Every time I hear the song “Hell of a View” by Eric Church, I think of my niece and nephew. They love 
that song and sing every word. I think they like it because it says “I smoked my Bronco tires outta that town” and their Pops has a Bronco. They seem to like songs they can relate to. I hope they embrace the meaning of that song and take chances with their “toes hanging off the ledge with nothing to lose”. I hope they take chances and live life to the fullest every day like they are now.
When we are driving around from playground to playground and that song comes on, the kids sit in the backseat bobbing their heads and singing without a care in the world. Meanwhile, I am trying to fight back tears because I am thinking about how much I want my sister to be there with us. And how mad and sad and pissed I am that she was taken from us and from them. I am so upset that she isn’t here to hear them sing and to squeeze them when they go to bed every night. I know she is here in spirit, but I want to hear her laugh and see her smile.
May 7th, 2018 was when we lost her after her 18-month battle with cancer. It really hasn’t stopped hurting since. I am not sure any of us have truly gotten over it. How can you? But somehow we have to try to find a way to get by, and we have to believe there is something bigger out there. So I guess we are supposed to be grateful that her pain is gone, and that she has a hell of a view up there.
May is a hard month for our family. Nine years ago on May 23, my sister, mom, and I held my dad’s hand as he took his last earthly breath after his nine-year battle with lung cancer. My dad was only 61 years old. I look at my friends and family around me now and think we are not far from 61. It’s unbelievable how young he really was. I am so glad he fought long enough to know my sister was pregnant, and he tried to hold on to see that sweet baby girl but didn’t make it. Days like this make me sad he didn’t get the chance to hold his grandchildren and spoil them. He would have had so much fun with those little ones. In his quiet way, he would have taught them so much. He LOVED music, too, and could have introduced them to some real classics. He could tell you the artist and name of almost any song. I still remember my dad’s face when he got a Bose stereo for Christmas one year. That was a hell of a view.
Because this past Sunday was the 23rd, I went to church. I felt that I needed to hear some kind of message. God must have sent the Pastor a sign because it seemed he knew just what I needed to hear. The message was that we are on a journey. The journey isn’t going to be easy and there are going to be challenges. He said God doesn’t call us to do anything he doesn’t think we can handle. Trials are necessary but God promises unconditional love and everlasting life. Jesus gave it all for us so we need to trust that God will give it all to us if we give it all to him. It is hard to think about the promise of Heaven when we are here on Earth just doing what we think is best. Sometimes it’s hard to see past the trials. Sometimes it’s hard not to question why. Sometimes it’s hard not to be envious of a friend who still has their father or their sibling. But I guess we need to believe, and we need to realize life is precious. Make the best of it and appreciate the view.
This quote from Mother Teresa pretty much sums up how I feel at times. She said,
I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.
I guess God thinks I am one strong cookie with all the trials he has sent my way. But maybe we all feel that way. All of us have losses and struggles. Many of us question why. One day we will find out. One day we will be up in Heaven with a Hell of a View. Until then live life with your toes hanging off the ledge.
Featured Photo by Balazs Busznyak on Unsplash