caregiving Archives - Page 3 of 3 - Inspired & Strong | Making the Best of Every Day with Stacy

MacAttack

September 7, 2021 1 Comment

Happy Birthday to my niece and my mother-in-law!

Today is my niece’s ninth birthday. I cannot believe she is nine already. Where does the time go? I remember holding her the day she was born. She had the darkest hair but a full head of it! When my sister was born she had a full head of the darkest hair, too! Then she became the blondest of blonds. I couldn’t wait to see what this little one would turn into. And just nine years later, she is a beast on the softball field with the nickname MacAttack.

She is the most beautiful little girl. She has blue-green eyes and light brown hair. Watching her grow up has been one of the best experiences of my life. From taking her first steps to saying her first word to learning the colors of the rainbow to reading her first book and now playing softball. It’s just amazing how quickly these little people grow right up.

I miss holding her and cuddling with her. She thinks she’s all grown up. She doesn’t want to hold my hand anymore out in public and rarely will sit on the couch and snuggle. But I hold on to every moment that she does. And I told her I am squeezing her every chance I get. Of course, I get the pre-teen roll of the eyes.

Because my sister loved Luke Bryan so does my niece. I remember MacAttack singing his songs all the time. She knew every word and knows most of the words to every country song now. I love watching her sing and dance. She has no worries or insecurities. She just does what she enjoys doing unlike the rest of us who worry about what we look like. She and my nephew will sing and dance in the back seat of the car or in the restaurant. Watching them is one of my most favorite things to do.

My sister and I were about three years apart and so are my niece and nephew. Although we had our issues, we got along really well, and I miss her so much every day. I am happy to say that my niece and nephew get along really, really well, too. They love playing with each other and MacAttack loves being the big sister. She is so excited to take him to school this year. She will be in fourth grade and he is starting kindergarten. She is protective of him and doesn’t want him to hurt himself when he does all the boy things he does! Just wait until he starts hitting on all of her girlfriends (which he already does!).

I am so proud to be MacAttack’s aunt. I was so proud of her and the way she would treat Babcia (Gram). MacAttack would take her hand and walk her to the door. I hope she learns to be an independent, happy woman. I hope she always sings and dances whenever she feels like it. I hope she knows there is no limit to what she can do and no boundaries. She can be whatever she wants to be. And I hope she knows her aunt is one of her biggest fans.

In Adventures with Gram

Gram’s House

August 31, 2021 4 Comments

As most of you know, I started taking care of Gram in 2016. Then she passed away on February 24, 2021, and life hasn’t been the same without her. Also, as most of you know, I met my husband, Jeff, along the way and became a snowbird. The three of us have been spending winters in Florida and summers at Gram’s House in Pennsylvania.

Over the past five years, we have done several updates to Gram’s House. When I first moved back in 2016, my mom reminded me that Grandma and Grandpa built their house in 1967. It’s a three-bedroom, two-bathroom ranch with a one-car garage. I have always loved Gram’s House and I love it, even more, knowing that they built it just the way they wanted it.

Once I moved in I thought some updates were definitely needed. The rug in Gram’s House was so old. I don’t know if I remembered it being any other color but blue. I told mom we should get a new carpet, and she said there were hardwood floors underneath. Not sure why my grandparents covered them up but I, along with my cousin, Pat, decided to uncover them! And wow, are they beautiful!

Over the past five years, we have done quite a few updates. The floors are all new, we updated the little bathroom, got a new roof, and finally took the wallpaper off the kitchen walls. We added a little backsplash and made it a little homier and less 1980’s. Gram enjoyed the changes although, at one point, I mentioned painting the kitchen cabinets gray and white, and she was not having it. Other than that, she was happy and she always said, this is your house. You and Jeff.

When she passed away we weren’t sure what to do with the house. The housing market in our area was booming, and the house was worth more than we could have ever imagined it would be worth. Even at her funeral, we had a few people interested in Gram’s House. One of our local churches wanted it for a pastoral home. My mom, Jeff, and I were excited about this offer. We knew if the family wasn’t going to be in the house that Gram and Gramps built then perhaps Gram and Gramps would want the church to have it. The church would maintain it and do all the upkeep on the place. Our biggest fear was that someone would move in and not appreciate Gram’s House. We believed the church would take care of it and it would continue to be a part of the community that meant so much to my grandparents.

Well, that deal didn’t happen, and we were at a loss. My mom recently moved to Virginia to be close with her grandchildren so she didn’t need another house. We didn’t need another house. We made the decision that we would clean out Gram’s House this summer and put a For Sale sign in the yard.

But then it happened. I drove across the back roads and down the hill and pulled into the driveway. I loved this house. Could I let it go? Did I want to let it go? Jeff and I loved coming to Pennsylvania for the summers. Where would we stay? My mom was coming up in a few days for my grandpa’s memorial golf tournament. We were going to clean things out and get Gram’s House ready to sell. But as we went through things it became more and more clear. I wasn’t ready.

After a few days of cleaning and reminiscing, I talked to my mom. I couldn’t let it go. Would she sell it to us? Would she want to keep it in the family? And much to my relief…she said Yes! I didn’t know if I was just being emotional or not. But I talked to my therapist (because I have one and believe everyone should talk to someone because mental health is just as important as physical health) and she said to consider the 4 Rs. Is the decision Reasonable, Rational, Realistic and what will you Regret less? So, in the end, I talked to my husband. Were we being emotional? Was it reasonable and rational? What would we regret less? Together, we decided we wanted to buy Gram’s House.

We love Gram’s house, the layout, the location, and the memories. We couldn’t let it go. My husband, mother, and I came up with a plan and everything was super easy. We went to First Choice Settlements and the closing took about 10 minutes. I am so proud and excited to say that the first BIG purchase Jeff and I made together was to buy Gram’s House. And even though it’s ours now, and we will probably make more changes, I don’t know if I will ever call it anything other than Gram’s House. And I hope that anyone who comes to our house feels the love, presence, and generosity that was instilled in Gram’s house by my grandparents.

In Adventures with Gram

Celebration of Gram

June 15, 2021 No Comments

Many of our friends from Florida could not make it to Pennsylvania for Gram’s memorial service. Therefore, a few weeks ago, we held a poolside Celebration of Gram. Sitting by the pool became Gram’s favorite “activity”. As soon as she finished breakfast it was poolside where she wished to be. So what better place to honor Gram and her inspiring life.

We had a great turnout. All but one of our friends had met Gram before and had their picture taken with Gram either at our house, by the pool, on the boat, or at a restaurant. It made us realize how much of an impact she really had and how many people she met over the past five years.

As I was going through all the pictures trying to get ready for the celebration, it hit me how much we did with Gram. We took her everywhere. She met so many people and loved all of them. We laugh at thinking how most of her “friends” over her last 5 years of life were 40-50 years younger than her. It makes me happy that she had such adventures in her 90’s. She seemed to enjoy everything we did with her. At first, she didn’t really like flying but over the past five years, I think she came to enjoy it. My guess is that she flew more in her last 5 years than she did in her first 91 combined. Even with her dementia, she was happy. It makes me miss her so much.

Because I was always with her I didn’t notice how much she actually aged over the past year or two. Looking at the pictures and thinking back I remember her getting very sick in January and September of 2020. She fell three times last summer, one of which required 7 stitches on her forehead. She wasn’t doing much but sleeping on the couch, by the pool, and in her bed. Although she never complained, I am sure at 96 and a half, after all the running we made her do, her body was tired.

At the Celebration of Gram, our friends told stories of Gram. They remembered how sweet her smile was, how she loved sitting by the pool, how she loved Kuma the cat, and how she cheered for Jeff’s Ohio State Buckeyes. One friend remembered how Gram was really not happy one night when I made her stay at their house too long. It seemed Gram was always in the opposite room of where we were. She kept saying, “Stacy, let’s go. It’s time to go.” And she would give me that look. She never wanted to be a burden and this was her way of saying it. It was the one time our friends remember her being the least bit upset. Sweet Gram definitely could turn into a spitfire when she wanted to!

Anyway, the turnout was beautiful and Gram was sorely missed. She lived an amazing life. If you missed the Eulogy take a few minutes to watch it. It really celebrates Gram and her impact on this world. Love and miss you Gram!

In Family

Hell of a View

May 25, 2021 No Comments

Every time I hear the song “Hell of a View” by Eric Church, I think of my niece and nephew. They love that song and sing every word. I think they like it because it says “I smoked my Bronco tires outta that town” and their Pops has a Bronco. They seem to like songs they can relate to. I hope they embrace the meaning of that song and take chances with their “toes hanging off the ledge with nothing to lose”. I hope they take chances and live life to the fullest every day like they are now.

When we are driving around from playground to playground and that song comes on, the kids sit in the backseat bobbing their heads and singing without a care in the world. Meanwhile, I am trying to fight back tears because I am thinking about how much I want my sister to be there with us. And how mad and sad and pissed I am that she was taken from us and from them. I am so upset that she isn’t here to hear them sing and to squeeze them when they go to bed every night. I know she is here in spirit, but I want to hear her laugh and see her smile.

May 7^th, 2018 was when we lost her after her 18-month battle with cancer. It really hasn’t stopped hurting since. I am not sure any of us have truly gotten over it. How can you? But somehow we have to try to find a way to get by, and we have to believe there is something bigger out there. So I guess we are supposed to be grateful that her pain is gone, and that she has a hell of a view up there.

May is a hard month for our family. Nine years ago on May 23, my sister, mom, and I held my dad’s hand as he took his last earthly breath after his nine-year battle with lung cancer. My dad was only 61 years old. I look at my friends and family around me now and think we are not far from 61. It’s unbelievable how young he really was. I am so glad he fought long enough to know my sister was pregnant, and he tried to hold on to see that sweet baby girl but didn’t make it. Days like this make me sad he didn’t get the chance to hold his grandchildren and spoil them. He would have had so much fun with those little ones. In his quiet way, he would have taught them so much. He LOVED music, too, and could have introduced them to some real classics. He could tell you the artist and name of almost any song. I still remember my dad’s face when he got a Bose stereo for Christmas one year. That was a hell of a view.

Because this past Sunday was the 23rd, I went to church. I felt that I needed to hear some kind of message. God must have sent the Pastor a sign because it seemed he knew just what I needed to hear. The message was that we are on a journey. The journey isn’t going to be easy and there are going to be challenges. He said God doesn’t call us to do anything he doesn’t think we can handle. Trials are necessary but God promises unconditional love and everlasting life. Jesus gave it all for us so we need to trust that God will give it all to us if we give it all to him. It is hard to think about the promise of Heaven when we are here on Earth just doing what we think is best. Sometimes it’s hard to see past the trials. Sometimes it’s hard not to question why. Sometimes it’s hard not to be envious of a friend who still has their father or their sibling. But I guess we need to believe, and we need to realize life is precious. Make the best of it and appreciate the view.

This quote from Mother Teresa pretty much sums up how I feel at times. She said,

I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.

I guess God thinks I am one strong cookie with all the trials he has sent my way. But maybe we all feel that way. All of us have losses and struggles. Many of us question why. One day we will find out. One day we will be up in Heaven with a Hell of a View. Until then live life with your toes hanging off the ledge.

Featured Photo by Balazs Busznyak on Unsplash

In Family

That Summer

May 18, 2021 No Comments

As you read in “The Broken Hip”, Gram and I took off for Florida in February 2017. It was there, at the CrossFit gym, where I met my future husband as you read in our trio blog posts from him, Eleina, and myself. It was also at that time that I had just started my First Dream Team. And we had just learned that my sister had Cancer. But let’s continue on our journey with Gram that summer.

After two weeks in Florida, Gram, the cat, and I made our way to Richmond to see the family. My sister had just undergone surgery and was recovering from having several organs removed. The doctors felt surgery was the best approach to try to rid her body of cancer. She was hopeful and ready to kick cancer’s ass. She was so strong and she didn’t stay long in the hospital bed. She was ready to be home with her little ones. We stayed a couple of weeks to help out and to spend some time with her.

Once she was settled back at home, Gram and I continued on our journey to PA. I decided to start taking classes to get my real estate license. I thought being a realtor would give me flexible hours and a flexible schedule. I could then care for Gram, but also make some money and possibly turn it into a career when my caretaking duties were finished.

Because it was my first Dream Team I also spent a lot of time at the gym. I took my new healthy lifestyle seriously plus I was meeting new friends. I really enjoyed it. Many days, I would take Gram with me to the gym and even put her through a few workouts. She was so inspiring. She would do some squats, lift some dumbbells, and do a weight machine or two. I hoped it would help her with her balance. At that time, the gym was on the second floor so just to get to the gym Gram had to walk up two flights of stairs. And she did it well!

My sister had another surgery in May, and they scraped every inch of her abdomen. She was in the operating room for 20 hours. It was so scary. But, she pulled through and was ready to go home within days. I couldn’t believe how determined she was. We all prayed that the surgery would be the last, and she would start the remission process. But they still wanted her to do chemotherapy and radiation that summer, which she did. She held onto most of her hair until that fall. Then it started getting thin. It eventually fell out by Christmas.

After months of studying, I passed my real estate license test and started selling houses. I really enjoyed it. Gram went with me several times to show houses. Sometimes she would go in and sometimes she would just sit in the car. She was content and happy. We spent that summer riding around in my little convertible EOS, getting ice cream at all of the hot spots, and making our way up and down the highway to and from Richmond. We didn’t have much of a schedule so we just took one day at a time and wanted to spend as much time as we could with the family.

That summer, I was busy with real estate and started doing some personal training at the gym. Jeff and I stayed in touch but only saw each other a few times. I kept thinking ‘if it’s meant to be, it will be.’ I wanted it to work, but I knew the distance could limit the opportunity, especially since his youngest son was still in high school. So I enjoyed my time with Gram and doing my own thing. She was the best companion because she did what I wanted to do and didn’t complain 🙂

As the weather got chillier and fall came upon us, things started to change. Jeff asked me to a few family functions and football games as our relationship started becoming more serious. Gram told my friends and family that she better not say how much she liked Jeff or I would stop dating him. Therefore, she kept it a secret for a while. But every now and again, when I was in the bathroom with Gram, she would let it slip and say, “I like Jeff. Do you like Jeff?” And of course, I liked Jeff but we still lived in different states, and I wasn’t sure where life would lead or what Life Changes would occur.

My sister finished chemo and was feeling pretty good. She was working on gaining muscle and getting her strength back. The kids were getting older and more involved in gymnastics and tee-ball. We all loved watching them play. We were all hopeful. We were looking forward to Christmas and spending more family time together. My sister was so positive and determined. Even as she was battling cancer and going through surgeries, radiation, and chemo, she kept a positive outlook. She laughed, she smiled. She enjoyed all the little things. Little did we know that upcoming Christmas would be her last and more life changes would be upon us.

In Family

The Kids

May 4, 2021 No Comments

A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful pleasure of spending 10 days with my niece and nephew while my mom had some free time to go on vacation. I was excited to spend some time in Richmond, and of course, to spend some quality time with the kids.

My niece and nephew are the cutest little people. I love hearing their stories, watching them play together, and laugh. My nephew, who is the youngest, is always trying to do what his older sister can. He has absolutely no fear. So what she does, he wants to do. Although my niece is a little more hesitant she is always ready to swing from the monkey bars or climb high on the jungle gym. She loves being the big sister and showing him what to do. I hope they stay this close as they grow up.

Over the course of my visit, I took the kids to many different playgrounds. They showed me a few of their favorites, and I showed them a new one that they loved. They are little monkeys and climbed all over the obstacles, swings, and monkey bars. They love Ninja Warrior, and I feel like they themselves are little warriors!

We ate dinner as a family almost every night. It is then when we heard the kids’ stories of how their day went at school and what they did. They usually had something to say about school, their teacher, or a friend, and they loved telling their dad about their afternoon at the playground.

It was a perfect vacation for me. It was a little sad not having Babcia there (what they called Gram). The kids loved their great-grandmother so much and loved helping her. Although they thought she was as slow as a turtle, they would always volunteer to take her hand and help her steady herself up the stairs and into the house. In earlier days, they loved going in and waking her up, too. “Babcia, it’s time to get up!” is what they would say. Then they would help make her eggs and a piece of toast. We would all have breakfast together, and they would try to persuade her to eat when she was just sitting there staring into space.

We all missed Babcia and our traditions of waking her up, helping her into the house, and going to get ice cream. My nephew had great insight and just made my heart melt. We talked a little about Babcia, and he said “Did Babcia like dogs?”, I said, “Yes, she did.” He said then she must be up in Heaven playing with Phoenix. (Phoenix was his Pops dog that passed away a few years ago.) He said, “I bet mom is playing with Phoenix, too.” And, “I am glad they can all be together.” Oh, my sweet baby boy. How precious.

I am sure you all have nieces, nephews, sons, daughters, or cousins who say the most precious things at the right time. Or in some cases the most embarrassing thing at the wrong time! But these two kids have the biggest hearts and the sharpest minds. Through all the pain and loss that they have suffered, they have rebounded. They love each other and know they are loved by all around them. They seem to know that life is short and to not take it for granted. They love to laugh and have fun.

Although I want them to stay these ages forever, I am excited to see what is in store for them in the future. What will they become? What passion will they find? How can I influence them to be kind, loving human beings? I try not to stress or worry about the otherworldly influences on them or wonder if they will make the right decisions. For now, I will continue loving them and encouraging them to be strong and inspiring.

In Adventures with Gram

Missing Gram

February 16, 2021 7 Comments

It’s been about three months since we decided to put Gram into Senior Living. We tried to get extra help for her in our home but the lady quit after four days 🙁 She said it was too hard physically. Hmm…not sure that walking a few steps from the bedroom to the kitchen to the pool at a snail’s pace is all that tough but….whatever… it didn’t work out. So here I am three months later missing Gram.

After lots of discussions, pros, cons, tears and a few falls we determined that senior living was the best place for Gram. Jeff and I loved taking care of Gram, and we loved having her in our home. I definitely got more frustrated at times than he did but he also got more breaks from Gram than I did. Needless to say, after caring for Gram for just about five years, I was burned out and exhausted. I couldn’t keep an eye on her every minute she was awake, and I felt like I wasn’t being a good caregiver or granddaughter. We couldn’t go to the store without taking her or getting someone to stay with her. She fell a few times over the past year and even once when I was right across the pool. We didn’t want to take the chance that she would fall, get hurt, or break her hip again.

We found a wonderful facility and together with my mom, we wrote Gram a note about why we felt she would be safer there. She read, smiled, and agreed. The next day she hopped right out of bed, ate breakfast, asked my mom if we would be ok without her money, and asked questions about her new “apartment”. We were in shock. I took her to get her nails and hair done, and we took her to her new place. When it was time for us to leave she was sitting with some ladies, drinking a milkshake, and smiling a big smile. It made my heart happy even though I knew I would be missing Gram.

We were sad that she didn’t seem to care that we were leaving, but we had hope in our hearts that she would adjust well and possibly fall in love with her new home and her new friends. The house felt differently without her, and we kept looking over our shoulders to see what she was doing. We were definitely missing Gram.

Three months later, she has adjusted pretty well, but she still asks to come home. She still asks where she is. Because of her dementia, she doesn’t realize this is her new permanent place. She still has hope that she is coming home. The beautiful thing about putting her in a facility in Fort Myers is that we can visit as often as we want. We can take her out to lunch if we want as well. We also were so blessed to be able to take her to Virginia for Christmas. Although she was very confused about where we were going the first day, she enjoyed being with the family for the holidays. She also enjoyed helping us make pierogies. It broke my heart to put her back in at the end of our trip but the next day she seemed ok.

Things seemed to be heading in a positive direction. She was walking better than she did in our home so we were very happy about that. She seemed to be maintaining her weight. She was socializing with the other ladies more often. I took her out for lunch once and out for ice cream another time. I was trying to show her that she could come and go. We started talking about places we could take her and getting excited about having more adventures with Gram, especially since she was soon going to be vaccinated against the Covid virus.

Then it happened. Last Wednesday, she got her second Covid vaccine shot. Personally, I think Gram is so strong that she would have fought off the Covid without it, but you never know. Well, that evening, she tried to stand up, got dizzy, and lost her balance. I don’t know if it had anything to do with the vaccine or not. But she fell, hit her head on a side table, tore her skin on her elbow, and landed on her right hip (the hip she broke in 2016). Thankfully, we were in town, and I was able to meet her at the Emergency Room. She was so scared and in so much pain. The emergency room nurses were wonderful. They got her head cleaned up and thankfully she didn’t need any stitches. They did the x-rays and yep, her right femur is broken again. Because she already had a replacement, the doctor said there was nothing they could do. He recommended lots of pain meds and to keep her moving as much as she can tolerate.

So here we are six days later, and I am missing Gram. I am missing the Gram I had who made me laugh, who made me a better person, who told me to take care of my husband, who in her nineties had so many adventures, and who was so cute you couldn’t stand it. I am missing Gram because right now she can’t walk (although she is able to sit in her wheelchair relatively comfortably). I am missing Gram because she isn’t talking to me, and she can’t move her right hand. I am missing Gram because she is not eating and not taking her medications consistently. She has been such an inspiration and positive influence on me. She has shown me how to be strong. How to love wholeheartedly. How to laugh. How to enjoy life. How to support your family. How to keep traditions alive. I am not sure what the next few weeks will bring for us. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. If you are in the Fort Myers area and would like to visit Gram or if you would like to send her a card, contact me for the information.

In Adventures with Gram

She Goes Where We Go

November 10, 2020 No Comments

While Gram has been limited in what she can do and how fast she can go, she has usually been up for an adventure. She goes where we go. When we do something fun or go on an adventure, people always ask, “what did you do with Gram?” We can’t leave her home alone so we take her almost everywhere we go. Our friends know when we come to visit, it’s me, my husband, Gram, and even sometimes the cat.

As you read in “How Did I Get Here“, I have been taking care of Gram for almost five years. In that time, Gram has probably flown on more planes and been on more adventures than she had the previous 91 years of her life. And for that, I am thankful and blessed. Gram goes where we go, and I am sure we probably wear her out, but she just keeps ticking like the Energizer bunny. So strong and inspiring.

Although we know we need a “Break from Gram“, we also know if she goes where we go, she will enjoy it. We all will. Sometimes she takes more coaxing to start the adventure, but almost every time she says thank you and has a huge smile on her face at the end. Since 2016, she has hiked Cooper’s Rock, done shot ski’s in Copper Mountain, sat on the beach in the Outer Banks and Virginia Beach, been on our boat for over 140 hours, sat in between us on the golf cart, and spent hours in the car driving back and forth from Florida to Pennsylvania. Whether our adventures are up and down the East Coast or just a jaunt in the car to the nearest ice cream shop she always seems to have a good time.

Then it happened. This summer, Gram got weaker. It all seemed to have started with a sore on her ankle. Then her right leg was numb so she was getting up several times a night trying to “walk it off.” I was so tired and frustrated. Getting up to walk around on a numb leg just isn’t a good idea. It was then that I started doubting my abilities as a caregiver. Could I continue doing it and keep her safe?

She became more and more wobbly and unsteady. One morning she fell and hit her head. We ended up having to take her to Med Express for stitches. By the time we got there, she didn’t even remember she had fallen.

About a month later, we had five days of respite care (through Hospice), and although we wanted her to go where we went, we also wanted a few days away. Well, when we picked her up 4 days later, she still had the same socks on she went in with. They had her in a hospital gown instead of the clothes I sent with her. Her food was to the side of her bed and completely untouched. She wasn’t up, dressed, packed, or even close to being ready to go home. I was there 30 minutes getting her out of bed, to the restroom, washed up, and into her clothes. Not one person came by. Next, I realized her toothbrush was still in the wrapper. I was LIVID, to say the least.

After that, gram got weaker still. She started having trouble walking even short distances. She started using a walker. Because she had been in the bed for so long, we had to make her walk short distances to try to gain some strength back.

Towards the end of summer, her congestive heart failure started filling her with fluid. She was having a very hard time breathing, and we were scared she wasn’t going to make it. She was so weak, and we were worried we were going to lose her. Hospice was wonderful again, got her some medications, and Gram, the superwoman that she is, nursed her way back to health.

Gram definitely isn’t as strong as she once was and it definitely is getting harder on us as caregivers. She is slower, she is more forgetful, she is weaker, and she is even having trouble standing up. We are so blessed to have had all these wonderful years with Gram, but caregiving is getting harder and harder. She still goes where we go, but it takes a lot more effort and takes a lot more time. She gets worn out more quickly. She needs a wheelchair more often than not. She doesn’t want to go as much anymore either. And we realize it is hard for her and on her body. Sometimes we wonder if we are pushing too hard or expecting too much.

Over the past two months, I have realized that Gram doesn’t really want to get out of bed anymore. Even when we were visiting her daughter and great-grandchildren, she would say “just leave me in bed.” It hit me that she didn’t realize that she was missing time with the kids or her own daughter. Even though she asks about my mom and the kids all the time, she showed little effort in wanting to spend time with them and that made me so sad. I know in her heart she wants to be a part of it all, but in her dementia brain, she could care less.

This realization made us start seriously thinking about getting extra help with Gram. We found a lady who seemed perfect and jumped right in helping Gram, but three days later she quit saying the job was more difficult than she had anticipated. This made us realize that it was time to consider a memory care facility. We do not want to do this by any means, but we can’t take the chance that a caregiver is going to quit on us again, forcing us, and Gram to start over again with another new face in the house . We are also wondering if Gram just wants to sit and do nothing. Does she try so hard to keep moving because she doesn’t want to disappoint us or let us down?

Although I can’t imagine taking her to a facility and dropping her off, we are not confident that we can keep her safe at home. We are so torn. I have been crying on and off for two weeks now. I took her to get her hair done and she could barely make it to the door. We took her to the store, and she could barely get in the car. We took her to sit out by the pool and she tried to get up by herself and fell. We cannot keep our eyes on our 24/7, and we just don’t know what to do. We also know Gram has lived an amazing life, and we want to live ours, too. Does Gram just want to sit in a chair all day? Does she just want to dream of her lost loved ones? Are we pushing her too hard to push herself? We understand that this may be one of the hardest decisions we have to make, and we really don’t want to make. We are scared and nervous and worried about how she will adjust. We are scared, nervous, and worried about how we will adjust. But it appears “life changes” are on our doorstep.

Has anyone had to make this type of decision? What did you do? How did you decide?

In Adventures with Gram

Break From Gram

October 20, 2020 No Comments

In May 2020, my husband and I were supposed to be in the British Virgin Islands on a weeklong sailing trip with friends. We planned a wonderful vacation and it was to be a break from Gram and caregiving responsibilities. Of course, because of Covid-19, it was canceled. Therefore, we decided to take scuba diving lessons instead. Since the shop had limited hours, and the pool was closed to the public, the owner was willing to give us private lessons. We did a few class and pool sessions on our own, then, one morning we had no choice but to take Gram to the pool.

Although she did not scuba dive, she had a great time watching us go underwater. She told me that night she was going to learn to scuba dive 🙂 (I love her sense of adventure as I am not confident that she could even swim now!) She also said she saw something new, and she was excited about it. I love that at her age she is still learning and willing to experience everything life has to offer her. She is such an inspiration.

For our first open water dive, we made our way to Venice Beach, Florida with our instructor. We put our gear on at the truck and waded our way across the beach and into the warm Gulf. It was a beautiful day, and we had a little break from Gram. We were excited and couldn’t wait to see what was underneath the surface!

As we descended, we realized the water was not very clear. We all held onto a line so we wouldn’t lose each other. That was our first lesson in realizing you never know what you will find underneath, so be prepared. We saw thousands of sand dollars, a lost anchor, snapper, various other fish, and conch shells. We did two 25-minute dives. Then we swam back to shore and helped each other out of the water. It was an amazing experience!! I was introduced to a whole new underwater world, which I had only seen on TV or while snorkeling.

For our second dive, we took our boat off the shore of Sanibel Island to Doc Kline reef. Our boat felt so small as we were 10 miles out in the Gulf. The waves seemed huge, and I was so nervous. I was very thankful we decided to take a break from Gram and not bring her with us on this trip. She would have been so scared.

We had to fall off the side of the boat to enter the water. I had practiced that part in the pool, but this was the first time doing it from the side of a boat. I was pretty nervous, but I did it. Check out this video. The visibility down below was much better than our first dive!! We dove down to about 36 feet. We did two 30-minute dives with a 30-minute break on the boat in between the dives. This time, we saw beautiful coral reefs, a lost fishing pole, a buried chest, schools of fish, and various sea creatures. I still need to work on relaxing and breathing calmly as my oxygen tank was almost empty after each dive. I also had trouble clearing my ears, which was pretty painful. I came out of the water with a bloody nose, and later, I found out that my ear bled, too. I hope my scuba diving career is not over before it even begins.

When I first started taking care of Gram, someone told me in order to be a good caregiver, I had to take care of myself first. I know that in order to keep my marriage strong, I must learn to balance caregiving with being a wife and a partner to my husband. And I need to realize it is okay to take a break from Gram. It is okay for us to have time for ourselves. As you read in “Yes, WoMan“, I am a Yes girl, but as a caregiver saying yes isn’t as easy as it was before. Arrangements need to be made, details need to be considered, and decisions need to be weighed. Yes, it is worth it, but it is definitely more work.

As a caregiver (or a parent or a grandparent) just remember you need breaks. It is important to keep yourself happy and healthy as well as your relationship with your significant other. So don’t be afraid to give yourself a minute. Don’t be afraid to take a break.

caregiving

MacAttack

Happy Birthday to my niece and my mother-in-law!

Gram’s House

Celebration of Gram

Hell of a View

I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.

That Summer

The Kids

Missing Gram

She Goes Where We Go

Break From Gram

Missing Gram

Like this:

Letter to Gram

Like this: