Today marks two years since we lost Sweet Gram. I miss her and her beautiful smile so much. If you have been following my blog you know that I posted a letter to Gram that ended up being spread out over four different posts. I guess I had a lot to say to her! That was my way to help myself on my grief journey. My therapist also suggested that I write a letter to myself as if it were written by Gram. My therapist thought it would be helpful for me to hear what Gram might have to say. So here goes. My version of a letter from Gram and what it may be like there in Heaven.
My Dearest Stacy,
I am beyond devastated to hear these words in your letter. I am so sorry that you are struggling to this extent. As much as I wish I was there with you on Earth, I am having the most magical time here in Heaven.
You see in Heaven I am young again, just like when I always told you I felt 22. My body has no aches or pains. My skin is wrinkle-free and my hair is blond and beautiful as it always was. I have reconnected with all of my lost loved ones. Both of my brothers and my parents are here. I visit them on the old family farm from time to time, and we lay on hay bails and look at the clouds in the sky.
My best friend, Dorothy, is here. So many nights we have sat up laughing and reminiscing about all of the mischiefs we used to get into. We talk about the nights we drove to Pittsburgh and all of the young men we were enamored with before we met the “ones”.
My son, Stanley, is here. He looks so good. He, too, is happy. He is sorry that he didn’t get a chance to tell us all goodbye because the aneurysm took him so quickly. But much to my relief, it happened so fast that he didn’t feel any pain. He wants to thank you for making the effort to spend time with your cousin, his daughter, and my granddaughter while we traveled up and down the east coast. He hopes you will see more of her in the future. She is a great mother, and he is so proud of his grandchildren and what wonderful young people they are becoming.
Your grandpa is here. He can’t believe everything you made me do but he knew deep down that I could keep up. He wants me to pass along the message that he is so proud of you. He is proud of you for sticking in the education field. He is proud of you for sticking it out until you met the man of your dreams. He is proud of you for doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. He is proud of you for everything that you did for me even though he was terrified the day you took me to hike Cooper’s Rock!
Your grandpa and I go dancing every Saturday night. We sing in the choir on Sunday mornings and at various events here in Heaven. We eat dinner with your dad and sister every Sunday like we used to. We have seats saved for all of you at the table but we know you have a purpose to fulfill there on Earth so we wait. We get to see what you are doing every day hence we don’t miss a thing. And if you look closely we send you signs that we are right there by your side.
Your sister is struggling the most. Although her body is not ravaged by cancer anymore, she misses being there with her kiddos. She is glad that you visit them as much as you can and thinks you are a good influence on them. Keep sharing your life with them. They are growing up into the most precious little beings. She is proud of how athletic and smart they are. Although she hates not being there by their side, she is glad that everyone is so happy. She sees joy in the kids’ eyes and is glad the kids have so many supportive people in their lives who love them so much. She is happy that her husband has found someone to share his life with. It is good for the kids to see their dad happy. Your sister is beyond grateful that your mom has been there to watch them grow up and to help them with any daily struggles.
Your dad, Marvin, and Patty are acting like the foolish party animals they were in high school. They are having a ball. They sit around campfires and talk about the good ole days. Marvin realizes that he made a few mistakes and wishes things would have been different. He is proud of his three boys and the men they have become. Patty, like your sister, struggles that she had to go to Heaven when she was so young. How she wishes she was there when her boys hit all of their milestones. She sees their struggles and hopes they feel her presence because she is right beside them every day. How she wishes things were different but she understands it wasn’t meant to be.
Stacy, please do not beat yourself up about the last few months of my life. My body was tired. My mind was getting frail. I enjoyed those last five years with you and Jeff more than you could ever know. Traveling up and down the east coast with you was the best time of my life. I actually think I flew with you more in my last 5 years than in my first 91. I loved how we got to see family and friends. Thank you for taking me along with you. You have amazing people in your life. The fact that ALL of them welcomed me into their homes was a blessing. I never wanted to be a burden on you or your friends. I know many times I didn’t want to stay but it was only because I didn’t want to embarrass you or myself. I’ve told you time and time again “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old!”
In conclusion, please know that I love and miss you more than words can say, but I will wait to see you until your work on Earth is done. Family is very important and you have so much to give, but always remember you need to take care of yourself first. Life is short even if you do get to turn 96 so smile, laugh, inspire, and live the life you are meant to live.
Love, Gram
There you have it. My version of what Gram might say. Remember life is short so LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE with all you have. Fill your heart and your time with those people who fulfill you and fill your spirit. Let go of those who bring you down and deflate you. Life is meant to be lived so live it to the fullest!
