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Teamwork

June 29, 2022 No Comments

I am not sure if it was because my grandpa was so involved in sports or if it was in my DNA, but I love being a part of a team. I enjoy camaraderie and fighting for a common goal. The people I have met at different sports camps and along the way will forever have a place in my heart. Sports instilled in me the willingness to work with other people. That has helped me throughout my career as a teacher as well as a caregiver and a wife.

Teamwork is the ability to work together toward a common vision, the ability to direct individual accomplishments toward organizational objectives. It is the fuel that allows common people to attain uncommon results.

— Andrew Carnegie

Photo from Unsplash

In Family

PNA Golf

June 21, 2022 2 Comments

This past weekend at the Venango Valley Inn and Golf Course we had the annual Polish National Alliance (PNA) Golf Tournament. This has recently been renamed the “Thaddeus Haluch Memorial Golf Tournament” in honor of my grandfather. Grandpa ran the tournament for at least 37 years. and it has been held on Friday and Saturday of Father’s Day Weekend every year since I can remember. He passed away in 2016 so I decided I needed to keep up the tradition. I ran it for another five years with help from our Lodge 1540 and the West End Lodge in Pittsburgh. It become difficult for me to run from Florida, therefore, I asked the guys from the West End Lodge to take it over. Even though my family still helps with the logistics, Jeff, mom, and I get to golf if we want to!

Last year was my first time golfing. I had taken three lessons prior to the outing, and I thought I was going to be GOOD! Haha! Little did I know that golf is a very complicated game. I had a wonderful time and loved being a part of this tournament and actually golfing in it. But I won “high score”. In golf, the goal is to get the lowest score! My grandpa would have just shaken his head and said, “You need to keep your head down.” This year, I did improve my game and did not come in last place! Definitely, something to celebrate! On the opposite end of the spectrum, my mom won the tournament for the ladies (as she has at various times over the years).

Since I was a little girl I have been helping with this golf tournament. Grandpa would start getting stressed in May when the golfers would turn in their registration forms late or cancel at the last minute. My gram took the brunt of the frustration, but we all saw it. He would stress himself to the max letting 130-150 golfers play in this thing. But he loved it. He loved seeing all of the guys from the different lodges throughout Pennsylvania. He loved being the big guy and speaking at the awards banquet. And everyone loved seeing him, too.

It really is a great tournament with years of tradition. You get two days of golf, snacks throughout the day, the best Polish kielbasa, pop, beer, a gift, and dinner on Saturday. Plus, if you happen to be good enough you can win money and a trophy for first, second, and third place (if you are a part of the PNA by having a life insurance or annuity policy). My grandpa arranged the golfers by Flights depending on their scores from the previous year. If you never golfed in this tournament before you were not eligible to win a prize. But if you win your flight you move up to the next one the next year.

Our family has been involved in this tournament for over 40 years. When we were little, my sister and I would volunteer to take the most candy bars we could get that we had to sell for our softball teams. We knew Gramps would tell the golfers he needed a $1 for the 50/50 and $1 for a candy bar. They had to buy the candy whether they wanted to eat it or not! As we got older we drove around on the beer cart. We would have a boat load of cash tips at the end of the day. We thought it was the greatest thing. Even as adults we would man the beer cart and make some money.

My grandpa was old school so of course everything was done by hand. He also didn’t trust the guys so we needed to add up the scores. Then we needed to break any ties. Then we needed to write down their names, lodges, and scores in two places. It took us HOURS to do this. Most of the time we missed dinner and all the golfers just sat there waiting.

Eventually, gramps gave in to the computer, and I would sit on the course and take scores. That way they were added up correctly, and we could sort them and decide the next day’s pairings more quickly. It made it quicker but still, Friday was a long, long day that turned into a long, long night. On Saturday, we had to be down there at 6:30 am to get everything ready for the 8:00 am tee time. Many guys wouldn’t show up because they had too much fun the night before.

Once my sister and I were old enough to drink we would hang out in the bar with the golfers on Friday night. Of course, we didn’t pay for one drink. Grandpa was always worried about the drinking but he loved this weekend and looked forward to it every year. By Saturday evening, he was grinning ear to ear. He loved this tournament.

The past two years have been emotional for me. They were the first two years without gram or gramps. We had 20 new players this year and it hit me that they didn’t get the pleasure of meeting either one of my grandparents. It makes me sad that people won’t get to know them and what they meant to this golf tournament and what the tournament meant to them.

It’s hard to explain especially if you didn’t have a chance to meet my grandparents. It’s hard to understand what a golf tournament can mean to a family. I love that my grandparents knew so many people and that I get to hear their stories. I hope that those who knew my grandparents continue to pass along stories of them to the younger generations. I hope that they appreciate all that they were.

If you are interested in joining the PNA by buying a life insurance policy or annuity, please contact me.

In Adventures with Gram

Letter to Gram III (Frustration)

June 14, 2022 No Comments

This is post III of my letter to Gram. I told you it was LONG!! If you are just joining us, head on back to check out Letters to Gram I and II (Change). Writing this letter was very therapeutic for me and maybe writing a letter to your lost loved one will help you, too. Reading these letters again as I edit this post about Gram and my frustration just brings tears to my eyes. I miss that little lady so much.

Last week, my husband and I were blessed to have one of my Gramps‘ former basketball players and his wife at our house for an overnight stay. They were so close to my grandparents that they called them “Mama and Papa”. Hearing their stories of my grandparents and seeing the love in their eyes just touches my heart. My grandparents were the most amazing people and influenced so many lives. Even though I had over 40 years with them I wish I had more. I wish I would have had the pleasure of knowing my grandparents as young adults.

And now to continue on with my Letter to Gram….

Dear Gram,

After our trip to Florida where we met Jeff and Virginia to visit the family, we settled in for the northwest PA spring. That summer, I started working at Bill Lawrence Personal Fitness and took you with me many times. Everyone loved saying hi and chatting with you. You were such an inspiration because you had to climb up two flights of stairs to get to the gym every time we went. Thank you for letting me drag you along. I know it must have been more difficult and frustrating than you led on, but I think you enjoyed being around people even if they were 40 years younger than you.

Over the next three years, we had many great adventures. Jeff and I got more serious, and he asked us to move to Florida for most of the year. We became Sunbirds and started going to Florida for the winter and Pennsylvania in the summer. We flew more times those last five years of your life than you did the whole 91 years before. Even though you were becoming forgetful and on medication for dementia, you still remembered all of the family members and all of the former Alliance students as well. You were happy and willing to do almost anything we asked of you. Rarely did you show any frustration or anger.

In 2018, we lost my sister to cancer. You were upset that it was her and not you. You didn’t understand how or why these things were happening. We vowed to spend more time with the kids and mom in Virginia so we traveled up and down the highway even more.

Soon, you became less independent. I couldn’t leave you for an extended period of time. You started falling from time to time and once even had to get seven stitches put in your head. Jeff and I got engaged, and although we loved taking you with us, we wanted some time for just us. I remember starting to feel a bit resentful and frustrated about having to stay home with you (and boy, do I regret that now) when we couldn’t find anyone to relieve us of our caretaking duties. What I wouldn’t give to spend another beautiful day with you just chilling by the pool.

Even though we had many great talks in the bathroom, I was starting to get down. I wanted to travel more. I wanted to be able to pick up and go and not worry about finding someone to stay with you. I didn’t feel like I had any help except for my Prince, my cousin across the street, a wonderful friend from elementary school, and some amazing, caring teenagers. My caregiving job was getting harder and harder, and I felt like I was not being fair to you.

I feel terrible about how frustrated I would get sometimes with you. I didn’t know how to stop and breathe and just let it go. I didn’t know how to not be selfish. I didn’t want to resent my husband for getting to go while I had to stay home with you. And I didn’t want to resent you for having to stay home. And yes, I know there are worse things than having to sit and watch Wheel of Fortune with you. Honestly now, I wish you were here so we could relax by the pool while Jeff ran around like a gypsy!

I just wanted help. I wanted a granny nanny who could be on call when we needed her and who would treat you like we did. I know plenty of families who had nannies. Could it be that hard to find someone to stay with you? I didn’t think it would be.

We searched Care.com and interviewed tons of people. We found one lady who actually worked with you for about two weeks. I was so happy to have help and to have someone we could trust when we wanted to take a trip. But then she quit. We interviewed more people but no one seemed right for the job. I guess the task is different from asking someone to care for a child and asking someone to care for an elderly woman.

After discussions with mom and Jeff and after you fell again when I was on the other side of the pool, we decided that a senior living center was probably our only option. We wrote you a letter and you agreed that it was time to go. We told you that you would have your own apartment and you seemed really excited about it. We dropped you off and when we left you were all smiles. It was such a relief. I really hoped you would enjoy being in a place where you could relax and not be drug around with us. I was hoping you would make new friends and thrive in your new living environment. But the next three months were some of the most difficult for me and probably for you, too. Please know that leaving you in the senior living center was one of the hardest things I have had to do.

Deciding when to be a caregiver and when to give it up is a very personal and difficult decision. As a caregiver, you do need to put yourself and your relationships first. That way you can be the best caregiver to those you are caring for. There are many decisions to weigh and lots of options out there. Do what is best for you!

There is still one more letter…the story continues.

In Family

Family

June 7, 2022 No Comments

Family. What can you say? Family can be fun. Family can be frustrating. Family can be crazy. I have spent the last four weeks helping my husband and my sister-in-law move their mom from Texas to West Virginia and then to Florida. We’ve flown to different states and driven through a few more. We found a couple of apartments, waited on moving trucks, unpacked boxes, repacked boxes, moved furniture, hung pictures, opened and closed accounts, and needless to say had a few drinks at the end of the day. But for now, all is well. Fingers crossed 🙂

Family is a crazy thing. Some days are good. Some are bad. Some family members are there for you whenever you call upon them. And some are not. Sometimes family is supportive and sometimes they are exhausting. And sometimes they may talk behind your back yet will have no problem asking you for help.

Whatever your family is, whether you were born into it, adopted, or whether you chose to make others your family, just remember you don’t have to be taken advantage of. Family is there to love you, support you, to offer advice and encouragement. Family is not there to put you down, to make you feel bad, or to make you feel like you are doing something wrong.

Sometimes family members may not mean to make you feel bad but maybe they have other issues such as mental health conditions, depression, or dementia. And this can cause stress on your relationships with them and others. Gram, who never wanted to be a burden, caused us stress in a different way as we were constantly worried about her health and well-being. If this happens, try to open the lines of communication (if the family member is mentally capable). It is usually better to talk it out. Ignoring the problem really isn’t going to fix it. If something is bothering you then try to get clarification as oftentimes there might just be a misunderstanding or confusion within the situation. Hopefully, you can discuss the problem and come to a solution instead of holding a grudge for some misunderstanding. If mental health is in the way then you can help your family member with finding resources so they can get the help they need.

So, in the end, choose the “family” that makes you shine. Choose the family that is there for you. Choose the family that calls just say hi. Choose the family that makes you laugh. Choose the family that makes you feel good about being you. And that family can be whomever you want them to be!

In Family

10 Years

May 24, 2022 No Comments

On May 23, ten years ago we lost my dear old dad. As you have read, he was a fighter. He battled lung cancer for nine years. He rarely complained, and he rarely let it slow him down. He kept smiling through any of the pain he was in.

The other night the whole family must have been on my mind because I had a crazy dream that included my mom, my dad, my sister, and Gram. It was so nice to see them all. Gramps rarely visits me in my dreams, which does make me sad because I would love to see him. I don’t know why he doesn’t show up.

My dreams usually jump from one setting to another. Almost like being on a movie set. It was like I was in an airport meeting the family. And then we were all in a few rooms in a hotel. Of course, in my dreams, I was in one of those moods and was ready to sing DREAMS! I think my prince said “noooooo” but everyone else was ready. It really was a great dream. It didn’t make any sense but all of the family was there. And everyone was happy. What I liked most was that it was a kind of a long dream so I got to spend a lot of time with the family. And what I really loved was when I woke up I remembered it because it was so vivid.

I can’t believe it has been 10 years since my father died. I wish he was here to see his amazing grandchildren. He would love watching his granddaughter hit the game-winning RBI. I wish he was here to enjoy retirement with my mom. I imagine they would be traveling all over. I wish he was here to spend the holidays with the family. I wish he was here to meet my husband. He would enjoy relaxing by our pool and seeing his stepgrandson graduate from college. I wish for so many things.

It’s amazing to think that 10 years ago I was only 36 years old when my dad went to heaven. I can’t believe it. I was in such a different phase of life. I am glad my dad got to see me as a successful teacher and coordinator of special education, a house owner, and a woman who wanted to see the world. I believe he was proud of me then, and I believe he would be proud of me now in my role as a former caretaker of Gram as well as my new role as a temporary teacher, blogger, travel agent, fitness enthusiast, slumlord, and pilot’s wife. I miss him so much.

So, dad, I hope you are having a blast up there in heaven. As much as I wish you were here, I hated to see you in pain. I am relieved of that but of course, I wish things were different. I hope you keep coming to us in our dreams. Put your arms around mom every now and again. She could use a great big hug from you. Watch over us and keep us safe. You always did. Love and miss you dad. See you when my time comes.

In Adventures with Gram

Letter to Gram II (Change)

April 12, 2022 4 Comments

Today’s post is a continuation of my Letter to Gram. If you are jumping in, head on back to that first post about how writing a letter to your loved one can be therapeutic. This letter is the second part of my letter to Gram and about how much changed that first year I had the opportunity to take care of her.

Dear Gram,

Our journey continues. After 16 years in Richmond, I needed a change. I was not happy with my job or the dating scene. I met a friend of a friend who was moving to Thailand to teach English. It sounded like something that I just needed to do. I had the same feeling in my stomach as when I moved to California. I just knew I had to go.

As I was considering moving to Thailand, Grandpa voiced his opinion and didn’t really want me to go. He was about to turn 90, and I think he was scared he wouldn’t make it until my return. Maybe he knew his health was failing. He had been in and out of the hospital the year prior with his congestive heart failure, but he always bounced back. I don’t remember you telling me not to go. I only remember your support and you probably told me Gary and Shar used to live there, too! I think you were excited for me to go on a crazy adventure, and I couldn’t wait to see the world.

Even though I was only gone three months, I did miss Grandpa’s 90^th birthday bash, and I am really sorry that I did. He was so happy and many of his old players and students came back for the occasion. Mom did FaceTime me so I did get to see you dancing with the toy soldier and got to be a part of some of the celebration.

I also missed the beautiful birth of my nephew. I knew there would never be a time that I wouldn’t miss something so I will never regret going to Thailand and gaining all that I experienced. But I also wish I could have been in two places at the same time. (of course! I am a Yes, Woman!)

I ended up coming back from Thailand for Christmas to see the family and my new nephew who was only 19 days old. That Christmas of 2015, Gramps got sick. My sister asked him if he wanted to go to the emergency room and he said yes. So off we went. He had fluid built up around his lungs and ended up having a longer stay than any of us wanted. I remember you not wanting to leave his side, and I wish I would have talked the staff into letting us both stay to be with him. I didn’t realize how much you felt the need to be there until I was the one who wanted to stay with you in the hospital room. I am sorry that we didn’t let you stay. I know the staff said it was a liability, and we didn’t want you to fall and get hurt either, but I finally realized how much you truly wanted to be there. And how lonely the hospital room can be.

After a week of Gramps being in the hospital, we all decided I wasn’t going back to Thailand. I had some wonderful adventures and saw nine new countries including Germany, Finland, Sweden, and The Netherlands so I decided I would stay home and spend time with you and Gramps. My house in Richmond was rented until September, and I was unemployed. Gramps spent a month in rehab while you and I stayed with mom. Finally, we decided to take Grandpa back home to Pennsylvania with Hospice Care. It was going to be a big change, but I would move in and be there for you both.

We made it home and my cousin across the street helped me get Gramps in the house. It was not an easy task, and I am not sure how we did it. Grandpa was so upset that we weren’t in your condo in Florida and once he saw the hospital bed in the living room, he seemed deflated. I think maybe it was his last wish to be in sunny Florida before he passed on.

My mom came up a few days later but after a week, Grandpa’s body couldn’t fight anymore. We called the priest in for the anointing of the sick and all prayed together with my sister on the phone. The next morning, he faded out and was gone. I am sorry, Grandpa, that I was not there to hold your hand as you headed toward the light. And I am sorry, Gram, that you barely made it to tell him you loved him one more time. It seemed to happen so fast, and I hate that we were not all there for him in those final moments.

That week was full of preparations. We planned with the funeral home and family started arriving in town. Although it was great to see everyone, it was sad, sad circumstances. After the dust settled, it was just you and me. I wasn’t sure if you would last two days, two months, or two years, without him. You just lost your best friend, and I wasn’t sure you knew what to do next.

It was February 2016. We just lost Gramps. It was snowing. I didn’t have a job yet therefore, we made fires, watched the snowfall, and watched black and white movies all day. We didn’t go out in the cold if we didn’t have to. About a month later, my high school girlfriends talked me into volunteer coaching for the high school softball team. Then one of my college girlfriends offered me a job at a local dairy isle. What a change from the field of education! We had a wonderful summer once the weather turned. We zoomed around town in my little convertible EOS, watching softball games, eating ice cream, drinking wine, and going out to eat at our favorite restaurant, Venango Valley. I reconnected with high school and college friends and was enjoying being with you and being back in my hometown.

Then December came and you broke your hip (the first time). I couldn’t let what happened to Gramps happen to you so I vowed to be with you 24/7 and I broke you loose from the rehab center. Once you were back home, your spirits picked right up, your attitude changed and you were walking around the house with your walker in no time. You became more dependent on me, but I was just happy you were doing well.

That February, after your fall, we both were sad and depressed because of the weather, and we were tired of being cooped up in the house. We needed a change. Therefore, we took off for Florida. It was perfect timing because that is when I met my Prince. You seemed to like him right from the start and that was the beginning of more crazy adventures, but now there was three of us.

Making the change and being able to take care of you led me to so many wonderful things in life. I reconnected with amazing friends and got to spend more time with them. I also met new friends who grew to love you and your presence. And of course, I met my husband. We all miss you more than you know.

(to be continued…)

In Adventures with Gram

St. Gram’s Day

March 15, 2022 No Comments

To me, as a little kid, St. Patrick’s Day meant that we had to go to church. Once I turned 21, it meant drinking green beer and celebrating with the rest of the fools who were out and about. Over the past three years, St. Patrick’s Day has become something more special to me and last year it became St. Gram’s Day.

In 2019, we had lifelong friends in town for a visit to Florida. We had recently bought our boat and had the name put on the back of it. Our friend, Katie, who designed our logo was in town so we christened the boat with beer and a trip to the Boathouse. Gram was dressed in her St. Patrick’s Day best, and we had a wonderful day playing in the sun and celebrating all the good things in life.

Katie designed our amazing logo “Sabai, Sabai” which means don’t worry, be happy in Thai. She added a kettlebell for the A and put the world map inside it because we love CrossFit and traveling. She also dotted the i’s with airplanes for my hubby. As you have read in “How Did I Get Here?“, I went to Thailand to teach English which is where I learned the meaning of the words Sabai Sabai. Therefore, that is what we named our boat to show others there is no benefit to worrying. As life happens, look at the positive and make choices that make you happy.

In March 2021, Jeff and I were on a ski trip in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Gram had passed away just a few weeks prior. I was still kind of in shock and sad about losing my best friend. What happened that St. Patrick’s Day will forever hold a special place in my heart. I will never forget the love and support shown to me by all who participated in the event.

On St. Patrick’s Day that week, our group met out on a rooftop bar after a bluebird day of skiing. My husband gave a little speech about Sweet Gram and all of the group unzipped their jackets. And there on their shirts appeared sweet gram’s smiling face and a message saying “St. Gram’s Day…Do it for the Gram.” It brings tears to my eyes as I write this today.

Most of the people in this group had the opportunity to meet gram. They had either met her on a ski trip or met her at our house in Florida. And, of course, we talked about her all the time. Many of them knew her and loved her just like we did. It still amazes me how thoughtful this group was to wear shirts for me as an amazing tribute to my little Gram.

So, this week I will wear my St. Gram’s Day shirt with pride. I can’t thank my husband and the members of our group enough. It means the world to me that these three above thought of the idea and made the effort to make my week a little brighter after the devastation of losing sweet Gram.

Thank you, my friends. I cannot say it enough. Happy St. Gram’s Day, Gram! Drink some green beer for us!

In Fitness and Nutrition

Insecurity

January 18, 2022 No Comments

“The American Psychological Association reports that insecurity is multifaceted. It pertains to an overall sense of uncertainty or anxiety about your worth, abilities, skills, and value as a person, conveying the message that you’re at risk or in danger of something or someone. That negative impact of insecurity could be physical, mental, or emotional. Without security, you can’t accomplish full trust or function to your fullest potential.”

Why do we have insecurity? Are we influenced by outside factors? Is there a way to feel more confident about relationships, our looks, our bodies, our talents, our jobs, and our material goods? Why are we so negative to ourselves? And how do we overcome it? Check out this website.

I try to be a positive person, and I try to count my blessings for all that I have in life and for all the amazing people I have met. But sometimes insecurity creeps in, and I feel anxious, sad, hopeless, or depressed. And that’s when I need to check myself and find ways to overcome it. I feel if you don’t deal with the insecurity it can really pull you into a deep dark place. Because I don’t want to stay in that place of insecurity, I take action to cope with it by talking to my husband, my therapist, or reading some self-help books. One of my favorite authors is SARK. Just picking up one of her books makes me smile. Her website is filled with positive thoughts and reinforcements as well. Two of my favorite books are Succulent Wild Woman and Transformation Soup.

It’s so hard when you see insecurity in others whether it be friends or family members. You want to tell them they have no reason to be insecure because you see all of their amazing qualities even when they don’t see it in themselves. They are smart or beautiful or talented. But when you feel it yourself you understand why others feel that way, too. Sometimes it’s so hard to believe that the most beautiful, famous, successful woman is insecure. We think how can she be insecure when she has it all (or what we think is “all”). But guess what? Insecurities are there for everyone. We just need to figure out how to deal with them in a healthy way.

“Insecurity is a universal experience, but not all people experience insecurity so intensely that it disrupts their life and ability to function. If insecurity is creating unwanted impacts in your mental, social, or physical health, it could be time to take action and address the issue with professional support and assistance” (written by Eric Patterson, LPC).

Somehow we need to figure out how to be more confident and count our blessings. No matter who we are, we have so much. We have our lives, our health, our families, and our friends. We have roofs over our heads, food to eat, and freedom to explore. We need to remember that every situation is just that, a situation. We need to form our response to that situation and that can be in a positive or a negative way. We create our own happiness and security. Positive self-talk, pushing away negative feelings, looking forward to the future, and focusing on the good in this world can make a huge difference.

Photo by Melanie Wasser on Unsplash

In Family

Timing

October 5, 2021 3 Comments

I had the pleasure of spending a beautiful fall day with my mother a couple of weeks ago. We went to Buffalo to our favorite jewelry store. The owner, Gary Grelick, played basketball for my Grandpa and has been a family friend for as long as I can remember. My grandfather loved investing in jewelry for my grandmother and used Bomi Jewelers for all his jewelry needs. Gram didn’t have an engagement ring so I believe my grandfather tried to make up for it later in her life. I guess it’s all about the timing.

Gary has made beautiful and unique pieces for our family over the years. I remember as a child going to the store and just loved being around all those gems. I was in awe looking through all the amazing jewelry cases. No wonder I love diamonds so much 🙂 (plus they happen to be my birthstone!).

This time my mother and I took a road trip up to New York. Mom decided this summer to take off her wedding band and engagement ring. It has been nine years since my dad passed and this summer she decided the timing was right. She wanted Gary to make her something special to wear in place of her band. After a couple of hours of deliberating and trying different pieces, mom decided on a beautiful piece that will incorporate all of our family’s birthstones as well as her engagement ring. It is going to be absolutely gorgeous. I cannot wait for her to get it!

After our trip to the jewelry store, we went to Niagara Falls. We had lunch in our car, went to the Casino for about an hour, and walked around the park. I did win $11. It was a perfect autumn afternoon. Then it was time to leave. I left my mom with her cousins for a fun-filled fall weekend in upstate New York, and I got into my car to head home to PA.

On my way home, I started thinking about my parents and the timing of it all. They knew each other in high school and started dating in their 20’s. They then married and had my sister and me. Their marriage was not perfect, they had many trials and tribulations, but they were making it, and they loved each other.

At age 51, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Lung cancer. Stage 3. It was wrapped around his pulmonary artery, and they were not going to operate. He went through months of radiation and chemo and things were looking stable. He ended up fighting lung cancer on and off for the next nine years. At age 60, the fight was too much, his time on Earth was over, and God took him to Heaven to do other work.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because when he was fighting I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s. I knew he wasn’t “old” but he was my Dad. I guess I never really thought about his AGE or the timing of it. On that car ride home, I thought back to when his battle began, and I realized my husband is the same age as my dad was when his battle began. It has put into perspective how YOUNG my dad was when this all started. And it put into perspective how YOUNG my mom was when he passed and how young she still is.

It has been nine years. I am not sure if my mom has thought about dating. If my mom would have started seeing someone right after my dad passed, maybe I would have been hurt or upset. But now it’s been nine years. I know she loved my dad, and they had a great life together. But now I am wondering when is the time right to move on?

I know it’s different for everyone. Some people move from one relationship to another right after a partner’s death, a divorce, or a break-up. Some people take years to find someone they want to spend time with again. We are all unique. We all deal with death, divorce, and break-ups differently. There is no book to follow and no timeline to adhere to.

It is very difficult to be the person on the outside. Sometimes you want your friend or loved to move on. You want them to “just get over it”. Or sometimes we think “how can they start dating again ALREADY?”. It’s way too soon. The timing is different for everyone in every situation. We can’t judge. We need to be supportive and encouraging. We need to remember we aren’t in the same situation. We don’t know what we would do.

I really would like my mom to find someone to spend the rest of her years with. Now whether she wants someone or not, I don’t know. She has her grandchildren, her family, and her friends. But I pray that God will put someone in her life to travel with, to explore the world with, to experience the grandchildren with. I hope that maybe the timing is right. Maybe taking her ring off is the first step in putting herself out there and being open to the idea of sharing her life with someone.

As I drove home I thought of my family and the losses we have endured. I remember one Christmas we were driving around town looking at the Christmas lights. At that point, everyone in the car was “single”. My brother-in-law just lost my sister, Gram had lost Gramps, and Mom had lost Dad. I was the only one in the car who had decided to divorce my ex-husband and who was dating My Prince 10 years later. All of the others did not choose the path they were on. And it still breaks my heart that they have lost their loves and that half of my family is gone.

So the question remains, when is the time right to move on? One week, one month, one year, five years, 10 years? There is so much to process when you lose someone close to you. Of course, I believe finding the right therapist and talking it out can really help. I also think surrounding yourself with positive, happy people helps. As hard as it is to accept, the loved one isn’t coming back.

So, the question becomes when is the timing right? What do I want? Do I want to do life by myself with friends and family? Do I want a partner to go to dinner with and share the day’s events with before bedtime? Of course, it is an individual decision and finding the right partner to spend time with isn’t always easy.

But remember, life is short. Whatever path you choose, make it a happy one, and count the blessings you do have. Enjoy the time you have left on Earth doing what you love, doing what inspires you, and doing things to inspire others.

In Family

Jeff’s mom

September 14, 2021 No Comments

As you read in My Prince, I met Jeff in 2017. Prior to this past week, I only met his mother once when we were in Dallas for a wedding. She was having major back issues and seemed very uncomfortable and in a lot of pain. Since then, we have invited Jeff’s mom to several events but she has been hesitant and unwilling to travel. Plus, she had a small dog that needed care. Jeff saw her a few times as he has had layovers in the area.

This summer Jeff’s mom finally said yes! She agreed to come to West Virginia to see her children and grandchildren and other family members. Recently, her little pup was not doing well and needed to be put down. We are heartbroken for her but she no longer had any excuses. So Jeff’s mom was on her way!

Jeff and I agreed to go to Texas to get her and help her maneuver the airport. Although we had to take a roundabout way of getting back to Pennsylvania from Virginia, it was worth it. I think us being there for her really helped her relax and feel more confident about getting on a plane again. Although she was a flight attendant for 25 years she hasn’t really flown since she retired. And I think we were all nervous about how Jeff’s mom would do. But she checked herself in and was at the gate by the time we got our bags and checked back in to met her at the gate. Sometimes you just need to take the leap! And we were so happy that Jeff’s mom was taking the leap at 74!

We were able to celebrate a wonderful birthday dinner as a family with Jeff’s mom on her birthday. She was happy to be surrounded by family on her big day. And we all had a wonderful time. I think sometimes the anxiety of a situation is worse than the actual situation. We all had a great time celebrating this lovely lady. And I hope she felt that, too.

Jeff’s sister lives at the top of a hill in West Virginia with a beautiful overlook. She also has four dogs and Jeff’s mom loved every one of them (as did Gram :)). She has talked about how she loves the views from Jenn’s porch. She loves the birds, the deer, and “even the groundhogs”. Actually, we think she likes it so much that after 35 years away she may move back to West Virginia. And our fingers are crossed that she does!

So in the end it doesn’t matter if you are 8, 15, 21, 32, 50, or 75 the anxiety of a situation is usually much worse than the actual situation. And sometimes no matter how old you are or what situation you are in, sometimes you just need to take the leap!! I, for one, think it will all be alright and whatever will be will be. Just do it!

caregiving

Teamwork

PNA Golf

Letter to Gram III (Frustration)

Family

10 Years

Letter to Gram II (Change)

St. Gram’s Day

Insecurity

Timing

Jeff’s mom

Missing Gram

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Letter to Gram

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