I love this quote and have been saying it over and over to myself. All we can do is react with the knowledge that we have at the time and move forward with what we know. We can’t regret the decisions we’ve made in the past.
You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Don’t let new wisdom lead you to condemn yourself over old struggles. Forgive yourself and move forward.
~ Morgan Richard Olivier
Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash
Why is it that people keep going back to toxic relationships? If a significant other, family member, or friend treats you with disrespect and/or rage, then why stay in that relationship? Why keep interacting with that person when the same thing keeps happening? Isn’t that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome?
My Valentine and I try to live our lives with the least amount of stress and the most amount of fun. Yes, sometimes we don’t make the best decisions. We stay up too late when we know we have important things to do in the morning, travel too much, and therefore sometimes don’t foster the relationships we have in one area, and are too much alike to stop each other from making some not-so-good decisions. But we usually do these things because we are having so much fun at the moment. In the end, we rarely regret the late nights and the fun we have with our amazing friends and family. And maybe some people would call that toxic, while we call it life.
But I guess I am talking about how when other people are not happy in their own lives, or within themselves, they take it out on you. Because they are in a sad state because of a situation and their negative reaction to it, they find you an easy target. They know they can disrespect you and you will keep on taking it. You will call them back. You will forgive and forget. You will move on like nothing happened. And half the time they don’t even admit they were wrong. And why? Because you understand that they were in a bad space and that it truly wasn’t personal against you. You know they didn’t mean what they said or did. So you are able to move on because you have learned through your own self-help articles and therapy that many people lash out because of what is going on inside of them. You know it rarely has anything to do with you. And even though you know all of this in your head it still can make you sad sometimes.
Toxic people are tough. They are your family or very good friends. They have been with you through thick and thin. You have good times with them. You laugh with them. You find hope that finally the situation will turn around. But somehow something happens that triggers the negative response. And because you are a healthy person inside you understand their toxic ways. But because you understand them and try not to take their rudeness to heart, does that mean you need to continue to put up with it? Because they are in a bad place does not give them the right to take it out on you when you have done nothing wrong.
It’s hard because many times these toxic relationships start with jealousy and envy. Their lives didn’t turn out the way they had planned or were hoping and because you have some of what they don’t, they feel like they can be angry with you. Instead of taking responsibility, helping themselves, and figuring out how to improve their lives, they want everyone around them to feel worse. Toxic people have a way of seeing the world negatively and they believe their life sucks. (Please read this article.) They can’t seem to figure out that:
“Life is amazing. Even when it sucks, it is amazing, and we should be grateful for every moment.”
— Hal Elrod
I know it’s tough, and I give credit to those of you who have cut the toxic relationships out of your life. You are very strong people! To those of you living with toxic relationships, I hope you know it isn’t about you. I hope you can see what a wonderful person you are and what a wonderful person your loved one is (if only they could see it in themselves). I hope you can lift yourself up, and I hope you don’t pass the toxicity on to other happy people in your life.
Photo by Obie Fernandez on Unsplash
As you know I am a Yes Woman. Therefore, I get myself into all kinds of jobs and I have yet to figure out how to make any supplemental income doing them. So here we go again. Another transformation. I decided to work with a friend, Taylor Beckett, as a travel agent. I have had my travel agent number for a while, but I am hoping, under his leadership, I can figure out how to earn trips for my hubby and me and discover some great deals for my family and friends. So follow me on Instagram and email me if you need help planning your next trip!
(Here is a link to his new book about becoming a travel advisor if you are interested.)
Because of this new opportunity, I started updating my LinkedIn profile, which has not been updated in about six years. I started following a page that gives daily inspiration. I read a post the other day, and I had to share parts of it with you. If you’d like to read the whole article click here.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“Your journey, your story, is uniquely yours. When you wake up each morning, remind yourself that you are the author of your own narrative. The words of others are like the wind – they can push you back or propel you forward, but only if you raise your sails. Choose to raise them towards positivity, towards growth and self-belief. Let the winds of opinions swirl around you, but never let them steer your course. You are stronger than you realize, capable of weathering any storm with resilience and courage. Stand tall, dear reader, and know that in the vast landscape of life, your voice, your choices, and your actions are what truly define you. Embrace this truth, and watch as you transform not just your own life, but also become a beacon of inspiration for those around you. Let’s embark on this journey together, with hearts full of hope and minds brimming with the power of choice. (Taken from the Leadership-Daily Inspiration post).”
I thought this article was amazing. We are so filled with self-doubt, and we let the words of others impact our self-perception. But we need to remember we do not need to listen to those opinions. There is a difference between constructive criticism and making yourself better, and hurtful words and opinions that can tear you down. Choose what you listen to and choose your transformation.
I’ve said it over and over: we cannot control the words or actions of others. All we can control is our reaction to those words or actions. We can hear them and tuck them away or we can let it destroy us. We can move on from the person’s actions, or we can let it pull us down a deep dark tunnel.
Let’s learn to make that transformation from seeing the negative to believing the positive. We have a choice each morning. Are we going to wake up and thank God for what we have: a roof over our heads, a loving family, great friends, a working automobile, and our ability to walk, to talk, to move? Or are we going to wake up pissed off because there are clouds outside our window, the dog needs to be taken out, and our friend didn’t call us back?
Seriously, my friends, life happens. Sometimes good and sometimes bad. We all could list the negative things we’ve been through every day. We can rehash the past events of loss, death, cruel words, insecurities, and self-doubt. Or we can dance like no one is watching and sing like no one is listening (which is how I sing Dreams!) and count our blessings. Let’s remember we only have one life (that we know of). And it is short. How do we want to live it?
What we need to do is stop comparing our lives to others. Life is too short to be upset that your friend has a nicer car or a bigger house or more money. Does it really matter? None of this materialistic stuff is going with us at the end. So live within your means, take the trips, make the memories, and live your best life for YOU!
I have said it many times. Love this life. It’s the only one you have. Choose to live it well.
“Love the life you live. Live the life you love.”
– Bob Marley
I don’t know about you, but I LOVE music. My Rock and I rarely have the TV on but the first thing we do when we get home from the gym is turn on music. We both love it. I am unsure if he hears and feels the words as much as I do, but the lyrics mean so much to me. I’ve always had power songs for different stages of my life.
Maybe you don’t know what I mean by Power Song. To me, it’s any song that makes you feel good about yourself. A song that makes you happy! A song that makes you feel like you are on top of the world. One that makes you dream, one where you can quit your job, give that presentation, ask for that raise, or tell your significant other to hit the road.
When I was younger and dreaming of love, I listened to Janet Jackson and her albums Control and Janet. I felt like I could find a man where I could be a strong independent woman and he would love me for who I am and stand by my side. I remember my best friend and I waiting for the video to come out for her song “Again.” It was just as we pictured it.
How can I be strong?” I’ve asked myself
Time and time I’ve said
That I’ll never fall in love with you again
In college, I listened to the double disk “Living in Clip” by Ani DiFranco. ALL of those songs are power songs. Her albums make me want to learn to play the guitar. Whenever I hear this album I immediately flash back to my college days. I made some of my best friends in college who are all powerful, independent, married women. These songs are more about being yourself and empowering you. Gravel is one of my absolute favorites!
And you’ve been juggling two women like a stupid circus clown, telling us both we are the one. And maybe you can keep me from ever being happy but you’re not going to stop me from having fun!
After college, I moved out to California. I had a 45-minute drive to work every morning. My power song on the drive was Hole’s Malibu. It takes me right back to my wonderful six months of living in California and all the exploring I did. The song and the place felt like summer to me and since I just left northwest PA in the snow in January, it was heaven.
Help me, pleaseBurn the sorrow from your eyesOh, come on be alive againDon’t lay down and die!
As most of you know I moved to Richmond, VA after that, and I was married in my twenties for three years. We separated then got back together. It took me a long time to figure out that I needed to leave. Divorce is a very difficult decision, especially for a Catholic girl, but once I made the decision a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I felt so much relief. During that time, I listened A LOT to Kelly Clarkson and her song “Since You Been Gone.” Sometimes in a marriage, it is hard to breathe. This song gave me the hope that I could leave and everything would be okay.
Since you been gone I can breathe for the first time. I’m so movin’ on, yeah, yeah. Thanks to you now I get what I want. Since you been gone. You had your chance, you blew it.
Then I was single and dating, therefore, I spent a lot of time with my sister. We loved listening to “Cigarettes” by the Wreckers. While you shouldn’t smoke cigarettes 🙂 it’s about being a powerful woman and waiting for the perfect partner who knows your worth.
‘Cause someday maybe somebody will love me like I need and someday I won’t have to prove ’cause somebody will see all my worth. But until then I’ll do just fine on my own.
If I was in a relationship that wasn’t going well or if I couldn’t see myself with that man forever, I would listen to Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry“. This song reminds me of my sister a lot. We would drive around in my convertible and sing it. It’s so good when you are ready to move on and get back to you and who you are.
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay, I hope you know, I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you, it’s personal, myself and I. We have some straightening out to do. And I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket but I’ve got to get a move on with my life.
Sometimes you might just be having a bad day and sometimes you just need a power song. These are just a few examples of songs to turn on when you need to get out of a funk. As you know, my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE song to sing and to perform is “Dreams” by Van Halen. This song brings a smile to my face every time I hear it. Many of my friends are probably happy that it only makes me want to dance and sing about 95% of the time I hear it!
We’ll get higher and higherStraight up we’ll climbWe’ll get higher and higherLeave it all behind
Recently, Taylor Swift came out with a new album called The Tortured Poets Department. There are so many power songs on it. Some of you may not be T. Swift fans. (I know my niece is not.) But I think if you give the song , (Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me) a chance you may like it and you may feel empowered by it. To me, the song is about people putting you down and trying to stop you from achieving your goals. But you rise above it. You come out on top of everything. You take that doubt from those around you and you use it to empower you. You rise and show everyone what you are made of. It’s also just a fun song.
So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your streetCrash the party like a record scratch as I scream“Who’s afraid of little old me?”You should be
If you don’t like any of my power songs, then please find a song of your own. P!nk has some great power songs as well. If you are getting divorced or recently divorced her song “So What” is amazing. Metallica’s One can also get you into an “I can do anything” kind of mood.
It doesn’t matter what genre you like. Whatever you are going through, just pick a song that picks you up. One that makes you feel like you are on top of the world. Pick the perfect song for you! Life is too short, my friends, to stay in a funk or in a place that doesn’t bring you joy. Yes, it is hard as hell to take that “Leap of Faith” but it can be done!
Photo by Emmanuel Ikwuegbu on Unsplash
Traveling is a passion of mine. I have wanted to see the world for as long as I can remember. My sister and I traveled to Poland together in 2008. My goals are to get to all 50 states by age 50, get to all seven continents, and see as many countries as possible. I am on my way having been to 44 states, 20 countries, and three continents. If you have questions about traveling please let me know! I would be happy to help as I am a licensed travel advisor, and I’d love to send you on your next journey! Follow me on Instagram!
Traveling is not a luxury, but an investment in yourself. Every journey is a deposit into the bank of personal growth, so invest in your soul, and the world will pay dividends in wonder and joy.
~ unknown
Photo by Luca Bravo on Unsplash
Why do we find it so easy to blame others? We blame others for our unhappiness. We blame them for our broken hearts. We blame them for our empty bank accounts. We determine it must be someone else’s fault because it can’t be our own. It’s so easy to say they didn’t visit so I am sad. They didn’t call me to say I’m sorry, so now I am upset. They didn’t ask me to come to the party so they must not like me, so now I am disappointed.
Yes, it is very easy to blame others when things don’t go our way. But let’s stop and take responsibility for our actions. Let’s ask ourselves about our behavior. Why am I unhappy? Why is my bank account empty? Why don’t people want to be around me? Am I a person who brings light and happiness into the room? Or do I walk in with a dark cloud over me like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh? Let’s ask ourselves which type of person we are and if others want to be around that type of person. Everyone is dealing with their own personal demons. Let’s be a light for each other.
Depression is a very real disease, and I am not discounting those feelings. But steps can be taken. We can ask for help. We can try therapy. We can read uplifting books. We can search for helpful articles to change our Mindset. We can work hard to change our negative view into a positive one. I believe we can take steps to pull ourselves out of the darkness and into the light. I know it’s hard to see it when you are down but you have to push through.
When bad things happen we immediately want to find someone to blame. We are upset and mad and need someone to take it out on. When most of the time it is not anyone’s fault. It is a bad thing that happened and we cannot go back and undo that action. All we can do is control OUR reaction to it.
I understand how we react with our hearts and emotions instead of with a deep breath and logic. We fly off the handle and usually make the terrible situation worse. Life happens. And sometimes we need to try to remember that it really is no one’s fault. Accidents happen. I don’t believe that people mean for others to get hurt. But does blaming others help? The incident happened. The action has been done. There is no one to blame. Let’s try to take a negative situation and turn it into a positive one. And let’s move on.
Many times we feel hurt because of what is going on inside of us. And many times we project things also because of what is going on inside of us. We need to fix ourselves first instead of blaming others.
When bad things happen let’s take a deep breath. Let’s think is this going to matter in five years? How much of an impact will it have on my life? Is it my situation to get involved in? If I were on the other side of the situation, how would I want that person to react? I think back to when I was single and dating, I would get so upset if a guy didn’t like me. I was crushed and thought I would never find someone. After an emotional breakdown, I had some amazing friends who would help me to think positively (Thank you LP, JW, and MA!). They would help me to see that we were two good people but not good together. They helped me see that God had a plan and that all these missteps would lead me to some bigger and better love. (And it took 10 years but it happened!) Sometimes we need to talk ourselves through bad situations. Sometimes we need some amazing friends who support us. And sometimes we need to let go of the hate and the blame.
Let’s ask ourselves if the hate we pour onto someone else is worth it. Do they deserve it? Is it really hurting them or are we just hurting ourselves with these pent-up negative emotions? If we let go of that person and the blame then can we feel better? Can we logically get past the situation? Can we learn to love this person or let them go? So many times a terrible situation can lead to something bigger and better. It is just very hard to see when we are in the middle of it. Let’s try to look forward and not backward.
It is hard. It is extremely hard not to react with emotion. But we need to try to take the situation and say the incident happened. Now what? How do I get through it? How do I make it better? Is there anything positive to see? Let’s stop the blame game and take responsibility for our actions and our situations. Let’s let go of the hate. I don’t believe it hurts anyone but ourselves.
Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash
As you read in one of my recent posts, several people have said they live vicariously through us. They love seeing our pictures and our adventures, and they can’t wait to see where we will be going next. Most people wonder where we get the energy. And sometimes I wonder that myself!
At my #LEGS Christmas party a friend of mine said, “I love seeing all your pictures. You have the “perfect” life.” I was flattered, but I hope everyone knows our life is not perfect. No one’s life is perfect. And what is perfect anyway?
I do have to say that our life is “perfect” for us. We are lucky because we both love the crazy, gypsy, never-home lifestyle we lead. If one of us was a homebody, it wouldn’t work. If one of us was an introvert, it wouldn’t work. But we love being on the go. We love seeing new places and trying new things. We love our homes that we are blessed to have. We also have amazing friends and family that make the places we visit feel like “home.”
I am flattered that people have told me they love our lives, and they are happy for us. We work hard to be able to play hard. We work hard at our marriage to make it work. We communicate with each other to make sure we are on the same page. Of course, we have disagreements and sometimes we lose patience and get annoyed with one another. But we know that marriage is hard, and we want to make sure each other’s buckets are full (Read the post “The Five Love Languages” if you don’t know what I am talking about). Therefore, we need to check in and make sure both of us are enjoying where we are, what we are doing, and where we are going. Unpacking and repacking a few days later can strain a marriage. Being out of our workout and eating routine can also be frustrating. We realize our eating habits must be on point while we are running around.
My Valentine and I just celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary. Every year we have been together, I have made an 8×8 photo book of our year in review from Snapfish. Usually, the books are about 50 pages long. This year we had so many adventures and so much fun it was almost 90 pages!! I guess I took a lot of pictures and didn’t want to leave anything out. Going through the photographs of the past year was eye-opening. Remembering all the good times and the special memories with the people we love was amazing. I enjoy making these books because they make me go back and review our year. What did we do? Who did we meet? Who did we spend time with? Where did we go? It’s wonderful to look at all the pictures and live it again vicariously.
Our life is not for everyone. Yes, it may look amazing on Facebook and other social media as do a lot of people’s lives. But remember social media isn’t always true. Most of the time, people are putting on a front. They want others to think their life is “perfect“. They want others to believe they are happy and have no problems. We don’t truly know what’s going on in other people’s lives so give people grace. And PLEASE DON’T COMPARE your life to theirs. Everyone is on their own journey.
As I said our life is “perfect” for us. It’s what we have chosen. Some people don’t want to unpack and repack in the same week. Some people hate packing altogether. Some people don’t want to race from gate to gate to try to catch a standby flight. Some people don’t want to be away from the gym or their home for an extended period. Some people don’t want to go out of their comfort zone or out of their hometown. And guess what? That is okay. Our life is not for everyone. Whatever you choose for your life, make it perfect for YOU!
In life and in sports, we experience failure. The key is how we react to those failures. How do we respond? Do we get back up and stand tall? Do we shake it off and keep going? Do we fail with dignity and respect?
“A champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall.”
– Serena Williams
Photo by Alexas_Fotos on Unsplash
If you’ve been following my blog, you know I quit my job as Coordinator of Special Education to teach English in Thailand in the fall of 2015. I have already written posts about my journeys through Germany, Finland, Sweden, and The Netherlands. (Reread those posts…it’s been a while). But my European adventure continued… in Italy.
My friend, Erin, and I left Susana and her family in Utrecht, Holland, and headed to the airport. There we got on a plane and headed to Rome. Erin had some hotel points so we stayed at the Boscolo Hotel. From there, we were able to walk to all of the touristy spots. They were doing construction at the Trevi Fountain so I didn’t get to see the real thing, which is very disappointing as it looked beautiful. We toured the Coliseum, Spanish Steps, and the Vatican. We went up in the tower at the Vatican which was pretty sureal. Then we ate pizza and drank Italian wine in a town square. We walked around and went to many little shops and restaurants. We enjoyed the nightlife and met random people along the way. Here is a great site if you want to visit Rome. I liked Rome a lot, but it was very busy.
After two days in Rome, we rented a car and drove up through the beautiful Tuscany hillside. We had so much fun navigating the countryside. We stopped at the Tenuta Toriciano Winery for wine tasting and amazing lasagna with homemade truffle oil. I still think about that lasagna and the delicious truffle oil. We met a wonderful family from Pennsylvania who was also enjoying the afternoon at the winery. Of course, they were Steelers fans! I would love to go back there.
It was a beautiful day so we carried on our way driving our little stick shift car and singing as loud as we could along the hillside. We found a little hotel in the middle of Tuscany and stopped for dinner. I believe we were in Sovicille. It was so cute we decided to stay the night. The food was wonderful and the views were breathtaking. Our room was huge, and I remember thinking what a beautiful place to stumble upon.
The next day we made our way to Venice. We got there late at night so we couldn’t see much. We walked around for a long time because we could not find our place. Finally, we found our AirBnB and got settled. The next day we did more sightseeing. We walked around the beautiful city and took a gondola ride through the canals. I remember thinking I wish I had a boyfriend or husband to bring here. What a romantic city. Maybe My Prince and I will go back someday.
That evening we left for Lake Como. It was a beautiful ride and Lake Como is an amazing place. By the time we got there, it was dark therefore I didn’t get to see much. We met some fun people at the hotel bar. We had a lot of laughs and went to bed. I took an early train the next morning to Lausanne, Switzerland to meet up with more friends. It was time for my next adventure!
Overall, Italy was a beautiful place to visit. I don’t know if I would go to Rome again but I would love to go back to Venice, Lake Como, Florence, and the Tuscany region.