding. If mental health is in the way then you can help your family member with finding resources so they can get the help they need.
So, in the end, choose the “family” that makes you shine. Choose the family that is there for you. Choose the family that calls just say hi. Choose the family that makes you laugh. Choose the family that makes you feel good about being you. And that family can be whomever you want them to be!
When our family took a vacation, we drove. As a child, I only flew on a plane once. Most of the time, we traveled to South Carolina or Florida to visit other family members and driving was the most economical way to go for our family of 6. We had a conversion van so there was plenty of room for my sister and me and even Gram and Gramps.
When I was five years old, we flew to Texas to see my mom’s best friend. I remember that it was smoky and my ears kept popping. I can’t believe they used to let people smoke cigarettes on the plane. Woah.
I didn’t fly again until my sophomore year in college. I was part of Mercyhurst College’s Women’s Basketball team, and we made it to the Division II Elite Eight finals in Fargo, North Dakota. The team got to fly but all of the parents took a bus. What a long ride! I remember thinking how much more efficient flying was than driving. I loved the view from the plane and looking down at the world from 30,000 feet up in the air. I flew a few more times after that out to California before I moved there but after moving to Virginia, I didn’t fly much. It was just easier to drive home to PA. Driving was never a big deal for me. I enjoyed it for the most part. I had a convertible after 2007 so I loved driving from Virginia to Pennsylvania with the top down and the music up.
Since I met Jeff, my flight time has increased tenfold. I am on a plane every month if not twice a month or more! It’s crazy, but I do love it. I always wanted to be a gypsy, and I definitely am getting my wish.
I love flying now. We have Global Entry for traveling internationally. It makes it super easy to go through customs to come back into the United States. It also includes TSA Precheck which is the most convenient way to travel. No more taking off shoes or taking toiletries or my computer out. It’s easy and usually, the lines are shorter. I couldn’t fly without it. We also invested in the American Express Platinum card. Although the annual fee is high, the benefits make it worthwhile. You get paid back for Clear, Global Entry, TSA precheck, $200 of baggage fees on an airline of your choice, entry into priority pass clubs for you and a guest plus Delta clubs when you fly Delta, as well as an array of other benefits. The lounges make layovers well worth it with free food and beverages in the lounge. We also get Uber credit each month.
Anyway, the view from the plane is one of my favorite. I love watching the sunrise or the sunset from up in the sky. Jeff gets to see the sunrise and sunset from the front window of the plane and he’s talked about how beautiful it is. I love looking down at the houses, and the landscapes of different states. It is absolutely breathtaking. I love the views at night, especially over big cities with the sparkling lights and all of the cars racing through the streets.
Although flying can make many people nervous, I just love it. May has been an extremely busy month of flying. I was in Fort Lauderdale, St. Thomas, Dallas, Knoxville, and Pittsburgh just in the first two weeks! Now I can read, nap, listen to music, or write blog posts instead of paying attention to the road.
I saw this quote and felt it really hit home for me. Love the life you have. Find the positives wherever you can.
I have found that if you love life, life will love you back
-Arthur Rubinstein
Photo by Katarzyna Grabowska on Unsplash
On May 23, ten years ago we lost my dear old dad. As you have read, he was a fighter. He battled lung cancer for nine years. He rarely complained, and he rarely let it slow him down. He kept smiling through any of the pain he was in.
The other night the whole family must have been on my mind because I had a crazy dream that included my mom, my dad, my sister, and Gram. It was so nice to see them all. Gramps rarely visits me in my dreams, which does make me sad because I would love to see him. I don’t know why he doesn’t show up.
My dreams usually jump from one setting to another. Almost like being on a movie set. It was like I was in an airport meeting the family. And then we were all in a few rooms in a hotel. Of course, in my dreams, I was in one of those moods and was ready to sing DREAMS! I think my prince said “noooooo” but everyone else was ready. It really was a great dream. It didn’t make any sense but all of the family was there. And everyone was happy. What I liked most was that it was a kind of a long dream so I got to spend a lot of time with the family. And what I really loved was when I woke up I remembered it because it was so vivid.
I can’t believe it has been 10 years since my father died. I wish he was here to see his amazing grandchildren. He would love watching his granddaughter hit the game-winning RBI. I wish he was here to enjoy retirement with my mom. I imagine they would be traveling all over. I wish he was here to spend the holidays with the family. I wish he was here to meet my husband. He would enjoy relaxing by our pool and seeing his stepgrandson graduate from college. I wish for so many things.
It’s amazing to think that 10 years ago I was only 36 years old when my dad went to heaven. I can’t believe it. I was in such a different phase of life. I am glad my dad got to see me as a successful teacher and coordinator of special education, a house owner, and a woman who wanted to see the world. I believe he was proud of me then, and I believe he would be proud of me now in my role as a former caretaker of Gram as well as my new role as a temporary teacher, blogger, travel agent, fitness enthusiast, slumlord, and pilot’s wife. I miss him so much.
So, dad, I hope you are having a blast up there in heaven. As much as I wish you were here, I hated to see you in pain. I am relieved of that but of course, I wish things were different. I hope you keep coming to us in our dreams. Put your arms around mom every now and again. She could use a great big hug from you. Watch over us and keep us safe. You always did. Love and miss you dad. See you when my time comes.
I believe listening is a hard task for most of us. What we need to try to do is listen without judgment, without thinking about what we are going to say next.
The kindest thing you can do for someone else is listen without forming an opinion.
– Lori Deschene
Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Mothers. Mothers. Mothers. They come in all shapes and sizes. Biological mothers, adoptive mothers, stepmothers, fur baby mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers. Some people have wonderful relationships with their mothers and some have no relationship at all.
The definition of a mother starts with one who gives birth, adopts, or raises a child. But being a mother is more than just giving birth or raising a child. It is teaching your children right from wrong. It is giving them opportunities to explore their own wants and needs. It is letting them experience a little bit of life on their own while they are young so that when they grow up they have the tools needed to succeed.
Now the definition of success may mean different things to different people. And sometimes what you want your child to succeed in doesn’t meet your expectations. Maybe you wanted your child to have babies so you could be a grandma but that didn’t happen. Maybe you wanted your child to go to college and they didn’t. Maybe you wanted them to build a house on the same farm you grew up on and they moved away. When expectations are not met, it can be very hard on relationships. And disappointment can set in.
Most mothers want more for their children than they do for themselves. They want to see their children happy. They want to see their children reaching for and achieving their dreams. They are the cheerleaders behind their children. They are there to pick them up and brush them off when they fall. They are there to tell them everything is going to be alright. And sometimes the mothers need to tell themselves that from time to time. And most importantly, mothers need to take care of themselves first so they can be the best caretakers to others.
In any situation, we need to embrace the positive. Check out these 21 Characteristics of a Good Mother. Take a moment to click on the link. Not only can it help you in motherhood but just overall in being a good human being.
“If we are not happy, then we can’t expect them to be either. A good mom is one who is always positive and looks on the bright side of things. This doesn’t mean that she is always happy, but she can find something good in every situation.”
Find your positives and embrace them in every situation. Happy Tuesday and Happy Mother’s Day Week!
Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash
We are so programmed to want more and more. Let’s look at our lives and want what is really important. Get rid of the unnecessary “stuff”.
I feel like I should want more but I don’t. I want less. Less stuff. Less rushing. Less stress. Less noise. Less unnecessary baggage.
-unknown
Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash
Mitchell Tenpenny’s new song called Horseshoes and Hand Grenades is the inspiration for this post. The first time I heard the chorus it brought tears to my eyes. Jeff and I were driving, and I just wanted to burst into tears. Instead of letting my tears fall, I held back. I am not sure why. I guess I felt like Jeff wouldn’t understand. He would be confused as to why I just started crying for apparently no reason. He never met my dad so he wouldn’t know that one of my dad’s favorite sayings was “close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.” Therefore, the song brought back memories of him and all the hurt I feel that he is gone.
I am not sure why my dad liked that saying so much. Maybe because we played sports, and we would say “that was close.” And he would say “close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.” And it wouldn’t count. What he meant is it doesn’t matter if you are “close” to hitting your target or “close” to winning the game. In the end, you still missed or lost. Therefore, “close” doesn’t count except in the game of horseshoes, which I have never played so I am not sure I truly understand! But what my dad wanted from us was to work harder and be better.
I miss my dad so much. Next month it will be 10 years since he left this Earth. He was one of the most amazing people that I know. He was the baby of six children and from what I understand, he didn’t have the best childhood. I was told he was a great basketball player, but also a bit of a rebel. I think he got into drinking and smoking at a pretty young age. My mom fell for him, and they got married shortly after high school. She must have seen his true heart through his tough exterior. One of my dad’s best friends recruited him into the Army, and like many in that generation he went. I was born two years later. After serving four years and being stationed in various places, we returned to our small hometown. My parents made a wonderful life for my sister and me. We grew up in a small rural town where we still have the strongest ties to amazing family and friends, which is why Jeff and I decided to buy Gram’s House.
I guess every little girl thinks their dad can do no wrong, especially when they lose them at 36 years old. After surviving his childhood, building a life for his family, and working two careers after the plant in our town shut down, he got diagnosed with lung cancer at age 51. My dad was so strong and possibly so stubborn that he fought that damn cancer for nine years. He continued to work and drive for hours a day. He went to chemo and radiation and fought so hard that he was able to walk my sister down the aisle even after his lung collapsed. How he did it I will never know. He never seemed to get down, and he never showed us that he was scared. He was so strong. Some days it seems so unfair. It seems he fought his whole life and then his sweet life ended at 60.
So, when the Horseshoes and Hand Grenades song came on it took me back to my childhood. It took me back to all the amazing memories of my dad. Even though it brought tears to my eyes and made me sad that he isn’t here to share my life with now, I am grateful that that song made me think of him. I am thankful to have the memories and that those memories came back to me for a little while that day and almost every day.
As you know I love therapy and thinking back to that moment in the car, I do wish I would have let my emotions go. We are so accustomed to hiding our feelings, especially sadness from other people. We are taught by society that we need to be strong and not cry. Sometimes holding back can make your pain worse. We do need to give in to the tears and sometimes we just need to have a really good cry.
When something triggers an emotional memory for you, try to take the time to recognize the pain. Let the tears flow if you can. I have attached an article on how not crying can be harmful to your physical and mental health. Sometimes you need to postpone a cry. Pull yourself together for the moment but then let yourself go when you feel comfortable. We also need to recognize that even if triggers make us sad for a moment, don’t let them pull us down the emotional rabbit hole. We do need to pull ourselves back together. If we can’t then professional help may be needed.
In the end, thank God for the trigger and for the memories. Be thankful that for a moment in this fast-paced life of ours you took a few minutes to stop and remember your loved one. Then wipe the tears from your eyes and live your life to the fullest like your loved one would want you to.
Photo by Jeff Smith on Unsplash