life changes Archives - Page 6 of 14 - Inspired & Strong | Making the Best of Every Day with Stacy

May 23

May 25, 2023 No Comments

Tuesday, May 23rd, marked 11 years since we lost my dad. He had been battling stage III lung cancer for nine years. He had a tumor wrapped around his pulmonary artery. They could not operate but he wouldn’t have let them anyway. It’s hard to believe he started fighting cancer when he was just 52 years old.

He went through chemotherapy and radiation like a champ. He lost his hair and eyebrows for a brief period of time but that was it. He continued working and drove several hours a day to work and to chemo.

In his nine-year battle with cancer, he seemed to be in remission while other times he seemed tired and in pain. I am not sure how cancer works, I just know it sucks. My sister and I were living in Virginia at the time. We went home as often as we could, but we both worked full time and had made our lives in Virginia. My sister taught five years and was getting discouraged with it. She decided to go home and finish her nursing degree in 2007. In 2008, she moved back to Virginia because dad was doing really well. As he went up and down so did we. We talked to other doctors, and we got second opinions. I was really hoping that the John Kanzius radio frequency transmitter trial would takeoff and that dad could be a part of it. The researcher passed away in 2009, and I haven’t heard any more about it. The radio waves seemed promising to say the least. It would use radio waves to destroy the cancer cells without destroying the human body.

In May 2011, the tumor grew bigger and my dad’s lung collapsed. He was rushed to the hospital, and we rushed home from Virginia. He hung on and a few days later he came home in Hospice Care. He was on oxygen full time, and we were not sure how long he would make it. All we knew was that he didn’t want to be in the hospital anymore. He wanted to be home with his family, on his couch.

My sister and I had to get back to Virginia so we could only stay so long. My dad continued to amaze us. In less than a month he was turning the liters of oxygen down. He looked like a normal person again instead of a shell of the man he was. At this time my sister was engaged. She was getting married in September, and I think my dad was determined to be there to walk her down the aisle.

That summer we were in amazement. Hospice was wonderful and got him portable oxygen tanks so he could travel. He went to Florida and to Virginia several times. We had no doubts he would make it to the wedding.

September 10th came and there was my dad all dressed up in his tuxedo. We were so proud of him. He didn’t want to pull his portable tank down the aisle so he had it in the back until it was time to walk my beautiful sister to her groom. Then someone took it to the front pew for him. He walked her down with no oxygen. It was amazing. He was such a strong man. What an inspiration!

As time moved on, the cancer continued to beat him up. He was up and down and my sister and I were home and not home. We knew “the call” would be coming soon we just weren’t sure when.

I came home for spring break that next year. Dad seemed pretty good. We did errands but he got weak and very tired easily. I went home but about a month later we got the call. Mom was very concerned. She wasn’t sure how long he would last. I was able to take some time off so I headed home. He still seemed okay the first few days I was there. I told my sister to stay home and come up on the weekend. He tricked me for sure. She got there late that Friday. They all laughed and talked in the kitchen. But then about 5am dad woke up and couldn’t breathe. We had the priest come and do the anointing of the sick. The next day he was quit talking and went mute.

His brothers came to see him but he seemed to be a shell of himself. I guess the cancer had spread into his brain at this point. I am not sure. It was so sad, and we didn’t know what to do. We waited and waited. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, into Tuesday. My brother-in-law had to go home to work. The rest of us stayed with him in the living room, sleeping on the floor, praying, waiting for him to be released from the pain.

Then it happened at about 11:45pm on May 22 he took his last breath. The Hospice team did not arrive until after midnight so his official day of death is May 23. My mom, my sister and I held his hands and told him we would be okay. He finally let go. He was out of pain. I didn’t want him to go but it was heartbreaking seeing him him in so much pain.

My sister was pregnant at the time, and I know my dad wanted nothing more than to be a grandpa. Although he didn’t get to see my niece here on Earth I know he watches down on her from Heaven. I know he is so proud of his two grandchildren. I am sure he sees himself in both of them. They got his sense of adventure, his determination, his hard work ethic, and his sweet smile.

If you have ever been in the same room with someone when they pass onto the next life, you know what it is like. Even though it’s been 11 years, I can still picture the exact moments we shared as a family for those final days. I am grateful that all four of us could be together. It must have been how my father wanted to go.

It still stings every May even after 11 years. If I let myself think about it I could cry on and on. I could be angry and upset that his life was taken at the young age of 60. I could be upset that he didn’t get to enjoy retirement or be the most amazing grandpa. I could be bitter that he didn’t get to walk me down the aisle to My Prince. And honestly some days I am all of that, but I know I need to be grateful. I need to be thankful for the 36 years I had with him. I need to be conscious of how I live my life, and I need to not take life for granted. Life is short, my friends. Don’t wait for something to happen. Make it happen. Be you. Be inspired. Be strong. Be adventurous!

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Stay True

May 24, 2023 No Comments

This quote is so true. I learned in my educational leadership classes that you will never be able to make everyone happy. Someone out there will ALWAYS criticize you for your actions. Stay true to your heart and don’t let what others say bother you one bit!

“Do what you feel in your heart to be right―for you’ll be criticized anyway.”

―Eleanor Roosevelt

Photo by Khadeeja Yasser on Unsplash

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Boiling Water

May 17, 2023 No Comments

What are you made of? What circumstances do you face and what are your reactions? Many people can face the same things but have very different reactions and outcomes to those circumstances. Don’t be afraid of boiling water. Be who you are meant to be no matter what you face.

“The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It’s what you’re made of. Not the circumstances.”

—Unknown

Photo by René Porter on Unsplash

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Smart People

May 17, 2023 No Comments

There is so much to learn every single day. Be smart and take the opportunity to learn something new from those around you. What can you learn? What does someone else do that can make your life easier? Why pretend you have all the answers? Life is a journey. Enjoy the ride and learn from those around you.

“Smart people learn from everything and everyone, average people from their experiences, stupid people already have all the answers.” —Socrates

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

In Family

Mothers and Movies

May 16, 2023 1 Comment

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day this past weekend. It was a time to remember and honor your mother as well as be honored yourself and celebrate all the different types of mothers in your life. I hope you had some time to reflect and celebrate those that mean so much to you. But even if your Mother’s Day didn’t end up being picture-perfect like in the movies, I hope you found a ray of sunshine in your weekend.

This past weekend I was alone. As you know, I am a Pilot’s Wife, and my hubby is on a very LONG trip. I spent much of my time binge-watching the show “Firefly Lane” on Netflix. It’s based on a book by Kristin Hannah. If you’ve read the book then you know the plot and the outcome. If you haven’t watched the series, I highly recommend it. I thought it was fantastic. I cried my eyes out and was pretty emotional for a few days, but I thought it was really well done.

I don’t want to spoil it for you, but I am going to if you keep reading. The book is about two best friends who go through 30 years of friendship together. They go through all of the ups and downs of middle school, high school, college, first jobs, boyfriends, break-ups, marriages, divorces, kids, work, etc. They go through it all yet their friendship remains the rock they both need until the end when one passes away.

This movie brought up so many thoughts in my head. It showed the two girls’ relationship with their mothers. It made me think about mine. It made me think how you see these relationships on television but it’s just not the same in real life. My sister and I were always close to my mom but we were also teenage girls. Seeing this show made me realize how difficult mother-daughter relationships are. There is so much emotion and expectation on both sides. We say things we don’t mean. We don’t understand each other. We are too much alike but we can’t see it, and we battle each other instead of truly trying to understand each other.

I couldn’t help but think about all of my girlfriends, and how lucky I am to have such special memories with each and every one of them. But it especially made me think of my best friend. She has been there with me through thick and thin since I was in seventh grade. Even though we haven’t lived in the same town since 1994 we have managed to stay close. We may not get there for all of the big things but we are there for each other. She gets me and I feel like she may know me better than I know myself. Last fall, I was blessed to be in the same city as her for a month. It was a month of reminiscing about old times and creating new memories. The month was absolutely amazing. I felt like we should have been in the movies because we danced and sang just like the Firefly Lane girls (but to Taylor Swift instead of Abba).

In the series, one of the friends gets an aggressive cancer. It hit too close to home and of course, made me think of my sister. I know it’s a show but it made me wonder what I could have done differently in real life. What could I have said differently? Could I have squeezed her more times more often? Could I have moved in with her or at least moved back to the same city? I wondered why I didn’t write her a letter or take her on a trip. It made me feel like I wasn’t there, and it crushed me. It made me want to go back in time and spend the night at her house. It made me want to go for a walk with her and sit on the back deck and take it all in. Why can’t we do that??

Therefore, the movie wasn’t really great for my emotional well-being, especially with my husband being gone. But I need to remember that it was just that, a movie and a book. The lines are already made up. Everyone knows what to say in difficult times. Everyone knows what to do and it all works out in the end because that’s how movies and books are made.

So I am sad and I miss her and I wish she was here to celebrate Mother’s Day and to help me support our mother. But she’s not and all I can do is cry when I need to cry. All I can do is look at her pictures and tell her I love her. All I can do is remember that through my session with the Medium, she has no regrets, and she is happy in the spiritual world. And she will be there waiting when I get there. Then we will dance and laugh and all the memories will come flying back to me. And I will know exactly what to say just like in the movies.

Until then little sis, please send Signs from Heaven, I could use a few right now. Please know that I love you and will do my best to be the best Aunt Stacy to your little ones that I can be.

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Different Path

May 10, 2023 No Comments

Just because you don’t keep going back to a certain situation doesn’t mean you are upset or unloving. It just means you have decided that situation does not make your heart happy. It means you do not feel good about yourself in that situation. And if this is the case then it is okay to leave that situation and choose a different path.

Refusal to return to a situation doesn’t mean you harbor animosity or are incapable of forgiving. It merely means you see the situation for what it is and have chosen a different path.

~ Naomi Carr

Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash

In Family

Independent Women

May 9, 2023 No Comments

A few weeks ago, I wrote about all the wonderful girlfriends in my life. I have known most of these women for a long time. Therefore, we have been through several stages of life together. We have gone through elementary school, the awkward middle school years, the fun high school years, and then into adulthood. Some of us got married, some had children, and some of us went to college. Sometimes we went our separate ways, but eventually, we found our way back into each other’s lives.

These women are some of the toughest women I know. They aren’t afraid to take chances. They aren’t afraid to go somewhere by themselves. They aren’t afraid to try new things. I have found that almost all of my closest friends pride themselves on being independent and being able to take care of themselves and their families.

As we go through life we learn lessons whether by choice or by circumstance. Even my girlfriends who are married still have a sense of independence. One of my best friends tells her husband, “I don’t NEED you, I WANT you by my side.” Isn’t that how it should be? Many of us don’t NEED each other. We like having people by our side. We like having companionship. We like having someone to talk to in the morning. But if someone wasn’t there somehow we would survive. Maybe we would have to work a little harder to get where we want to go, but we’d figure it out.

Sometimes it’s hard to compromise and allow yourself to be taken care of, especially if you have been single for a long time or if you have had to do a lot of things on your own. You learned how to make your own money, you learned how to unclog your own toilet, and you learned how to smash that big bug on your floor. So once you take that step and say “I do” you have to learn the art of compromise and communication to make that marriage work. I have known many people who are married yet very lonely.

As you know it took me a while to find My Prince. What I was afraid of was giving up my independence or losing myself. The best thing about being a Pilot’s Wife is when he goes to work for long periods of time I need to make decisions about household items, I need to fix things that may break, and I need to kill little creatures who try to invade our home. But when he is home, he gets to squash the bugs, handle the decisions, and fix the things that have gone wrong.

What I see in all of us women is sometimes a dilemma. Many of us were independent women for a period of time. We developed our routine, we became set in our ways, and we learned how to be alone and not lonely.

Eventually what we need to learn is how to let others take care of us. Sometimes it’s so hard and because we were so independent we see this as weak. We know we can do all of it on our own. Why would we need help? We don’t need anyone to put gas in our car. We don’t need anyone to help us run the power tools. We don’t need anyone to get the glass on the top shelf for us.

But what we need to learn is that it is okay to let another person treat us right. It is okay for your husband to wash your car for you. It is okay for your friend to take your car and fill it with gas. It is okay for your partner to get that glass down that you couldn’t reach without a step stool.

Even though it’s hard we need to learn grace. We also need to realize that we all are getting older. We all may face a point in time when we are not physically able to take care of ourselves. We need to learn that is okay to ask for help and it is okay to let someone else do things for us. We need to let these generous humans take care of us. It’s what they truly want to do. Sometimes we need to let our significant others treat us like the princesses we dreamed we were destined to become when we were little.

So the next time your partner offers to make you a cup of coffee in the morning say, “Wow babe, that would be awesome, thank you” instead of channeling your independent self and saying, “No, that’s okay I can do it.” Allowing yourself to be spoiled from time to time doesn’t make you less of an independent woman. Let’s learn to find that balance because someday even if we don’t want to, we may need to rely on others for help.

Photo by Doug Tunison on Unsplash

In Travel Junkie

Hawaii

May 2, 2023 No Comments

I just enjoyed my second trip to Hawaii! The first time I spent two days in Maui-one with friends and one with my hubby- and three days in Honolulu with my Prince. This time My Rock and I spent three days in Maui and two in Honolulu.

On our first trip together we did many touristy activities. He took me to Pearl Harbor and a Luau. We went to Waikiki Beach and the Royal Hawaiin Hotel. We hiked 13 Crossings as well as another trail. We saw sea turtles, beautiful beaches, and amazing sunsets.

Jeff is getting more senior in his job so he is able to hold some amazing trips. The Hawaii trips are some of the best. They stay oceanside at a great hotel called the Andaz in Maui. Although it’s a long day of flying for me for just a few days, it’s totally worth it!

This is only the fourth time I’ve been able to meet him on a layover in the six years we have been together. Many times the layovers are too short or too far away. Even though we had to cancel some plans which I feel terrible about, we decided to have a mini belated Birthday adventure together in Hawaii. I flew on Delta from Fort Myers to Atlanta to Los Angeles to Kahului. I arrived in Maui around 9 pm. I was exhausted after a long travel day but was able to check in and get some sleep.

We woke up the next day and decided to take a walk along the beach. It’s so beautiful there. We had a little bite to eat and decided to make Friday a day of rest and lounging by the pool. That afternoon we went to Maui Brewing Company for a few beers. What a great brewery that is! I highly recommend it. We came home early and went to bed.

The next day we worked out and decided to borrow a truck from our friends who live in Hawaii. We started driving on the Road to Hana. I was nervous at first but we didn’t go all the way to Hana and although the road was windy and single lane at some points, it was fine. We stopped a few times and hiked. We did the Waikamoi Ridge Trail, Twin Falls, and one other in Ko’olau-West Makaiwa. The bamboo in the forests was awesome and the waterfalls are beautiful. What a wonderful place.

On our way back we stopped at Mama’s Fish House. Jeff’s aunt recommended it, and we read that it can take 6 months to get a reservation. Someone told us to ask to sit at the bar. We pulled in and even though the sign said “Bar Full”, the valet said there are some spaces, come on in. We were so excited. The restaurant is right on the water. It has amazing woodwork throughout and is welcoming and quaint. The food was absolutely delicious. I had Kanpachi and Jeff had toothfish. Sooooo good!

Then we stopped in a little town called Paia. Ululani’s was another recommended spot for Hawaiian shave ice. It was good but not sure shave ice is my thing. I think I like soft-serve custard like Hank’s Frozen Custard in Northwest Pennsylvania much better. We came back to the hotel and had planned to sit out by the pool but we were so exhausted we fell asleep right away.

Sunday we had a lazy morning of coffee on our patio. We did a CrossFit workout full of pull-ups, push-ups, and squats. Then we went for a walk into Kihei and had Thai food for breakfast. Then we walked back. We headed for the pool and had some delicious Polomas. We then went out for another delicious dinner at Monkeypod Kitchen. It was another early night because my love had to get up for work early that next morning.

I also was getting up early and getting on a Southwest flight from Maui to Honolulu. The flight was quick and easy. Jeff ended up getting delayed and didn’t make it to Honolulu until the early afternoon. The great thing was that two ski club friends were also on a layover so I had some people to hang out with. I did a quick workout and met up with them at the Cream Pot. We had a great breakfast and could bring our own champagne for mimosas. We then walked around a bit and went to the Harbor Pub. Eventually, we made it back to the hotel and met up with my hubby.

We went back to Waikiki Beach and enjoyed the warm weather. After a few hours, we headed back to the hotel so we could get ready and be on time for the amazing happy hour upstairs on the 36th floor of Ala Moana Hotel. There was already a line when we got back but we could go from our rooms and that we did. Our friends got a table, and we enjoyed some great steaks and meals.

Our friends had to go to bed early but Jeff and I managed to get two seats at the piano. We chatted with the piano player and listened to some great music. It was the perfect ending to our trip. Jeff had to leave the next morning but we had some Starbucks together. I enjoyed a few more hours by the pool, had a quick cold shower, and walked around the Ala Moana Center for some last-minute shopping.

All in all, my two trips to Hawaii have been pretty amazing. Even though we live in Florida and it’s like going from one paradise to another, it’s a different kind of paradise. The water is a beautiful blue, the scenery is breathtaking, and the food is delicious.

In Weekly Wednesday Words

Go Back

April 19, 2023 No Comments

As the years go on we realize we can’t go back. We’ve made choices. We now have to live with those choices. We may not be able to change the outcome of the choice we made but we can choose to make the next choice one we won’t regret.

“You can’t turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.”

—Bonnie Prudden

Photo by Dmitry Mashkin on Unsplash

In Family

Girlfriends

April 18, 2023 No Comments

I am blessed with an array of wonderful girlfriends in my life. Many of them I have known since elementary school. We keep in touch regularly and see each other often. Even though our lives took very different paths after high school graduation, we managed to keep in touch over the years. After I moved back home to take care of Gram, my friendship with them have become stronger. Yes, there are periods of time when we talk or text every day, but then there are weeks and even months when we don’t. Yet we pick right up where we left off every time. Over the past seven years, we have made every effort to spend time together over the summer and now we are planning trips with and without our husbands. Our girls’ weekends are some of the best!

When I went to college, I found another group of amazing women. There were about 14 of us who connected right away during our freshmen year. There are about six to eight of us that still keep in touch and try to see each other as often as possible. I have been able to connect with four of them on a regular basis who are still around my hometown and one who I reconnected with just last summer! I am hoping one of these days we can take the trip that we always talked about and more of us can get together. I know it will instantly be like the good ole days of college when we do.

When I moved back home to take care of Gram and started CrossFit, I met more amazing women at the gym. Most of these women are badasses. They lift heavy but have the kindest hearts. Although this girlfriend group is newer, I feel very close to all of them but especially about six to eight of them. We see each other every summer and many of them come to visit us in Florida. Some of us have children and some do not but we all manage to make time for each other.

I also have many friends whom I met in Virginia. Many I still get to see when I go to visit my family while others have moved away, and I get to connect with them in other states. These women were with me through thick and thin during the 16 years I was in RVA. Even though I don’t always get to see these girlfriends when I am in town, they know they are always on my mind and will always be in my heart.

I also have been very lucky to meet amazing women through my husband and his friends. I get to see these girls a few times a year on our ski trips. We ski, we dance, we laugh, we vent on the ski lift, and share our stories and our doubts. We are from all over the United States yet we share many things in common. So many of us in this group share our self-doubt of just learning how to ski and not being comfortable on the mountain. Many of us share our desire to travel and see other ski resorts and other places in the world. Many of us share our stories of being involved in the airline industry. Even though I met these women in my forties, I feel we have a bond and have connected in a way that will last a very long time even when our ski trips are over.

I have also been blessed in meeting women through my marriage. Even though I lost my sister almost five years ago, I have gained three sisters and two cousins (who I consider sisters:)) on Jeff’s side of the family. Although we don’t live in the same states and don’t always get together for holidays we get together as often as possible, usually when Jeff and I are traveling up and down the east coast. When we do get together, we laugh until all hours of the night. I know that I can call any of them if something is on my mind, and they will offer their best advice. It’s also nice to vent to these girlfriends about my Prince because they know his quirks sometimes better than I do.

These groups of girlfriends are just the tip of the iceberg. Somehow Jeff and I have wonderful friend groups and through those groups, I have been blessed to develop amazing friendships with the ladies. These few groups are just portions of the amazing girlfriends I have met over the years. Through my closest friends, I have met their girlfriends and through them other girlfriends. And even if you are not in these pictures you are in my heart.

I tell you these things because these women are like family to me, especially my best friend who has been with me through it all. These girlfriends have been there for me when my dad died, when my sister passed, and when sweet gram left us. They helped take care of Gram so that I could have time off. They send me messages of encouragement when they know I might be having a hard day. They lift me up when I am down.

These women are my heart and soul. They always say you can pick your friends although you can’t pick your family. I am beyond blessed with having picked these women in my life and them choosing me back. I hope that if you don’t have supportive family members or if you have lost your support system, you have friends who you consider family. I hope you have amazing girlfriends in your life you can rely on. And I hope you know it’s never too late to develop a meaningful bond with a great friend.

life changes

May 23

Stay True

Boiling Water

Smart People

Mothers and Movies

Different Path

Independent Women

Hawaii

Go Back

Girlfriends

Missing Gram

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Letter to Gram

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