life changes Archives - Page 12 of 16 - Inspired & Strong | Making the Best of Every Day with Stacy

Today would have been Gram’s 98th Birthday! She was only a year and a half short. What an amazing life she lived and what wonderful things she saw over those 96 years. Can you even imagine all the changes that occurred from 1924 to 2021???

Speaking of change, a few things have changed since Gram left us here on Earth. My Rock and I bought Gram’s House from my mom last year right before Gram’s birthday. When we got here this summer, we decided to update a few things around. We wanted to make the house a little bit more “ours” and a little less “grandparent-looking”. I started by painting some of Gram’s old furniture. I used an oil-based primer called Stix and Red Ochre Chalk paint. We didn’t want to spend money on furniture that wasn’t really needed, but we wanted a fresher look. Although I am not much of an artist, I think they turned out pretty good if I do say so myself! Changing paint color and hardware can make such a difference. We also got a new dining room table and chairs from Jeff’s mom as well as some new area rugs that have really made a difference. One of my very good friends helped me reupholster the chairs. I could have never done it without her! I think they are awesome!

We hired a contractor and had a beadboard ceiling installed in our three bedrooms and little bathroom. We had those rooms and the front room painted. Jeff also did some work on our front porch. We had a new carpet installed, and he updated the posts that were falling apart. We also changed the door handles from gold to bronze and updated the electrical outlets from cream to white. No one probably will ever notice except for us but we love the little changes!

Another project that we loved was restoring a picture I found in my grandparents’ basement. It had some mold and water damage to it but it was a beautiful picture of the Hotel Rider. The Hotel Rider was a huge hotel that sat on the hill in Cambridge Springs, PA. It was constructed around 1895 but burned to the ground in 1931. My grandparents were very involved with Alliance College and the Hotel Rider became the college in 1912. Not sure where the picture came from but it was in pretty bad shape. We took the picture to Eva Art Conservation in northern Virginia hoping she could save it. She spent hours upon hours and a couple of years on our picture but the end product is absolutely amazing! She was wonderful to work with, and I highly recommend her if you need any art restored. I think Gram would be so happy that we have this beautiful picture hanging in our fireplace room. She used to tell stories of how she saw the hotel burning from her farm when she was seven years old. We even have pictures of the fire that we need to get framed.

Another change that occurred was the selling of Gram’s Condo. I was very torn about selling the condo. My grandparents loved going to the condo. It was such a part of them and it was the place where Jeff picked me up for our very first date. My therapist reminded me that since my grandparents are gone, I will not be making any more memories with them in the condo. The memories I have are already made and will always be with me. Although we loved having an extra spot for people to stay when they came to town, we decided it was time for it to go. We had started renting it in 2021 and just didn’t want to have to deal with the nonsense anymore.

We aren’t sure that we really need another “house” but Jeff and I are hoping to find something small in Richmond so we can be closer to my mom and the kids. Although I know my grandpa would be a little disappointed that we don’t have the condo anymore, I think he would be very happy that we want to be closer to family, and that we sold it at the top of the market.

So, Gram, I hope you have the most wonderful birthday up in Heaven celebrating 98 years. I know you will all be together for a great birthday bash! I hope you enjoy the changes we are making down here, and we wish you were here to see them for yourself. Please tell everyone we love and miss them. Can’t wait until you visit again either in my dreams or as a beautiful cardinal.

In Adventures with Gram

Letter to Gram IV (The End)

August 30, 2022 No Comments

Here is the End of my letter to Gram. If you missed it, start from the beginning with Letter to Gram then Part II Change, and Part III Frustration. We felt we couldn’t take good care of Gram anymore so we made the difficult decision of putting her in a memory care unit.

Dear Gram,

They told us not to come back for two weeks. I am not sure that was the best thing for you but we followed directions. When I came back you were very upset with me for putting you into the home. It was the only time in my life where I have seen you that upset and that mean. You were so upset. It was a sight I never wanted to see again. Of course, it made me doubt everything we were doing.

I didn’t want to put you into a home. I wanted to keep you with us. I wanted to keep taking you on new adventures, and I wanted you to live to be 100 years old! I thought if anyone could make it, you could.

You were in the home for about three months. Sometimes you seemed really happy there and others you were sad and wanted to come home. They told us they usually had a lot of activities with music and socializing but because of Covid-19 they couldn’t do it. I don’t know if these activities would have helped you. I don’t know if you would have participated or not. You only told us that everyone in there was old and all they did was sleep! Pretty funny coming from a 96-year-old who enjoyed napping as well. But you were used to being with people half your age so I understood where you were coming from.

In January, Jeff and I went skiing. Within our travels, we ended up getting Covid. We didn’t want to spread it through the senior living center so it was another 10 days before I could see you. I came back the day you got your second Covid vaccine. You took it like a champ, and we spent a few hours enjoying the sunshine on the back patio. I shared pictures of our ski trip and you told me how much you missed the snow. Then you told me to go home.

That evening we were out to eat when we got another dreaded phone call. You had fallen and hit your head. We raced to the hospital to be with you. Because of Covid, I was the only one allowed to go back into the room with you. I was seriously disappointed in the senior living center. They called me and said they were taking you to the ER. When I got there no one was with you. They just handed the ER nurse some paperwork and let you go. You had dementia. Yes, you would know your name and your date of birth but you couldn’t tell them what happened. You didn’t know. You barely remembered that you fell when I got there. I am so grateful that I was in town so that I could come to be with you. It astonishes me the way these facilities treat people and just send them to the hospital alone.

You were so scared and blood was all in your hair. After several x-rays and scans, the doctor told me your head was alright but you broke your right hip again. And since you already had it replaced once there was nothing they could do but give you pain meds and send you back home.

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to take you home so bad and I think that is part of my regret and guilt. I think that is why I am having such a hard time letting you go. I knew the only chance of you getting better was if I took you home and nursed you back to health. And I was so torn. Did you want to stay on Earth with us? Or were you tired of getting drug around from place to place? I was scared also that I would be back to 24-hour care. I was scared I wouldn’t be able to help you. How much could I take on? How much could you take of trying to rehab your hip again? Would you survive it? We decided to take you back to the senior living center.

We met you back at the senior living place. We told all of the staff that your hip was broken and to please tell the next shift. We gave them the order for pain meds. It was the middle of the night so I was not hopeful that any of this would happen.

I came the next morning and again told the staff about your hip. The meds hadn’t been ordered yet. We did get you up and in your wheelchair. Your leg was swollen you were in a lot of pain. I am sorry if we did too much too soon. The doctor did not give us any instructions. He just said it would be painful but to try to make you move. I didn’t want you to just lay there but I don’t know how much we should have moved you either. I was at a loss.

The new head nurse at the facility was not a nice person, and she was not happy that you were back in their care. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. I was afraid you were going to get kicked out. And maybe that would have been the best thing to happen. The next two weeks were awful. You were in so much pain. The staff was mishandling you, and I felt helpless. Hope Hospice was wonderful. They came and took care of you and tried the best they could to keep you comfortable. You just wanted to go home. And I am truly sorry that I didn’t bust you out and bring you home sooner. Two weeks later, you were gone.

The day before you passed I made arrangements to bring you home. I couldn’t take you being in that home anymore. And I felt so guilty for not taking you home right away. You weren’t eating, you were fading away. You were barely talking. You said they were mishandling you. You were pissed at me. I knew I had to do something. Hospice again was wonderful and made arrangements for a hospital bed in the home. You would be there the next day. I had it set up so you could look outside and see the pool. I was so glad you were coming home. We came back and visited you again that evening.

But we were too late. At 4:30 am on February 24, 2021, I got the phone call. You were gone. My heart was broken. I know they say people go when they want to go. Maybe you didn’t want to burden me to care for you 24/7 again. Maybe you didn’t want to put me through the pain of watching another family member enter Heaven from home. Maybe you would have made it if I would have done it a day, two days, or a week earlier. I don’t know the answers to these questions. I just know from my own guilt that I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to be there to hold your hand when you took your last breath. I wanted you to be in your favorite spot right by the pool one more time. I wanted Kuma, the crazy cat, to be snuggled beside you, too. But these are my wants and my guilts and honestly, I don’t know how to get over them. I am so so sorry that I wasn’t there for you in those final moments like you were always there for me. Please forgive me.

So, there you have it, my letter to Gram. All of my guilts and thoughts and failures. And there are so many who have told me that I gave her five wonderful years that she wouldn’t have had without me and in my head, I know she was tired of fighting and being dragged around by us and just wanted to be with her “daddy” (as she called Gramps) in Heaven, but my heart hurts so bad sometimes I can’t take it. I just miss her so much. I miss her cute smile, her laugh, and her positive attitude.

And in my head, I know that bringing her home earlier may not have made any difference. Not putting her into Senior Care may not have made a difference or may have had a more terrible outcome. I guess all I can say is that I am sorry that I disappointed you, Gram. I love you with all my heart and miss you terribly. Please forgive me.

In Pilot's Wife

My Rock

August 23, 2022 No Comments

I know I have written about my Prince a few times, but these past few months have been extremely hard for us, and Jeff has been my rock. I don’t know what I would do without him. He is always there to listen, to love me, to tell me I am being too sensitive, and to support me when I need to scream. He picks me up when I am down. He squeezes me when all I need is a huge bear hug. I honestly don’t think I could have found a better match for myself. And I thank Sweet Gram every day for breaking her hip (the first time) which led us to Fort Myers so our path would cross with Jeff’s path.

Since March we have been dealing with a few different family situations. Some with his and some with mine. We have had to make some difficult decisions. We have had to make excessive travel plans. We have had to move things more than we have wanted to. And in doing this Jeff has been my rock. It has been a challenge to our relationship because we are dealing with so many outside factors. We know that all we can control is our attitude, our effort, and our actions. We know within all the chaos, we need to make time for ourselves. We need to put each other first (which at times we both forget) and work on solving problems together. Sometimes we need to consciously stop and check in with each other, which we do.

I think the hardest thing for us is that we both care a lot about our family. I think we both want that family like Blue Bloods where they sit down for their Sunday dinner and have difficult conversations but always support each other. We want everyone there. His family. My family. Even our family-in-law. We always want to be in two places at one time. (Probably more me than him because I have FOMO but….)

Jeff and I are finally realizing that if people want to spend time with us, they will make time for us. They will look for a way to get there to see us whether it’s to drive, fly, or meet us somewhere. Those that care will find a way and will make plans with us. And those that don’t, well we have learned it is their loss, not ours. And we realize that sometimes travel plans are hard to make but we also know where there is a will, there is a way.

Jeff and I are social beings. We love spending time with family and friends. We love being a part of a group and having a bond with others. When others welcome us with open arms, it makes us feel like we are on top of the world. We love spending time with people who love to laugh, who love to give, and who are interested in us and what we are doing or have done in our lives. We love those who love to live life to the fullest.

Although we have had some rough times we also have been very blessed to have some really amazing times with some really wonderful and amazing people. It’s sometimes hard to believe we have such wonderful friends and family we have in our lives. And it seems we just keep meeting more and more wonderful human beings. I cannot thank everyone enough who have welcomed us with open arms. You make our hearts happy!

In Family

Hometown Heroes

August 16, 2022 No Comments

About four months ago, our small town decided to honor our hometown heroes with military banners that would be hung all around our town. My mom and I decided to donate to the cause. My dad was in the Army and my grandfather was in the Navy. In our travels up and down the east coast, Jeff and I had seen banners in other small towns. His uncle Larry was honored in his hometown of Follansbee, WV. I was so excited our town decided to become a part of this wonderful experience.

The banners started being hung around town in June. We weren’t back in town yet but one of our friends sent us a picture and told us where they were. They looked amazing! Once we got home we drove downtown, and there they were! Gramps and Dad hanging high. Our community leader spent hours on these banners. She was hoping for 50 flags and our town ended up with 217, one even representing the Civil War. How amazing!

Our community leader strategically hung the flags near the family or near the route the families were most likely to take. Ours is located at the bottom of our road. Every time we head into town, we get to see them. I know it’s weird but I usually say, “there they are,” or “hi guys” every time. Eventually, it will probably get old but for now, it makes me extremely happy and proud to see them up there high above the town.

This program seems to be spreading through many towns throughout the United States. The banners honor past and present military members. Families usually donate towards the cost of the banner and the brackets to hold the banner. I think it’s wonderful, and if your town hasn’t started this program I hope they do soon.

Although we don’t know all of the 217 people who are honored in our community, we feel such a sense of pride every time we drive around town. I just love that so many families decided to donate and get their banners hung. It means so much. I think Gramps and Dad would be honored to see their faces flying high above our town.

In Family

My Sister

August 8, 2022 2 Comments

Happy Birthday in Heaven Little One

I have written a few posts (The Dreaded C Word) about my amazing little sister and how we lost her at the young age of 38 after an 18-month battle with an aggressive cancer. I started this blog two years ago on her birthday with one of my favorite posts In the Bathroom with Gram. My blog has changed over the past two years, and I want to thank you for continuing to follow me on my journey as this blog and I evolve.

When you first started following me there were daily inspirations, my Adventures with Gram, Weekly Wednesday Workouts, and Friday Fixins. Then I would write a post or two about Family and Travel.

Last year, on my sister’s birthday, I changed it up a bit and started Weekly Wednesday Words along with Tuesday posts about anything from Gram to Travel to being a Pilot’s Wife. My posts became more sporadic because without having sweet Gram to take care of Jeff and I are Never Home. Last year, I started traveling as much as my husband who flies for a living. Therefore, it has been hard to keep up with my writing. It seems there is very little downtime! I hope you still enjoy my posts as much as I still enjoy writing them when I get the time to write. Please share my blog with your friends and family on your social media, especially those posts you find uplifting or motivational.

So here we are again on August 8^th, and today my sister would have been 43. It’s still so hard to believe she’s gone. A lot has changed over the past four and a half years. The kids are now almost 10 and seven. How did that happen?? They are the cutest and most amazing little humans. I am so blessed to be their aunt. We continue to travel to Virginia about every other month to see their sweet faces. They are happy, social, and involved in activities. It is really wonderful to see.

My brother-in-law stays busy as well and also is very happy. I believe my sister is smiling down from Heaven. I know she wants to be here in person to squeeze those little ones and to raise them beside her husband’s side. But since she cannot be here I know more than anything she wants all of us to be happy. She would want her husband to find someone to love and share his life with, she would want me to pursue my dreams of seeing the world with the amazing husband I found, she would want her mother to be happy doing activities she loves and find friendships she enjoys (and maybe even a significant other to share her life with), and she would want her children to run around, be active, explore their passions, and express gratitude and kindness towards all. She would want wonderful women in their lives to love them, to teach them, and to show them how important it is for life to be lived.

We all still miss my sister every day. We miss her smile and her sweet demeanor. She was one of a kind. My husband and I started a scholarship for her at our hometown high school. The young woman that we picked this year wrote a wonderful essay on why she should receive it. Then she wrote us a lovely thank you card with these words.

I am so honored to have received the Scholarship. I am so thankful for the generosity of you both and the support to pursue my dreams. I am beyond proud to resemble her character even in the slightest; I’ve heard amazing things about her. My gratitude is endless, thank you.

It meant the world to me that she took the time to apply for the essay and then write us such a sweet note. It brings tears to my eyes. This is what I want the community of Cambridge Springs to remember about my sister. Since she is not here I feel it is up to me to tell stories of how amazing of a person she was. I want everyone who didn’t have a chance to meet her to know her and love her as much as we all do. I want her memory to live on. I want everyone to remember her name. And when they see it, I want them to think of her and smile.

In Family

Jealousy

July 12, 2022 No Comments

Jealousy is a dangerous trait. According to Wikipedia, jealousy is resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another’s success or advantage itself. Why are we jealous of others instead of being happy for that person’s success and happiness? Although I think we all feel a little jealousy at times, that jealousy needs to be in check. When you were younger maybe somebody got an A on the test and you didn’t. Maybe somebody got a car when they were 16 and you didn’t. Maybe someone got to take a fabulous vacation and you didn’t. Yes, we all experience a little bit of jealousy but usually, it passes or we use it to better ourselves through competition. We study harder to get an A. We work harder to get the car or take a vacation. The problem occurs when that jealousy takes a hold of your life and you can’t be happy with anything that you have and you feel hatred towards people who have worked hard to get what they have.

Jealousy though can destroy relationships. Jealousy can destroy someone’s own self-worth. It can lead to self-doubt and negative talk. None of this is healthy.

It is so hard. I think we are taught at a young age to compare ourselves to others. And if we don’t have what others have then we feel bad about ourselves. Why do we do this?? Does anyone really care what kind of car I drive? And if so, why? It’s a car.

I started reading a book called “Compete Every Day” by Jake Thompson. He states, “We have control of only three things in life: our effort, our attitude, and our emotions.” He goes on to say that it is unsustainable to constantly compare yourself to others. You cannot control them. Comparison is a never-ending rat race. This type of mindset is exhausting.

We need to learn to compete with ourselves. We need to be better today than we were yesterday. Your greatest competition should be with yourself.

When you compare yourself to others you are measuring your worth against what you perceive others to be. Quit sitting around waiting for things to happen to you and choose to take action. Decide what you want to do and who you want to be.

On page 17 he breaks it down by saying that “the problem with comparison is that there’s always someone doing better than we are and that there’s always someone doing it worse than we are. Instead of celebrating the progress we’ve made, we’re miserable, because we still aren’t to the level of someone else. We blame our lack of success on “big risks, lack of experience, bad bosses, snooze alarms, and crazy exes” when if you really look on the inside we need to work on “our fears, our doubts, our self-limiting beliefs, our bad habits, and our toxic relationships.”

Instead of competing with others (who you can’t control) compete with yourself. What do you want to do better than you did before? What goals do you want to accomplish? What steps do you need to take to get there?

At the end of each chapter, he has takeaways. I love this one and need to remember it every day.

“No matter what, you always control your attitude, your effort, and your actions. Blaming someone else when you falter with these three is simply an excuse and a lack of personal responsibility. Own what you control, and do your best every day.”

It’s so simple, yet so complicated. We as humans are full of excuses. We want to blame everyone but ourselves. We need to take responsibility for the careers we chose, the choices we’ve made, and the vacations we’ve decided to take.

In another chapter, he talks about forming your team. You want to surround yourself with people who want to grow and succeed and who want YOU to grow and succeed. We need to rid our lives of those toxic people who are filled with negativity. We want relationships that encourage us, challenge us, and remind us of who we say we want to be. We need to set a high standard for ourselves and live up to that standard. Life is hard enough. We don’t need to be in a circle of friends who pull us down. We need to surround ourselves with people who are happy for the successes we have, happy for the vacations we get to take, and happy for the love we’ve found in life. We don’t need people in our circle who are upset that we smile, upset that we get to go somewhere they have never been, or upset because we are happy and successful.

So, try to move past the jealousy. Take responsibility for your actions and your choices. Praise and be happy for those who are successful and compete with yourself to get 1% better every day!

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Teamwork

June 29, 2022 No Comments

I am not sure if it was because my grandpa was so involved in sports or if it was in my DNA, but I love being a part of a team. I enjoy camaraderie and fighting for a common goal. The people I have met at different sports camps and along the way will forever have a place in my heart. Sports instilled in me the willingness to work with other people. That has helped me throughout my career as a teacher as well as a caregiver and a wife.

Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision, the ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.

— Andrew Carnegie

Photo from Unsplash

In Adventures with Gram

Letter to Gram III (Frustration)

June 14, 2022 No Comments

This is post III of my letter to Gram. I told you it was LONG!! If you are just joining us, head on back to check out Letters to Gram I and II (Change). Writing this letter was very therapeutic for me and maybe writing a letter to your lost loved one will help you, too. Reading these letters again as I edit this post about Gram and my frustration just brings tears to my eyes. I miss that little lady so much.

Last week, my husband and I were blessed to have one of my Gramps‘ former basketball players and his wife at our house for an overnight stay. They were so close to my grandparents that they called them “Mama and Papa”. Hearing their stories of my grandparents and seeing the love in their eyes just touches my heart. My grandparents were the most amazing people and influenced so many lives. Even though I had over 40 years with them I wish I had more. I wish I would have had the pleasure of knowing my grandparents as young adults.

And now to continue on with my Letter to Gram….

Dear Gram,

After our trip to Florida where we met Jeff and Virginia to visit the family, we settled in for the northwest PA spring. That summer, I started working at Bill Lawrence Personal Fitness and took you with me many times. Everyone loved saying hi and chatting with you. You were such an inspiration because you had to climb up two flights of stairs to get to the gym every time we went. Thank you for letting me drag you along. I know it must have been more difficult and frustrating than you led on, but I think you enjoyed being around people even if they were 40 years younger than you.

Over the next three years, we had many great adventures. Jeff and I got more serious, and he asked us to move to Florida for most of the year. We became Sunbirds and started going to Florida for the winter and Pennsylvania in the summer. We flew more times those last five years of your life than you did the whole 91 years before. Even though you were becoming forgetful and on medication for dementia, you still remembered all of the family members and all of the former Alliance students as well. You were happy and willing to do almost anything we asked of you. Rarely did you show any frustration or anger.

In 2018, we lost my sister to cancer. You were upset that it was her and not you. You didn’t understand how or why these things were happening. We vowed to spend more time with the kids and mom in Virginia so we traveled up and down the highway even more.

Soon, you became less independent. I couldn’t leave you for an extended period of time. You started falling from time to time and once even had to get seven stitches put in your head. Jeff and I got engaged, and although we loved taking you with us, we wanted some time for just us. I remember starting to feel a bit resentful and frustrated about having to stay home with you (and boy, do I regret that now) when we couldn’t find anyone to relieve us of our caretaking duties. What I wouldn’t give to spend another beautiful day with you just chilling by the pool.

Even though we had many great talks in the bathroom, I was starting to get down. I wanted to travel more. I wanted to be able to pick up and go and not worry about finding someone to stay with you. I didn’t feel like I had any help except for my Prince, my cousin across the street, a wonderful friend from elementary school, and some amazing, caring teenagers. My caregiving job was getting harder and harder, and I felt like I was not being fair to you.

I feel terrible about how frustrated I would get sometimes with you. I didn’t know how to stop and breathe and just let it go. I didn’t know how to not be selfish. I didn’t want to resent my husband for getting to go while I had to stay home with you. And I didn’t want to resent you for having to stay home. And yes, I know there are worse things than having to sit and watch Wheel of Fortune with you. Honestly now, I wish you were here so we could relax by the pool while Jeff ran around like a gypsy!

I just wanted help. I wanted a granny nanny who could be on call when we needed her and who would treat you like we did. I know plenty of families who had nannies. Could it be that hard to find someone to stay with you? I didn’t think it would be.

We searched Care.com and interviewed tons of people. We found one lady who actually worked with you for about two weeks. I was so happy to have help and to have someone we could trust when we wanted to take a trip. But then she quit. We interviewed more people but no one seemed right for the job. I guess the task is different from asking someone to care for a child and asking someone to care for an elderly woman.

After discussions with mom and Jeff and after you fell again when I was on the other side of the pool, we decided that a senior living center was probably our only option. We wrote you a letter and you agreed that it was time to go. We told you that you would have your own apartment and you seemed really excited about it. We dropped you off and when we left you were all smiles. It was such a relief. I really hoped you would enjoy being in a place where you could relax and not be drug around with us. I was hoping you would make new friends and thrive in your new living environment. But the next three months were some of the most difficult for me and probably for you, too. Please know that leaving you in the senior living center was one of the hardest things I have had to do.

Deciding when to be a caregiver and when to give it up is a very personal and difficult decision. As a caregiver, you do need to put yourself and your relationships first. That way you can be the best caregiver to those you are caring for. There are many decisions to weigh and lots of options out there. Do what is best for you!

There is still one more letter…the story continues.

In Family

Mothers

May 10, 2022 No Comments

Mothers. Mothers. Mothers. They come in all shapes and sizes. Biological mothers, adoptive mothers, stepmothers, fur baby mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers. Some people have wonderful relationships with their mothers and some have no relationship at all.

The definition of a mother starts with one who gives birth, adopts, or raises a child. But being a mother is more than just giving birth or raising a child. It is teaching your children right from wrong. It is giving them opportunities to explore their own wants and needs. It is letting them experience a little bit of life on their own while they are young so that when they grow up they have the tools needed to succeed.

Now the definition of success may mean different things to different people. And sometimes what you want your child to succeed in doesn’t meet your expectations. Maybe you wanted your child to have babies so you could be a grandma but that didn’t happen. Maybe you wanted your child to go to college and they didn’t. Maybe you wanted them to build a house on the same farm you grew up on and they moved away. When expectations are not met, it can be very hard on relationships. And disappointment can set in.

Most mothers want more for their children than they do for themselves. They want to see their children happy. They want to see their children reaching for and achieving their dreams. They are the cheerleaders behind their children. They are there to pick them up and brush them off when they fall. They are there to tell them everything is going to be alright. And sometimes the mothers need to tell themselves that from time to time. And most importantly, mothers need to take care of themselves first so they can be the best caretakers to others.

In any situation, we need to embrace the positive. Check out these 21 Characteristics of a Good Mother. Take a moment to click on the link. Not only can it help you in motherhood but just overall in being a good human being.

“If we are not happy, then we can’t expect them to be either. A good mom is one who is always positive and looks on the bright side of things. This doesn’t mean that she is always happy, but she can find something good in every situation.”

Find your positives and embrace them in every situation. Happy Tuesday and Happy Mother’s Day Week!

Photo by Xavier Mouton Photographie on Unsplash

In Family

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

April 26, 2022 2 Comments

Mitchell Tenpenny’s new song called Horseshoes and Hand Grenades is the inspiration for this post. The first time I heard the chorus it brought tears to my eyes. Jeff and I were driving, and I just wanted to burst into tears. Instead of letting my tears fall, I held back. I am not sure why. I guess I felt like Jeff wouldn’t understand. He would be confused as to why I just started crying for apparently no reason. He never met my dad so he wouldn’t know that one of my dad’s favorite sayings was “close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.” Therefore, the song brought back memories of him and all the hurt I feel that he is gone.

I am not sure why my dad liked that saying so much. Maybe because we played sports, and we would say “that was close.” And he would say “close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.” And it wouldn’t count. What he meant is it doesn’t matter if you are “close” to hitting your target or “close” to winning the game. In the end, you still missed or lost. Therefore, “close” doesn’t count except in the game of horseshoes, which I have never played so I am not sure I truly understand! But what my dad wanted from us was to work harder and be better.

I miss my dad so much. Next month it will be 10 years since he left this Earth. He was one of the most amazing people that I know. He was the baby of six children and from what I understand, he didn’t have the best childhood. I was told he was a great basketball player, but also a bit of a rebel. I think he got into drinking and smoking at a pretty young age. My mom fell for him, and they got married shortly after high school. She must have seen his true heart through his tough exterior. One of my dad’s best friends recruited him into the Army, and like many in that generation he went. I was born two years later. After serving four years and being stationed in various places, we returned to our small hometown. My parents made a wonderful life for my sister and me. We grew up in a small rural town where we still have the strongest ties to amazing family and friends, which is why Jeff and I decided to buy Gram’s House.

I guess every little girl thinks their dad can do no wrong, especially when they lose them at 36 years old. After surviving his childhood, building a life for his family, and working two careers after the plant in our town shut down, he got diagnosed with lung cancer at age 51. My dad was so strong and possibly so stubborn that he fought that damn cancer for nine years. He continued to work and drive for hours a day. He went to chemo and radiation and fought so hard that he was able to walk my sister down the aisle even after his lung collapsed. How he did it I will never know. He never seemed to get down, and he never showed us that he was scared. He was so strong. Some days it seems so unfair. It seems he fought his whole life and then his sweet life ended at 60.

So, when the Horseshoes and Hand Grenades song came on it took me back to my childhood. It took me back to all the amazing memories of my dad. Even though it brought tears to my eyes and made me sad that he isn’t here to share my life with now, I am grateful that that song made me think of him. I am thankful to have the memories and that those memories came back to me for a little while that day and almost every day.

As you know I love therapy and thinking back to that moment in the car, I do wish I would have let my emotions go. We are so accustomed to hiding our feelings, especially sadness from other people. We are taught by society that we need to be strong and not cry. Sometimes holding back can make your pain worse. We do need to give in to the tears and sometimes we just need to have a really good cry.

When something triggers an emotional memory for you, try to take the time to recognize the pain. Let the tears flow if you can. I have attached an article on how not crying can be harmful to your physical and mental health. Sometimes you need to postpone a cry. Pull yourself together for the moment but then let yourself go when you feel comfortable. We also need to recognize that even if triggers make us sad for a moment, don’t let them pull us down the emotional rabbit hole. We do need to pull ourselves back together. If we can’t then professional help may be needed.

In the end, thank God for the trigger and for the memories. Be thankful that for a moment in this fast-paced life of ours you took a few minutes to stop and remember your loved one. Then wipe the tears from your eyes and live your life to the fullest like your loved one would want you to.

Photo by Jeff Smith on Unsplash

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Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

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