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This week my niece will be graduating from fifth grade. It is so hard to believe. It seems like just last week she was born and yesterday she was starting kindergarten. But here we are six years of school already completed and the first graduation is upon us.

sister's graduationMy sister and I grew up in a town where we went to elementary school from Kindergarten through sixth grade. Then middle school and high school were in the same building. Therefore, you graduated from sixth grade and twelfth grade. That was it. Only two graduations.

It makes me sad that my sister isn’t here to watch her baby walk down her first aisle of many. It makes me sad that she won’t be there to hug her princess and tell her how proud she is of her. So I thought I would try to let my niece know how much she is loved. I was able to go to Virginia last week, and I spent some time with my niece having lunch and giving her a few graduation gifts.

If you know me, you know I enjoy taking pictures and then making books and calendars. I use Snapfish and have for years. I love the company and the products. I make the kids a book of memories every year for their birthdays. And every year for Christmas I make the members of our families a calendar to hang on their wall. Therefore, I thought it would be a fun idea to make my niece a book of her first 10 years of memories for her graduation.

In this book, I also included some younger pictures of my sister and myself. I wanted my niece to see how cute we were 🙂 when we were younger and how fun the clothing and hair styles were! It was fun yet sad to look back on all the pictures of my sis and me. Man, did it make me miss her.

us as kids

I do hope my niece cherishes the book. She may not understand all that it means. Right now she wants to be a kid who plays softball, who swims, who smiles, who dances and who doesn’t necessarily want to think about missing her mom. Maybe she just wants to be a kid who is normal. And I am proud of her for being that kid. But as she gets older I hope she realizes how special her mother was. And I hope she will look back on the memories that are shared with her, and she will smile and treasure all that there are.

Photo by Jason Dent on Unsplash

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

 

Tuesday, May 23rd, marked 11 years since we lost my dad. He had been battling stage III lung cancer for nine years. He had a tumor wrapped around his pulmonary artery. They could not operate but he wouldn’t have let them anyway. It’s hard to believe he started fighting cancer when he was just 52 years old.

He went through chemotherapy and radiation like a champ. He lost his hair and eyebrows for a brief period of time but that was it. He continued working and drove several hours a day to work and to chemo.

In his nine-year battle with cancer, he seemed to be in remission while other times he seemed tired and in pain. I am not sure how cancer works, I just know it sucks. My sister and I were living in Virginia at the time. We went home as often as we could, but we both worked full time and had made our lives in Virginia. My sister taught five years and was getting discouraged with it. She decided to go home and finish her nursing degree in 2007. In 2008, she moved back to Virginia because dad was doing really well. As he went up and down so did we. We talked to other doctors, and we got second opinions. I was really hoping that the John Kanzius radio frequency transmitter trial would takeoff and that dad could be a part of it. The researcher passed away in 2009, and I haven’t heard any more about  it. The radio waves seemed promising to say the least. It would use radio waves to destroy the cancer cells without destroying the human body.

In May 2011, the tumor grew bigger and my dad’s lung collapsed. He was rushed to the hospital, and we rushed home from Virginia. He hung on and a few days later he came home in Hospice Care. He was on oxygen full time, and we were not sure how long he would make it. All we knew was that he didn’t want to be in the hospital anymore. He wanted to be home with his family, on his couch.

My sister and I had to get back to Virginia so we could only stay so long. My dad continued to amaze us. In less than a month he was turning the liters of oxygen down. He looked like a normal person again instead of a shell of the man he was. At this time my sister was engaged. She was getting married in September, and I think my dad was determined to be there to walk her down the aisle.

That summer we were in amazement. Hospice was wonderful and got him portable oxygen tanks so he could travel. He went to Florida and to Virginia several times. We had no doubts he would make it to the wedding.

September 10th came and there was my dad all dressed up in his tuxedo. We were so proud of him. He didn’t want to pull his portable tank down the aisle so he had it in the back until it was time to walk my beautiful sister to her groom. Then someone took it to the front pew for him. He walked her down with no oxygen. It was amazing. He was such a strong man. What an inspiration!

dad and sis

As time moved on, the cancer continued to beat him up. He was up and down and my sister and I were home and not home. We knew “the call” would be coming soon we just weren’t sure when.

I came home for spring break that next year. Dad seemed pretty good. We did errands but he got weak and very tired easily. I went home but about a month later we got the call. Mom was very concerned. She wasn’t sure how long he would last. I was able to take some time off so I headed home.  He still seemed okay the first few days I was there. I told my sister to stay home and come up on the weekend. He tricked me for sure. She got there late that Friday. They all laughed and talked in the kitchen. But then about 5am dad woke up and couldn’t breathe. We had the priest come and do the anointing of the sick. The next day he was quit talking and went mute.

His brothers came to see him but he seemed to be a shell of himself. I guess the cancer had spread into his brain at this point. I am not sure. It was so sad, and we didn’t know what to do. We waited and waited. Saturday, Sunday, Monday, into Tuesday. My brother-in-law had to go home to work. The rest of us stayed with him in the living room, sleeping on the floor, praying, waiting for him to be released from the pain.

Then it happened at about 11:45pm on May 22 he took his last breath. The Hospice team did not arrive until after midnight so his official day of death is May 23. My mom, my sister and I held his hands and told him we would be okay. He finally let go. He was out of pain. I didn’t want him to go but it was heartbreaking seeing him him in so much pain.

all 4 of us

My sister was pregnant at the time, and I know my dad wanted nothing more than to be a grandpa. Although he didn’t get to see my niece here on Earth I know he watches down on her from Heaven. I know he is so proud of his two grandchildren. I am sure he sees himself in both of them. They got his sense of adventure, his determination, his hard work ethic, and his sweet smile.

If you have ever been in the same room with someone when they pass onto the next life, you know what it is like. Even though it’s been 11 years, I can still picture the exact moments we shared as a family for those final days. I am grateful that all four of us could be together. It must have been how my father wanted to go.

It still stings every May even after 11 years. If I let myself think about it I could cry on and on. I could be angry and upset that his life was taken at the young age of 60. I could be upset that he didn’t get to enjoy retirement or be the most amazing grandpa. I could be bitter that he didn’t get to walk me down the aisle to My Prince. And honestly some days I am all of that, but I know I need to be grateful. I need to be thankful for the 36 years I had with him. I need to be conscious of how I live my life, and I need to not take life for granted. Life is short, my friends. Don’t wait for something to happen. Make it happen. Be you. Be inspired. Be strong. Be adventurous!

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day this past weekend. It was a time to remember and honor your mother as well as be honored yourself and celebrate all the different types of mothers in your life. I hope you had some time to reflect and celebrate those that mean so much to you. But even if your Mother’s Day didn’t end up being picture-perfect like in the movies, I hope you found a ray of sunshine in your weekend.

This past weekend I was alone. As you know, I am a Pilot’s Wife, and my hubby is on a very LONG trip. I spent much of my time binge-watching the show “Firefly Lane” on Netflix. It’s based on a  book by Kristin Hannah.  If you’ve read the book then you know the plot and the outcome. If you haven’t watched the series, I highly recommend it. I thought it was fantastic. I cried my eyes out and was pretty emotional for a few days, but I thought it was really well done.

I don’t want to spoil it for you, but I am going to if you keep reading. The book is about two best friends who go through 30 years of friendship together. They go through all of the ups and downs of middle school, high school, college, first jobs, boyfriends, break-ups, marriages, divorces, kids, work, etc. They go through it all yet their friendship remains the rock they both need until the end when one passes away.

This movie brought up so many thoughts in my head. It showed the two girls’ relationship with their mothers. It made me think about mine. It made me think how you see these relationships on television but it’s just not the same in real life. My sister and I were always close to my mom but we were also teenage girls. Seeing this show made me realize how difficult mother-daughter relationships are. There is so much emotion and expectation on both sides. We say things we don’t mean. We don’t understand each other. We are too much alike but we can’t see it, and we battle each other instead of truly trying to understand each other.

stacy and mother

I couldn’t help but think about all of my girlfriends, and how lucky I am to have such special memories with each and every one of them. But it especially made me think of my best friend. She has been there with me through thick and thin since I was in seventh grade. Even though we haven’t lived in the same town since 1994 we have managed to stay close. We may not get there for all of the big things but we are there for each other. She gets me and I feel like she may know me better than I know myself. Last fall, I was blessed to be in the same city as her for a month. It was a month of reminiscing about old times and creating new memories. The month was absolutely amazing. I felt like we should have been in the movies because we danced and sang just like the Firefly Lane girls (but to Taylor Swift instead of Abba).

mothers best friend

In the series, one of the friends gets an aggressive cancer. It hit too close to home and of course, made me think of my sister. I know it’s a show but it made me wonder what I could have done differently in real life. What could I have said differently? Could I have squeezed her more times more often? Could I have moved in with her or at least moved back to the same city? I wondered why I didn’t write her a letter or take her on a trip. It made me feel like I wasn’t there, and it crushed me. It made me want to go back in time and spend the night at her house. It made me want to go for a walk with her and sit on the back deck and take it all in. Why can’t we do that??

Therefore, the movie wasn’t really great for my emotional well-being, especially with my husband being gone. But I need to remember that it was just that, a movie and a book. The lines are already made up. Everyone knows what to say in difficult times. Everyone knows what to do and it all works out in the end because that’s how movies and books are made.

So I am sad and I miss her and I wish she was here to celebrate Mother’s Day and to help me support our mother. But she’s not and all I can do is cry when I need to cry. All I can do is look at her pictures and tell her I love her. All I can do is remember that through my session with the Medium, she has no regrets, and she is happy in the spiritual world. And she will be there waiting when I get there. Then we will dance and laugh and all the memories will come flying back to me. And I will know exactly what to say just like in the movies.

stacy sister and best friends

Until then little sis, please send Signs from Heaven, I could use a few right now. Please know that I love you and will do my best to be the best Aunt Stacy to your little ones that I can be.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

I am blessed with an array of wonderful girlfriends in my life. Many of them I have known since elementary school. We keep in touch regularly and see each other often. Even though our lives took very different paths after high school graduation, we managed to keep in touch over the years. After I moved back home to take care of Gram, my friendship with them have become stronger. Yes, there are periods of time when we talk or text every day, but then there are weeks and even months when we don’t. Yet we pick right up where we left off every time. Over the past seven years, we have made every effort to spend time together over the summer and now we are planning trips with and without our husbands. Our girls’ weekends are some of the best!

high school girlfriends

When I went to college, I found another group of amazing women. There were about 14 of us who connected right away during our freshmen year. There are about six to eight of us that still keep in touch and try to see each other as often as possible. I have been able to connect with four of them on a regular basis who are still around my hometown and one who I reconnected with just last summer! I am hoping one of these days we can take the trip that we always talked about and more of us can get together. I know it will instantly be like the good ole days of college when we do.

college girlfriends

When I moved back home to take care of Gram and started CrossFit, I met more amazing women at the gym. Most of these women are badasses. They lift heavy but have the kindest hearts. Although this girlfriend group is newer, I feel very close to all of them but especially about six to eight of them. We see each other every summer and many of them come to visit us in Florida. Some of us have children and some do not but we all manage to make time for each other.

girlfriends from the gym

I also have many friends whom I met in Virginia. Many I still get to see when I go to visit my family while others have moved away, and I get to connect with them in other states. These women were with me through thick and thin during the 16 years I was in RVA. Even though I don’t always get to see these girlfriends when I am in town, they know they are always on my mind and will always be in my heart.

girlfriends RVA

I also have been very lucky to meet amazing women through my husband and his friends. I get to see these girls a few times a year on our ski trips. We ski, we dance, we laugh, we vent on the ski lift, and share our stories and our doubts. We are from all over the United States yet we share many things in common. So many of us in this group share our self-doubt of just learning how to ski and not being comfortable on the mountain. Many of us share our desire to travel and see other ski resorts and other places in the world. Many of us share our stories of being involved in the airline industry. Even though I met these women in my forties, I feel we have a bond and have connected in a way that will last a very long time even when our ski trips are over.

girlfriends ski week

I have also been blessed in meeting women through my marriage. Even though I lost my sister almost five years ago, I have gained three sisters and two cousins (who I consider sisters:)) on Jeff’s side of the family. Although we don’t live in the same states and don’t always get together for holidays we get together as often as possible, usually when Jeff and I are traveling up and down the east coast. When we do get together, we laugh until all hours of the night. I know that I can call any of them if something is on my mind, and they will offer their best advice. It’s also nice to vent to these girlfriends about my Prince because they know his quirks sometimes better than I do.

family sisters

These groups of girlfriends are just the tip of the iceberg. Somehow Jeff and I have wonderful friend groups and through those groups, I have been blessed to develop amazing friendships with the ladies. These few groups are just portions of the amazing girlfriends I have met over the years. Through my closest friends, I have met their girlfriends and through them other girlfriends. And even if you are not in these pictures you are in my heart.

friends for yearsI tell you these things because these women are like family to me, especially my best friend who has been with me through it all. These girlfriends have been there for me when my dad died, when my sister passed, and when sweet gram left us. They helped take care of Gram so that I could have time off. They send me messages of encouragement when they know I might be having a hard day. They lift me up when I am down.

These women are my heart and soul. They always say you can pick your friends although you can’t pick your family. I am beyond blessed with having picked these women in my life and them choosing me back.  I hope that if you don’t have supportive family members or if you have lost your support system, you have friends who you consider family. I hope you have amazing girlfriends in your life you can rely on. And I hope you know it’s never too late to develop a meaningful bond with a great friend.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

About two months ago, I had my very first session with a medium. I had never really thought about talking to one or trying to connect with my lost loved ones, but after two different people mentioned the word medium to me in a week, I figured it was time to try.

According to Wikipedia, Mediumship is “the practice of purportedly mediating communication between familiar spirits or spirits of the dead and living human beings.” I have heard of mediums before but I guess I wasn’t really sure if they could truly connect. Even though I believe in spirits and angels and that there are signs from Heaven, I thought many mediums were scammers who took advantage of others, especially those in deep grief.

But it all started the first week of January 2023. We stopped by a friend’s house, and she was telling me how she reconnected with an old friend who was a medium. I was intrigued and for the first time, I wondered if she would be able to connect with my family.

my family

The next week, at my volunteer training at Valerie’s House, I met a wonderful woman. She told me she and her mother were having difficulty with the passing of her brother. They contacted a medium named Jake Samoyedny. My friend said he performed the session via Zoom and it was awesome. She said it was totally worth it and helped both of them so much on their grief journey.

After hearing of this experience, I decided I needed to give it a try. I wanted my mother and me to do it together because, like most mothers who have lost a child, she continues to struggle with the loss of my sister. I scheduled a session for the last week in January when my mom would be in Florida, and we could do it together.

A couple of days later I started thinking, and I decided I wanted a session by myself before ours together. We were out on a ski trip in Taos, NM so one morning I decided to skip skiing and have a Zoom call with this medium in New York.

Honestly, I was blown away. He was able to connect with most of my family. Gram came first. She said she was very grateful to Jeff and me for taking care of her. She said she never wanted to be a burden and that we didn’t make her feel like one. The interesting thing is burden is a word Gram used all the time. So it had to be her! The medium said Gram was in the spiritual world just bragging about me. That made me feel so happy. She also said that she was ready to go at the end, and that I didn’t need to feel any guilt. She and grandpa were happy and singing up in Heaven. My heart was relieved.

jeff and gram

Next, my sister came into the call. She too had faced the fact that her time here on Earth was done. Her job in the spiritual world is meeting babies who have passed too early and don’t have anyone up there to “receive them”. She puts her arms around these young spirits and welcomes them into the spiritual world until their families are found. I expected nothing less from my gentle-hearted sister.

sis and baby

My dad was there too because he kept flashing the Steelers logo, but at the time I didn’t realize it. He was always quiet so I wasn’t surprised that he let my gram and sister do all the talking. Just his presence was enough for me.

dad and sis

Some of the things Jake, the medium, knew I couldn’t believe. I know much of my life is an open book and there is a lot of information on my blog. Now he had a week to Google me and learn all about me but does he do that for every person? And what if you don’t have an online presence? He didn’t ask me for any information, but he knew so many things. It seems the spirits portrayed information to him such as Gram and Gramp’s dates of death, my ex-husband’s name, a guy who passed in our 20s, my sister as Wonder Woman, my uncle’s Polish name which was Stasiu and that Jeff was right by my side supporting me in this life. I just can’t believe that he could have found some of that information.

gram jeff and stacy

Towards the end of the session, the medium gave me a bit of much-needed therapy. He told me that I need to be a Yes, Woman which is hard to believe that I should say yes to more! But it seems I am clearly on the right path. He also told me to keep writing. He says I may even be able to write a book! Therefore, one of these days look for me on the bookshelves.

After my session with the medium I felt like I was flying! I felt amazing and unstoppable. I felt like a weight had been lifted off of me. My family was happy and at peace. They had no regrets and didn’t feel I needed to regret any actions I took or didn’t take. I needed to believe that I did the absolute best I could for them. Now I need to believe that I need to do the best for myself and my family. Jeff and I try to live our lives to the fullest and it gave me encouragement to continue our path. It also made me feel like I really could write a book that people might buy. Honestly, I have always wanted to be an author. It must have been my Honors English teacher, Mrs. Erdos, who put the love of writing into my brain. I couldn’t wait to start.

Whether you all believe there is something out there or not, I have to believe I will see my family again. I have to believe they are happy and content and having the best time wherever they are. I have to believe that even though the process of dying may be devasting, death itself is instant and the soul is lifted up into a state of unconditional love and peace in the blink of an eye.

If you have a lost loved one and would like to see if you can connect, I highly suggest using Jake. He records the session for you so you can listen to it over and over. He seems to understand the spiritual world and can help if you are struggling with the loss of your loved one. He says there are signs that they send us. Make sure you look for signs of your lost loved one. They truly are all around us.

Photo by Omkar Jadhav on Unsplash

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

In February, I shared my Letter from Gram. She has been gone just over two years. I still miss her like crazy, and I wish that the people who did not have the chance to meet her could know her somehow. Therefore, I will continue to try to keep her spirit alive by sharing wonderful memories of her and our adventures together. St. Patty’s Day is especially memorable for me as a wonderful group of people renamed it St. Gram’s Day.

Two years ago, My Hubby and I skipped the International ski week (which was canceled anyway due to Covid), and we planned a trip to Jackson Hole, WY. It was a beautiful little town and the view from the top of the mountain was the fantastic.  However, the most memorable experience for me was with my amazing ski friends during an apes ski get together. We all had gathered on the deck of our hotel for a post ski day St. Patty’s celebration. Little did I know, this group of about 20 people (led by two fantastic people) had shirts made with Gram’s picture in the Instagram logo with the phrase “Do It For The Gram” (which is apparently a slang for taking photos for Instagram). My husband gave a little speech, and they all unzipped their jackets simultaneously. And there she was! Gram, our Matriarch, and her sweet little smile.

ski weeks group with gram shirts on

This week of St. Patty’s Day, we are out in Colorado skiing Copper Mountain and Aspen Snowmass. We have a smaller group than usual because many of the airlines went to Norway for the international ski week and competition. Our team decided not to go. Therefore, several of us decided to ski together at these two mountains.

Even though not everyone will remember Gram or what this group of people did, I will never forget the meaningful gesture these folks put together for me. Many of them had the pleasure of knowing sweet gram while some did not. But they all were more than willing to put on her sweet face.

jeff and stacy st patty's day

These are the kinds of friends that will forever remain in my heart. I may only see them on ski weeks and may only get to have a beer or two with them throughout the week but their kindheartedness will forever live in my memory. Their love for us and for Gram is beyond comparison.

This St. Patrick’s week along with all the ones in the future will forever hold a special place in my heart. I can’t thank you enough sweet husband of mine and amazing friends for making that trip so special and for keeping Gram’s memory alive.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

 

 

 

Today marks two years since we lost Sweet Gram. I miss her and her beautiful smile so much. If you have been following my blog you know that I posted a letter to Gram that ended up being spread out over four different posts. I guess I had a lot to say to her! That was my way to help myself on my grief journey. My therapist also suggested that I write a letter to myself as if it were written by Gram. My therapist thought it would be helpful for me to hear what Gram might have to say. So here goes. My version of a letter from Gram and what it may be like there in Heaven.

My Dearest Stacy,

I am beyond devastated to hear these words in your letter. I am so sorry that you are struggling to this extent. As much as I wish I was there with you on Earth, I am having the most magical time here in Heaven.

You see in Heaven I am young again, just like when I always told you I felt 22. My body has no aches or pains. My skin is wrinkle-free and my hair is blond and beautiful as it always was. I have reconnected with all of my lost loved ones. Both of my brothers and my parents are here. I visit them on the old family farm from time to time, and we lay on hay bails and look at the clouds in the sky.

My best friend, Dorothy, is here. So many nights we have sat up laughing and reminiscing about all of the mischiefs we used to get into. We talk about the nights we drove to Pittsburgh and all of the young men we were enamored with before we met the “ones”.

My son, Stanley, is here. He looks so good. He, too, is happy. He is sorry that he didn’t get a chance to tell us all goodbye because the aneurysm took him so quickly. But much to my relief, it happened so fast that he didn’t feel any pain. He wants to thank you for making the effort to spend time with your cousin, his daughter, and my granddaughter while we traveled up and down the east coast. He hopes you will see more of her in the future. She is a great mother, and he is so proud of his grandchildren and what wonderful young people they are becoming.

Your grandpa is here. He can’t believe everything you made me do but he knew deep down that I could keep up. He wants me to pass along the message that he is so proud of you. He is proud of you for sticking in the education field. He is proud of you for sticking it out until you met the man of your dreams. He is proud of you for doing unto others as you would have them do unto you. He is proud of you for everything that you did for me even though he was terrified the day you took me to hike Cooper’s Rock!

Your grandpa and I go dancing every Saturday night. We sing in the choir on Sunday mornings and at various events here in Heaven. We eat dinner with your dad and sister every Sunday like we used to. We have seats saved for all of you at the table but we know you have a purpose to fulfill there on Earth so we wait. We get to see what you are doing every day hence we don’t miss a thing. And if you look closely we send you signs that we are right there by your side.

Your sister is struggling the most. Although her body is not ravaged by cancer anymore, she misses being there with her kiddos. She is glad that you visit them as much as you can and thinks you are a good influence on them. Keep sharing your life with them. They are growing up into the most precious little beings. She is proud of how athletic and smart they are. Although she hates not being there by their side, she is glad that everyone is so happy. She sees joy in the kids’ eyes and is glad the kids have so many supportive people in their lives who love them so much. She is happy that her husband has found someone to share his life with. It is good for the kids to see their dad happy. Your sister is beyond grateful that your mom has been there to watch them grow up and to help them with any daily struggles.

Your dad, Marvin, and Patty are acting like the foolish party animals they were in high school. They are having a ball. They sit around campfires and talk about the good ole days. Marvin realizes that he made a few mistakes and wishes things would have been different. He is proud of his three boys and the men they have become. Patty, like your sister, struggles that she had to go to Heaven when she was so young. How she wishes she was there when her boys hit all of their milestones. She sees their struggles and hopes they feel her presence because she is right beside them every day. How she wishes things were different but she understands it wasn’t meant to be.

Stacy, please do not beat yourself up about the last few months of my life. My body was tired. My mind was getting frail. I enjoyed those last five years with you and Jeff more than you could ever know. Traveling up and down the east coast with you was the best time of my life. I actually think I flew with you more in my last 5 years than in my first 91.  I loved how we got to see family and friends. Thank you for taking me along with you. You have amazing people in your life. The fact that ALL of them welcomed me into their homes was a blessing. I never wanted to be a burden on you or your friends. I know many times I didn’t want to stay but it was only because I didn’t want to embarrass you or myself. I’ve told you time and time again “starość to nie radość” which means “it’s hell getting old!”

In conclusion, please know that I love and miss you more than words can say, but I will wait to see you until your work on Earth is done. Family is very important and you have so much to give, but always remember you need to take care of yourself first. Life is short even if you do get to turn 96 so smile, laugh, inspire, and live the life you are meant to live.

Love, Gram

There you have it. My version of what Gram might say. Remember life is short so LIVE, LAUGH, and LOVE with all you have. Fill your heart and your time with those people who fulfill you and fill your spirit. Let go of those who bring you down and deflate you. Life is meant to be lived so live it to the fullest!

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

This past Saturday marked seven years since my grandfather took his last breath. My mom, gram, and I were there by his side. He had been on the decline for a while but it really showed the last month of his life and that last week.  He couldn’t eat or drink. He quit talking, and anyone who knows him knows that he was a talker! We asked the priest from our hometown to come to deliver the anointing of the sick per our Catholic traditions. Even though she couldn’t be there in person, my sister was able to participate by phone. It seemed the end was near.

I couldn’t believe we were going to lose him. He had just turned 90 and seemed so full of life. He loved spending Christmas with all of us in Virginia, and he loved going to Fort Myers afterward. Many of my favorite memories with them are driving them to and from Florida. Gram would be in the passenger seat with the Atlas on her lap and my grandfather in the backseat snoring.

stacy, gram, gramps and sister

He loved going to the condo in Fort Myers. He loved sitting out on the lanai eating breakfast and reading his newspaper. Their best friends lived in the condo across the street. Both couples were getting older and traveling was getting harder. My grandfather also loved calling people on his cell phone. He was always so loud. He would usually start every conversation with some kind of joke and then just start laughing hysterically. He loved to laugh. He also loved to eat which is why he had congestive heart failure and diabetes which ultimately led to his end.

I came home from Thailand on December 18, 2015. I wanted to see my newborn nephew as well as spend time with my grandparents that Christmas. We had a great few weeks together, making pierogies and getting ready for Christmas. The day after Christmas I was supposed to drive my grandparents to Fort Myers for the winter. But Christmas evening my grandfather didn’t look well, and my sister suggested he go to the emergency room. This was not good. I was supposed to leave on New Year’s Eve to head back to my teaching position. Those first few days I was so torn and it didn’t appear that Gramps was getting out of the hospital any time soon. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but after some discussion, I decided I had done enough traveling for the time being and would stay home and see where the journey led.

After a month in the hospital, visits from family, and time in rehab, Gram and I took my grandfather home to Pennsylvania in Hospice care. He wanted more than anything to go to Fort Myers, but I just couldn’t fathom driving with him for 16 hours by myself. He couldn’t even hold himself up let alone walk into rest areas or restaurants. How could I get him there and then get him into the condo? Against his wishes, we decided to take him seven hours home to PA. My cousin had to help me get him into the house. Boy, was that a fiasco! Thanks, cuz! But we got him in. Hospice came that afternoon, and they told us he would be ok. But a few days later, it seemed the end was inevitable.

grandfather and family

I can’t believe it’s been seven years. How has so much time passed already? My grandfather was right there by my side for the first 40 years of my life. I am beyond blessed that during my childhood he and Gram lived two blocks from us. My grandfather would take my sister and me everywhere. My parents both worked as did Gramps but he was the one who had the flexibility in his schedule to pick us up from school. Once he scooped us, he would take us up to the gym, and we would mess around in the weight room or watch as his players practiced as he was the basketball coach at Alliance College. When it was nice out we would go on the field and throw the softball around. He was all about sports, and he didn’t care that we were girls. He was going to turn us into the best athletes possible.

He wasn’t always the gentle teddy bear, especially when it came to athletics. He would push us and demand we do better. He would even swear under his breath when we got it wrong or messed around. And as much pressure, as you may think that put on us, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world. He was the guy you didn’t want to disappoint. He was the guy you wanted to prove yourself to. He was the guy who would eventually tell you how proud he was of you.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t think about my grandfather a lot. I am not sure why. Maybe because I feel guilty for not taking him to Fort Myers. Maybe because I remember so many good times with him that it hurts to think about them. Maybe because I started caregiving for Sweet Gram right away and need to be strong for her. I don’t know. Or maybe he is just always right there that I don’t have to consciously think about him.

But always, I will cherish the memories of you, Gramps. I will look for all the signs from heaven that you are here and around me every day. I will celebrate the wonderful life you lived, and I will thank God this life had you for 90 wonderful years. Miss you much!

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

After leaving our summer home on October 22 and traveling to Richmond and staying in Wilmington, NC for a month then going back to Richmond for the Thanksgiving holiday and then back to Wilmington and then to South Carolina I am FINALLY HOME! And it feels so good.

Our home in Florida is amazing. It’s paradise. There is nothing like our backyard. The morning sunrises are absolutely breathtaking, hence why my Prince and I got married at 8:30 in the morning! Lately, we have been wondering why we are never here when we have such an amazing place to be.

home backyard wedding

Driving in yesterday was a different feel. We usually acknowledge things that are different after we’ve been gone for the summer. Usually, new buildings have gone up or new stoplights have been installed. Yesterday, I noticed how the downtown marina is still not there. How the boats are piled upon the shore. How there are still sticks, palm fronds, and household contents along the curb all the way home. It seems they are working so hard but there is so much “stuff” to clean up after Hurrican Ian. It gives me a sense of hope but also a sense of how much damage was done, and it makes me sad.

home our street

It makes me wonder how long it will take to clean up and rebuild Fort Myers. When we came down for 11 days for Hurricane Ian cleanup, we mostly stayed around our neighborhood. It was great to see such community and to get to know our neighbors better as we were all out helping each other. We have not been down to the beach area yet, and although I have seen pictures, I know it’s going to be devastating to see it in person.

Well, Fort Myers, we are strong, and we will be back bigger and better than ever! For now, I count my blessings that we have a beautiful home to enjoy. I am beyond blessed that I have a bed to sleep in and a beautiful view to wake up to.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy

Today would have been Gram’s 98th Birthday! She was only a year and a half short. What an amazing life she lived and what wonderful things she saw over those 96 years. Can you even imagine all the changes that occurred from 1924 to 2021???

gram birthday

Speaking of change, a few things have changed since Gram left us here on Earth. My Rock and I bought Gram’s House from my mom last year right before Gram’s birthday. When we got here this summer, we decided to update a few things around. We wanted to make the house a little bit more “ours” and a little less “grandparent-looking”. I started by painting some of Gram’s old furniture. I used an oil-based primer called Stix and Red Ochre Chalk paint.  We didn’t want to spend money on furniture that wasn’t really needed, but we wanted a fresher look. Although I am not much of an artist, I think they turned out pretty good if I do say so myself! Changing paint color and hardware can make such a difference. We also got a new dining room table and chairs from Jeff’s mom as well as some new area rugs that have really made a difference. One of my very good friends helped me reupholster the chairs. I could have never done it without her! I think they are awesome!

gram birthday furniture

We hired a contractor and had a beadboard ceiling installed in our three bedrooms and little bathroom. We had those rooms and the front room painted. Jeff also did some work on our front porch. We had a new carpet installed, and he updated the posts that were falling apart. We also changed the door handles from gold to bronze and updated the electrical outlets from cream to white. No one probably will ever notice except for us but we love the little changes!

gram years outlets

Another project that we loved was restoring a picture I found in my grandparents’ basement. It had some mold and water damage to it but it was a beautiful picture of the Hotel Rider. The Hotel Rider was a huge hotel that sat on the hill in Cambridge Springs, PA. It was constructed around 1895 but burned to the ground in 1931. My grandparents were very involved with Alliance College and the Hotel Rider became the college in 1912. Not sure where the picture came from but it was in pretty bad shape. We took the picture to Eva Art Conservation in northern Virginia hoping she could save it. She spent hours upon hours and a couple of years on our picture but the end product is absolutely amazing! She was wonderful to work with, and I highly recommend her if you need any art restored. I think Gram would be so happy that we have this beautiful picture hanging in our fireplace room. She used to tell stories of how she saw the hotel burning from her farm when she was seven years old. We even have pictures of the fire that we need to get framed.

gram years picture

Another change that occurred was the selling of Gram’s Condo. I was very torn about selling the condo. My grandparents loved going to the condo. It was such a part of them and it was the place where Jeff picked me up for our very first date.  My therapist reminded me that since my grandparents are gone, I will not be making any more memories with them in the condo. The memories I have are already made and will always be with me. Although we loved having an extra spot for people to stay when they came to town, we decided it was time for it to go. We had started renting it in 2021 and just didn’t want to have to deal with the nonsense anymore.

gram years condo

We aren’t sure that we really need another “house” but Jeff and I are hoping to find something small in Richmond so we can be closer to my mom and the kids. Although I know my grandpa would be a little disappointed that we don’t have the condo anymore, I think he would be very happy that we want to be closer to family, and that we sold it at the top of the market.

So, Gram, I hope you have the most wonderful birthday up in Heaven celebrating 98 years. I know you will all be together for a great birthday bash! I hope you enjoy the changes we are making down here, and we wish you were here to see them for yourself. Please tell everyone we love and miss them. Can’t wait until you visit again either in my dreams or as a beautiful cardinal.

Stay Strong & Be Inspired, Stacy