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“The American Psychological Association reports that insecurity is multifaceted. It pertains to an overall sense of uncertainty or anxiety about your worth, abilities, skills, and value as a person, conveying the message that you’re at risk or in danger of something or someone. That negative impact of insecurity could be physical, mental, or emotional. Without security, you can’t accomplish full trust or function to your fullest potential.”

Why do we have insecurity? Are we influenced by outside factors? Is there a way to feel more confident about relationships, our looks, our bodies, our talents, our jobs, and our material goods? Why are we so negative to ourselves? And how do we overcome it? Check out this website.

I try to be a positive person, and I try to count my blessings for all that I have in life and for all the amazing people I have met. But sometimes insecurity creeps in, and I feel anxious, sad, hopeless, or depressed. And that’s when I need to check myself and find ways to overcome it. I feel if you don’t deal with the insecurity it can really pull you into a deep dark place. Because I don’t want to stay in that place of insecurity, I take action to cope with it by talking to my husband, my therapist, or reading some self-help books. One of my favorite authors is SARK. Just picking up one of her books makes me smile. Her website is filled with positive thoughts and reinforcements as well. Two of my favorite books are Succulent Wild Woman and Transformation Soup.

 

It’s so hard when you see insecurity in others whether it be friends or family members. You want to tell them they have no reason to be insecure because you see all of their amazing qualities even when they don’t see it in themselves. They are smart or beautiful or talented. But when you feel it yourself you understand why others feel that way, too. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe that the most beautiful, famous, successful woman is insecure. We think how can she be insecure when she has it all (or what we think is “all”). But guess what? Insecurities are there for everyone. We just need to figure out how to deal with them in a healthy way.

“Insecurity is a universal experience, but not all people experience insecurity so intensely that it disrupts their life and ability to function. If insecurity is creating unwanted impacts in your mental, social, or physical health, it could be time to take action and address the issue with professional support and assistance” (written by Eric Patterson, LPC).

Somehow we need to figure out how to be more confident and count our blessings. No matter who we are, we have so much. We have our lives, our health, our families, and our friends. We have roofs over our heads, food to eat, and freedom to explore. We need to remember that every situation is just that, a situation. We need to form our response to that situation and that can be in a positive or a negative way. We create our own happiness and security. Positive self-talk, pushing away negative feelings, looking forward to the future, and focusing on the good in this world can make a huge difference.

Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

It seems every January, people make resolutions that they don’t keep. They think it’s a new year, it should be a new me. Instead of being realistic they go for the gold and end up quitting before they even get started. This year, make your resolution mindful and realistic. Reread the post Eat Better and Move Better and focus on becoming 1% better every day. What baby steps can you make to meet your goal? The more steps you take and the more progress you see the more likely you will be to keep going.

It’s hard because, after the holidays and all of the parties and gatherings, you want to be a new you in the new year. But try to evaluate where you are now and where you want to go. Then be realistic about the amount of work you will need to put in. I am not trying to discourage you. I just want you to be honest with yourself. Whatever your new year goals are…what does it take to get there?

Do you want to lose weight? Gain muscle? Run a race? Quit drinking? Quit smoking? Eat at home more often? Eat less fast food? Travel more? Do a Spartan Race or a mud run? Hike a mountain? Ride a bike? Whatever you decide, write it down, and determine your short-term goals. Remember the end goals are like marathons, not sprints. You are not going to lose 10 pounds in 10 days. It takes time. So start small. Start with two pounds a month and by next year the new you will be 24 pounds lighter! And next year, you can continue and soon you are down 48 pounds, and you can keep it off because you have changed your lifestyle and not gone on some fad diet.

I talk a lot in this blog about how we eat and how we move. I first learned to eat healthily at Bill Lawrencen’s Personal Fitness in Meadville, PA. If you are in the area, go now, and start Dream Team. You won’t be sorry. He gets some serious results. You can also participate virtually. Check out the website. To this day, Jeff and I continue eating a lean protein, the right carb, and a healthy fat at every meal. When we eat out, we make as healthy of a choice as we can, and usually, we order fish or lean meat and veggies.

If your goal is to travel more then decide how often do you want to go? How much do you want to spend on each trip? Then make it happen. Do a little each week or month to get you there. Look for deals on airlines. Look at the low-cost carriers. Try to pack minimally and don’t pay for a seat or luggage. There are many ways to travel inexpensively. Also, look at credit cards that give you miles.

Whatever your goals, it’s a new year for a new you. Start small and take baby steps. Jeff and I had our two-year wedding anniversary on December 31st. One of our new year’s commitments to each other is that every month we will do one of the Five Love Languages. We did them the first two years of our relationship but haven’t made a conscious effort on them for the last two years. Each month we will pick a language and make a day of it. To find out your love language and that of your partner or even a family member, click here.

new year new you

Whatever your goals, I wish you a safe, happy, and healthy new year and new you! Stay strong and be inspired each and every day!

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

2021. Our first Christmas without Gram, our matriarch, our Babcia, our sweet little lady. In her younger days, she was the baker. She made everything from spaghetti sauce, to pumpkin rolls, to vanilla cream pie, to pierogis. She was the last to sit down and the first to get back up and make sure everyone had what they needed.

christmas without gram

Christmas without Gram was different. Even though we continued on with many of Gram’s traditions, we missed her smiling face at the end of the table. We missed telling her to sit down and eat. We missed her telling us to put more filling in the pierogis. We missed taking pictures with her in front of the tree. We missed everything about her.

We tried to be present this Christmas without Gram, and we tried to honor and cherish her. We talked about her as we rolled the pierogi dough and decided what to fill it with. We talked about her as we shopped, knowing she would have loved the HUGE Christmas tree at the mall. We asked her to watch over us as we did our traditional “happy thought” on Christmas Eve.

Gram had such an impact on all of those who were lucky enough to have met her. The students from Alliance College still send cards and letters. They share stories with us of both my grandparents. The friends we have from Pennsylvania talk about how much they miss Gram. Friends from Florida talk about how much they enjoyed meeting her and loved seeing her on the boat so many times.

Even though we had Christmas without Gram, I realized how much she is there in all that we do. I realized how much of an impact she had and continues to have on my niece and nephew. Gram’s heart was huge, and I see her light shining through those little ones every day. They smile, they giggle, they laugh. They love making pierogis and baking cookies. This Christmas, we made gingerbread cookies, and they had a blast cutting out the shapes and decorating them. Gram would have loved it. I see Gram’s spirit, as well as my sister’s, shining through in them.

My goal is to keep Gram’s spirit alive by passing down our Polish traditions. I want to show the kids Christmas is not about the presents but about being present in the moment and enjoying each other’s company. It is about Jesus, his birthday, and all that he gave up for us. It is about the Polish tradition of Wigilia. It is about Christmas Eve Mass. It is about waiting all week to open your presents. It is about making pierogis and cookies. It is about spending quality time together with those that you love. It is about driving around and looking at the beautiful and “tacky” Christmas lights.

christmas without gram

Although we have several old traditions, we also have new traditions that we are passing on to the kids. They get a gift from their mom every Christmas. My mom has continued her parents’ tradition of getting Lladro for the grandchildren. Gram and Gramps got them for us for 15 years. My mom has started that tradition for her little ones. Jeff and I started the tradition last year of the Christmas snowmen. Jeff built them a cardboard snowman and the kids get presents for each part of the snowman. We try to get them an activity, some clothes, and a toy or game.

christmas without gram

In the end, Christmas without Gram was still beautiful and wonderful. We enjoyed the time with the family and the kids. We loved making the pierogis and the mess in the kitchen with our holiday baking. We loved having a family game night. Even though Gram wasn’t with us on Earth we know she was with us in spirit.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

Isn’t it crazy how we always look forward to the holiday season than when it comes, somehow it’s sprinkled with little spurts of disappointment? Maybe we have higher expectations, and they don’t come true? We get so wrapped up in wanting things to be perfect, and our families to be perfect, that we tend to forget what the holiday season is really about.

After a week of Thanksgiving feasting and belly-shaking laughs with the family playing a game called 25 Words or Less, we found ourselves in Church where the pastor was talking about the upcoming holiday season. Church always makes me feel good, and I really need to get better about making it a weekly habit. Anyway, the church was decorated for Christmas and it was so beautiful. It made me think of family, snow, decorations, and all of the things Christmas. The holiday spirit was in the air especially with the sounds of the amazing choir.

The message of Pastor Russ was very uplifting. He talked about how we sometimes lose focus of what the holiday season is really about, which is Jesus Christ’s birthday. I think we forget that and most of us don’t even take time to talk to him or thank him for our blessings or wish him a happy birthday.

The Pastor talked about doing three things this holiday season to keep Jesus at the center of the hustle and bustle and to really enjoy the time we have with family. I can’t remember his exact words but you can listen to the service here. His first message was to spend less to get more. He talked about how Christmas really shouldn’t be about the presents or the gifts or hours of unwrapping. Give meaningful gifts and take time to open them one by one. Cherish the conversation around the gift. Then enjoy the time you have together playing games or playing with the toys or cooking a meal together.

In the second message, he talked about how sometimes we get so stressed about making the perfect meal or getting the house perfectly clean that when people are there we don’t stop and take the time to visit with them. So take a moment to sit and enjoy the people around you.  Actually, take the whole day!

His third thought was taking a minute to give yourself to God by celebrating all we have in Jesus. He gave a cute example of saying would you go to a friend’s birthday party and not talk to the guest of honor? We are celebrating the birth of Christ but how often do we take the time to say a little prayer or to read the Story of Christmas to remind us what this holiday season really means.

As we enter into this busy time of year, please take a minute to stop and be at peace for at least a moment. Remember those you love. Say a thank you to someone who has made your day. Buy someone’s coffee the next time you are at the coffee shop. Volunteer for a soup kitchen or hand out food at the food pantry for those in need. If you are able, give what you can (whether time, money, or goods) to those who need it more than you. Find something that gives you that feeling of the Christmas spirit and take the time to celebrate with those around you.

Photo by Dan Kiefer on Unsplash

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

 

We left northwest PA just in time. My husband had a trip and returned home Saturday morning. The weather was a mix of sleet and snow when I picked him up. The roads were still too warm for anything to stick but I could smell it. Snow was coming. It was time to pack up and head south.

Usually, we get to Pennsylvania in June. This year, we went to Virginia for six weeks to spend time with the kids so we didn’t get settled in PA until the middle of August. By the time we got there, everyone was going back to work and summer was pretty much over.

It went so fast, and we couldn’t believe it. It seemed like we just didn’t have enough time to enjoy the area. It is truly so beautiful in the summer. The days are long, the weather is beautiful, the creeks are made for kayaks, and the back windy roads are made for motorcycles. Because we were so late getting to PA this year we decided to stay at Gram’s House a bit longer. We got to enjoy the full beauty of fall. The leaves were beautiful reds, greens, and yellows. Then, of course, we had the chore of raking them all up, too! Although we could have left a few weeks ago, Jeff had a few more trips, so we decided to stay.

A few weeks ago, it rained and rained. I escaped for about four days with a friend to Florida for some sunshine. We came blankback for the weekend and then Jeff had another trip. I spent the week trying to get things packed up and the house cleaned. Finally, it was time to go.

It’s always sad to leave wherever we are. We have such amazing friends and even though we are never home, we never want to leave.

I saw in the forecast that snow was coming. It was cold. It was getting dry. The heat was on. I picked up Jeff in that sleet, and we both decided it was time to go.

We had one last fun night out with some friends. The next day we woke up and to our surprise, no snow was falling down. We shut down the house, packed up the Jeep, and got on the road. The weather was cold, but no rain and no snow.

A few hours later, we got a couple of texts from our friends.  One of them said, “I’m glad you got out of town when you did. This sucks!” Then we got a few pictures from our friend Meghan. Although my husband was relieved we didn’t have to leave town in a snowstorm, I thought it was beautiful, and I was a little sad that we missed it.

It’s always nice to be in the snow when you know you get to go back to the sunshine and warmth. I am ready for the sun, the boat, the beach, and the beautiful paradise of southwest Florida. But I did feel a bit of sadness about missing the first real snowfall of the season in northwest Pennsylvania.

Driving from Florida to Pennsylvania or from Pennsylvania to Florida is one of my favorite things to do. We take our time and drive a few hours a day. It takes us four or five days but we stop along the way and see amazing family and friends who are en route. So although it’s sad to leave one place when it’s time to go, it’s a great adventure getting to the other.

Picture of woods by @momma_d.3

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

 

Sometimes I think we forget that we have no control over other people. We only have control over our own thoughts and reactions to situations. We can only do our best with the information we have and the situation we are in. We can’t make other people do something or stop doing something. We can offer advice, we can give our opinion, we can get mad, we can get upset, but sometimes we need to just let go.

We all have our own minds and information and all we can do is what is best or what we think is best for us at the time. For example, in 2015, although I had a great job, great friends, and lived in a great town. I decided what was best for me is to let go, take a leap of faith, quit my job, and move. So many people don’t take that chance and feel they have to stay in that job or that town for their family even if they are miserable.

What so many people don’t see is that staying in the same situation and being miserable makes everyone around you miserable. Negativity breeds negativity. People want to smile. They want to be happy. So let go of the negativity and be happy. See the positives of the situation. Change what you can but let go of the things you can’t.

I forget this sometimes, and I want to change what people are doing or what they are thinking, or how they are reacting to a situation. And in the end, I need to let it go. I need to realize I am responsible for myself. I am responsible for my happiness. I am responsible for my actions. And when I do that and let go, I am happy.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

For the past three years, Gram, Jeff, and I have spent winters in our Florida home and summers at Gram’s House in Pennsylvania. We lost Gram in February and life just hasn’t been the same. I have felt lost and sad without her. It really hasn’t gotten any easier. I still miss her face and her smile. But it seems since she has been gone we are never home.

home gram in chair

Even though we have always traveled with Gram, there were some trips Gram couldn’t do. So she and I would have some downtime at home. We would sit by the pool or the fire and watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. But since she has been gone, I have had more freedom to go and now we are never home. I am not sure if this summer is going to be our new “normal” but it has definitely been a whirlwind.

Since Jeff and I left Florida in June we have been going nonstop. It is one of the benefits of being a pilot’s wife. He can work from anywhere, and we have some travel benefits. We decided each summer we can try a different area for a month or so. This past summer we decided on Virginia. Over that six weeks, we had many adventures with the kids and created some wonderful memories. But we didn’t get “home” until mid-August.

home kids at zoo

We left Virginia and headed to West Virginia for Jeff’s uncle’s memorial service. Although the circumstances were sad, it was nice to see his extended family and for me to meet more of his family. The first weekend we were home in PA the family came up for my mom’s surprise 70th birthday party, then Jeff had training in Kentucky so we spent a week there with friends. Then it was September, and we were off to Virginia for my niece’s birthday. On the way home, we flew to Texas to get Jeff’s mom and spent a few days in West Virginia again with his family. We met friends in Pittsburgh on the way home and went to a Pirates game. For the first few weeks, we were never home.

jeff's mom and kids

The next weekend we met up with friends from Chicago that were in the area and had a nice bike ride through the country roads before we drove back to Pittsburgh and flew to our Florida home to check on the house, run the boat, and have dinner with a few of our Florida friends.

home florida

On the way home, we met some of Jeff’s high school friends in Pittsburgh and had a great time catching up with them. I thought we were going home but that weekend we drove to Columbus for the Ohio State game. Again, never home. They won which means I am allowed to go back for another game. It was Grandpa’s rule that if you went to a Steeler game, and they lost you weren’t allowed to go back. Jeff seems to have the same rule!

home osu

The next weekend we were actually in our small town. We had a campfire in our backyard then went on a wine walk the next day. It was so nice to be around friends and enjoy the area in which we live. The next week my mom came up, and we drove up to Buffalo and the Falls. It really is amazing how many different areas we can get to within a few hours of our summer home.

home casino

The next thing I knew it was October, and I felt like I was never home. We seemed to have missed the summer in PA. Now it was time to head to Nashville for the Spartan race. It was such an amazing weekend with the girls, and I loved the Spartan race. I can’t wait to do it again! From there I went to meet my mom and the rest of the family in the Outer Banks, and Jeff was off to work. It was a beautiful few days at the beach with the kids. They love fishing and playing in the waves. It’s amazing how fearless they are of the water. My brother-in-law caught a shark, and they thought it was the coolest thing.

home shark

Sunday we went to the Steelers/Broncos game in Pittsburgh. Again, we met up with Jeff’s high school buddies. We had another fun night although it made me miss my grandparents so much. They loved going to the Steelers’ games and had season tickets for years. We also made it to a Browns/Broncos game in Cleveland a few weeks later where we met up with friends and family. The first time I rooted against the Broncos then I had to cheer for them against the Browns. But they lost and our friend, SuperFan, was in his glory for beating them.

home broncos

The next weekend was a friends’ weekend and we were finally home! We met up with a couple of girls that I went to college with on Friday. Although I hadn’t seen them in a few years, we picked right up where we left off. The next day we went to my friend’s annual pumpkin party. There, we were surrounded by friends I have known since elementary school and a huge bonfire. One of the perks of living in the country. Again, it was so nice being around people I have known forever. That Sunday our friends from the gym invited us over for brunch. We ate a delicious meal and then played Sequence with her daughters and their boyfriends. It was the old fogies against the young bucks and of course, the young bucks won. But it was a wonderful Sunday afternoon and really fun to play a board game with friends.

home fire

We have been in our summer home for 10 weeks although it feels like 10 days because we are never home. Yes, our life seems crazy at times but sitting around doing nothing is not our thing. People ask us how we keep track of where we are going and the Google shared calendar is the only way we survive. We share Jeff’s work schedule, our crazy life schedule, and my social schedule when Jeff is gone. If we didn’t have our calendars, we wouldn’t know what to do.

It’s hard to believe we only have about three weeks left in our “summer” home. The weather is starting to change getting colder and wetter. Although it is absolutely beautiful, it’s about time to go south.

home fall

It makes me sad to think about leaving. We love the people in northwest PA and our time here. It seems wherever we are I never want to leave. And maybe because wherever we are, we are never “home”. I always want more time. I didn’t want to leave Florida for the summer. I didn’t want to leave Virginia after our six weeks there. I don’t want to leave Pennsylvania for the winter. I guess that makes us lucky that we have such beautiful, amazing friends and family wherever we are that it always feels like “home”. Mostly, I just wish I could be in three places at the same time!

The featured and fall images were taken by my friend and an amazing photographer. Follow her @momma_d.3

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

I had the pleasure of spending a beautiful fall day with my mother a couple of weeks ago. We went to Buffalo to our favorite jewelry store. The owner, Gary Grelick, played basketball for my Grandpa and has been a family friend for as long as I can remember. My grandfather loved investing in jewelry for my grandmother and used Bomi Jewelers for all his jewelry needs. Gram didn’t have an engagement ring so I believe my grandfather tried to make up for it later in her life. I guess it’s all about the timing.

Gary has made beautiful and unique pieces for our family over the years. I remember as a child going to the store and just loved being around all those gems. I was in awe looking through all the amazing jewelry cases. No wonder I love diamonds so much 🙂 (plus they happen to be my birthstone!).

timing ringThis time my mother and I took a road trip up to New York. Mom decided this summer to take off her wedding band and engagement ring. It has been nine years since my dad passed and this summer she decided the timing was right. She wanted Gary to make her something special to wear in place of her band. After a couple of hours of deliberating and trying different pieces, mom decided on a beautiful piece that will incorporate all of our family’s birthstones as well as her engagement ring. It is going to be absolutely gorgeous. I cannot wait for her to get it!

After our trip to the jewelry store, we went to Niagara Falls. We had lunch in our car, went to the Casino for about an hour, and walked around the park. I did win $11. It was a perfect autumn afternoon. Then it was time to leave. I left my mom with her cousins for a fun-filled fall weekend in upstate New York, and I got into my car to head home to PA.

timing the falls

On my way home, I started thinking about my parents and the timing of it all. They knew each other in high school and started dating in their 20’s. They then married and had my sister and me. Their marriage was not perfect, they had many trials and tribulations, but they were making it, and they loved each other.

At age 51, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Lung cancer. Stage 3. It was wrapped around his pulmonary artery, and they were not going to operate. He went through months of radiation and chemo and things were looking stable. He ended up fighting lung cancer on and off for the next nine years. At age 60, the fight was too much, his time on Earth was over, and God took him to Heaven to do other work.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because when he was fighting I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s. I knew he wasn’t “old” but he was my Dad. I guess I never really thought about his AGE or the timing of it. On that car ride home, I thought back to when his battle began, and I realized my husband is the same age as my dad was when his battle began. It has put into perspective how YOUNG my dad was when this all started. And it put into perspective how YOUNG my mom was when he passed and how young she still is.

It has been nine years. I am not sure if my mom has thought about dating. If my mom would have started seeing someone right after my dad passed, maybe I would have been hurt or upset. But now it’s been nine years. I know she loved my dad, and they had a great life together. But now I am wondering when is the time right to move on?

I know it’s different for everyone. Some people move from one relationship to another right after a partner’s death, a divorce, or a break-up. Some people take years to find someone they want to spend time with again. We are all unique. We all deal with death, divorce, and break-ups differently. There is no book to follow and no timeline to adhere to.

It is very difficult to be the person on the outside. Sometimes you want your friend or loved to move on. You want them to “just get over it”. Or sometimes we think “how can they start dating again ALREADY?”. It’s way too soon. The timing is different for everyone in every situation. We can’t judge. We need to be supportive and encouraging. We need to remember we aren’t in the same situation. We don’t know what we would do.

I really would like my mom to find someone to spend the rest of her years with. Now whether she wants someone or not, I don’t know. She has her grandchildren, her family, and her friends. But I pray that God will put someone in her life to travel with, to explore the world with, to experience the grandchildren with. I hope that maybe the timing is right. Maybe taking her ring off is the first step in putting herself out there and being open to the idea of sharing her life with someone.

As I drove home I thought of my family and the losses we have endured. I remember one Christmas we were driving around town looking at the Christmas lights. At that point, everyone in the car was “single”. My brother-in-law just lost my sister, Gram had lost Gramps, and Mom had lost Dad. I was the only one in the car who had decided to divorce my ex-husband and who was dating My Prince 10 years later. All of the others did not choose the path they were on. And it still breaks my heart that they have lost their loves and that half of my family is gone.

timing family

So the question remains, when is the time right to move on? One week, one month, one year, five years, 10 years? There is so much to process when you lose someone close to you. Of course, I believe finding the right therapist and talking it out can really help. I also think surrounding yourself with positive, happy people helps. As hard as it is to accept, the loved one isn’t coming back.

So, the question becomes when is the timing right? What do I want? Do I want to do life by myself with friends and family? Do I want a partner to go to dinner with and share the day’s events with before bedtime? Of course, it is an individual decision and finding the right partner to spend time with isn’t always easy.

But remember, life is short. Whatever path you choose, make it a happy one, and count the blessings you do have. Enjoy the time you have left on Earth doing what you love, doing what inspires you, and doing things to inspire others.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy