caregiver journey Archives - Page 4 of 8 - Inspired & Strong | Making the Best of Every Day with Stacy

Today’s post is a continuation of my Letter to Gram. If you are jumping in, head on back to that first post about how writing a letter to your loved one can be therapeutic. This letter is the second part of my letter to Gram and about how much changed that first year I had the opportunity to take care of her.

Dear Gram,

Our journey continues. After 16 years in Richmond, I needed a change. I was not happy with my job or the dating scene. I met a friend of a friend who was moving to Thailand to teach English. It sounded like something that I just needed to do. I had the same feeling in my stomach as when I moved to California. I just knew I had to go.

As I was considering moving to Thailand, Grandpa voiced his opinion and didn’t really want me to go. He was about to turn 90, and I think he was scared he wouldn’t make it until my return. Maybe he knew his health was failing. He had been in and out of the hospital the year prior with his congestive heart failure, but he always bounced back. I don’t remember you telling me not to go. I only remember your support and you probably told me Gary and Shar used to live there, too! I think you were excited for me to go on a crazy adventure, and I couldn’t wait to see the world.

Even though I was only gone three months, I did miss Grandpa’s 90^th birthday bash, and I am really sorry that I did. He was so happy and many of his old players and students came back for the occasion. Mom did FaceTime me so I did get to see you dancing with the toy soldier and got to be a part of some of the celebration.

I also missed the beautiful birth of my nephew. I knew there would never be a time that I wouldn’t miss something so I will never regret going to Thailand and gaining all that I experienced. But I also wish I could have been in two places at the same time. (of course! I am a Yes, Woman!)

I ended up coming back from Thailand for Christmas to see the family and my new nephew who was only 19 days old. That Christmas of 2015, Gramps got sick. My sister asked him if he wanted to go to the emergency room and he said yes. So off we went. He had fluid built up around his lungs and ended up having a longer stay than any of us wanted. I remember you not wanting to leave his side, and I wish I would have talked the staff into letting us both stay to be with him. I didn’t realize how much you felt the need to be there until I was the one who wanted to stay with you in the hospital room. I am sorry that we didn’t let you stay. I know the staff said it was a liability, and we didn’t want you to fall and get hurt either, but I finally realized how much you truly wanted to be there. And how lonely the hospital room can be.

After a week of Gramps being in the hospital, we all decided I wasn’t going back to Thailand. I had some wonderful adventures and saw nine new countries including Germany, Finland, Sweden, and The Netherlands so I decided I would stay home and spend time with you and Gramps. My house in Richmond was rented until September, and I was unemployed. Gramps spent a month in rehab while you and I stayed with mom. Finally, we decided to take Grandpa back home to Pennsylvania with Hospice Care. It was going to be a big change, but I would move in and be there for you both.

We made it home and my cousin across the street helped me get Gramps in the house. It was not an easy task, and I am not sure how we did it. Grandpa was so upset that we weren’t in your condo in Florida and once he saw the hospital bed in the living room, he seemed deflated. I think maybe it was his last wish to be in sunny Florida before he passed on.

My mom came up a few days later but after a week, Grandpa’s body couldn’t fight anymore. We called the priest in for the anointing of the sick and all prayed together with my sister on the phone. The next morning, he faded out and was gone. I am sorry, Grandpa, that I was not there to hold your hand as you headed toward the light. And I am sorry, Gram, that you barely made it to tell him you loved him one more time. It seemed to happen so fast, and I hate that we were not all there for him in those final moments.

That week was full of preparations. We planned with the funeral home and family started arriving in town. Although it was great to see everyone, it was sad, sad circumstances. After the dust settled, it was just you and me. I wasn’t sure if you would last two days, two months, or two years, without him. You just lost your best friend, and I wasn’t sure you knew what to do next.

It was February 2016. We just lost Gramps. It was snowing. I didn’t have a job yet therefore, we made fires, watched the snowfall, and watched black and white movies all day. We didn’t go out in the cold if we didn’t have to. About a month later, my high school girlfriends talked me into volunteer coaching for the high school softball team. Then one of my college girlfriends offered me a job at a local dairy isle. What a change from the field of education! We had a wonderful summer once the weather turned. We zoomed around town in my little convertible EOS, watching softball games, eating ice cream, drinking wine, and going out to eat at our favorite restaurant, Venango Valley. I reconnected with high school and college friends and was enjoying being with you and being back in my hometown.

Then December came and you broke your hip (the first time). I couldn’t let what happened to Gramps happen to you so I vowed to be with you 24/7 and I broke you loose from the rehab center. Once you were back home, your spirits picked right up, your attitude changed and you were walking around the house with your walker in no time. You became more dependent on me, but I was just happy you were doing well.

That February, after your fall, we both were sad and depressed because of the weather, and we were tired of being cooped up in the house. We needed a change. Therefore, we took off for Florida. It was perfect timing because that is when I met my Prince. You seemed to like him right from the start and that was the beginning of more crazy adventures, but now there was three of us.

Making the change and being able to take care of you led me to so many wonderful things in life. I reconnected with amazing friends and got to spend more time with them. I also met new friends who grew to love you and your presence. And of course, I met my husband. We all miss you more than you know.

(to be continued…)

In Pilot's Wife

Pilot’s Wife

March 29, 2022 No Comments

As you know I am a Pilot’s Wife. Many of you may think that being a Pilot’s Wife is a glamourous lifestyle full of travel and adventure. And yes, I must admit that is true most of the time. But if you marry a pilot like mine you are never home! And you have to be independent, flexible, and confident.

When we travel, many times we travel on standby. And some of you think that means we fly for free. That is not the case. Even with standby, there are costs involved. And it varies depending on the airline and how long of a flight we are trying to get on. Yes, it is less expensive but you are not guaranteed a seat. Many times that means hours in the airport or running from one terminal to another to try to catch another flight to get you where you want to go.

I have learned that if you fly standby and you are offered a seat you take it. This also means that sometimes I get a seat and Jeff doesn’t. Or Jeff gets a seat and I don’t. Then you have to resort to backup plans and running from one gate to another. The other thing it means is that we don’t usually get to sit together on a flight. Sometimes I am in the back, and he is in the cockpit. Or he is on one side of the plane, and I am on the other. When you fly standby, you take any seat you can get! And you have to be okay flying next to strangers and not your partner. If possible, the gate agents will try to seat us together but sometimes it just doesn’t happen.

Since becoming a Pilot’s Wife, I have become better at reading departure screens and using travel apps. Our favorite travel app is FlightView. You can see nonstop flights between cities. You can also track flights to see their arrival and departure times. It really is a great app. Another app I like is Kayak. It searches for low fares between destinations. I like to look on Kayak first then book on the specific airline website.

Another thing you need to get used to becoming a Pilot’s Wife is being alone. As you read before there are single people and there are relationship people. You are better at being lonely or better at being annoyed. Jeff and I make a great team because I am better at being lonely and he is better at being annoyed! I was a single, independent woman for 10 years before I met Jeff and became a Pilot’s Wife. I think those years prepared me for my role as a Pilot’s Wife. Jeff will go on trips for work. He may be gone two days. He may be gone for two weeks. And I am home… alone… since Sweet Gram is gone. I am responsible for the many possible mini disasters that usually occur the second he walks out the door. Sometimes the A/C goes out. Sometimes a cockroach scurries across the floor. Sometimes a big ass spider or a little black snake invades my space. And in these instances, I am the one responsible for getting that little creature out.

Being a Pilot’s Wife is a great adventure. I am grateful for the 11 different ski resorts, 20 states, and 6 different countries we have been able to go to over the past five years. I am grateful for the new friends and family members I have met along the way who have become some of my very best friends.

I wouldn’t give up being a Pilot’s Wife for anything. But if being a gypsy, being a big bad bug killer, a game-time decision-maker, a traveler of the world, and a woman of no routine is not your thing, then being a Pilot’s Wife is not for you.

In Adventures with Gram

St. Gram’s Day

March 15, 2022 No Comments

To me, as a little kid, St. Patrick’s Day meant that we had to go to church. Once I turned 21, it meant drinking green beer and celebrating with the rest of the fools who were out and about. Over the past three years, St. Patrick’s Day has become something more special to me and last year it became St. Gram’s Day.

In 2019, we had lifelong friends in town for a visit to Florida. We had recently bought our boat and had the name put on the back of it. Our friend, Katie, who designed our logo was in town so we christened the boat with beer and a trip to the Boathouse. Gram was dressed in her St. Patrick’s Day best, and we had a wonderful day playing in the sun and celebrating all the good things in life.

Katie designed our amazing logo “Sabai, Sabai” which means don’t worry, be happy in Thai. She added a kettlebell for the A and put the world map inside it because we love CrossFit and traveling. She also dotted the i’s with airplanes for my hubby. As you have read in “How Did I Get Here?“, I went to Thailand to teach English which is where I learned the meaning of the words Sabai Sabai. Therefore, that is what we named our boat to show others there is no benefit to worrying. As life happens, look at the positive and make choices that make you happy.

In March 2021, Jeff and I were on a ski trip in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Gram had passed away just a few weeks prior. I was still kind of in shock and sad about losing my best friend. What happened that St. Patrick’s Day will forever hold a special place in my heart. I will never forget the love and support shown to me by all who participated in the event.

On St. Patrick’s Day that week, our group met out on a rooftop bar after a bluebird day of skiing. My husband gave a little speech about Sweet Gram and all of the group unzipped their jackets. And there on their shirts appeared sweet gram’s smiling face and a message saying “St. Gram’s Day…Do it for the Gram.” It brings tears to my eyes as I write this today.

Most of the people in this group had the opportunity to meet gram. They had either met her on a ski trip or met her at our house in Florida. And, of course, we talked about her all the time. Many of them knew her and loved her just like we did. It still amazes me how thoughtful this group was to wear shirts for me as an amazing tribute to my little Gram.

So, this week I will wear my St. Gram’s Day shirt with pride. I can’t thank my husband and the members of our group enough. It means the world to me that these three above thought of the idea and made the effort to make my week a little brighter after the devastation of losing sweet Gram.

Thank you, my friends. I cannot say it enough. Happy St. Gram’s Day, Gram! Drink some green beer for us!

In Adventures with Gram

Letter to Gram

March 8, 2022 No Comments

As you have read, I took care of Gram for five years before she passed away on February 24, 2021. I have been receiving grief therapy through Hope Hospice since then, and it has been very beneficial to have someone to talk to, not only about Gram but about my sister and dad plus just everyday life. I continue to struggle with the loss of Sweet Gram. I am not sure if it’s because I was raised Catholic, and I tend to feel the “Catholic Guilt” from putting her into senior living for the last three months of her life and not bringing her home when she broke her hip the second time or what. I know healing takes time and there will always be ups and downs when it comes to grief, but I just feel an overwhelming sense of loss when it comes to Gram.

My therapist sent me a video about letter writing. The video has to do with expressing gratitude and increasing happiness but she says the same benefits apply to grief letter writing. She suggested how writing a letter to Gram may help me.

Therefore, I decided to sit down and write a letter to Gram. It is sooooooo long, but I had 45 years of time to write to her about. For some reason, I felt compelled to share it with you. I won’t share all of it at once but here is the beginning. I will continue to share over the next few weeks.

Dear Gram,

I have been meaning to write a letter to you. And I wish I would have said all of this before you left this Earth, but I am telling you now. Ever since I was a little girl you were there for me. You told me several times you were the one who carried me home from the hospital after I was born. We lived with you for a period of time while dad was away in Korea. Throughout my childhood, you only lived three blocks away from me and worked right up the hill from our house. I remember walking home from school and heading straight to the college to see you and mom at work.

Although you didn’t play sports or jump around with us, you were always there to cheer us on and to cheer Gramps on, too. His life revolved around sports…Sports on TV, coaching sports and watching sports. You always said if you had a penny for every bleacher you sat on you’d be one rich lady, and I agree!! As far as I can remember, you were at every one of my basketball and softball games. Even in college when I received very little playing time, you and Gramps were always there.

As a little kid, all I can remember is how positive you were. You wanted us to succeed and you were always very proud of us. You and Gramps were the kindest, loving, and most generous people I have ever known. I remember you always making room for people at the dinner table or lending people a hand when they needed it. The more people that I meet that knew you, the more I see what an impact you had on our hometown community and the students who ventured into the area.

Although you were the small, quiet one, you were always so strong. I remember you getting sick and going to the hospital ONE TIME before you were in your 90s. You never went to the doctor. You just made yourself a Hot Toddy and moved on. Even as you got older you never wanted to go to the doctor and you always said you were fine. You were so strong, but also stubborn.

While I did my student teaching I had the wonderful opportunity to live with you and Gramps. Mom and Dad were hosting Marja from Finland so you let me move in with you. When I came home late and a little tipsy, you never lectured me. You listened to my stories and told me there were leftovers in the fridge for my midnight snack. You were usually up watching the 11 o’clock news and then some black and white film after while Gramps was asleep on the couch. It seemed late at night was the only time Gramps would let you have the remote control! The rest of the day the television was on some sporting event.

After I graduated from college in December, I moved to California. You supported my move and even lent me money to get me started. It took me years before trying to pay you back, which you didn’t accept, of course, but I tried because I appreciated all that you did for me.

Even though I was in California for just a short six months, you, Gramps, and Marja came out to visit. We drove to L.A. to see the Hollywood sign and the stars of fame on the sidewalk. And yes, we even took in another sporting event and went to see the L.A. Dodgers play.

After my six-month adventure in Cali, I settled in Richmond, Virginia for 16 years. We both traveled up and down the interstates more times than we can count. I came home a lot when Dad was battling cancer and got to spend extra time with you, too. The eight-hour drive seemed like nothing compared to being all the way across the country.

When we started worrying about you and Grandpa driving to Florida by yourselves for your winter stay at your condo, I volunteered for the job. Thankfully I was in a position in the school system where I could take the time off to drive you down after Christmas and then pick you back up around Easter. You were sometimes hesitant about going to Florida but you always ended up having a great time and you knew how much it meant to Gramps so you went. You loved Fort Myers but you also loved being in your home in Pennsylvania.

Driving with you was always an adventure. You would sit beside me in the passenger seat and get out your Rand McNally Road Atlas. You would follow along as we crossed state lines and tell me who lived where along the way. You and grandpa remembered so much about so many people. I honestly don’t know how you kept it straight.

Your positive attitude and the love you shared for those around you are what make me miss you so much. I could never repay all the love and support you both offered to me over the years, but I hope I can express to you how much it (and you) meant to me.

(To be continued…)

If you have lost someone special in your life, maybe you will find the strength to pick up a pen and paper and write them a little note about how much of an impact they had on your life. I know it has helped me.

In Adventures with Gram

Sweet Gram

February 22, 2022 3 Comments

Can you believe Sweet Gram has been gone almost one year?? On one hand, it feels like it just happened. On the other, it feels like she’s been gone so long. People say time heals all wounds, and maybe that is true but losing Gram has been a real struggle for me.

It’s true our family has been through a lot of loss this past decade. It’s hard to believe that we lost my sister four years ago May 7th, my Dad 10 years ago May 23rd, my Gramps six years ago on February 4th, and my sweet Gram one year ago on February 24th.

All of these losses have taken a toll on my heart. Sometimes out of the blue something happens and it just hits me hard as a rock. A song that my sister and I used to listen to will come on the radio or my dad’s cologne will drift by me in the store. It’s amazing how hard something so little can hit you so hard.

This past year has been very difficult for me. I am not sure why the loss of Gram has hit me so hard but it has, and I still struggle. Maybe because I feel guilty about putting her into the senior living home for her final 3 months. Maybe because I took care of her for five years. Maybe because she was almost like a child to me and also at times my best friend. Maybe because she was a part of my life for 45 years. I miss her little laugh and her loving smile. I miss her advice, her thoughts, and her funny sayings. She was my partner-in-crime. I miss going to get ice cream with her. I am not sure there is anyone else in the world who loved ice cream as much as she did.

The littlest things made sweet Gram so happy. She never complained. And she rarely said a bad word about anyone. She had the most inspiring outlook on life. And that positive, optimistic little lady is what I miss so much. I am not sure there will ever be another one like her.

I guess that is why this past year has been so hard. That little lady carried me home from the hospital when I was born. That little lady was by my side almost every day for the last five years of her life. That little lady was there for every holiday and supported me at all of my sporting events in high school and college. That little lady was my idol. I can only strive to be half as good as my little lady was. I love and miss you sweet Gram.

In Family

Therapy

February 15, 2022 2 Comments

Therapy “is the treatment of a physical, cognitive, or behavioral disorder or illness.” People go to physical therapy all of the time to help with functional mobility. Many people participate in some form of physical fitness to keep their bodies healthy. Yet, people are afraid or feel there is a stigma around going to a psychologist, social worker, or counselor to get help with their mental health.

I am so blessed that I grew up in a generation and had friends who are open to therapy. Many people I know want to be the best person they can be both physically and mentally. And sometimes therapy is needed to become that person.

Seeing a professional isn’t the only way to stay healthy mentally. If you do decide to seek extra help you don’t have to stay forever. You can join a church group or participate in an online forum. You can have ladies’ night once a month, you can meditate, or write in a journal. There are many ways to keep your mind healthy. And these things may work for you most of the time, but there may be a time or two when you need a little extra support.

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

Although I have many wonderful friends that I can talk to and who help me work through things I struggle with, there is nothing like a good therapist. That person is there to listen only to you. She or he may give advice and help you work through the issues by asking leading questions, but they are there for YOU and to support YOU. Therapy for me is my time to be me. To cry if I want to. To laugh. To be mad at someone. It gives me the opportunity to evaluate my feelings by actually saying them aloud. Then I can determine if my feelings are really fair or if I need to change my perspective.

It is hard sometimes to go to therapy, and it may be scary. Sometimes you realize you are projecting your feelings and insecurities onto others. Sometimes you over-evaluate a situation that another person hasn’t thought about since it happened. Sometimes in your head, it may sound rationale but as soon as you say it aloud to someone else, it sounds completely different. Personally, I love having someone to talk through situations with and evaluate how I should be reacting to them. Because honestly although it hurts your heart sometimes you just gotta shake it off!

Whether you believe in therapy or not, I hope you take a little time each day, week, or month to give yourself a little grace and to take a moment to work on yourself and your mental health. Read a motivating passage, write in a journal, or take a walk and feel some sunshine on your face. Do something for yourself and just be.

Photo by Marcel Strauß on Unsplash

In Family

Grow Up

February 1, 2022 No Comments

My husband sent me an article called “3 Signs You Are Growing Old Instead of Growing Up” from one of the subscriptions he gets from All Pro Dad. All Pro Dad is a great website for inspiration on how to deal with different situations with your children. Although the website focuses more on men (and dads in particular), I think it can be read by all. We are all growing older, every day. So what do we want to do with our lives going forward? What are our goals for the remainder of our lives? And once we achieve them do we just stop or chase another dream or goal? Or are we satisfied and become complacent? How can we grow up instead of just growing old?

“A good way to grow up instead of growing old is to get out of your comfort zone.”

The quote above says it all. No matter how old or young you are, get out of your comfort zone. Try something new or scary. Be willing to take the leap of faith. Do what you are passionate about. Show your children, your family, or your friends that you are willing to try something that may make you uncomfortable. Grow your soul.

I have a friend who cannot swim. She is afraid of the water but she has put herself out of her comfort zone several times. She enjoys being on the water on a boat and even has a trip planned to spend six days on a catamaran sailing the British Virgin Islands. I am so proud and excited for her. If she wasn’t willing to put herself out there (with a lifejacket of course), she would miss out on the most beautiful waters and sites of the islands. How fun is that?

Jeff and I try to keep our relationship alive and young by complementing each other, staying active, and eating healthy. We want to stay sexy for each other, stay active and athletic so we can leap out of our comfort zone as we get older. We want to be able to try new things like skiing (for me), scuba diving (for us both), or hiking no matter how old we are in years. The more active we stay, the more active we can be as we age. If we become complacent in our lifestyle, those things may not be as easy, and we may not be as motivated to try new things. And anyone who knows me knows I have FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), so I definitely don’t want to grow old!

Wherever you are in your life, don’t be afraid to try new things. Pray on it. Make a list of pros and cons. Get out there and live. Life is too short. Be an inspiration for your partner. Be an inspiration for your children and grandchildren. Get out there and grow up, not old!

Photo by Razvan Chisu on Unsplash

In Fitness and Nutrition

New Year, New You

January 4, 2022 No Comments

It seems every January, people make resolutions that they don’t keep. They think it’s a new year, it should be a new me. Instead of being realistic they go for the gold and end up quitting before they even get started. This year, make your resolution mindful and realistic. Reread the post Eat Better and Move Better and focus on becoming 1% better every day. What baby steps can you make to meet your goal? The more steps you take and the more progress you see the more likely you will be to keep going.

It’s hard because, after the holidays and all of the parties and gatherings, you want to be a new you in the new year. But try to evaluate where you are now and where you want to go. Then be realistic about the amount of work you will need to put in. I am not trying to discourage you. I just want you to be honest with yourself. Whatever your new year goals are…what does it take to get there?

Do you want to lose weight? Gain muscle? Run a race? Quit drinking? Quit smoking? Eat at home more often? Eat less fast food? Travel more? Do a Spartan Race or a mud run? Hike a mountain? Ride a bike? Whatever you decide, write it down, and determine your short-term goals. Remember the end goals are like marathons, not sprints. You are not going to lose 10 pounds in 10 days. It takes time. So start small. Start with two pounds a month and by next year the new you will be 24 pounds lighter! And next year, you can continue and soon you are down 48 pounds, and you can keep it off because you have changed your lifestyle and not gone on some fad diet.

I talk a lot in this blog about how we eat and how we move. I first learned to eat healthily at Bill Lawrencen’s Personal Fitness in Meadville, PA. If you are in the area, go now, and start Dream Team. You won’t be sorry. He gets some serious results. You can also participate virtually. Check out the website. To this day, Jeff and I continue eating a lean protein, the right carb, and a healthy fat at every meal. When we eat out, we make as healthy of a choice as we can, and usually, we order fish or lean meat and veggies.

If your goal is to travel more then decide how often do you want to go? How much do you want to spend on each trip? Then make it happen. Do a little each week or month to get you there. Look for deals on airlines. Look at the low-cost carriers. Try to pack minimally and don’t pay for a seat or luggage. There are many ways to travel inexpensively. Also, look at credit cards that give you miles.

Whatever your goals, it’s a new year for a new you. Start small and take baby steps. Jeff and I had our two-year wedding anniversary on December 31st. One of our new year’s commitments to each other is that every month we will do one of the Five Love Languages. We did them the first two years of our relationship but haven’t made a conscious effort on them for the last two years. Each month we will pick a language and make a day of it. To find out your love language and that of your partner or even a family member, click here.

Whatever your goals, I wish you a safe, happy, and healthy new year and new you! Stay strong and be inspired each and every day!

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

In Adventures with Gram

Christmas Without Gram

December 28, 2021 No Comments

2021. Our first Christmas without Gram, our matriarch, our Babcia, our sweet little lady. In her younger days, she was the baker. She made everything from spaghetti sauce, to pumpkin rolls, to vanilla cream pie, to pierogis. She was the last to sit down and the first to get back up and make sure everyone had what they needed.

Christmas without Gram was different. Even though we continued on with many of Gram’s traditions, we missed her smiling face at the end of the table. We missed telling her to sit down and eat. We missed her telling us to put more filling in the pierogis. We missed taking pictures with her in front of the tree. We missed everything about her.

We tried to be present this Christmas without Gram, and we tried to honor and cherish her. We talked about her as we rolled the pierogi dough and decided what to fill it with. We talked about her as we shopped, knowing she would have loved the HUGE Christmas tree at the mall. We asked her to watch over us as we did our traditional “happy thought” on Christmas Eve.

Gram had such an impact on all of those who were lucky enough to have met her. The students from Alliance College still send cards and letters. They share stories with us of both my grandparents. The friends we have from Pennsylvania talk about how much they miss Gram. Friends from Florida talk about how much they enjoyed meeting her and loved seeing her on the boat so many times.

Even though we had Christmas without Gram, I realized how much she is there in all that we do. I realized how much of an impact she had and continues to have on my niece and nephew. Gram’s heart was huge, and I see her light shining through those little ones every day. They smile, they giggle, they laugh. They love making pierogis and baking cookies. This Christmas, we made gingerbread cookies, and they had a blast cutting out the shapes and decorating them. Gram would have loved it. I see Gram’s spirit, as well as my sister’s, shining through in them.

My goal is to keep Gram’s spirit alive by passing down our Polish traditions. I want to show the kids Christmas is not about the presents but about being present in the moment and enjoying each other’s company. It is about Jesus, his birthday, and all that he gave up for us. It is about the Polish tradition of Wigilia. It is about Christmas Eve Mass. It is about waiting all week to open your presents. It is about making pierogis and cookies. It is about spending quality time together with those that you love. It is about driving around and looking at the beautiful and “tacky” Christmas lights.

Although we have several old traditions, we also have new traditions that we are passing on to the kids. They get a gift from their mom every Christmas. My mom has continued her parents’ tradition of getting Lladro for the grandchildren. Gram and Gramps got them for us for 15 years. My mom has started that tradition for her little ones. Jeff and I started the tradition last year of the Christmas snowmen. Jeff built them a cardboard snowman and the kids get presents for each part of the snowman. We try to get them an activity, some clothes, and a toy or game.

In the end, Christmas without Gram was still beautiful and wonderful. We enjoyed the time with the family and the kids. We loved making the pierogis and the mess in the kitchen with our holiday baking. We loved having a family game night. Even though Gram wasn’t with us on Earth we know she was with us in spirit.

In Pilot's Wife

Never Home

October 26, 2021 No Comments

For the past three years, Gram, Jeff, and I have spent winters in our Florida home and summers at Gram’s House in Pennsylvania. We lost Gram in February and life just hasn’t been the same. I have felt lost and sad without her. It really hasn’t gotten any easier. I still miss her face and her smile. But it seems since she has been gone we are never home.

Even though we have always traveled with Gram, there were some trips Gram couldn’t do. So she and I would have some downtime at home. We would sit by the pool or the fire and watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. But since she has been gone, I have had more freedom to go and now we are never home. I am not sure if this summer is going to be our new “normal” but it has definitely been a whirlwind.

Since Jeff and I left Florida in June we have been going nonstop. It is one of the benefits of being a pilot’s wife. He can work from anywhere, and we have some travel benefits. We decided each summer we can try a different area for a month or so. This past summer we decided on Virginia. Over that six weeks, we had many adventures with the kids and created some wonderful memories. But we didn’t get “home” until mid-August.

We left Virginia and headed to West Virginia for Jeff’s uncle’s memorial service. Although the circumstances were sad, it was nice to see his extended family and for me to meet more of his family. The first weekend we were home in PA the family came up for my mom’s surprise 70^th birthday party, then Jeff had training in Kentucky so we spent a week there with friends. Then it was September, and we were off to Virginia for my niece’s birthday. On the way home, we flew to Texas to get Jeff’s mom and spent a few days in West Virginia again with his family. We met friends in Pittsburgh on the way home and went to a Pirates game. For the first few weeks, we were never home.

The next weekend we met up with friends from Chicago that were in the area and had a nice bike ride through the country roads before we drove back to Pittsburgh and flew to our Florida home to check on the house, run the boat, and have dinner with a few of our Florida friends.

On the way home, we met some of Jeff’s high school friends in Pittsburgh and had a great time catching up with them. I thought we were going home but that weekend we drove to Columbus for the Ohio State game. Again, never home. They won which means I am allowed to go back for another game. It was Grandpa’s rule that if you went to a Steeler game, and they lost you weren’t allowed to go back. Jeff seems to have the same rule!

The next weekend we were actually in our small town. We had a campfire in our backyard then went on a wine walk the next day. It was so nice to be around friends and enjoy the area in which we live. The next week my mom came up, and we drove up to Buffalo and the Falls. It really is amazing how many different areas we can get to within a few hours of our summer home.

The next thing I knew it was October, and I felt like I was never home. We seemed to have missed the summer in PA. Now it was time to head to Nashville for the Spartan race. It was such an amazing weekend with the girls, and I loved the Spartan race. I can’t wait to do it again! From there I went to meet my mom and the rest of the family in the Outer Banks, and Jeff was off to work. It was a beautiful few days at the beach with the kids. They love fishing and playing in the waves. It’s amazing how fearless they are of the water. My brother-in-law caught a shark, and they thought it was the coolest thing.

Sunday we went to the Steelers/Broncos game in Pittsburgh. Again, we met up with Jeff’s high school buddies. We had another fun night although it made me miss my grandparents so much. They loved going to the Steelers’ games and had season tickets for years. We also made it to a Browns/Broncos game in Cleveland a few weeks later where we met up with friends and family. The first time I rooted against the Broncos then I had to cheer for them against the Browns. But they lost and our friend, SuperFan, was in his glory for beating them.

The next weekend was a friends’ weekend and we were finally home! We met up with a couple of girls that I went to college with on Friday. Although I hadn’t seen them in a few years, we picked right up where we left off. The next day we went to my friend’s annual pumpkin party. There, we were surrounded by friends I have known since elementary school and a huge bonfire. One of the perks of living in the country. Again, it was so nice being around people I have known forever. That Sunday our friends from the gym invited us over for brunch. We ate a delicious meal and then played Sequence with her daughters and their boyfriends. It was the old fogies against the young bucks and of course, the young bucks won. But it was a wonderful Sunday afternoon and really fun to play a board game with friends.

We have been in our summer home for 10 weeks although it feels like 10 days because we are never home. Yes, our life seems crazy at times but sitting around doing nothing is not our thing. People ask us how we keep track of where we are going and the Google shared calendar is the only way we survive. We share Jeff’s work schedule, our crazy life schedule, and my social schedule when Jeff is gone. If we didn’t have our calendars, we wouldn’t know what to do.

It’s hard to believe we only have about three weeks left in our “summer” home. The weather is starting to change getting colder and wetter. Although it is absolutely beautiful, it’s about time to go south.

It makes me sad to think about leaving. We love the people in northwest PA and our time here. It seems wherever we are I never want to leave. And maybe because wherever we are, we are never “home”. I always want more time. I didn’t want to leave Florida for the summer. I didn’t want to leave Virginia after our six weeks there. I don’t want to leave Pennsylvania for the winter. I guess that makes us lucky that we have such beautiful, amazing friends and family wherever we are that it always feels like “home”. Mostly, I just wish I could be in three places at the same time!

The featured and fall images were taken by my friend and an amazing photographer. Follow her @momma_d.3