sibling loss Archives - Inspired & Strong | Making the Best of Every Day with Stacy

Six Years Ago

May 7, 2024 No Comments

May 7. On this day six years ago I lost my best friend, my sister. How is it six years? I miss her so much and think about her every day. Sometimes I will make a face in the mirror and think wow I look like my sister. And it makes me sad that she is gone but it makes me smile that maybe that is her way of saying I am right here with you. And that gives me comfort. I still need to be more conscious of the Signs from Heaven.

It’s amazing how time goes by so fast. I started this blog on her birthday almost four years ago. It was to help me with my grief journey as well as talk about my amazing Adventures with Gram who I also miss more every day. I wanted to write in a way that would honor the memory of my sister. And I hoped that my posts would help others. I hoped my writings would inspire others and help them to become stronger on their journey.

If you knew my sister then you know how amazing she was. You know how big her heart was. You know she would do anything for her family, friends, or anyone who asked. She was the sweetest soul.

Growing up we would play school together. I would be the teacher and make her the student. I am not sure she liked playing school but it was fun for me. We loved music, and we made a tape of us singing some of our favorite songs. I wish we could find that thing. I think there is still an audiocassette player in the basement that I could play it on. Anyone who knows me knows I CANNOT sing. She may have been a little better than me but… needless to say, we sang and we loved it! We thought we were so good! We loved listening to music and would record songs off of the radio station. It made us so mad when they would talk over the music. I guess that is what we get for trying to get the songs without buying the actual tape or record. We did everything together.

I was the oldest so I paved the way for her when we became teenagers. I was the one who stayed out too late and tried to push the limits as far as I could. My mother hated liars, and I was terrible at it. Every time I tried to lie I would end up messing it up and getting myself caught. It ended up being better just to tell my mom the truth. It saved us both some heartache. My dad was pretty easygoing so when he was upset, I knew I was in trouble.

But I got in trouble and my sister could do no wrong. I guess the little ones just learn by watching and figuring out what NOT to do, and they stay out of trouble. Or they learn how to get away with things! Little sneaks. I mean look how cute she was. They couldn’t get upset with her. I suppose I never learned my lesson because sometimes I still feel like the little kid who pisses off my mom.

My sister was an amazing person, sister, friend, daughter, and mother. She was ALWAYS there for me. I could call her with the littlest problem and she would offer her advice and help me out. I have never been good at decisions. I always say yes then after thinking about it I want to change my mind. I think I know in my mind what the right decision is but I always need someone else to give me the green light and agree with me. She was the one who could help me see the pros and cons of each decision. She just knew what to say and knew what I needed to hear. God, I wish she was still here to help me.

If you knew my sister you know how great of a soul she was. You probably have been missing her for six years as well. Sometimes I wonder how different life would be if she were still here. But I realize these are the things I cannot change. These are the things we must live with and carry on with. We will never forget her; some days may be sadder than others, but we need to live our best life in her honor.

We need to realize that we can only control our reactions to events in our lives. I know as much as I miss her, I need to focus on the positives. I need to be happy that I am still alive and that I have a wonderful life to live. I realize this life is short, and I can’t waste time being upset with others because they didn’t behave in the way I wanted them to. I need to accept others for who they are. I need to surround myself with people who lift me up. I can’t let little things bother me. I cannot be the judge of others. Everyone is living their best life. Everyone is on their own journey reacting to their circumstances. Some may do it more beautifully than others. We can’t be jealous of others, and we can’t put others down. Maybe we want something others have and if we do then let’s work hard and achieve that goal. But let’s not be upset with that person for something they have that we don’t.

My sister lived her life as a wonderful example of how to live for her short 38 years. And she lived that life to the fullest. She focused on her goals and her family, and if negative people showed up, she let them go. I think we can all learn a little bit from her wonderful spirit. Missing you little one.

In Family

My Birthday!

April 9, 2024 2 Comments

Monday, April 1, was my birthday which always happens to be April Fools’ Day! And I love it. Many people would find being born on April 1 annoying, but I have always found it so much fun. My mom tried to get me out on March 31, but I am glad my little body decided to stay in there until 12:06 midnight 48 years ago.

April has always been the best time for a birthday. It’s springtime and the weather starts getting better. It doesn’t fall around Christmas or Back to School Time so you get presents throughout the whole year for all the special occasions 🙂 Sometimes it falls around Easter, but that just makes it more special.

But here we are, another trip around the sun for me. Some people fret about getting older, but I think what I have learned from my dear family members who have passed away at the young ages of 38, 60, and 63 is that celebrating a birthday is a magical thing that you should feel blessed to be celebrating.

Although it is hard to believe that I am TWO years away from turning the BIG 5-0, I am excited about it. I hope I make it, and I hope I get to celebrate. My goal has always been to make it to all 50 states by my 50th birthday. If I haven’t made it to all 50 states by 50 (I’ll be close), my birthday party may end up in Arkansas! I am not sure what there is to do in Arkansas, but I will have to think of something if that happens to be the last state on my list.

This year, I was blessed that my late sister’s family was in town for Easter AND my birthday for the second year in a row. I hope the Spring Break tradition continues. I was so excited to spend time with my brother-in-law, his girlfriend, my niece and nephew, and my bonus niece and nephews. It was a packed few days with nine of us running around the house. We made it to church, had a delicious brunch, afternoon pool time, and an Easter dinner on the pool deck. The next few days were filled with boating and spending time on Fort Myers Beach. If you have visited us in Fort Myers then you probably know of our favorite ice cream place called Love Boat. My Prince and I continue to follow the tradition of my late grandfather which started over 20 years ago. Just like he did, we take all of our visitors to the Love Boat for ice cream! And I haven’t found one person who doesn’t love it! The rest of our time together was spent playing pool, ping pong, and games around the fire.

Anyway, as I get older I try to look at the positives. I don’t need anything materialistic for my birthday, just a few good wishes and some time with family and friends. I also realize that birthdays don’t need to be celebrated on the exact day which is perfect for me because I love celebrating ANYTIME around my birthday with ANYONE willing to celebrate!!

So the next birthday you have, live it up and be proud of whatever age you are celebrating! Celebrate YOU and YOUR day! You made it and deserve to be proud of your age, accomplishments, and life. Cheers to you!

P.S.

If you do want to try to reverse time, check out my new health and wellness business at www.skinlikestacy.mynuskin.com, and let’s get rid of some of those fine lines and wrinkles together!

In Adventures with Gram

Ups And Downs

February 24, 2024 No Comments

Hi Gram,

Three years ago today, we said goodbye. So many ups and downs since then. Where has the time gone? It seems like just yesterday I was driving you and Gramps home from Virginia after his month-long stay in the hospital. We lost him just a week later on February 4th. I can’t believe that was eight years ago. I miss his big belly laugh so much. He was so full of life. I wish there was a way to know him as I did as my Grandpa but also if I could go back in time and know him as a young adult. I think he would have been a very interesting young man to know as My Prince and I hear many, many stories of “Coach” from his former players and friends.

After Gramps passed away, we had a lot of fun didn’t we, Sweet Gram? I miss our times together. Even though we had many ups and downs, overall I had the best time living with you and taking care of you. I can’t believe it has been three years since we lost you. I think about all of our adventures often, and we talk about them all the time with others who remember you and others who never had the chance to meet you.

My first summer back in my hometown we did a few updates to your house including a new roof, new floors, new carpet, and some outside landscaping. We made several fires as we always needed to take the chill off. We napped during the day anytime we wanted to. We drove to softball games so you could see me help coach my alma mater’s team. We also found as many ice cream joints as we could. We zipped around in my little EOS convertible without a care in the world. (I am sure you know I am now on my fourth EOS 🙂 It’s blue and beautiful.)

We had so much fun driving up and down the East Coast visiting the family in Virginia and your condo in Fort Myers. Those first two years we were together were full of so many ups and downs. We learned that my sister had the dreaded C word. Then a few months later, while we were in Fort Myers, we met the man who would become my forever Valentine. You liked him so much and he must have liked us, too. As you can see lots of ups and downs.

The next year we lost the sweetest, kindest soul, my sister. It was a shock that her battle with cancer only lasted 18 months. I couldn’t believe she was gone. It was one of the hardest times in my life. I was blessed to have you, my friends, and My Prince to support me through the grief.

Later that year, we moved to Florida to be with My Rock. We continued driving up and down the East Coast but now we were a trio. The next year your health declined a bit but My Heart and I got engaged and married. More ups and downs for sure.

We continued our adventures together. We watched Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. We sat by the pool and took you on the boat. We visited friends and family. We even took you hiking and out to the mountains of Colorado. Sometimes you didn’t want to go but after some arm twisting you were all smiles and at the end of the night you thanked us for such a good time.

Gram, life is so full of ups and downs. I guess we need the downs to appreciate the ups. I don’t know. I loved all of our ups and downs together and miss you like crazy. I know when the rest of us get to Heaven it will seem like no time has passed. Until then those of us down here will keep having our ups and downs on this journey we call life.

In Family

Happy Birthday Little One!

August 8, 2023 No Comments

Today is my little sister’s birthday. She would have been 44 years old. Happy heavenly birthday, little one. It’s hard to believe that it’s been five years, and we haven’t been able to celebrate your birthday together. I know you are here with us everyday (and my session with Medium helped me realize that even more), but it still hurts that I can’t call you up on the phone and hear your voice.

This is a hard day for everyone that knew you, but I know we should celebrate the years we had with you. We need to look back on the memories and cherish all the laughs that we shared. You brightened up a room and our hearts every day.

I know this will be a hard day for my mom. I hope she has a good cry and then goes out doing something she loves to celebrate her giving birth day. She misses you so much. Maybe you can send her an extra sign from Heaven today to let her know how magical it is up there and that you are okay.

Birthdays can be exciting, but they also can be hard. As a little kid you can’t wait to get older! Then as an adult you keep wishing you were younger. (Or at least feel younger!) I feel like sometimes people are reluctant to tell you how old they are especially as that number gets higher. Why? Why should we be embarrassed as to how old we are? Why should we be reluctant to say a number of how many times we’ve been around the sun? My message to you is be loud and be proud of that number because there are some people who never get to celebrate that day.

My dear sister, we love you more than you will know and miss you twice as much. Life on Earth is hard without you but as you know we can’t quit living because of you dying. We know you’d love to be here with us but your calling came early and you were needed in Heaven. I know the best way to honor you is to live our lives with happiness, with grace, and with kindness. The best way to honor you is to let our hearts shine as yours did.

Love and miss you, little one, happy birthday!

In Family

Memorial Scholarship Award

June 20, 2023 No Comments

If you have been reading my blog you know that my sister passed away a little over five years ago. We all still miss her everyday. I wanted to create a way that her memory would live on but I wasn’t sure what to do. Last year, my husband and I decided to create a memorial scholarship at our hometown high school.

We created a scholarship in which we wanted female high school seniors who displayed the characteristics of my sister to apply. We asked for candidates that had good grades and attendance, who were involved in sports and/or activities, and who were pursuing further education. We also created an essay question they needed to answer. Each year we will change the essay question. We also established a committee to review the applicants and their essays. The committee is made of five people who knew and loved my sister. We also are blessed with three people at the high school who also knew my sister and who are helping us to spread the word about this scholarship and what it means.

We have been honored to receive the applications over the past two years. The girls who have applied for this scholarship have written some pretty amazing essays. Even though they didn’t personally know my sister I feel they understand who she was. The two winners have expressed what an honor it was to receive the award. We wish them the best of luck in their future endeavors.

Time is moving on and my sister’s children are growing up fast! I hope to share this scholarship award with them and each winner’s essay. I hope they enjoy knowing a little bit more about their mom and the wonderful, small town where she grew up.

If you’d like to read more about my sister and the scholarship winners please visit this website we also created to honor her.

In Family

5th Grade Graduation

June 6, 2023 No Comments

This week my niece will be graduating from fifth grade. It is so hard to believe. It seems like just last week she was born and yesterday she was starting kindergarten. But here we are six years of school already completed and the first graduation is upon us.

My sister and I grew up in a town where we went to elementary school from Kindergarten through sixth grade. Then middle school and high school were in the same building. Therefore, you graduated from sixth grade and twelfth grade. That was it. Only two graduations.

It makes me sad that my sister isn’t here to watch her baby walk down her first aisle of many. It makes me sad that she won’t be there to hug her princess and tell her how proud she is of her. So I thought I would try to let my niece know how much she is loved. I was able to go to Virginia last week, and I spent some time with my niece having lunch and giving her a few graduation gifts.

If you know me, you know I enjoy taking pictures and then making books and calendars. I use Snapfish and have for years. I love the company and the products. I make the kids a book of memories every year for their birthdays. And every year for Christmas I make the members of our families a calendar to hang on their wall. Therefore, I thought it would be a fun idea to make my niece a book of her first 10 years of memories for her graduation.

In this book, I also included some younger pictures of my sister and myself. I wanted my niece to see how cute we were 🙂 when we were younger and how fun the clothing and hair styles were! It was fun yet sad to look back on all the pictures of my sis and me. Man, did it make me miss her.

I do hope my niece cherishes the book. She may not understand all that it means. Right now she wants to be a kid who plays softball, who swims, who smiles, who dances and who doesn’t necessarily want to think about missing her mom. Maybe she just wants to be a kid who is normal. And I am proud of her for being that kid. But as she gets older I hope she realizes how special her mother was. And I hope she will look back on the memories that are shared with her, and she will smile and treasure all that there are.

Photo by Jason Dent on Unsplash

In Family

May 23

May 25, 2023 No Comments

Tuesday, May 23rd, marked 11 years since we lost my dad. He had been battling stage III lung cancer for nine years. He had a tumor wrapped around his pulmonary artery. They could not operate but he wouldn’t have let them anyway. It’s hard to believe he started fighting cancer when he was just 52 years old.

He went through chemotherapy and radiation like a champ. He lost his hair and eyebrows for a brief period of time but that was it. He continued working and drove several hours a day to work and to chemo.

In his nine-year battle with cancer, he seemed to be in remission while other times he seemed tired and in pain. I am not sure how cancer works, I just know it sucks. My sister and I were living in Virginia at the time. We went home as often as we could, but we both worked full time and had made our lives in Virginia. My sister taught five years and was getting discouraged with it. She decided to go home and finish her nursing degree in 2007. In 2008, she moved back to Virginia because dad was doing really well. As he went up and down so did we. We talked to other doctors, and we got second opinions. I was really hoping that the John Kanzius radio frequency transmitter trial would takeoff and that dad could be a part of it. The researcher passed away in 2009, and I haven’t heard any more about it. The radio waves seemed promising to say the least. It would use radio waves to destroy the cancer cells without destroying the human body.

In May 2011, the tumor grew bigger and my dad’s lung collapsed. He was rushed to the hospital, and we rushed home from Virginia. He hung on and a few days later he came home in Hospice Care. He was on oxygen full time, and we were not sure how long he would make it. All we knew was that he didn’t want to be in the hospital anymore. He wanted to be home with his family, on his couch.

My sister and I had to get back to Virginia so we could only stay so long. My dad continued to amaze us. In less than a month he was turning the liters of oxygen down. He looked like a normal person again instead of a shell of the man he was. At this time my sister was engaged. She was getting married in September, and I think my dad was determined to be there to walk her down the aisle.

That summer we were in amazement. Hospice was wonderful and got him portable oxygen tanks so he could travel. He went to Florida and to Virginia several times. We had no doubts he would make it to the wedding.

September 10th came and there was my dad all dressed up in his tuxedo. We were so proud of him. He didn’t want to pull his portable tank down the aisle so he had it in the back until it was time to walk my beautiful sister to her groom. Then someone took it to the front pew for him. He walked her down with no oxygen. It was amazing. He was such a strong man. What an inspiration!

As time moved on, the cancer continued to beat him up. He was up and down and my sister and I were home and not home. We knew “the call” would be coming soon we just weren’t sure when.

I came home for spring break that next year. Dad seemed pretty good. We did errands but he got weak and very tired easily. I went home but about a month later we got the call. Mom was very concerned. She wasn’t sure how long he would last. I was able to take some time off so I headed home. He still seemed okay the first few days I was there. I told my sister to stay home and come up on the weekend. He tricked me for sure. She got there late that Friday. They all laughed and talked in the kitchen. But then about 5am dad woke up and couldn’t breathe. We had the priest come and do the anointing of the sick. The next day he was quit talking and went mute.

His brothers came to see him but he seemed to be a shell of himself. I guess the cancer had spread into his brain at this point. I am not sure. It was so sad, and we didn’t know what to do. We waited and waited. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, into Tuesday. My brother-in-law had to go home to work. The rest of us stayed with him in the living room, sleeping on the floor, praying, waiting for him to be released from the pain.

Then it happened at about 11:45pm on May 22 he took his last breath. The Hospice team did not arrive until after midnight so his official day of death is May 23. My mom, my sister and I held his hands and told him we would be okay. He finally let go. He was out of pain. I didn’t want him to go but it was heartbreaking seeing him him in so much pain.

My sister was pregnant at the time, and I know my dad wanted nothing more than to be a grandpa. Although he didn’t get to see my niece here on Earth I know he watches down on her from Heaven. I know he is so proud of his two grandchildren. I am sure he sees himself in both of them. They got his sense of adventure, his determination, his hard work ethic, and his sweet smile.

If you have ever been in the same room with someone when they pass onto the next life, you know what it is like. Even though it’s been 11 years, I can still picture the exact moments we shared as a family for those final days. I am grateful that all four of us could be together. It must have been how my father wanted to go.

It still stings every May even after 11 years. If I let myself think about it I could cry on and on. I could be angry and upset that his life was taken at the young age of 60. I could be upset that he didn’t get to enjoy retirement or be the most amazing grandpa. I could be bitter that he didn’t get to walk me down the aisle to My Prince. And honestly some days I am all of that, but I know I need to be grateful. I need to be thankful for the 36 years I had with him. I need to be conscious of how I live my life, and I need to not take life for granted. Life is short, my friends. Don’t wait for something to happen. Make it happen. Be you. Be inspired. Be strong. Be adventurous!

In Family

Mothers and Movies

May 16, 2023 1 Comment

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day this past weekend. It was a time to remember and honor your mother as well as be honored yourself and celebrate all the different types of mothers in your life. I hope you had some time to reflect and celebrate those that mean so much to you. But even if your Mother’s Day didn’t end up being picture-perfect like in the movies, I hope you found a ray of sunshine in your weekend.

This past weekend I was alone. As you know, I am a Pilot’s Wife, and my hubby is on a very LONG trip. I spent much of my time binge-watching the show “Firefly Lane” on Netflix. It’s based on a book by Kristin Hannah. If you’ve read the book then you know the plot and the outcome. If you haven’t watched the series, I highly recommend it. I thought it was fantastic. I cried my eyes out and was pretty emotional for a few days, but I thought it was really well done.

I don’t want to spoil it for you, but I am going to if you keep reading. The book is about two best friends who go through 30 years of friendship together. They go through all of the ups and downs of middle school, high school, college, first jobs, boyfriends, break-ups, marriages, divorces, kids, work, etc. They go through it all yet their friendship remains the rock they both need until the end when one passes away.

This movie brought up so many thoughts in my head. It showed the two girls’ relationship with their mothers. It made me think about mine. It made me think how you see these relationships on television but it’s just not the same in real life. My sister and I were always close to my mom but we were also teenage girls. Seeing this show made me realize how difficult mother-daughter relationships are. There is so much emotion and expectation on both sides. We say things we don’t mean. We don’t understand each other. We are too much alike but we can’t see it, and we battle each other instead of truly trying to understand each other.

I couldn’t help but think about all of my girlfriends, and how lucky I am to have such special memories with each and every one of them. But it especially made me think of my best friend. She has been there with me through thick and thin since I was in seventh grade. Even though we haven’t lived in the same town since 1994 we have managed to stay close. We may not get there for all of the big things but we are there for each other. She gets me and I feel like she may know me better than I know myself. Last fall, I was blessed to be in the same city as her for a month. It was a month of reminiscing about old times and creating new memories. The month was absolutely amazing. I felt like we should have been in the movies because we danced and sang just like the Firefly Lane girls (but to Taylor Swift instead of Abba).

In the series, one of the friends gets an aggressive cancer. It hit too close to home and of course, made me think of my sister. I know it’s a show but it made me wonder what I could have done differently in real life. What could I have said differently? Could I have squeezed her more times more often? Could I have moved in with her or at least moved back to the same city? I wondered why I didn’t write her a letter or take her on a trip. It made me feel like I wasn’t there, and it crushed me. It made me want to go back in time and spend the night at her house. It made me want to go for a walk with her and sit on the back deck and take it all in. Why can’t we do that??

Therefore, the movie wasn’t really great for my emotional well-being, especially with my husband being gone. But I need to remember that it was just that, a movie and a book. The lines are already made up. Everyone knows what to say in difficult times. Everyone knows what to do and it all works out in the end because that’s how movies and books are made.

So I am sad and I miss her and I wish she was here to celebrate Mother’s Day and to help me support our mother. But she’s not and all I can do is cry when I need to cry. All I can do is look at her pictures and tell her I love her. All I can do is remember that through my session with the Medium, she has no regrets, and she is happy in the spiritual world. And she will be there waiting when I get there. Then we will dance and laugh and all the memories will come flying back to me. And I will know exactly what to say just like in the movies.

Until then little sis, please send Signs from Heaven, I could use a few right now. Please know that I love you and will do my best to be the best Aunt Stacy to your little ones that I can be.

In Family

Independent Women

May 9, 2023 No Comments

A few weeks ago, I wrote about all the wonderful girlfriends in my life. I have known most of these women for a long time. Therefore, we have been through several stages of life together. We have gone through elementary school, the awkward middle school years, the fun high school years, and then into adulthood. Some of us got married, some had children, and some of us went to college. Sometimes we went our separate ways, but eventually, we found our way back into each other’s lives.

These women are some of the toughest women I know. They aren’t afraid to take chances. They aren’t afraid to go somewhere by themselves. They aren’t afraid to try new things. I have found that almost all of my closest friends pride themselves on being independent and being able to take care of themselves and their families.

As we go through life we learn lessons whether by choice or by circumstance. Even my girlfriends who are married still have a sense of independence. One of my best friends tells her husband, “I don’t NEED you, I WANT you by my side.” Isn’t that how it should be? Many of us don’t NEED each other. We like having people by our side. We like having companionship. We like having someone to talk to in the morning. But if someone wasn’t there somehow we would survive. Maybe we would have to work a little harder to get where we want to go, but we’d figure it out.

Sometimes it’s hard to compromise and allow yourself to be taken care of, especially if you have been single for a long time or if you have had to do a lot of things on your own. You learned how to make your own money, you learned how to unclog your own toilet, and you learned how to smash that big bug on your floor. So once you take that step and say “I do” you have to learn the art of compromise and communication to make that marriage work. I have known many people who are married yet very lonely.

As you know it took me a while to find My Prince. What I was afraid of was giving up my independence or losing myself. The best thing about being a Pilot’s Wife is when he goes to work for long periods of time I need to make decisions about household items, I need to fix things that may break, and I need to kill little creatures who try to invade our home. But when he is home, he gets to squash the bugs, handle the decisions, and fix the things that have gone wrong.

What I see in all of us women is sometimes a dilemma. Many of us were independent women for a period of time. We developed our routine, we became set in our ways, and we learned how to be alone and not lonely.

Eventually what we need to learn is how to let others take care of us. Sometimes it’s so hard and because we were so independent we see this as weak. We know we can do all of it on our own. Why would we need help? We don’t need anyone to put gas in our car. We don’t need anyone to help us run the power tools. We don’t need anyone to get the glass on the top shelf for us.

But what we need to learn is that it is okay to let another person treat us right. It is okay for your husband to wash your car for you. It is okay for your friend to take your car and fill it with gas. It is okay for your partner to get that glass down that you couldn’t reach without a step stool.

Even though it’s hard we need to learn grace. We also need to realize that we all are getting older. We all may face a point in time when we are not physically able to take care of ourselves. We need to learn that is okay to ask for help and it is okay to let someone else do things for us. We need to let these generous humans take care of us. It’s what they truly want to do. Sometimes we need to let our significant others treat us like the princesses we dreamed we were destined to become when we were little.

So the next time your partner offers to make you a cup of coffee in the morning say, “Wow babe, that would be awesome, thank you” instead of channeling your independent self and saying, “No, that’s okay I can do it.” Allowing yourself to be spoiled from time to time doesn’t make you less of an independent woman. Let’s learn to find that balance because someday even if we don’t want to, we may need to rely on others for help.

Photo by Doug Tunison on Unsplash

In Family

Girlfriends

April 18, 2023 No Comments

I am blessed with an array of wonderful girlfriends in my life. Many of them I have known since elementary school. We keep in touch regularly and see each other often. Even though our lives took very different paths after high school graduation, we managed to keep in touch over the years. After I moved back home to take care of Gram, my friendship with them have become stronger. Yes, there are periods of time when we talk or text every day, but then there are weeks and even months when we don’t. Yet we pick right up where we left off every time. Over the past seven years, we have made every effort to spend time together over the summer and now we are planning trips with and without our husbands. Our girls’ weekends are some of the best!

When I went to college, I found another group of amazing women. There were about 14 of us who connected right away during our freshmen year. There are about six to eight of us that still keep in touch and try to see each other as often as possible. I have been able to connect with four of them on a regular basis who are still around my hometown and one who I reconnected with just last summer! I am hoping one of these days we can take the trip that we always talked about and more of us can get together. I know it will instantly be like the good ole days of college when we do.

When I moved back home to take care of Gram and started CrossFit, I met more amazing women at the gym. Most of these women are badasses. They lift heavy but have the kindest hearts. Although this girlfriend group is newer, I feel very close to all of them but especially about six to eight of them. We see each other every summer and many of them come to visit us in Florida. Some of us have children and some do not but we all manage to make time for each other.

I also have many friends whom I met in Virginia. Many I still get to see when I go to visit my family while others have moved away, and I get to connect with them in other states. These women were with me through thick and thin during the 16 years I was in RVA. Even though I don’t always get to see these girlfriends when I am in town, they know they are always on my mind and will always be in my heart.

I also have been very lucky to meet amazing women through my husband and his friends. I get to see these girls a few times a year on our ski trips. We ski, we dance, we laugh, we vent on the ski lift, and share our stories and our doubts. We are from all over the United States yet we share many things in common. So many of us in this group share our self-doubt of just learning how to ski and not being comfortable on the mountain. Many of us share our desire to travel and see other ski resorts and other places in the world. Many of us share our stories of being involved in the airline industry. Even though I met these women in my forties, I feel we have a bond and have connected in a way that will last a very long time even when our ski trips are over.

I have also been blessed in meeting women through my marriage. Even though I lost my sister almost five years ago, I have gained three sisters and two cousins (who I consider sisters:)) on Jeff’s side of the family. Although we don’t live in the same states and don’t always get together for holidays we get together as often as possible, usually when Jeff and I are traveling up and down the east coast. When we do get together, we laugh until all hours of the night. I know that I can call any of them if something is on my mind, and they will offer their best advice. It’s also nice to vent to these girlfriends about my Prince because they know his quirks sometimes better than I do.

These groups of girlfriends are just the tip of the iceberg. Somehow Jeff and I have wonderful friend groups and through those groups, I have been blessed to develop amazing friendships with the ladies. These few groups are just portions of the amazing girlfriends I have met over the years. Through my closest friends, I have met their girlfriends and through them other girlfriends. And even if you are not in these pictures you are in my heart.

I tell you these things because these women are like family to me, especially my best friend who has been with me through it all. These girlfriends have been there for me when my dad died, when my sister passed, and when sweet gram left us. They helped take care of Gram so that I could have time off. They send me messages of encouragement when they know I might be having a hard day. They lift me up when I am down.

These women are my heart and soul. They always say you can pick your friends although you can’t pick your family. I am beyond blessed with having picked these women in my life and them choosing me back. I hope that if you don’t have supportive family members or if you have lost your support system, you have friends who you consider family. I hope you have amazing girlfriends in your life you can rely on. And I hope you know it’s never too late to develop a meaningful bond with a great friend.

sibling loss

Six Years Ago

My Birthday!

Ups And Downs

Happy Birthday Little One!

Memorial Scholarship Award

5th Grade Graduation

May 23

Mothers and Movies

Independent Women

Girlfriends

Missing Gram

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Letter to Gram

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