Death is not a pretty subject and one not to be taken lightly. I believe my experiences have influenced my life and my thoughts about death; therefore, My Rock and I talk about it quite frequently.
Some people don’t talk about it at all. Some people don’t set up wills or trusts or even have a sheet of paper to help their loved ones maneuver their assets when they die. Although we are young, we understand that death has no time limit and most times no warning. Death comes when your time on Earth is up. It could be a long process or could happen in the blink of an eye. It shows no favoritism.
Therefore, in my opinion, it is important to talk about what you would like to happen when you pass on to Heaven. Do you want a funeral? Do you want to be cremated? Do you want to have a celebration of life? And it may not matter to you, but if you want to make it easier on your loved ones who will be grieving, then start talking about Death to them.
My dad fought lung cancer for nine years. When his lung collapsed, which was about one year before he passed, he said, “Let’s go down to the funeral home.” He planned his own funeral. We knew he wanted to be buried in a Steelers’ sweatshirt, we knew the casket he wanted displayed in, and we knew he wanted to be cremated with some of his ashes made into jewelry so that we could take him with us wherever we went. Therefore, when death came to get him in May of 2012, we were able to grieve. We didn’t have to think or plan. It was already done. We didn’t have to feel guilty that we didn’t know what he wanted. We knew, and for the most part, everything was already done.
Whether or not you have kids. Whether or not you are married or single. Whether or not you have a lot of assets or just a few. My suggestion is to have a person you trust and make sure they know what you want and what you have. Have an envelope or a document with your account numbers and passwords in it so that someone can access your accounts. We live in a digital world now, and everything has a password. Someone needs to know how to get into your phone, your computers, your bills, and your checking accounts. I understand you want your independence and your privacy, but your spouse should really know your passwords and which accounts are where. If you don’t want them to know, then seal it up and make sure they know where the sealed envelope is. If not, it’s going to be a mess. Your family or friends need to be able to get in to help you and get your “stuff” where you want it to go.
My Heart and I went to a concert this summer. I am not sure why it was emotional for me, except for maybe the losses in my life (and maybe menopause?)? Menospause perimenospause, whatever IT is, is CRAZY. And there is nothing you can do.
Anyway, Chris Janson sang a song called Bye Mom. And the woman he called on stage had it played at her mom’s funeral. It made me think of my mom and how small our family is. It made me think of how wasteful it is to disagree and fight with family. It made me think how lucky people are who still have both parents alive. Many of my friends have lost one if not both, and it makes me sad. Even if my mom and I don’t live in the same town, we are still close. I know a lot of what she’d like when her time comes but I don’t know it all. Although the subject may be hard to broach, it is a subject that needs explored. What does your loved one want and how do they want to be remembered?
Even though my husband and I talk about Death frequently and what we want, we also know that as a loved one gets older, it seems the subject is harder to talk about because you assume the older we are, the closer to death we are. Therefore, it is hard to talk about it as you get older and it’s harder to think about as you get older.
It also made me think of my funeral. I don’t have kids, but I have an amazing husband, two wonderful stepsons, a beautiful niece, and a crazy nephew. My Valentine knows what I want. But what if something happens to us together? Is there anyone else who knows? It also made me wonder, what mark do I leave? What songs will be played? Who will spread my ashes to all the countries I haven’t been to yet?
Very often, we don’t think and by all means we don’t talk about it, but what do you want your last party to be?? And if you want something specific, you’d better start telling people about it. Because if they don’t know, who knows what you will end up with??
So if I should go before you, I want my organs donated. I want to be cremated and my ashes spread to every state and country I didn’t get to. I want my family to have the money they need, and then I want it given to my friends and donated to a beautiful cause (if there is any money to be had). I would like people to gather and have a grand old time. Talk about the good old days and the amazing freaking times we had. I hope that is a celebration and not a sad event. And you can cry, but I hope you cry because you are laughing so hard at all the fantastic memories we had together. I want some of my ashes to be buried by my sister (my dad, my uncle, and my grandparents) in our little town of Cambridge Springs. So there you have it, folks, and like Big E Smalls says, if you don’t know, now you know 🙂
I hope that you see that life is short. And when someone’s life is taken too soon and too quickly, it is terribly awful and sad. And yes, if you are close to that person, it can pull you down a long, sad rabbit hole. But if you believe, then you know that that person lived their best life on Earth and that person is about to live the most amazing eternal life in heaven. I am not sure why you would doubt it, but they want you to continue to live your best life on Earth after they are gone.
Photo by Scott Rodgerson on Unsplash
